Enter ERGASILUS.
ERGASILUS
The young men have given me the name of “the mistress,” for this reason, because invocated I am wont to attend at the banquet. I know that buffoons say that this is absurdly said, but I affirm that it is rightly said. For at the banquet the lover, when he throws the dice, invokes his mistress. Is she then invocated, or is she not? She is, most clearly. But, i’ faith, we Parasites with better reason are so called, whom no person ever either invites or invokes, and who, like mice, are always eating the victuals of another person. When business is laid aside, when people repair to the country, at that same moment is business laid aside for our teeth. Just as, when it is hot weather, snails lie hidden in secret, and live upon their own juices, if the dew doesn’t fall; so, when business is laid aside, do Parasites lie hidden in retirement, and miserably live upon their own juices, while in the country the persons are rusticating whom they sponge upon. When business is laid aside, we Parasites are greyhounds; when business recommences, like mastiffs, we are annoying-like and very troublesome- like. And here, indeed, unless, i’ faith, any Parasite is able to endure cuffs with the fist, and pots to be broken about his head, why he may e’en go with his wallet outside the Trigeminian Gate. That this may prove my lot, there is some danger. For since my patron has fallen into the hands of the enemy — (such warfare are the Ætolians now waging with the Eleans; for this is Ætolia; this Philopolemus has been made captive in Elis, the son of this old man Hegio who lives here pointing to the house — a house which to me is a house of woe, and which so oft as I look upon, I weep). Now, for the sake of his son, has he commenced this dishonorable traffic, very much against his own inclination. He buys up men that have been made captives, if perchance he may be able to find some one for whom to gain his son in exchange. An object which I really do much desire that he may gain. for unless he finds him, there’s nowhere for me to find myself. I have no hopes in the young men; they are all too fond of themselves. He, in fine, is a youth with the old-fashioned nanners, whose countenance I never rendered cheerful without a return. His father is worthily matched, as endowed with like manners. Now I’ll go to him; — but his door is opening, the door from which full oft I’ve sallied forth drunk with excess of cheer. He stands aside.
Enter, from his house, HEGIO and a SLAVE.
HEGIO
Now, give attention you, if you please. Those two captives whom I purchased yesterday of the Quæstors out of the spoil, put upon them chains of light weight; take off those greater ones with which they are bound. Permit them to walk, if they wish, out of doors, or if in-doors, but so that they are watched with the greatest care. A captive at liberty is like a bird that’s wild; if opportunity is once given for escaping, ’tis enough; after that, you can never catch him.
A SLAVE
Doubtless we all are free men more willingly than we live the life of slaves.
HEGIO
You, indeed, don’t seem to think so.
A SLAVE
If I have nothing to give, should you like me to give myself to flight?
HEGIO
If you do so give yourself, I shall at once have something to be giving to you.
A SLAVE
I’ll make myself just like the wild bird you were telling of.
HEGIO
’Tis just as you say; for if you do so, I’ll be giving you to the cage. But enough of prating; take you care of what I’ve ordered, and be off. The SLAVE goes into the house. I’ll away to my brother’s, to my other captives; I’ll go see whether they’ve been making any disturbance last night. From there I shall forthwith betake myself home again.
ERGASILUS
apart . It grieves me that this unhappy old man is following the trade of a slave-dealer, by reason of the misfortune of his son. But, if by any means he can be brought back here, I could even endure for him to become an executioner.
HEGIO
overhearing him . Who is it that’s speaking?
ERGASILUS
’Tis I, who am. pining at your affliction, growing thin, waxing old, and shockingly wasting away. Wretched man that I am, I’m but skin and bone through leanness; nor does anything ever do me good that I eat at home; even that ever so little which I taste out of doors, the same refreshes me.
HER.
Ergasilus, save you!
ERGASILUS
crying . May the Gods kindly bless you, Hegio!
HER.
Don’t weep.
ERGASILUS
Must I not weep for him? Must I not weep for such a young man?
HEGIO
I’ve always known you to be a friend to my son, and I have understood him to be so to you.
ERGASILUS
Then at last do we men know our blessings, when we have lost those things which we once had in our power. I, since your son fell into the power of the enemy, knowing by experience of what value he was, now feel his loss.
HEGIO
Since you, who are no relation, bear his misfortune so much amiss, what is it likely that I, a father, should do, whose only son he is?
ERGASILUS
I, no relation to him? He, no relation to me? Oh, Hegio! never do say that, nor come to such a belief. To you he is an only child, but to me he is even more only than an only one.
HEGIO
I commend you, in that you consider the affliction of your friend your own affliction. Now be of good heart.
ERGASILUS
crying . O dear! HEG. half-aside . ’Tis this afflicts him, that the army for guttling is now disbanded. Meanwhile, have you found no one to command for you the army that you mentioned as disbanded?
ERGASILUS
What do you think? All to whom it used to fall are in the habit of declining that province since your son Philopolemus was taken prisoner.
HEGIO
I’ faith, ’tisn’t to be wondered at, that they are in the habit of declining that province. You have necessity for numerous troops, and those of numerous kinds. Well, first you have need of the Bakerians. Of these Bakerians there are several kinds, You have need of Roll-makerians, you have need too of Confectionerians, you have need of Poultererians, you have need of Beccaficorians; besides, all the maritime forces are necessary for you.
ERGASILUS
How the greatest geniuses do frequently lie concealed! How great a general now is this private individual!
HEGIO
Only have good courage; for I trust that in a few days I shall bring him back home. For see now; there’s a captive here, a young man of Elis, born of a very high family, and of very great wealth; I trust that it will come to pass that I shall get my son in exchange for him.
ERGASILUS
May the Gods and Goddesses grant it so!
HEGIO
But are you invited out anywhere to dinner?
ERGASILUS
Nowhere that I know of. But, pray, why do you ask me?
HEGIO
Because this is my birthday; for that reason I’d like you to be invited to dinner at my house.
ERGASILUS
’Tis kindly said.
HEGIO
But if you can be content to eat a very little ——
ERGASILUS
Aye, even ever so little; for on such fare as that do I enjoy myself every day at home.
HEGIO
Come, then, please, set yourself up for sale.
ERGASILUS
I’ll put myself up for purchase, just like a landed estate, unless any one shall privately make a better offer that pleases myself and my friends more, and to my own conditions will I bind myself.
HEGIO
You are surely selling me a bottomless pit, and not a landed estate. But if you are coming, do so in time.
ERGASILUS
Why, for that matter, I’m at leisure even now.
HEGIO
Go then, and hunt for a hare; at present, in me you have but a ferret, for my fare is in the way of frequenting a rugged road.
ERGASILUS
You’ll never repulse me by that, Hegio, so don’t attempt it. I’ll come, in spite of it, with teeth well shod.
HEGIO
Really, my viands are but of a rough sort.
ERGASILUS
Are you in the habit of eating brambles?
HEGIO
Mine is an earthy dinner.
ERGASILUS
A pig is an earthy animal.
HEGIO
Earthy from its plenty of vegetables.
ERGASILUS
Treat your sick peoples at home with that fare? Do you wish anything else?
HEGIO
Come in good time.
ERGASILUS
You are putting in mind one who remembers quite well. (Exit.)
HEGIO
I’ll go in-doors, and in the house I’ll make the calculation how little money I have at my banker’s; afterwards I’ll go to my brother’s, whither I was saying I would go. Goes into his house.