George’s MARVELOUS MUM JOKES

(AND DAD JOKES! AND LITTLE BROTHER JOKES! AND GRANDMA JOKES!)

Fun for all the family!

What’s it called when you have your grandmother on speed dial?

Insta-gran!

What does “maximum” mean?

A very big mother!

What does “minimum” mean?

A very small mother!

DAD: Why are you sitting on the cat?

DAUGHTER: The teacher told us to write an essay on our favorite animal!

What did the baby corn call its father?

Pop-corn!

What did the digital watch say to the grandfather clock?

“Look, no hands!”

Why was Dad running around and around his bed?

He wanted to catch up on his sleep!

What bug is related to you?

Your aunt!

FIREMAN:

Who knows what a smoke detector is for?

LITTLE BOY:

To tell Mom when dinner is ready!

What BIG bug is related to you?

Your great aunt!

GEORGE: Mom, why is some of your hair gray?

MOM: Every time you do something that annoys me or Dad, one of our hairs turns gray!

GEORGE: So . . . why is all of Grandma’s hair gray?

FRED:

My grammar’s terrible!

GEORGE:

What’s wrong with her?

My gran used to run an origami business, but sadly it folded!

Why doesn’t Amy like her mom’s brother?

He’s a bit uncool!

Did you hear about the man who can jump from tree to tree?

He’s a monkey’s uncle!

GEORGE: Where are my sunglasses?

DAD: I’m not sure. Where are my dadglasses?

Why did the boy put a toad in his sister’s bed?

Because he couldn’t find a spider!

What did Frankenstein say to his grandson when he noticed he’d gotten taller?

“You gruesome boy!”

What do cannibals eat for dessert?

Chocolate-covered aunts!

“Mother!” wailed Mrs. Kranky. “You’ve just drunk fifty doses of GEORGE’S MARVELOUS MEDICINE Number Four and look what one tiny spoonful did to that little old brown hen!” But Grandma didn’t even hear her. Great clouds of steam were already pouring out of her mouth and she was beginning to whistle.

Why was the mother firefly unhappy?

Her children weren’t that bright!

GIRL: Dad, I want a cat for Christmas!

DAD: You’ve got to be kitten me!