Chapter 5

The change process continues – parts therapy

We’re now going to further explore your feelings of discomfort through parts therapy. You may remember what parts therapy is, but if not, take a quick look back to here to remind yourself. This may well seem like a small chapter; in terms of the number of pages, it is. But, in terms of its therapeutic value and relevance to the process of change, this is far from the case. Its major contribution rests in what results from having listened to the audio (Audio 3).

N.B. It is important to recognise that the parts of us that end up generating internal conflict are not acting in deliberately antagonistic ways toward us; they do not represent ‘enemies’ to be fought and defeated, or irritants to be ignored. Rather, these parts represent either useful messages that something in our lives needs our attention, or, more typically, they represent past coping strategies that came into being with the sole purpose of helping us adapt to and survive difficult circumstances. Either way, when these parts first emerged, they had very positive intentions for us. And, because they were so useful to us at the time, these parts have endured, unaltered to influence today. Parts therapy facilitates a re-education of these well-intentioned but now out-dated ways of being, harnessing their energy and re-directing it to more useful ends.

When did you first became aware of feeling uncomfortable and dissatisfied with your life? What was going on in your life at that time?

Initially, Mia felt that her sense of discomfort was easy to identify.

Due to becoming pregnant aged 20, Mia, now 30, no longer recognised herself; ‘I just don’t know who I am any more’. She described the feeling as that of stress. It was a heavy, knotted, dark, ominous sensation that dwelt in her lower stomach, similar, she said, to extreme hunger pains. She was continually aware of its presence (6/10) but it was particularly strongly felt when she had to make decisions (10/10).

Through parts therapy, however, she was able to understand that these feelings first emerged when she was 5 years old; her parents’ marriage had begun to break down at this time and her once secure home-life had become problematic. On questioning the part that generated these uncomfortable feelings, Mia came to understand that it did, genuinely have positive intentions for her – it was trying to alert her to her need to adapt to new circumstances. So, she thanked the stressed part for its efforts, re-educated it in relation to the discomfort it was now causing her, and assigned its energies to a new role, a role that motivated her towards taking back control of her life.

Duncan had felt this sense of disquiet about himself for as long as he could remember and was permanently very aware of it at a 10/10 level; even at nursery school he remembers feeling isolated and different from the other children.

Through parts therapy, he learned that he mostly experienced this discomfort in his chest and stomach; that it felt like a cold, massive void, a deep, dark, heavy emptiness inside; it felt hopeless. He first became aware of this sensation on his first day at nursery school when his adoptive mother left him without saying goodbye. He remembers the panic, the terror. He knew no one there. He felt completely alone. So, he bided his time, ‘playing’ alone until he could leave. This coping strategy continued throughout his education and into adulthood, expecting nothing from others and applying himself to learning. Duncan was able to see that this part had simply been trying to help him survive a very challenging situation, providing distraction through focus, so, he was able to acknowledge its efforts, re-educate it and re-direct its energies toward helping him accept himself for who he was.

To help you explore and begin to re-educate what might be generating your sense of discomfort, cue Audio 3 – Re-educating the mind through parts therapy.

Now that you’ve listened to the recording, write down all that you’ve discovered about your sense of discomfort – amongst other things, how it feels, what it represents, what its positive intentions are, when you first became aware of it, what new role you’ve decided it could now take.