DEVIN
Following Week
I stop mid step as soon as the words, ‘we want to offer you the position,’ leaves his lips. My stomach ignites into fireworks.
“Are you serious?”
“Yes. We'd like you to come in in two days to complete some paperwork and then we can get you started.”
“I don't…I—I—I don't know…” I stumble over my words as I smooth my hand over my head.
“I don't know what to say. Thank you. Thank you so much.”
“Thank you works!”
“Ah man…alright. So what time should I come in to get all of the paperwork filled out?”
“You'll be checking in with Human Resources. I will have them give you a call, and they will sort all of that information out for you. Sounds good?”
“Absolutely. Sounds perfect. Thank you again, Spencer. I really…this is a blessing. Thank you so much.”
“Don't mention it. I'll see you soon!”
Yes. Finally. I never thought I would see this day. I guess Faith's prayer is working.
I love her so much.
I'm standing in the middle of the sidewalk, pinching my eyes closed while the tears wet my fingers. It takes me a minute to get myself together before I head off again towards home. Wait till she hears this.
I run straight into the house and straight up the steps. “Faith? Where you at?”
I check every room, hers being last.
“Babe?”
I get to her room, knock and walk in, but my excitement fades just as fast as she comes walking out of the bathroom with her hand cradled in the other.
“Hey! You're back early,” she says as if she's been crying.
“I know. I've got something to tell you,” I say, but that bandage on her wrist is bothering me. What the hell happened?
She sits on the bed, sucking in air each time she moves her hand.
“What happened to your wrist?”
She shakes her head like ain't nothing the matter. “Faith, what happened?”
“I fell at work. It's not a big deal. It's just a sprain.”
No. I'm not buying it. I go over to her and sit, bringing her hand into mine. It's swollen. Nothing about this is minor.
“You need to get to a doctor. That doesn't look good.”
“I'll be okay.”
“Faith, this looks bad. Your hand is swelling. I know you're in a lot of pain. You've been crying?”
She nods. “I didn't want to go to the ER cause’ I had Logan with me.”
“It might be broken. You need to get that checked. Please, for me,” I beg. She nods again, sniveling and then rewraps her wrist again.
“I'm going to go get you some ice and then take you to urgent care. Can't have my baby in pain like this.”
I get up to leave and head downstairs to the kitchen. Already I had forgotten about my news. All I want to do is make sure she's okay. My news can wait later.
“You okay?” I ask her. It looks painful, and I bet it is according to her face. She says to me, “Just hurry and get me there. I'll be alright.” I nod, keeping my eyes on the road. My cellphone buzzes against the car console and the screen lights up with an unknown number. I take a quick peek but never mind it because I don't answer unknown numbers.
“You wanna get that?”
I shake my head. “I'll get it when we get there. If it's important, they'll leave a message.”
I help her out of the car, careful not to hit the broken hand, sign her in and take our seats.
“Thank you for this,” she tells me.
“I'm supposed to be doing this.”
“You don't have to.”
“I want to.”
“I could've driven myself, ya know?”
I give her a long-sided stare, knowing full well she couldn't drive by herself in this kind of pain.
“You're right. I almost crashed a few times driving home earlier today. It hurts to move it in any direction, let alone steer a car.”
“And you had my kid up in there with you?” I joke. Just as I say it, my phone buzzes again, and I take it out of my pocket to stop it.
“Who was that?”
“Some unknown number.”
She leaves it alone and winces at her wrist when she moves it and goes on to ask me, “So why you come in the house all excited earlier?”
Oh yes, about that. I turn to her eager, ready to share the news.
“Yeah, so I wanted to tell you that—“
“Faith Darby?” The nurse interrupts us. Well damn. That was fast. She rises to her feet, handing us her stuff and asks me to hold that thought.
Sure. I guess.
My phone goes off again. I check the number, but it's still unknown to me. So I forward it to voicemail and sit back and wait a while. But just as quickly as I did that, the notifications start chiming. Who in the world is trying to get in contact with me? Don't nobody have my number?
Three missed calls from that same number and two voicemails waiting. I open and listen to them.
“Hey, Devin. It's me, Mia. Remember you gave me your number a couple of days ago? Was just calling to see how you were doing…” A long pause intervenes. Oh damn. She actually called.
“I was just wondering if maybe…maybe we could meet up some time? I…” she stammers and then takes a deep breath. “I miss you. I know it doesn't mean much now, but I do. I really do….” Another pause breaks through. “Well anyway, please, if you get this message, think about calling me back. Okay. Talk to you soon, Devin.”
For whatever reason, though the message ended seconds ago, I still sit here like there's more she has to say. Perhaps I want her to have more to say. I need her to have more to say.
“Daddy?”
I take the phone away from my ear and give her my attention.
“Hmm?”
“Is Ms. Faith gonna be okay?”
“Yes, baby. She just had a small accident. It's nothing that the doctor can't fix. She'll be fine.”
“Good, cause’ I don't want a substitute teacher.”
This girl ain't trying to have nobody else but Faith. I tell her that we’ll pray about her wrist tonight when we get home so that she won’t have to have a substitute. She smiles and then goes back to playing with her doll.
I play the second voicemail, putting it up to my ear so Logan can't hear it.
“Devin, I'm sorry. I—I just really need to talk to you. Please…will you give me a call back? It's me again. Mia. Call me back.”
Deep down I want to call her back, but I don't know if this is the right time. I don't know when the right time will be. And Logan. If she hears me talking to her, won't that just make matters worse? Won't that get her confused? I like what we got going on right now, and if I throw Mia into the mix, Lord only knows what may transpire from it. I'm scared about calling her back for so many reasons. For one, what if she's trying to get back with me? Or maybe it's the fear that I haven't completely let her go. Maybe I miss her too. Maybe I'm afraid that it'll be me wishing to be back with her, to be a complete family again. Could I miss her just as much as she does me? Do I?
“Sweetheart, stay right here a minute and watch Ms. Faith's stuff. I'm gonna step right outside of that door right there. I need to make a phone call real quick, okay?”
She nods, taking Faith's belongings up into her arms to place in her chair. I head outside at the front of the building, still in view for Logan to see me. In the clear, I hit redial and just seconds into it ringing, she answers.
“Devin?”
Instant palpitations hit me as she says my name. I don't know why I'm nervous talking to her now than I was when she first spotted me at the station.
“Hey, Mia.”
“You got my message?”
I shake my head like she can see me and then answer, “Yeah. I got it. What's wrong?”
“Nothing. I uh…I just wanted to see how you were. We didn't get to talk long the other day.”
“Not really sure what we have left to say.”
“I miss you guys.”
I heard her before. I haven't forgotten.
“You've said that already.”
Silence.
“Is she doing okay?”
“She's doing just fine.”
“I miss my little girl.”
I don't know why that is bothering me. This whole conversation is bothering me. But I try not to say anything cause’ the only thing now I can think of is that day when she was getting ready to hand off our child to someone for sex. It's hard for me to believe that she actually misses her. But I've got to come back from that thought because I don't want to wear the hurt and anger on my face when I walk back in the building.
“Does she miss me any?”
I blow my breath, searching for the right answer. Logan hasn't made any noise about Mia since we left the motel months ago and I prefer it stays that way.
“I'm sure she does in her own way.”
“I'm getting help now, Devin. I've been going to rehab and getting myself clean.”
Guess she's looking for a handclap and a bravo.
“That's good. I'm—I'm happy for you.”
“I gotta do this now.”
I nod. “Good for you.”
“Devin?”
“Uh huh?”
“If it's not too much to ask, I'd—I'd like to see you both again.”
“I can't do that right now,” I tell her. “Right now…is not…it's not a good time, Mia. I'm trying to get things in order for me and Logan and my girl—“
“I understand. You don't have to explain. Whenever you're ready.”
My lips turn up.
“Is she with you now?”
“Yeah. She's with me.”
“Can I at least talk to her? I just want to say hi.”
I blow my breath again. I know I shouldn't withhold her from talking to her daughter, but I'm not there yet. I can't bring myself to it.
“She's about to go to bed. I don't want her getting all worked up right now.” I find a lie to say.
“Oh…right. She needs her rest.”
I know her hopes were high. It's all in her tone.
“Maybe…just give me some time, Mia. This is all very confusing right now. I don't want to get anyone's hopes up. I'm in a really good place, and so is Logan. We're getting through together, and I'm not…I'm not ready to give that up yet.”
“No, I understand. I get it. I just wanted to let you know I'm still alive. I'm getting myself together too and I miss you…miss you both, that's all.”
Maybe she does. I take in her explanation, sorting through the underlying words she has yet to say. If I didn't know any better, I'm almost certain there is a hidden motive behind this. I just don't know exactly what it is yet.
“Okay, well I'm going to let you go now.”
“Alright.”
“Thank you for calling me back,” she says. I force a smile on my face.
“No problem. Just was making sure you were okay.”
“Is it okay that I can still call you every now and again?”
“Yeah. You can do that,” I say. I hope I didn't just set myself up though. Every now and again just may turn into every day.