Dirty Beasts and ANIMAL ANTICS
Funnier than a trip to the zoo!
What did the snake say when he was offered a piece of cheese?
“Thank you, I’ll just have a slither.”
Why do animals wear fur coats?
Because they would look silly in plastic raincoats!
What do you do if your dog chews up a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth!
What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?
Lily!
What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?
A watch dog!
Where do mice moor their boats?
At the hickory dickory dock.
What is a cat’s favorite movie?
The Sound of Meow-sic!
How does a dog stop a video?
He presses the paws button!
What is it called when you lend money to a bison?
A buff-a-loan!
On which side do tigers have the most stripes?
The outside!
“She is the Giraffe!” the Pelican answered.
“Is she not wonderful? Her LEGS are on the ground floor and her head is looking out of the top WINDOW!”
What happened to the frog’s car?
It got toad away!
What is a cheetah’s favorite meal?
Fast food!
Why was the cat afraid of the tree?
Because of the bark!
What does a cat say when somebody steps on its tail?
“Me-ow!”
What do you get when you plant a frog?
A cr-oak tree!
How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?
Put him in the front seat!
What is the quietest kind of dog?
A hush puppy!
How is a dog like a telephone?
It has collar ID!
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work!
What did the carrot say to the rabbit?
“Do you want to grab a bite?”
What kind of cat should you never play games with?
A cheetah!
What is black and white and red all over?
A panda with a rash!
Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
It takes them a long time to swallow their pride!
What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?
A sham-poodle!
How did Noah see the animals in the ark at night?
With flood lights!
What happened when the lion ate the comedian?
He felt funny!
What’s black and white and red all over?
A blushing zebra!
What did the mother buffalo say to her son before he went to school?
“Bison!”
What kind of dog always runs a fever?
A hot dog!
What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?
Use a pen!
Which pine has the longest needles?
A porcupine!
What kind of cars do cats drive?
Cat-illacs!
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye-deer!
There were ten cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?
None—they were all copycats!
What’s black and white and red all over?
A sunburnt zebra!
What is a young dog’s favorite kind of pizza?
Pupperoni!
How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?
Squeaky clean!
What do you get if you cross an owl with a lion?
A growl!
What do camels use to hide themselves?
Camel-flage!
What do you call a messy hippo?
A hippopota-mess!
What is a frog’s favorite year?
A leap year!
Where do felines buy their clothes from?
Cat-alogs!
Where do canines buy their clothes from?
Dog-ologs!
Why did the pony go to the doctor?
He was feeling a little hoarse!
What do you call a pile of kittens?
A meow-ntain!
Why are frogs so happy?
Because they eat what bugs them!
What kinds of books do rabbits like to read?
Books with hoppy endings!
When a duck has no money, what does he say to the waiter?
“Just put it on my bill!”
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball!