| |
FISH CURLED LEXI CLOSER to him on the hotel room bed as he had every morning this week. That first day, they’d never made it to lunch. After breakfast at an out-of-the-way coffee shop, they’d gone back to Fish’s room and done some serious rekindling. The pattern continued. Breakfast, rekindling at his hotel, then to her house where Lexi worked until it was time to fetch Sofia from school.
Lexi stirred, then scooted to a sitting position. He leaned against the headboard and wrapped an arm around her.
“What’s your vision for the future?” he asked, surprising himself with the question. He’d spent a lot of this past week envisioning his. Sofia’s delighted smile when she got home from school. Homework, playtime, Sofia’s soccer league practice—the kid had potential—things normal families did. Dammit if he wasn’t thinking family, not just Lexi.
Her eyes widened. “How far into the future?”
“You know, the whole deal. Old and gray.”
“I haven’t thought that far. Adopting Sofia, for sure. I’ve started the process. Being the best mom I can be.”
“Sofia seems well adjusted. How is she handling her mother’s death?”
Lexi sighed, deep and long. “We’ve been seeing a child psychologist. Sofia had been having trouble at home the last year or so, but the doctor is helping her understand her mixed feelings. The neglect, bordering on abuse, Sofia trying to do everything right, blaming herself. We’re trying to get her to accept that nothing was her fault, and it’s okay to be angry. Part of me feels guilty that Sofia seems happier with me, that she deserved a proper home life with her mother. I have to say, she’s much more animated since you arrived.”
“You never thought of ... giving her a dad?” The words slipped out, fueled by his emotions, not his brain. Spending time with Lexi and Sofia had done a number on him.
Lexi’s silence chilled the room. Her tears ripped him apart. Afraid saying anything else would make a total mess of whatever he thought they had going, he waited.
She sniffed, brushed at her eyes. “I’m scared.”
He stroked his thumb over an errant tear. “Of what?”
“Everything. Facing John Gunther wasn’t as scary as thinking about my future, because—” She sniffed again. “Because I see you in it, and I’m not sure I’m ready. Or if Sofia would be ready for a dad who’s gone so much. A dad with a dangerous job. Then I think about how I felt when Brian wanted me to quit being a cop, and I know you have to do what you do. But I can also understand how he felt when I left for work each day. I’m still trying to untangle my feelings.”
She’d seen him as part of her future. There was hope.
He stared straight ahead, then forced himself to meet her eyes. Sometimes you had to be willing to plunge into the river. “I’ve known you a long time, Lexi. I think somewhere, deep down, I’ve always loved you. I’ve only known Sofia a short time, but I already love her. One way or another, I’d like to be part of her life. And yours. Can we give it—us—a shot?”
Another room-chilling silence filled the air. This time, he rushed to fill it.
“I talked to one of our guys—Ryan Harper. He has a kid, Molly, about Sofia’s age. He’s a senior operative now, but when he met Frankie—she’s Molly’s mom—the kid was around five.” He dragged a hand through his hair. “Damn, I’m screwing this up. What I mean is, they made it work, and he said having a family to come home to made him a better operative. Like what Fozzie said when he showed us Torie’s picture.”
“You asked about being an operative and having a family?” she asked.
He nodded at the unexpected response.
“So you’ve really been thinking about it,” she said.
“All the time.”
“Sofia’s a part of those thoughts?”
“Hardly a gap between her and you.” He raised his thumb and index finger, about half an inch apart. “Don’t ask which of you is first.”
She laughed. “In that case, we can try. We’ll have to take it slow, though.”
His heart soared as her words registered. “Slow as you want. You set the pace.”
She turned to him, wrapped him in an embrace. Her kiss was slow, tender, filled with promises of more to come.