Let’s consider Mia and Duncan’s core beliefs.

Because Mia blames herself for her parents’ divorce, she has formed the core belief ‘It’s all my fault’. Such a belief has diminished her confidence in herself as a capable, decisive adult.

1.	Current Activating Event: Geoff asks Mia to investigate the local schools to then make a decision regarding the best option for their two children to attend. He hasn’t got the time to do it himself.

This current situation triggers…

2.	Unhealthy/unhelpful automatic thoughts:

• ‘I’m not capable of making this decision.’ (untruthful and illogical)
• I must make the right decision for my children.’ (demanding)
• ‘If I did get it wrong, I’d be ruining the children’s lives and Geoff would think I’m utterly useless. They’d never forgive me.’(catastrophising)
• ‘I can’t stand this responsibility.’ (intolerant/inflexible)
• ‘Geoff and my children would see me as the stupid person that I am if I made the wrong decision.’ (self-deprecating)
• ‘I’ll make the wrong decision. I’ve been wrong before as Geoff has so very kindly pointed out.’ (past re-inforcement)
• ‘Oh no; it’s happening to me again. Geoff is forcing me to do this.’ (being ‘at effect’ in life)

These thoughts trigger the…

3.	Emotional state: Stress and guilt (unhealthy and unhelpful); created not by the event itself, but by the irrational, demanding and catastrophising thoughts triggered by the core belief ‘It’s all my fault’.

Resulting physical sensations: Sweating, heart pounding, nausea and indigestion, breathlessness, muscle tension, headaches, shaking, and so on.

4.

Resulting behaviour: By focusing on her physical discomfort and assuming that she is unwell, Mia avoids having to make the decision by taking to her bed and asking her mother to do it for her instead. In her own eyes Mia has failed to handle this situation effectively and she feels at fault. Thus, Mia’s belief that ‘it’s all her fault’ is compounded.

... by responding in this way, as Mia has done many times before, the unhelpful core belief is perpetuated and further reinforced.

Duncan’s coping strategy of putting on a mask to hide his true feelings led him to form the core belief ‘I’m a fraud’. This belief created a sense of fear at the possibility of being found out.

1.	Current Activating Event: Duncan is invited to a works do. He is lonely and craves others’ company so, in many ways, wants to go. But, his core belief, ‘I’m a fraud’ is strong.

This current situation triggers…

2.	Unhealthy/unhelpful automatic thoughts:

• ‘I’m fake and others will easily find it out.’ (untruthful and illogical)
• ‘I must not be found out.’ (demanding)
• ‘If I was, it really would be the end of the world to me.’ (catastrophising)
• ‘I just couldn’t bear the shame.’ (intolerant/inflexible)
• ‘If I went, others would see me for the fake that I am.’ (self-deprecating)
• ‘I’ve faked things before.’ (past re-inforcement)
• ‘There’s just nothing I can do about it now.’ (being ‘at effect’ in life)

These thoughts trigger the…

3.	Emotional state: Fear (unhealthy and unhelpful); created not by the event itself, but by the irrational, demanding and ‘catastrophising’ thoughts triggered by the core belief ‘I’m a fraud’.

Resulting physical sensations: Sweating, heart pounding, muscle tension, nausea, shaking, and so on.

4.

Resulting behaviour: Duncan turns down the invitation making up an excuse for not attending (he is fully aware of telling a lie here) and spends a few sleepless nights worrying about it. Thus, Duncan’s belief ‘I’m a fraud’ is compounded, as is his sense of loneliness, and his desire to comfort himself with chocolate increases.

... by responding in this way, as Duncan has done many times before, the unhelpful core belief is perpetuated and further reinforced so constraining future opportunities.

And now for the really challenging part: identifying your own core beliefs.

As already mentioned, we tend not to be consciously aware of our core beliefs, so identifying them can be a difficult task. But it’s also an important one; becoming aware of your core beliefs is the first step to changing them.

Remind yourself of what a core belief is and then, to help you begin to isolate your own ‘truths’, follow the steps below:

1. First think about your personality and the perceptions you have about yourself in general and about your strengths and weaknesses.
2. Then reflect on specific situations and how you typically respond to them. What core beliefs have you formed about who you are and what you can and can’t do?
3. Reflect on the roles you play in life (husband/wife/partner, father/mother, son/daughter, employee/employer, carer, friend, etc., etc.) and begin to identify the beliefs that drive your thoughts, emotions, bodily responses and behaviours within each of these roles. For example, within your work role, what is your work ethic? What rules have you formulated about your work-life balance? As a husband/wife, what core beliefs do you hold about trust, loyalty, respect, sex, and so on. What are your ‘rules’/beliefs regarding friendship? If you are a carer, what aspects of this role are determined by your ethical codes?
4. Now think at a broader level about the principles, morals and ethics that you hold about yourself, other people and about the world around you. For example, what is good or bad, right or wrong, desirable or undesirable about duty, equality, justice, war, poverty, religion, education, politics, sexuality and so on.

Now that you have more of an understanding of your own personal set of core beliefs, it’s time to begin identifying the ones that are currently having a detrimental effect on your life.

If this seems difficult, try approaching the task from the ‘bottom up’; pinpoint past situations that have triggered discomfort and then reflect on the thought processes that accompanied these feelings. Once you’ve identified the irrational, demanding, inflexible, intolerant, fixated, assumption-based, catastrophising, deprecating thoughts, start grouping similar ones together. Once you have certain categories of thoughts then begin to recognise the core belief(s) that lie behind them.

To help you begin to identify your set of detrimental core beliefs, listed opposite are 30 very common unhealthy core beliefs. Identify the ones that apply to you, and add your own to the list.