‘Yes.’ she replied. ‘He was a source of great comfort when I thought I had lost the meaning of peace. He forced me to change my perspective and to look at things from a new angle; focusing for once, on me, rather than my husband or anybody else for that matter. He is a great saint and his principle of “Finding yourself” has given many a people total control of their otherwise directionless, meaningless lives.’
‘The man who keeps preaching that humanity should know its reason for existence?’ I asked as his words floated to the surface of my mind from a not so distant a past.
The woman ignored me completely and continued as if she was sitting by herself, all alone. ‘I was born and brought up in a family that thought men amounted to much more than a woman ever could. While my brothers were given proper education and sent off to study in colleges in fancy cities, me and my two sisters had to make do with whatever education we could find in a remote village. When we had completed our primary education, mostly by self educating ourselves, my father denied us further knowledge and was worried to find us suitable husbands. Although he was a well to do man with plenty of land, he chose to save money for us in the form of dowry and considered any other expense, including that of our education, a waste of money and time. We were not bold enough to challenge his decision and hence we did as we were told, accepting it as our destiny. Growing up, we were always taught that women who have character always think of their families first and put themselves and their needs at last. That is the true sign of a cultured woman who comes from a good home. This lesson was taught to all three of us; a lesson which I never forgot after I was married. I sacrificed a little of myself every day to make a happy home and I would have been happy in return if only…if only this man would have let me to do so. As soon as I stepped into the role of a wife, practicing the lesson I had learnt to a T, I found out that I had been tricked. I had been told that you can win the heart of your husband by worshipping him like a deity; by putting yourself at last but…but it never worked for me. I was heartbroken to finally realize that the lesson was superficial at best and did not hold any water when applied to real life. What was ironical was that the obstacle which was actually keeping me from my husband was a woman who was educated and cultured; well read and erudite. So, in the end if I had any chance of winning the respect and affection of my husband, it was through education alone; the one thing which I was vehemently denied as it had nothing to do with marital bliss for a woman. How wrong they all were!’
She paused and took a breath and then continued. ‘Whenever I came in contact of her, I realized how ordinary, how commonplace I was. The sense of my ignorance got more and more highlighted and there came a point when I thought the monkeys visiting me on the terrace where no better than me. I was falling into a depression as the sense of my own worthlessness bore down heavily upon me had I not met Pundit ji. He made me realize that I am here on this earth for a reason and there is nothing unworthy about my existence. He further told me that I was feeling so because I had not yet discovered my true purpose in life and that he would help me do so.’
‘What true purpose?’ I asked angrily. ‘Murdering innocent people? If that’s a purpose rather than a crime then I am afraid every criminal in jail must have had a good reason to kill another.’
‘I did not intend to kill her.’ Neelu said in a voice drained of all emotions. ‘Pundit ji follows ahimsa and condemns any form of violence…but he does advocate the doctrine that you should do everything in your power to protect your own happiness. He laughed at my inane belief that good women sacrifice themselves and keep their needs for the last. He said that your first priority should be you and none other. If everyone realizes their full worth; the reason for their existence then there would be not one unhappy soul on this planet. He told me that I should look closely and diagnose correctly what actually was the thing that was making me unhappy and once I had done so, I should look for ways to make that unhappiness go away; that I should leave no stone unturned to get that which would make me satisfied again. That’s exactly what I did. I diagnosed the problem in a thousand different ways and each time at the heart of it, sat one woman. Her.’
Out of the blue, it started blowing hard outside and it looked as if there was a storm coming. A strong gust of wind danced inside the house and catching Neelu’s hair, undid the bun that she had made lightly, almost covering her face in a shock of thick, black hair and she did nothing to remove it from her face. Her cold, stony eyes and the wild hair flapping about her face was giving her the appearance of a woman possessed and I shrank back a little, my nerves slightly frayed.
‘So, on Pundit ji’s advice, I started the process of removing the source of my grief. My first thought was to wait for her to leave for good. I thought that once she would leave the village, I would be at peace and one of her close friends told me that she was making her mind to return to the city and hence I was hopeful but…but…that day…’
‘What…what happened that day?’ Bhrigu asked at once.
‘I was going to the shop that day and…and I saw her…I saw her at the shop shamelessly talking and laughing with my husband. She looked like the devil herself, who had come to steal my husband and he…he was looking at her, hypnotized…enchanted…I decided then and there that I…I had only one way to get rid of my problem and that was to kill evil for good.’
‘Oh Neelu! What are you saying?!’ cried Manjunath, who had hitherto been listening to the narrative like a paralyzed man. ‘It was for the very first time that Savita had visited me to thank me for being a good friend to her at the time of her need. That’s all. The poor woman was suffering greatly, didn’t you know?’
‘She was suffering because she was evil.’ Neelu hissed like a snake. ‘She was educated; cultured but what good is education alone when it does nothing to hone your character? At first, I was jealous of her…of her upbringing but…later on…I realized for what she actually was. And…and that attend as much as you want any number of fancy colleges, no one could teach you morality. You…you were smitten by her beauty…by her polished tongue but you foolish man! You could never see her for what she actually was. So blinded were you by her many dangerous charms.’ She took a sharp breath and then said in a terrifying voice, ‘So I killed evil. I…I lay in wait for her when she was making her way to the army man’s house. As soon as I saw her, I took the biggest stone lying around and badgered her to death! And…and then I threw the stone in the Palua pond! There you have it!’ She cried like a mad woman. ‘I have vanquished evil and I am proud of myself…I am proud of myself for it! I have achieved the true purpose of my existence and I am proud of it! You can hang me for it but I am proud of it!’
Neelu was laughing like a maniac and her hair, caught in the wind was flowing wildly behind her. At that moment, she actually looked like the incarnation of Goddess Kali who was celebrating after spearing the heart of a demon. The very next moment, she dropped to the ground and fainted.
‘Her last refuge turned out to be a lost refuge.’ Bhrigu said, grimly looking at the unconscious figure of the troubled woman as I heard the painful siren of a police jeep heading in our direction.