I come from a long line of mischievous women. My mom’s criminal record is a magnum opus, taking up a full filing cabinet in the spare room. The last time she got herself thrown in the clink, I decided to put my foot down. No more kissing away good money on bail when she’s going to skip town anyway. Better to let Mom cool her heels for a couple of days and find her own way home. I’m not a totally heartless child (don’t want to be written out of the will completely), so I made her this fabulosa cake with the quintessential file hidden inside.
I’ve never actually tried to make a jailbreak with a file, but I’ve seen it done in movies, so I’m fairly certain it should work. A fault with this end of the product will not result in a refund for this book. My durable metal file is about six inches in length, wrapped in a tidy parchment paper seal, stealthily hidden in the upper cake layer after baking.
Due to their sweet nature and natural decoy of being a food product, cakes really are a great vehicle for hiding all sorts of things. My favorite thing to hide? Cell phones. Carefully wrapped in a plastic bag, a hidden phone is a deliciously devious way to sing “Happy Birthday,” when, due to unforeseen circumstances or a restraining order, you can’t be there in person.
Favorite box cake mix
Two 8- or 9-inch cake pans
Favorite premade frosting
Awesome object you’d like to hide——file, phone, keys to the vault, handcuffs, directions to the secret lair . . .
Parchment or waxed paper
1. Follow the directions on the box for mixing and baking a double-layer cake. Let the cakes cool completely on a cooling rack.
2. Put the bottom layer of the cake on a serving plate and cover it with a layer of frosting.
3. For hiding large objects, cut a wedge from the top layer of the cake. The wedge should be slightly larger in width than the object you wish to hide. (To hide small, flat objects like files, you don’t need to make a hidden compartment. Just wrap the file in parchment or waxed paper, stealthily slide it horizontally into the middle of the top cake layer, place the top layer on the bottom, and finish frosting.)
4. Carve a hidden pocket in the wedge area by making a horizontal slit 1 inch from the top of the cake and another 1 inch from the bottom. Use a paring knife to make a small vertical cut 1 inch from the side to remove the piece.
5. Wrap your secret treasure in plastic and put it into the cake cavity.
6. Put the top layer of cake on top of the bottom (frosted) layer. Slide the wedge back into the cake.
7. Frost the sides and top of the cake with enough icing to make sure your deception is completely hidden.
In high school, Mom ditched all her home ec classes in favor of jacking cars in the faculty parking lot. While she can slip off cuffs faster than Houdini and never met a safe she couldn’t crack, my mom can’t bake to save her soul. Since we’re using her recipe here, it’s about as simple as possible while still getting away with the moniker of “homemade.”
