How can you tell the difference between a rabbit and a red-eyed monster?
Just try getting a red-eyed monster into a rabbit hutch.
What do you do with a green monster?
Put it in the sun until it ripens!
Why did the monster paint himself in rainbow colors?
Because he wanted to hide in the crayon box!
What do you give a monster with big feet?
Big slippers!
“Look out!” cried the BFG. “It’s the BLOODBOTTLER!”
Why was the big, hairy, two-headed monster top of the class at school?
Because two heads are better than one!
What did the big, hairy monster do when he lost a hand?
He went to the second-hand shop!
How do you stop a monster digging up your garden?
Take his spade away!
What does a polite monster say when he meets you for the first time?
“Pleased to eat you!”
Why did all the food get eaten at the monster’s party?
Because everyone was goblin!
What kind of monster can sit on the end of your finger?
The boogeyman!
Why did the big, hairy monster give up boxing?
Because he didn’t want to spoil his looks!
What happens if a big, hairy monster sits in front of you at the cinema?
You miss most of the film!
Why did the two cyclopses fight?
They could never see eye to eye on anything!
How do you know when there’s a monster under your bed?
Your nose touches the ceiling!
What is the best way to speak to a monster?
From a long distance!
Why did the monster have green ears and a red nose?
So that he could hide in rhubarb patches!
How do you tell a good monster from a bad one?
If it’s a good one you will be able to talk about it later!
What’s big, heavy, furry, dangerous and has sixteen wheels?
A monster on roller skates!
What do you call a huge, ugly, slobbering, furry monster with cotton balls in his ears?
Anything you like—he can’t hear you!
Why couldn’t the swamp monster go to the party?
Because he was bogged down in his work!
How do you know that there’s a monster in your bath?
You can’t get the shower curtain closed!
Who won the witch beauty contest?
No one!
How do you get six monsters in a cookie jar?
Take the cookies out first!
Why was the monster standing on his head?
He was turning things over in his mind!
What should you do if a monster runs through your front door?
Run through the back door!
What do little vampires learn at school?
The alpha-bat!
What sort of monster loves to party?
The boogie-man!
Why are monsters so forgetful?
Everything goes in one ear and out the five others!
What did the monster say about his eight arms?
They come in very handy!
What do monsters like on their sandwiches?
Ghoul-slaw!
