Chapter 10

How well do you really know yourself?

Who the bally-hoo-heck am I? It’s an age-old philosophical question that has stimulated thousands of years of debate, disagreement and discussion.

Inscribed on the entrance to ye olde Oracle of Delphi in Greece are the words ‘KNOW THYSELF’, yet we often avoid the self-reflection that acquisition of self-knowledge requires, deriding it as navel-gazing, and so end up knowing other people better than we know ourselves. Our culture plays a role in this attitude; when I was growing up in 1960s Britain, to indulge in self-focus was deemed self-indulgent, almost immoral. But, we have come a long way since those days, and my work has taught me that accurate knowledge and acceptance of ourselves as unique individuals is fundamentally important to a healthy, happy and fulfilling life. It positively influences our self-respect, self-belief and self-confidence. Plus, when we feel good about ourselves, like those ripples on the pond, people around us also benefit.

Our identity, who we are, is an on-going process of development; we are permanently learning and adapting ourselves. Being aware of who I was and considering who I might become are as important as knowing who I now am. I am a very different person now to the shy, woe-is-me teenager who left secondary school (thank goodness), and I’m sure, in 10 years’ time, I’ll be a different person to the woman I am today. Yet knowing myself as I am now enables me to choose a future for myself that is most likely to provide me with the greatest satisfaction. With greater self-knowledge comes the opportunity for wiser decision-making.

Influenced by the culture and period of history into which we’re born, our experiences, memories, values, personalities, beliefs, thoughts and feelings are crucial aspects of how our identities develop. Beneficially or otherwise, they influence the many choices we make in life including our careers, friendships and relationships, voting patterns, whether we have children or not, where we live and so on.

The questions posed in previous chapters will have helped you reflect on who you once were and how you came to be that person. The following questions serve to help you identify the nitty-gritty of who you are now, not who you were a few weeks ago; when you’re addressing each question, let go of those old self-definitions. Again, I advise you to take your time and tackle only a few questions per day; the more time you invest in this part of the process, the more you are likely to gain from it.

N.B. It’s great to learn about ourselves, but this knowledge has little value if we neglect to use it. When you have a greater understanding of who you are, reflect on how you can use this information to improve your life and your sense of wellbeing. For example, I know that I thrive on contact with those near and dear to me. So, despite my busy schedule, I make sure to take time to be with my loved ones.

From a current perspective, take your time to really consider each category below and rate your typical, day-to-day levels of being: