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Veronica was scared of her emotions. She didn't know how to process any of it, or even what to do. With her, it was something that was worrisome. She didn't know how to express these emotions. Right now, she just wanted to tell Annalise what she was feeling.
She knew the feeling was real, but she was scared to admit it. Not only that, she was afraid of what the others might say, what they might think of her, and that's why she was even more fearful of pressing forward. But, when they got to the hotel room, Annalise sat on the bed, patting the area next to her. Veronica moved toward her, sitting down next to her, but then putting her head on her lap.
“You okay?” Annalise asked.
“Yeah. I have a lot of feelings,” Veronica said.
“We can talk. We don’t have to do anything but that,” Annalise said.
“Thank you. Honestly, I want to fuck you right now, but I have a lot of things I’d rather get off my chest tonight. You looked gorgeous, and when I’m around you...everything feels right. But I’m scared to indulge in these feelings. I’m scared to move forward,” Veronica said.
“I understand. You’ve always been stubborn,” Annalise teased.
"It's not just that, Annalise. It's something more. There’s something I've been holding back, even from you. I'm sorry for never saying anything, but tonight, it made me want to confess something to you, but I'm not ready yet," she said.
Annalise stared at her, listening to what Veronica would say next. Veronica felt like all her emotions were at an all-time high.
“Honestly, Annalise, I’ve never loved anyone before. I shut those feelings off forever ago. I never loved my parents. They’re assholes. They never accepted me for who I was, not just as a lesbian, but as myself. I would always get criticized, and in some cases, punished for being me. It’s...it’s not easy,” she said.
“I imagine.”
"I shut off all emotion. That's how I've functioned for so long. Being an emotionless woman is easy for me. But when I'm with you, it's like my body bypasses that, and instead, I want to express everything. It's scary. And it's why I'm sometimes cold to you. It's not like I hate you at all, Annalise, but rather, I'm a bit scared of what I've been feeling with you that I don't know how to process this," Veronica admitted.
Annalise seemed to understand, nodding in response. “Yeah. I get that. You’re scared of love.”
“That’s what it is. I am scared of love, Annalise. I don’t know how to express it, how to feel about it, everything. I don’t know what to do here. I want to say things to you that I feel I need to say, but I’m worried about breaking down.”
“You don’t have to worry Veronica. I’m not going to leave you.”
“If I come forward and tell others about you tomorrow at the banquet, you won’t be upset, right? I’ll introduce you as my partner. That’s how I want to do it,” Veronica explained.
“That’s fine with me. Introduce me however you want. You don’t even have to be emotional. You can save that for just us.”
Veronica smiled. "Thank you, Annalise. I love my job, but all my emotions are cut out from it because of my need to be a professional."
“And that’s fine. But don’t be afraid to be yourself, to show emotion, and to well, just let it out when it’s just us,” Annalise said with a smile.
Veronica sighed. It felt cathartic like she was finally letting go of many of the emotions in her mind.
“Thank you, Annalise. You don’t know how much that means to me,” she said.
“I think I do, you know,” Annalise teased.
“Probably, but, I’m just happy,” Veronica said.
“I’m glad you are. Probably relieving to say that,” Annalise pointed out.
“It is. But Annalise, I am falling for you. I’m falling for you hard.”
“I know Veronica. Tell me when you’re ready,” Annalise replied.
Veronica smiled, crying once again. “Thank you.”
Veronica embraced Annalise hard, holding her there. Annalise hugged her back, smiling.
“Can we...stay like this for a little while?” she asked.
"That's fine with me. Do what you like."
Veronica didn't want to have sex right now. She wanted the next time to be something special, for when she finally admitted the truth to everyone, including herself. Veronica wanted to indulge in her emotion and hug Annalise, who helped her open up.
They stayed together like that for the rest of the night, neither wanting to leave. For Veronica, it was the beginning of something bigger, and she knew that Annalise wouldn’t leave her. It was a reassurance that made her feel good, and she knew that Annalise was the woman she could rely on, and the one that would help her no matter what the odds might be.
Veronica felt like she could take on the world the moment she embraced Annalise, feeling a warm love that made her realize it would be okay.