Enter MYRRHINA and PARADALISCA, from the house of STALINO.
MYRRHINA
Having been well and handsomely entertained indoors, we’ve come out here in the street to see the wedding-sports. I’d like to know how Chalinus gets on — the newly-married bride with her new-made husband. Never, upon my faith, any day did I laugh so much, nor in the time that’s to come do I think I shall laugh more; and no poet ever did con trive a more artful plot than this was skilfully contrived by us. I’d now very much like the old fellow to come out, with his face well battered, than whom there is not a more wicked old man alive. Not even him do I deem to be more wicked who finds the room for him. Now, Pardalisca, do you be guard here pointing to the door of her house ; that whoever comes out from here, you may have some sport with him.
PARDALISCA
I’ll do it with pleasure, and in my usual way.
MYRRHINA
Observe from here everything that’s going on indoors.
PARDALISCA
Prithee, get behind me.
MYRRHINA
You have liberty, too, to say freely and boldly to him anything you like.
PARDALISCA
in a low voice . Be quiet; your door makes a noise. They hide themselves.
Enter OLYMPIO, in great alarm, from the house of ALCESIMUS.
OLYMPIO
bawling aloud . Neither where to fly to, nor where to conceal myself, nor how to hide this disgrace, do I know; so much have my master and myself been supereminently disgraced at these nuptials of ours. I’m now so ashamed, and now so afraid, and so ridiculous are we both. But, a simpleton, I’m now doing what’s new to me: I’m ashamed at that which has never shamed me before. To the AUDIENCE. Lend me your attention, while I repeat my exploits; it’s worth your while to catch them with your ears; so ridiculous to be heard, to be repeated, are these mishaps which I have met with in the house. [When straightway I had led my new-made bride into the room, I fastened the bolt; but, however, the gloom there was just like the night. I placed, I propped things against the door; I struggled hard that before the old fellow * * * * with my bride. Then I began to be slow in my proceedings, for I looked behind me every now and then, lest the old fellow should break in * * * * *, a kiss, that provocative to lust, I asked of her first. She pushed back my hand, and allowed me not to give her a kiss in a quiet way. But then the more anxious was I, the more desirous to assert my privilege with Casina, and I longed to do the old fellow out of that task. The door I blocked up, so that the old man might not over-power me. from the house.
MYRRHINA
apart to CLEOSTRATA . Come now, you accost him Pointing to OLYMPIO.
CLEOSTRATA
accosting OLYMPIO . Where is your newly-made bride?
OLYMPIO
aside . By heavens, I’m utterly undone; the thing’s all out.
CLEOSTRATA
overhearing him . It’s right, then, that you should relate the whole affair as it happened. What’s going on in-doors? How fares Casina? Is she quite obsequious to your will?
OLYMPIO
I’m ashamed to tell it.
CLEOSTRATA
Relate it in its order just as you proceeded.
OLYMPIO
Upon my faith, I am ashamed.
CLEOSTRATA
Proceed boldly. After you went to bed, I want you to tell what took place after that.
OLYMPIO
But it’s a disgraceful matter.
CLEOSTRATA
I’ll take care that those who hear it shall be on their guard as to mentioning it.
OLYMPIO
That’s the principal thing.
CLEOSTRATA
You kill me with weariness. Why don’t you proceed?
OLYMPIO
—— Ubi * * * * us subtus porro * * * quid.
OLYMPIO
Babæ!
CLEOSTRATA
Quid?
OLYMPIO
Papæ! * * quid est?
OLYMPIO
Oh, erat maximum. Gladium ne haberet metui; id quærere occœpi. Dum, gladiumne habeat, quæro, arripio capulum. Sed, quom cogito, non habuit gladium; nam id esset frigidius.
CLEOSTRATA
Eloquere.
OLYMPIO
At pudet.
CLEOSTRATA
Num radix fuit?
OLYMPIO
Non fuit.
CLEOSTRATA
Num cucumis?
OLYMPIO
Profecto hercle non fuit quidquam olerum; Nisi quidquid erat, calamitas profecto attigerat nunquam. Ita, quidquid erat, grande erat.
MYRRHINA
Quid fit denique? Edisserta.
OLYMPIO
—— sepit veste id, quî estis. Ubi illum saltum video obseptum; Rogo, ut altero sinat ire. Ita, quidquid erat, grande erat. Tollo ut obvortam cubitissim * * * Ullum mutire * * * * * Surge, ut ineam in * * * * * Atque illam in * * * * *
MYRRHINA
Perlepide narrat * * * *
OLYMPIO
When I addressed Casina, “Casina,” said I, “my dear wife, why do you slight your husband in this fashion? Really, upon my faith, you do this quite without my deserving it, inasmuch as I have given you the preference as my wife.” She answered not a word. When I attempted a kiss, a beard pricked my lips just like briars. Forthwith, as I was upon my knees, she struck my head with her feet. I tumbled headlong from the bed; she leapt down upon me and punched my face. From there in silence out of doors I came in this guise; by your leaves I say it; may the old fellow drink of the same cup that I have been drinking of.
CLEOSTRATA
Most excellent. But where’s your cloak?
OLYMPIO
pointing to the house of ALCESIMUS . I left it here in-doors.
CLEOSTRATA
Well now; hasn’t a very nice trick been played you?
OLYMPIO
Yes, and deservedly. Hush! the door makes a noise. What, is she following me, I wonder? They go to a distance.
Enter STALINO, in haste, from the house of ALCESIMUS.
STALINO
aloud to himself . I’m branded with the greatest disgrace, nor what, under my circumstances to do, do I know. Nor yet how to look my wife in the face; so utterly undone am I! All my misdeeds are discovered. In every way, to my confusion, I am ruined! So clearly am I hooked fast by the jaws! nor know I in what way to clear myself before my wife; wretch that I am, to have been stripped of my cloak! * * * * These clandestine nuptials are all discovered. * * * * I judge it best for me * * * * She taught my wife * the way * * But who is there, what person would be ready to undertake this office for me? What now to do I know not, except to imitate worthless slaves, and fly from the house; for there’s no safety for my shoulder-blades if I return home. I may tell lies there; i’ faith, I shall get a basting, though much against my will, although I have earned my punishment. I’ll at once betake myself in this direction in flight. He begins to run.
OLYMPIO
coming forward with the others . Hallo there! Stop, this instant, you amorous one!
STALINO
to himself . I’m utterly undone! I’m being called back. I’ll be off, as though I didn’t hear. Runs on. ]
Enter CHALINUS, from the house of ALCESIMUS, dressed in woman’s clothes.
CHALINUS
Where are you, you who imitate the morals of the Massilians? Now, if you wish to be taking liberties with me, is a good opportunity [* * * at your risk. By my troth, you are undone. Come, only step this way. * * * Now I fancy that when a witness out of * * * * * * * * I’ll find * * * * thus out of the street I order * * * * a murmur I * * *
STALINO
Now am I in extreme danger, between the stone and the sacrifice, nor know I which way to fly * * * * * The wolf-dogs * * * it was * * *
CHALINUS
I’ faith, I do think * * * * old there now like new.]
STALINO
turning about . I’ll go this way. I trust that the omen of a bitch’s barking will prove the better.
CLEOSTRATA
What are you doing, my husband, my good man? Whence come you in this guise? What have you done with your walking-stick, or how disposed of the cloak you had?
TWO MAID-SERVANTS
While he was playing his loving pranks with Casina, he lost it, I fancy.
STALINO
aside . Utterly undone!
CHALINUS
coming up to STALINO . Shall we go to bed again? I am Casina.
STALINO
Away with you to utter perdition!
CHALINUS
Don’t you love me?
CLEOSTRATA
Nay, but answer me; what has become of your cloak?
[
STALINO
running about, exclaiming . Upon my faith, wife, the Bacchantes! Bacchantes! Bacchantes!
TWO MAID-SERVANTS
He’s making pretence on purpose for, upon my word, no Bacchantes are exhibiting at the present time.
STALINO
I forgot that. But still, the Bacchantes! ——
CLEOSTRATA
How, the Bacchantes? Why, that cannot be.
TWO MAID-SERVANTS
By my troth, you are in a fright.
STALINO
What I?
CLEOSTRATA
to the SERVANT . I’ faith, do tell no lies, for it’s quite clear. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *]
STALINO
Won’t you hold your tongue?
OLYMPIO
I’ troth, I certainly shall not hold my tongue; for with the greatest earnestness you begged me to ask for Casina as my wife.
STALINO
That I did on account of my love for you.
CLEOSTRATA
I’ faith, of her rather. Turning to CHALINUS. He’d have been making an attack upon you, in fact.
STALINO
I been doing these things that you mention?
CLEOSTRATA
And do you ask me that?
STALINO
If indeed I have done so, I’ve been doing wrong.
CLEOSTRATA
Just come back in-doors here; I’ll remind you, if you have forgotten anything.
STALINO
Troth, I think, I’ll believe you in preference as to what you say. But, wife, do grant pardon to your husband for this; Myrrhina, do entreat Cleostrata! If ever, from this time forward, I love Casina, or even think of it, should I love her, I say, should I ever hereafter, in fact, be guilty of such a thing, there’s no reason, wife, why you shouldn’t lash me with twigs as I hang up by the arms.
MYRRHINA
On my word, I do think that forgiveness may be granted for this.
CLEOSTRATA
to MYRRHINA . I’ll do as you request me. To STALINO. On this account with the less difficulty do I now grant you this pardon, that, from being a long one, we mayn’t be making this Play still longer.
STALINO
You are not angry?
CLEOSTRATA
I am not angry.
STALINO
Am I to trust your word?
CLEOSTRATA
You may my word.
STALINO
No person ever did have a more amiable wife than I’ve got.
CHALINUS
Keep to her, then.
CLEOSTRATA
to CHALINUS . Come you, give him back his walking-stick and cloak.
CHALINUS
taking them from behind him, where he had held them . Take them, if you wish. Upon my faith, a great injustice has really been most egregiously done me; I’ve been married to two husbands; neither has behaved to me as to a new-made bride.
The PLAYERS.
Spectators, what’s to be done within, we’ll tell you here. This Casina will be discovered to be the daughter of this person next door, and she’ll be married to Euthynicus, our master’s son. Now it’s only fair that with your deserving hands you should give us deserved applause. He who does so, may he always keep his mistress without the knowledge of his wife. But he who doesn’t with his hands clap as loud as he can, in place of a mistress, may a he-goat, soused in bilge-water, be palmed off upon him.