Enter ERGASILUS.
ERGASILUS
Wretched is that man who is in search of something to eat, and finds that with difficulty; but more wretched is he who both seeks with difficulty, and finds nothing at all; most wretched is he, who, when he desires to eat, has not that which he may eat. But, by my faith, if I only could, I’d willingly tear out the eyes of this day; — with such enmity has it filled all people towards me. One more starved out I never did see, nor one more filled with hunger, nor one who prospers less in whatever he begins to do. So much do my stomach and my throat take rest on these fasting holidays. Away with the profession of a Parasite to very utter and extreme perdition! so much in these days do the young men drive away from them the needy drolls. They care nothing now-a-days for these Laconian men of the lowest benches — these whipping-posts, who have their clever sayings without provision and without money. They now-a-days seek those who, when they’ve eaten at their pleasure, may give them a return at their own houses. They go themselves to market, which formerly was the province of the Parasites. They go themselves from the Forum to the procurers with face as exposed as the magistrates in court, with face exposed, condemn those who are found guilty; nor do they now value buffoons at one farthing; all are so much in love with themselves. For, when, just now, I went away from here, I came to some young men in the Forum: “Good morrow,” said I; “whither are we going together to breakfast?” On this, they were silent. “Who says, ‘here, at my house,’ or who makes an offer?” said I. Just like dumb men, they were silent, and didn’t smile at me. “Where do we dine?” said I. On this they declined. I said one funny saying out of my best bon mots, by which I formerly used to get feasting for a month; not an individual smiled; at once I knew that the matter was arranged by concert. Not even one was willing to imitate a dog when provoked; if they didn’t laugh, they might, at least, have grinned with their teeth. From them I went away, after I saw that I was thus made sport of. I went to some others; then to some others I came; then to some others — the same the result. All treat the matter in confederacy, just like the oil-merchants in the Velabrum. Now, I’ve returned thence, since I see myself made sport of there. In like manner do other Parasites walk to and fro, to no purpose, in the Forum. Now, after the foreign fashion, I’m determined to enforce all my rights. Those who have entered into a confederacy, by which to deprive us of food and life, — for them I’ll name a day. I’ll demand, as the damages, that they shall give me ten dinners at my own option, when provisions are dear: thus will I do. Now I’ll go hence to the harbour. There, is my only hope of a dinner; if that shall fail me, I’ll return here to the old gentleman, to his unsavoury dinner.
Enter HEGIO and ARISTOPHONTES.
HEGIO
to himself . What is there more delightful than to manage one’s own interests well for the public good, just as I did yesterday, when I purchased these men. Every person, as they see me, comes to meet me, and congratulates me on this matter. By thus stopping and detaining unlucky me, they’ve made me quite tired. With much ado have I survived from being congratulated, to my misfortune. At last, to the Prætor did I get. There, scarcely did I rest myself. I asked for a passport; it was given me: at once I delivered it to Tyndarus. He started for home. Thence, straightway, after that was done, I passed by my house; and I went at once to my brother’s, where my other captives are. I asked about Philocrates from Elis, whether any one of them all knew the person. This man pointing to ARISTOPHONTES called out that he had been his intimate friend; I told him that he was at my house. At once he besought and entreated me that I would permit him to see him. Forthwith I ordered him to be released from chains. Thence have I come. To ARISTOPHONTES. Now, do you follow me, that you may obtain what you have besought of me, the opportunity of meeting with this person. They go into the house.
Enter TYNDARUS, from the house.
TYNDARUS
Now stands the matter so, that I would much rather that I had once existed, than that I still exist; now do my hopes, my resources, and my succour, desert me and spurn themselves. This is that day, when, for my life, no safety can be hoped; nor yet is death my end; nor hope is there, in fact, to dispel this fear for me; nor cloak have I anywhere for my deceitful stratagems; nor for my devices or my subterfuges is there anywhere a screen presented to me. No deprecating is there for my perfidy; no means of flight for my offences. No refuge is there anywhere for my trusting; and no escape for my cunning schemes. What was concealed is now exposed; my plans are now divulged. The whole matter is now laid open; nor is there any ado about this matter, but that I must perish outright, and meet with destruction, both on behalf of my master and myself. This Aristophontes has proved my ruin, who has just now come into the house. He knows me. He is the intimate friend and kinsman of Philocrates. Not Salvation herself can save me now, even if she wishes; nor have I any means of escape, unless, perchance, I devise some artifice in my mind. He meditates. Plague on it!-how? What can I contrive? — what can I think of? Some very great folly and trifling I shall have to begin with. I’m quite at a loss. He retires aside.
Enter HEGIO, ARISTOPHONTES, and SLAVES, from the house
HEGIO
Whither am I to say, now, that this man has betaken himself from the house out of doors?
TYNDARUS
apart . Now, for a very certainty, I’m done for; the enemies are coming to you, Tyndarus! What shall I say? — what shall I talk of? What shall I deny, or what confess? All matters are reduced to uncertainty. How shall I place confidence in my resources? I wish the Gods had destroyed you, before you were lost to your own country, Aristophontes, who, from a plot well concerted, are making it disconcerted. This plan is ruined outright, unless I find out for myself some extremely bold device.
HEGIO
to ARISTOPHONTES . Follow me. See, there is the man; go to him and address him.
TYNDARUS
aside, and turning away . What mortal among mortals is there more wretched than myself?
ARISTOPHONTES
coming up to him . Why’s this, that I’m to say that you are avoiding my gaze, Tyndarus? And why that you are slighting me as a stranger, as though you had never known me? Why, I’m as much a slave as yourself; although at home I was a free man, you, even from your childhood, have always served in slavery in Elis.
HEGIO
I’ faith, I’m very little surprised, if either he does avoid your gaze, or if he does shun you, who are calling him Tyndarus, instead of Philocrates.
TYNDARUS
Hegio, this person was accounted a madman in Elis. Don’t you give ear to what he prates about; for at home he has pursued his father and mother with spears, and that malady sometimes comes upon him which is spit out Do you this instant stand away at a distance from him.
HEGIO
to the SLAVES . Away with him further off from me.
ARISTOPHONTES
Do you say, you whipp’d knave, that I am mad, and do you declare that I have followed my own father with spears? And that I have that malady, that it’s necessary for me to be spit upon?
HEGIO
Don’t be dismayed; that malady afflicts many a person to whom it has proved wholesome to be spit upon, and has been of service to them.
ARISTOPHONTES
Why, what do you say? Do you, too, credit him?
HEGIO
Credit him in what?
ARISTOPHONTES
That I am mad?
TYNDARUS
Do you see him, with what a furious aspect he’s looking at you? ‘Twere best to retire, Hegio; it is as I said, his frenzy grows apace; have a care for yourself.
HEGIO
I thought that he was mad, the moment that he called you Tyndarus.
TYNDARUS
Why, he’s sometimes ignorant of his own name, and doesn’t know what it is.
HEGIO
But he even said that you were his intimate friend.
TYNDARUS
So far from that, I never saw him. Why, really, Alcmæon, and Orestes, and Lycurgus besides, are my friends on the same principle that he is.
ARISTOPHONTES
Villain, and do you dare speak ill of me, as well? Do I not know you?
HEGIO
I’ faith, it really is very clear that you don’t know him, who are calling him Tyndarus, instead of Philocrates. Him whom you see, you don’t know; you are addressing him as the person whom you don’t see.
ARISTOPHONTES
On the contrary this fellow’s saying that he is the person who he is not; and he says that he is not the person who he really is.
TYNDARUS
You’ve been found, of course, to excel Philocrates in truthfulness.
ARISTOPHONTES
By my troth, as I understand the matter, you’ve been found to brazen out the truth by lying. But i’ faith, prithee, come then, look at me.
TYNDARUS
looking at him . Well! ARIST. Say, now; do you deny that you are Tyndarus?
TYNDARUS
I do deny it, I say.
ARISTOPHONTES
Do you say that you are Philocrates?
TYNDARUS
I do say so, I say.
ARISTOPHONTES
to HEGIO . And do you believe him?
HEGIO
More, indeed, than either you or myself. For he, in fact, who you say that he is pointing to TYNDARUS , has set out hence to-day for Elis, to this person’s father.
ARISTOPHONTES
What father, when he’s a slave.
TYNDARUS
And so are you a slave, and yet you were a free man; and I trust that so I shall be, if I restore his son here to liberty.
ARISTOPHONTES
How say you, villain? Do you say that you were born a free man [liber]?
TYNDARUS
> I really do not say that I am Liber, but that I am Philocrates.
ARISTOPHONTES
How’s this? How this scoundrel, Hegio, is making sport of you now. For he’s a slave himself, and never, except his own self, had he a slave.
TYNDARUS
Because you yourself are destitute in your own country, and haven’t whereon to live at home, you wish all to be found like to yourself; you don’t do anything surprising. ’Tis the nature of the distressed to be ill-disposed, and to envy the fortunate.
ARISTOPHONTES
Hegio, take you care, please, that you don’t persist in rashly placing confidence in this man; for so far as I see, he is certainly now putting some device in execution, in saying that he is redeeming your son from captivity; that is by no means satisfactory to me.
TYNDARUS
I know that you don’t wish that to be done; still I shall effect it, if the Gods assist me. I shall bring him back here, and he will restore me to my father, in Elis. For that purpose have I sent Tyndarus hence to my father.
ARISTOPHONTES
Why, you yourself are he; nor is there any slave in Elis of that name, except yourself.
TYNDARUS
Do you persist in reproaching me with being a slave — a thing that has befallen me through the fortune of war?
ARISTOPHONTES
Really, now, I cannot contain myself.
TYNDARUS
to HEGIO . Ha! don’t you hear him? Why don’t you take to flight? He’ll be pelting us just now with stones there, unless you order him to be seized.
ARISTOPHONTES
I’m distracted.
TYNDARUS
His eyes strike fire; there’s need of a rope, Hegio. Don’t you see how his body is spotted all over with livid spots? Black bile is disordering the man.
ARISTOPHONTES
And, by my faith, if this old gentleman is wise, black pitch will be disordering you with the executioner, and giving a light to your head.
TYNDARUS
He’s now talking in his fit of delirium; sprites are in possession of the man.
HEGIO
By my troth, suppose I order him to be seized?
TYNDARUS
You would be acting more wisely.
ARISTOPHONTES
I’m vexed that I haven’t a stone, to knock out the brains of that whip-scoundrel, who’s driving me to madness by his taunts.
TYNDARUS
Don’t you hear that he’s looking for a stone?
ARISTOPHONTES
I wish to speak with you alone, separately, Hegio.
HEGIO
Speak from where you are, if you want anything; though at a distance, I shall hear you.
TYNDARUS
Yes, for, by my faith, if you approach nearer, he’ll be taking your nose off with his teeth.
ARISTOPHONTES
By heavens, Hegio, don’t you believe that I am mad, or that I ever was so, or that I have the malady which that fellow avers. But if you fear anything from me, order me to be bound; I wish it, so long as that fellow is bound as well.
TYNDARUS
Why really, Hegio, rather let him be bound that wishes it.
ARISTOPHONTES
Now hold your tongue! I’ll make you, you false Philocrates, to be found out this day to be a real Tyndarus. Why are you making signs at me?
TYNDARUS
I, making signs at you? To HEGIO. What would he do, if you were at a greater distance off?
HEGIO
What do you say? What if I approach this madman?
TYNDARUS
Nonsense; you’ll be made a fool of; he’ll be prating stuff, to you, neither the feet nor the head of which will ever be visible. The dress only is wanting; in seeing this man, you behold Ajax himself.
HEGIO
I don’t care; still I’ll approach him. Advances to ARISTOPHONTES.
TYNDARUS
aside . Now am I utterly undone; now between the sacrifice and the stone do I stand, nor know I what to do.
HEGIO
I lend you my attention, Aristophontes, if there is anything that you would wish with me.
ARISTOPHONTES
From me you shall hear that truth, which now you think to be false, Hegio. But I wish, in the first place, to clear myself from this with you — that madness does not possess me, and that I have no malady, except that I am in captivity; and, so may the King of Gods and of men make me to regain my native land, that fellow there is no more Philocrates than either I or you.
HEGIO
Come, then, tell me who he is?
ARISTOPHONTES
He whom I’ve told you all along from the beginning. If you shall find him any other than that person, I show no cause why I shouldn’t suffer the loss with you both of my parents and of my liberty for ever.
HEGIO
to TYNDARUS . What say you to this?
TYNDARUS
That I am your slave, and you my master.
HEGIO
I didn’t ask that — were you a free man?
TYNDARUS
I was.
ARISTOPHONTES
But he really wasn’t; he is deceiving you.
TYNDARUS
How do you know? Were you, perchance, the midwife of my mother, since you dare to affirm this so boldly?
ARISTOPHONTES
When a boy, I saw yourself, a boy.
TYNDARUS
But, grown up, I now see you grown up; so, there’s for you, in return. If you did right, you wouldn’t be troubling yourself about my concerns; do I trouble myself about yours?
HEGIO
Was his father called Thesaurochrysonicocrœsides?
ARISTOPHONTES
He was not; and I never heard that name before this day. Theodoromedes was the father of Philocrates.
TYNDARUS
aside . I’m downright undone. Why don’t you be quiet, heart of mine? Go and be stretched, and hang yourself; you are throbbing so, that unfortunate I can hardly stand up for my fear.
HEGIO
Is a full assurance given me that this was a slave in Elis, and that he is not Philocrates?
ARISTOPHONTES
So fully, that you will never find this to be otherwise; but where is he now?
HEGIO
Where I the least, and he the most could wish himself. In consequence, then, I’m cut asunder, disjointed, to my sorrow, by the devices of this scoundrel, who has bamboozled me by his tricks just as he has thought fit. But do, please, have a care that you are right.
ARISTOPHONTES
Why, I assure you of this, as an ascertained and established fact.
HEGIO
For certain?
ARISTOPHONTES
Why, nothing, I say, will you find more certain than this certainty. Philocrates, from when a boy, has ever since that time been my friend.
HEGIO
But of what appearance is your friend Philocrates?
ARISTOPHONTES
I’ll tell you: with a thin face, sharp nose, light hair, dark eyes, somewhat ruddy, with hair rather crisp and curling,
HEGIO
The description is like.
TYNDARUS
aside . Aye, so much so, indeed, that I’ve this day, much to my sorrow, got into the midst of this, i’ faith. Woe to those unfortunate rods which this day will be meeting their end upon my back.
HEGIO
I see that I’ve been imposed upon.
TYNDARUS
aside . Why, fetters, do you delay to run towards me and to embrace my legs, that I may have you in custody?
>HEG.
And have these two rascally captives really deceived me this day with their tricks? The other one pretended that he was the servant, and this one that he himself was the master. I’ve lost the kernel; for a security, I’ve left the shell. To such a degree have they imposed upon me, both on this side and that, with their trickeries. Still, this fellow shall never have the laugh against me. Colaphus, Cordalio, Corax to the SLAVES , go you away and bring out the thongs.
A SLAVE
Are we to be sent to gather faggots? The SLAVES go and bring the thongs from the house.
HEGIO, TYNDARUS, ARISTOPHONTES, and SLAVES
HEGIO
to the SLAVES . Put the manacles on this whipp’d villain.
TYNDARUS
whilst the SLAVES are fastening him . What’s the matter? What have I done wrong?
HEGIO
Do you ask the question? You weeder and sower of villanies, and in especial their reaper.
TYNDARUS
Ought you not to have ventured to say the harrower first? For countrymen always harrow before they weed.
HEGIO
Why, with what assurance he stands before me.
TYNDARUS
It’s proper for a servant, innocent and guiltless, to be full of confidence, most especially before his master.
HEGIO
to the SLATES . Bind this fellow’s hands tightly, will you.
TYNDARUS
I am your own — do you command them to be cut off even. But what is the matter on account of which you blame me?
HEGIO
Because me and my fortunes, so far as in you singly lay, by your rascally and knavish stratagems you have rent in pieces, and have distracted my affairs and spoiled all my resources and my plans, in that you’ve thus robbed me of Philocrates by your devices, I thought that he was the slave, you the free man. So did you say yourselves, and in this way did you change names between you.
TYNDARUS
I confess that all was done so, as you say, and that by a stratagem he has got away from you, through my aid and cleverness; and prithee, now, do you blame me for that, i’ faith?
HEGIO
Why, it has been done with your extreme torture for the consequence.
TYNDARUS
So I don’t die by reason of my misdeeds, I care but little. If I do die here, then he returns not, as he said he would; but when I’m dead, this act will be remembered to my honor, that I caused my captive master to return from slavery and the foe, a free man, to his father in his native land; and that I preferred rather to expose my own life to peril, than that he should be undone.
HEGIO
Take care, then, to enjoy that fame at Acheron.
TYNDARUS
He who dies for virtue’s sake, still does not perish.
HEGIO
When I’ve tortured you in the most severe manner, and for your schemes put you to death, let them say either that you have perished or that you have died; so long as you do die, I don’t think it matters if they say you live.
TYNDARUS
I’ faith, if you do do so, you’ll do it not without retribution, if he shall return here, as I trust that he will return.
ARISTOPHONTES
aside . O ye immortal Gods! I understand it now; now I know what the case really is. My friend Philocrates is at liberty with his father, in his native land. ’Tis well; nor have I any person to whom I could so readily wish well. But this thing grieves me, that I’ve done this person a bad turn, who now on account of me and my talking is in chains.
HEGIO
to TYNDARUS . Did I not forbid you this day to utter anything false to me?
TYNDARUS
You did forbid me.
HEGIO
Why did you dare to tell me lies?
TYNDARUS
Because the truth would have prejudiced him whom I was serving; now falsehood has advantaged him.
HEGIO
But it will prejudice yourself.
TYNDARUS
’Tis very good. Still, I have saved my master, whom I rejoice at being saved, to whom my elder master had assigned me as a protector. But do you think that this was wrongly done?
HEGIO
Most wrongfully.
TYNDARUS
But I, who disagree with you, say, rightly. For consider, if any slave of yours had done this for your son, what thanks you would have given him. Would you have given that slave his freedom or not? Would not that slave have been in highest esteem with you? Answer me that.
HEGIO
I think so.
TYNDARUS
Why, then, are you angry with me?
HEGIO
Because you have proved more faithful to him than to myself.
TYNDARUS
How now? Did you expect, in a single night and day, for yourself to teach me — a person just made captive, a recent slave, and in his noviciate — that I should rather consult your interest than his, with whom from childhood I have passed my life?
HEGIO
Seek, then, thanks from him for that. To the SLAVES. Take him where he may receive weighty and thick fetters, thence, after that, you shall go to the quarries for cutting stone. There, while the others are digging out eight stones, unless you daily do half as much work again, you shall have the name of the six-hundred-stripe man.
ARISTOPHONTES
By Gods and men, I do entreat you, Hegio, not to destroy this man.
HEGIO
He shall be taken all care of For at night, fastened with chains, he shall be watched; in the daytime, beneath the ground, he shall be getting out stone. For many a day will I torture him; I’ll not respite him for a single day.
ARISTOPHONTES
Is that settled by you?
HEGIO
Not more settled that I shall die. To the SLAVES. Take him away this instant to Hippolytus, the blacksmith; bid thick fetters to be rivetted on him. From there let him be led outside the gate to my freedman, Cordalus, at the stone-quarries. And tell him that I desire this man so to be treated, that he mayn’t be in any respect worse off than he who is the most severely treated.
TYNDARUS
Why, since you are unwilling, do I desire myself to survive? At your own hazard is the risk of my life. After death, no evil have I to apprehend in death. Though I should live even to extreme age, still, short is the space for enduring what you threaten me with. Farewell and prosper although you are deserving for me to say otherwise. You, Aristophontes, as you have deserved of me, so fare you; for on your account has this befallen me.
>HEG.
to the SLAVES . Carry him off.
TYNDARUS
But this one thing I beg, that, if Philocrates should come back here, you will give me an opportunity of meeting him.
HEGIO
to the SLAVES . At your peril, if you don’t this instant remove him from my sight. The SLAVES lay hold of TYNDARUS, and push him along.
TYNDARUS
I’ troth, this really is violence, to be both dragged and pushed at the same time. He is borne off by the SLAVES.
HEGIO
He has been led off straight to prison as he deserves. Let no one presume to attempt such an enterprise. Had it not been for you who discovered this to me, still would they have been leading me by the bridle with their tricks. Now am I resolved henceforth never to trust any person in anything. This once I have been deceived enough; I did hope, to my sorrow, that I had rescued my son from slavery. That hope has forsaken me. I lost one son, whom, a child in his fourth year, a slave stole from me; and, indeed, never since have I found either slave or son; the elder one has fallen in the hands of the enemy. What guilt is this of mine? As though I had become the father of children for the purpose of being childless. To AISTOPHONTES. Follow this way. I’ll conduct you back where you were. I’m determined to have pity upon no one, since no one has pity upon me.
ARISTOPHONTES
Forth from my chains with evil omen did I come; now I perceive that with like ill omen to my bonds I must return. (Exeunt.)