Did you hear about the magic tractor?
It turned into a field!
In what way is Miss Trunchbull mean but fair?
She’s mean to EVERYONE!
What do you call a ghost whisperer who has escaped from prison?
A medium at large!
Why did Miss Trunchbull give her whole class a zero on their tests?
She couldn’t give them anything lower!
“Do you think that all children’s books ought to have FUNNY bits in them?” Miss Honey asked.
“I do,” Matilda said. “Children are NOT so serious as grown-ups and they LOVE to LAUGH.”
Why is your newt called Tiny?
Because he’s my-newt!
Why did the clock get sent to see the Trunchbull?
For tocking too much!
TRUNCHBULL: Why aren’t you standing at the end of the line like
I told you?
PUPIL: I tried, but there was somebody standing there already!
What’s the difference between a hungry man and Bruce Bogtrotter?
One longs to eat and the other eats too long!
What did the gopher say to the librarian?
“Please may I burrow this book?”
Why was Mr. Wormwood angry when Matilda put glue in his hat?
It was a hat trick!
MISS HONEY: You missed school yesterday, didn’t you?
LAVENDER: No, I didn’t miss it in the slightest!
What is Miss Honey’s favorite nation?
Expla-nation!
Why was the math book always unhappy?
Because it had lots of problems!
DAD: What did you learn at school today?
SON: Not enough—
they said I have to go back again tomorrow!
What kind of schoolbag is always tired?
A knapsack!
Why did the music teacher need a ladder?
To reach the high notes!
Why did Bruce Bogtrotter eat his homework?
The teacher told him it was a piece of cake!
