Run, run as fast as you can . . .” Ooh! Not fast enough! Each of these junior G-men has met a very cruel demise, served on an individual plate with a black body outline.
Time for you to play mad baker, beat the eggs, whip the cream, practice your half-hitch knot in the licorice ropes, and ice the wee men once and for all. The cookies taste as good as they look, and by evening’s end, the only evidence left will be a pile of crumbs. My recipe deviates from the traditional standbys with a kick of liquor for a good old-fashioned rum punch—kapow, baby!
SUPPLIES
(Makes 3 dozen men)
COOKIES
3¼ cups all-purpose flour
¾ cup firmly packed brown sugar
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
1 tablespoon ground ginger
½ teaspoon ground cloves
½ teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
12 tablespoons salted butter,
cut into small chunks
¾ cup dark molasses
2 tablespoons rum
1 egg
ICING
½ cup confectioners’ sugar
2 tablespoons water
SUGGESTED EMBELLISHMENTS
Toy car for roadkill marks (look for something with thick tread!)
Licorice ropes
Sugar cubes
Rock candy
Cocktail swords
HOW TO
1. Sift the flour into the mixing bowl and add the brown sugar, cinnamon, ginger, cloves, salt, and baking soda.
2. With two forks, or an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, add the butter and mix until it forms the consistency of wet sand.
3. In a separate bowl, combine the molasses, rum, and egg.
4. Slowly incorporate the wet mixture into the dry. The dough will be fairly sticky.
5. Divide the dough in half and put each half on its own piece of waxed paper, lay a second sheet of waxed paper on top, and flatten slightly with a rolling pin until the dough is about 2 inches thick.
6. The dough will need to rest. You can freeze it for about 20 minutes, or refrigerate it for a couple of hours. The dough will keep for several days chilled, if you’d like to do these steps in advance.
7. Preheat the oven to 350°F. Generously grease two baking sheets.
8. Lay the chilled dough on a well-floured work surface. Roll flat until the dough is between ⅛ and ¼ inch thick.
9. Cut out your doughboys and place them on the baking sheets about 2 inches apart. (Note: To make convincing tire tracks on a cookie body, you’ll want to run the little man down before baking him.) Bake for 6 to 8 minutes, or until the cookies are slightly darker around the edges. Remove from the oven and leave on the baking sheet for 2 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool.
10. To make the icing, add the water to the confectioners’ sugar a few drops at a time, whisking until it forms the consistency of thick toothpaste.
11. When the cookies have cooled completely, apply the icing with a pastry bag (or a resealable plastic bag with one corner snipped off) and embellish to your fiendish delight.
Embellishments
Few things give me more pleasure than embellishing a miniature crime scene. Small toys raided “from a kid’s room” is a great place to outsource accessories. Whenever possible I like to make my vignettes edible. Licorice ropes and rock candy “ice cubes” appeal to my inner cannibal.
Here are some tips:
—— As well as being decorative, the icing works as a great glue for holding down red hot candy buttons and tiny weapons.
—— To make a “Frozen in Ice” gingerbread man, frost one cookie entirely and add a layer of clear and blue rock candies. Stack more icing and candy on top of one another until you’ve reached your desired thickness.
—— I like to serve these cookies on a giant piece of parchment paper set on my dining room table. I trace a body outline around each cookie, and as my guests eat away at the evidence, we’re left with a macabre tableau of the gingerbread massacre that recently occurred. Bon appétit, indeed!
