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Annalise felt instant regret when she said that she wanted Veronica to come over and see her mom when Annalise said Veronica that she talked with her mom about it all. She didn't, and right now, she felt the pit in her stomach grow, instantly making her feel regret.
“Why did I lie?” she asked herself. She didn’t even know why she did it herself, but it just came out naturally. She knew that Veronica would be pissed, and she knew that she needed to say something before it was too late.
Annalise went home, worried about how to approach it. How would she tell her mom that she and Veronica were an item? It was something she knew that she had to do, but it wouldn't be easy.
Her mom did seem accepting, yes, but the fact that Annalise lied to Veronica made her instantly feel awful, and the fact that she lied to her mom too made her feel worse. However, Annalise would have to figure it out on her own. She would need to tell them, one way or another.
After Annalise went home, she had her hands over the phone, thinking about calling her mom. Her mom would be up, but something was telling her that it might be best to do it in person. She went to sleep instead, the dreams that she had driving her mad.
Annalise dreamt of what her mom might say if she came out. That her mom might hate her for it, that she might call Annalise a terrible and sinful person. That she was just like her father, a man who didn't care about anyone but himself, the nightmares plagued her.
Work was robotic, at least until she went to see her mom once again. Annalise would pretend that everything was okay for now. She wasn't worried about what her mother would say when she came out. For now, the best thing to do was to wait for it all out. She would reveal everything in time.
The next time Annalise saw her mom was three days after their date and Annalise planned to make sure that she told her mom everything. Veronica gave her small smiles, and Annalise smiled back, trying her hardest not to reveal everything. But, the regret and worry that she felt were driving her insane, and Annalise felt like her lie was going to haunt her for the rest of her life, or until the truth was revealed.
Finally, Annalise drove straight over to her mom's house. When she got there, her mother greeted her, kissing her and doing the usual. When Annalise sat down, the glass of wine against her lips, she looked at her mom, who seemed to be beaming.
“You okay, dear? You seem happier. Did you find a boyfriend?” her mother asked.
Annalise tensed up. “Again, with the boyfriend stuff.”
“Sorry, I just thought that’s what happened,” her mother said.
Annalise looked at her mother, trying to figure out how to spill what happened to her.
"It's nothing, Mom. I have a lot to think about," she explained.
“You can always tell me, you know,” her mother said.
Annalise looked at her mom, feeling the sudden urge to scream it out. Instead, she did the opposite.
“Mom, do you regret leaving Dad?”
Her mother pursed her lips, immediately sighing.
"Honestly, I don't regret it," her mother said. "The thing about love, Anna, is that sometimes, you're blinded by it. That's precisely what happened with your father and me. I was young, and he said all the right things to make me believe him. I gave him everything, even getting married, and then having to go through a divorce from hell just a couple years later. I was a single mom, and while he did help me, I know deep down, he didn't love me. I was foolish.
“I’m sorry I’m always pushing that you get a boyfriend. Most of the time, it’s just teasing, but I admire that you’ve waited so long. Perhaps when the right one comes along, you’ll stay with him forever.”
Annalise felt a thump in her heart. Her mother did care a lot, and it was evident from the way that she looked that Annalise was seeing a side of her that was different.
“So why do you always push the boyfriend thing?”
"Because I can tell you'd be an amazing girlfriend, sweetie. You're kind, caring, and brilliant. Maybe that's why you don't have one because you waited, instead of being a fool like me."
Annalise nodded. “I understand, Mom. I do have those feelings. I just haven’t fully sorted them out yet,” she explained.
"Well, know that I'm here for you, no matter what the odds might be. No matter what you tell me, I'm not leaving," Annalise's mother said.
“You know, you’re the only person besides Veronica who’s ever supported me. Veronica did leave after a while, but you always stayed. I want to make you proud.”
“Anna,” her mother said, “you’ll make me proud by being happy, and by being honest with yourself.”
Annalise wanted to blurt it out now, but something was holding her back, something that was strangling her to the point where she didn't want to say anything. After a moment or so, she found her voice again, looking at her mother and speaking once more.
"Sorry for being so weird. I have a lot of feelings right now. Not to change the subject, but is it okay if Veronica comes over sometime next week?" she asked.
"That's fine. I do miss Veronica, and I'd love to see her once again," Annalise's mother said.
“Good. Then that settles it,” Annalise said.
Annalise wanted so badly to tell her mom. She knew she'd be supportive but was it because it was the first time her mother and she differed on a subject like that? Maybe that was it, but she didn't know for sure.
The rest of the visit was routine. Annalise loved her mom, which was why it was harder than she imagined. When she left, she dialed Veronica, and after a couple of rings, she heard her voice.
“Hey, babe,” Veronica said.
“I talked to my mom. She’s cool with you coming next time,” Annalise explained.
"Oh, good! I'm excited to see her again. And to see her with you," Veronica said, excited at the thought of seeing Annalise's mother again.
Annalise almost turned back and told her mom, but something was preventing her from doing so, something that made her want nothing more than to die. She hated it, and it was apparent that this was going to drive her increasingly insane if she was not careful.
"Same here, Veronica. I'm excited as well." More like terrified, Annalise thought.
“Yes. And I think it’s a good step in our relationship. I can’t wait to see how she’s doing,” Veronica replied.
Annalise felt regret as she heard those words. She knew that the feeling wouldn’t go away, but she knew that at some point, she’d have to say something.
Annalise hung up the phone, heading to her car and sitting there. She could always go back, but it was that fear of losing it all, that fear of finally standing up for herself, that made her sit in her car, and it made her want to do nothing more than to wait for whatever might happen next.