First off, my very sincere thanx to the talented team at Hachette Book Group, especially my editor, Brant Rumble, for his time, patience, sense of humor, and for making my job a whole lot easier; to copyeditor, Felicity Tucker, and production editor, Cisca Schreefel, who both taught me a thing or two (or 500) about grammar and punctuation; and to the talented team at Hachette: Michelle Aielli, Michael Barrs, Julie Ford, Amanda Kain, Mary Ann Naples, Monica Oluwek, Lauren Rosenthal, and Mollie Weisenfeld. I’m so grateful for all of their help and very proud to be associated with them.
Thanx to my friend, accomplice, and manager, Scott Marcus, for shepherding me through every step of the way and believing in me and this project from the very beginning.
Thanx to my literary agent, Peter McGuigan at Ultra Literary, for giving me a chance and for finding my book the perfect home.
Special thanx to: Pamela Des Barres for introducing me to her agent, Peter, and for her very perceptive comments and invaluable help and guidance throughout the pitching and writing process; Dawna Kaufmann for being so intuitive, persistent, and persuasive; my niece Paige for her love, helpful input, and for being a strong, courageous survivor; Eric Gardner, Sam Irvin, and Dan Mathews for “jogging my mammaries”; Jack Grapes Method Writing class and Josh Grapes and fellow students of “Frankenstein’s Lab” for helping me shape my story and put it down on paper; Stephen King for his brilliant book On Writing, which has been my Bible and made me believe I could really do this; Shelley Miller for her encouragement and suggestions; Christian Greenia, Keira Kang, Michelle and Ash Ghoulmore, and the rest of “team Elvira,” who kept my business up and running so I could finally have time to write this damn thing!; Renée Watt for seeing into my future; and Mark and the staff at Bricks and Scones (my writing haven). And especially to T, for reading my book back to me in bed every night, page by page, and giving me her invaluable ideas, suggestions, and feedback that helped make it a reality. I’m so grateful for her love, support, and patience throughout the long and sometimes grueling process.
Additional thanx to my oldest and dearest friends, Richard Chamberlain, Jerry Jackson, Ellen Mersereau, Allen Perlstein, Martin Rabbett, Paul Reubens, and Vance Van Petten for their love, support, and encouragement. They have created a wholly functional loving family for me and have been my cheerleaders throughout this long journey.
To Lance Alspaugh, Jackie Beat, Mike Becker, Ted Biaselli, Marilyn Brecht, RuPaul Charles, Marc Cohen, Chad Colebank and Rick Unvarsky, Doug Cox, Harriet Cresswell, Jennifer and Terry Doty, Ryan Eisenmann, Michelle and Ash Ghoulmore, Joshua Grannell, Christian Greenia, Gris Grimley, The Groundlings, Tom Hardcastle, Joe Kaminkow, Keira Kang, Holly Knight, Jim Kunz and Melissa Kelly, Brian Mariotti, Victor Martinez, Susan McNabb, John Moody, John Paragon, Rob Perez, Greg Peterson, Mary Pickhardt, Andy and Vicki Pierson, Robert Redding, Jamie Samson, Fred Schneider, Jeff Shadic, Brandon Tartikoff, Larry Thomas, Jeannie Touchard, Jeff Tucker, Kat Von D, Dita Von Teese, Mark Webb, Danny Weik, Jack White, Les and Myrna Wierson, and Rob Zombie. I thank you all for showing me kindness, doing me favors, providing inspiration, and making a difference in my career and in my life. There are so many others that I should thank here, but that might verge on making the Acknowledgments as long as the book itself, so, as the King of Hearts suggested, at the beginning of this book, when you come to the end, stop.
Oh, wait wait wait! One more—
My deepest heartfelt thanx to my many loyal fans. Where would I be without you?