| |
“I’m so sorry.” Heather cradled her head in her hands and kept her eyes locked on the floor so that she wouldn’t have to meet Asher’s probing gaze.
Everything was so screwed up. She had probably ruined her new and promising relationship with Asher on account of her crazy ex-boyfriend.
“You don’t need to be sorry,” Asher whispered and gently stroke her hair.
Everything about the way he was treating her made her insides tingle with desire. He was so captivating and strong. He had protected her when she needed him the most.
“I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been here tonight...” she trailed off and sniffed.
“Don’t think about that,” he said gently.
“I’m still so embarrassed,” she admitted.
Asher turned her around and lifted her chin with the tip of his thumb. “Hey,” he said and locked his handsome gaze on her. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about.”
“I should have just told you the truth about Kevin.” Heather sighed. Hindsight was always twenty-twenty.
“All of us have skeletons in our closets,” Asher admitted in a way that she knew was to reassure her.
“Thanks.” She smiled. “Do you want to tell me one of yours so that we are even?”
Asher chuckled and glanced up at the ceiling. “It’s late. We should get to bed.”
Heather didn’t want to press him. He was right. She was mentally and physically drained after that nightmare of an ordeal.
“I’m just grateful that Kevin and his shouting didn’t wake up the neighbors. She cringed at the idea of having a huddle of curious witnesses outside of her door, but it hadn’t happened.
“It could have been worse,” Asher acknowledged. “Let’s just it go. He’s gone, and he can’t hurt you anymore.”
Heather mulled over that one. Asher’s testament was true to a certain degree, but she knew that Kevin had the money and the connections to get out of jail quickly. He wouldn’t stay in there more than overnight before he made bail. The bad guys always got their way. The good ones were always getting the short end of the stick.
“You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. I’m probably going to have a pity party lying awake in my bed anyway.
“Don’t talk like that.” Asher stroked her cheek. It was comforting, tender.
“It’s been a rough night and again, I’m so sorry,” Heather apologized. She shook her head and broke away from Asher’s embrace. “I don’t care if you don’t want me to say I’m sorry,” she said. “I ruined our night and that much is obvious.”
“You didn’t ruin anything,” Asher gently reminded her. “That jerk of an ex-boyfriend is to blame for that.”
“He really is a jerk.” Heather propped herself against the back of her couch and sagged her shoulders.
“Don’t get yourself down about it,” Asher reminded her. “Look, I think you need to find another job.”
Heather met his gaze. “You think?” She chuckled with playful sarcasm.
She ran a hand through her hair and noticed that she was still shaking from the after math of the fear and emotional trauma. It would probably take her all night to work off these jitters. She didn’t want to go into details of why she had stayed working at the station, how Kevin had threatened to blackball her from every news outlet in the tri-state area. It was embarrassing that he’d had such a hold over her.
Casting a sheepish glance at Asher, her heart tripped over itself when she wondered what he must think of her right now. He probably though she was weak and pathetic for putting up with a man like Kevin. At least, that’s how she felt about herself. It wasn’t until Asher had come into her life that she recognized the true difference between what she’d thought a relationship should be, and what a good one actually was.
She couldn’t blame him if he decided she wasn’t the woman for him after all.
“Thank you again for coming over,” she said with a feeble attempt at a smile. Look, I understand if this is all too much and you don’t want to call me again.”
Why should he? He could get any woman he wanted. He didn’t need her crazy emotional baggage.
“Who said I was leaving?” Asher frowned and edged closer to her.
Heather’s heart pounded. He was so sturdy. He was her perfect rock, but she couldn’t bring herself to hold onto the lifeline he was dangling in front of her. Could she?
“You don’t want to? Why on earth would you still want to be with me after all this?”
Asher took her by the shoulders. The palms of his hands were warm, comforting. His eye drilled into hers.
“Why wouldn’t I? You’re a strong woman who untangled herself from a shitty relationship. I’m proud of you.”
Hope made her move closer to him, to rest her head on his shoulder. “Really?”
He kissed the top of her head and drew her in close to his body. “Yes, really.”
“Okay,” she breathed. Taking a breath of his crisp scent, she crossed her arms and moved away. “I guess I’m just afraid of wanting this too much and setting myself up for disappointment. I know that I have a lot going on that can be hard for someone else to handle.”
“What makes you think I’ll let you down?” Asher’s eyes narrowed, but he didn’t sound offended.
“I’m not saying you in particular...” Heather trailed off, stumbling to recover. “I mean, I guess I just didn’t choose my worlds correctly.” Great. Now she was going down the same rabbit hole of pissing another guy off. She just couldn’t win for losing.
Asher’s expression softened. “I know what you are trying to say,” he began. “People suck. It’s hard to let them in and be trusting. I’ve been burned before too. It’s just a part of life.”
“I know that you aren’t one of the bad apples,” Heather said.
“Then let me help you through this.” His eyes were warmhearted and shimmering with sincerity.
Heather shook her head. In her fatigue, she became stubborn. “No,” she said humbly. “You don’t need to worry about my problems. It’s my mess. I can fix it myself.”
“That’s just the type of thing an emotionally broken person would say,” Asher told her.
She gave him a chagrined smile. “If the shoe fits, right?”
“You are just down on your luck because the ordeal is still fresh in your memory,” Asher said. “You will feel better about everything in the morning. I promise. The dawn of a new day always brings fresh perspective.”
Heather sighed. She knew that Asher was right and respected the poetic way he was trying to lift her spirits. That was probably just the artist side of him shining through.
“You are nicer to me than I deserve,” she said with a chuckle, still propping herself up by the back of the couch.
Asher leaned in and pressed his lips against hers. It was like ice and fire all at once, a burst of rejuvenation breathing new life into her with a simple kiss. Her insides tingled. She had never been treated with such dignity before by a boyfriend.
She could corrupt herself by getting spoiled and that was the last thing she wanted. She was strong and independent. The world had given her a few blows in the past, but she’d always picked herself back up and carried on just fine on her own.
“I just...need to figure things out,” she said with a pause.
Asher’s eyes flickered with determination. He was so incredibly tall, towing over her. She barely reached his chest.
“I can’t leave you alone,” he insisted. “Not after what happened tonight.”
“I assure you that I’ll be alright,” Heather said, then added, “I know you’re just trying to comfort me, and I appreciate that. Believe me; I really do, more than I can express with words.”
Asher gazed at her with an expression that appeared unconvinced.
“Are you sure?” He asked again reluctantly.
“Yes.” She nodded and took a deep breath. “I’m going to lock up tight and get in bed.”
Uncertainty crossed his face. He wanted to give her some privacy, but he wanted to stay and watch over her. Both were sweet and thoughtful, and she loved that he cared so much. Yet even as she took his gestures to heart, she needed some space to react; however she wanted to over what had happened tonight.
And she really didn’t want Asher to see her eating ice cream from the container while she ugly-cried.
“Okay,” he said and leaned in to kiss her and rub her back one more time. She held onto him for a few extra seconds before letting him go.
“Thank you,” she whispered. “I will call you in the morning. Everything is going to work out; I promise.”
She walked Asher to the door and told him goodnight. When she closed the door behind her, that’s when she allowed her walls to crumble. Only when he was gone did she allow her vulnerable side to show.
She ran to her bedroom and collapsed face first on her bed. The sobs shook her shoulders. It felt so incredible to release that tension, that struggle and pain. Kevin had thrown her for a loop tonight.
It was going to take her a while to recover from the emotional strife, but she was up for the challenge. It wasn’t the first time she’d had to suffer through an argument with him. Asher was right. Even if it meant temporarily giving up her dream, she would have to find another job. Seeing Kevin face to face was no longer going to be a viable option if she ever wanted to take the path towards healing.
When she had finally let all the sobs cave her in, she composed herself and shuffled to the bathroom. Her face was a blotchy mess. Her eyes were red rimmed and swollen. Thank goodness Asher had let her be and agreed to leave. She never wanted him to see her like this, so raw and shattered.
Clarity would come in the morning, but it would be a long road again. If Asher was willing to put this dreadful night behind them, then she probably shouldn’t let him go. She had to find a way to break down her walls and trust that there were decent guys out there, and Asher was one of them. He was the foundation of protection she had always needed. The dark shadows of her past would fade away with the light that Asher brought to her life.
Heather stared at her reflection in the mirror and wished that she hadn’t been so adamant about sending him away when she needed him the most. It was just her defense mechanisms that had kicked in. The barriers in her mind wouldn’t see past anything else other than someone who would love her and hurt her.
She climbed under the covers and wrapped them up over her head. She tucked herself into a little ball and started to take measured, slow breaths. It was a method she had used in the past when she would fight with Kevin to try and mentally calm herself down. Her she was again, still living in the tremors of Kevin’s quakes months after their breakup.
The only reassurance she could give herself at the moment was the fact that he couldn’t come back to hurt her tonight. He was in jail for the night, that much would be certain. It was the only reason she’d felt comfortable enough to send Asher home.
Her mind wouldn’t turn off, but the deep breaths helped somewhat. She wondered if the general manager would fire Kevin, or if Kevin had him so tightly wound around his middle finger that he would find a way to weasel himself out of yet another situation where he should have repercussions for his actions.
It was something that she couldn’t worry about tonight, nor could she change anything even if Kevin did talk his way out. At least she had the restraining order. She reminded herself that having that back up was a better plan than having nothing in place at all.
She exhaled deeply and allowed the weight inside her to drift away. As she fell asleep, she prayed that her dreams would be peaceful.
She’d need all her strength to get through the cumulation of this mess until it was over.