Under its glass dome, behind its eyes,
Your Panic Bird was not stuffed. It was looking
For you did not know what. I could feel
For the glass – not there and yet there –
A zoo gecko glued against nothing
With all its life throbbing in its throat,
As if it stood on ether. The Princess
Let her hair right down to the ground
From her solitary high window. Remember,
Circling Boston Common together,
The defective jailbird walk we perfected,
Feet swinging from the knees. A Tyrolean
Clockwork, revolving under glass,
To a tinkling. You told me
Everything but the fairy tale. Step for step
I walked in the sleep
You tried to wake from.
You widened your pupils
For thunderclap dawn – at the wharf,
And in came that ice-caked ship,
Fretworked chandelier of lacy crystals,
A whole wedding vessel lifted from under
The ocean salt – flash-frozen. Then you turned,
Your eyelashes clogged, and stretched your eyes
At the charred-out caves of apartment block
That had burned all night, a flame-race upwards
Under the hoses, behind the Senate. You howled
With your sound turned off and your screen dark
For tragedy to go on – to hell with the curtain.
You willed it to get going all over again,
Spit one spark of woe through the frozen suds
That draped the gutted building
Like a solid Niagara.
What glowed into focus was blood suddenly
Weltering dumb and alive
Up through the tattooed blazon of an eagle.
Your homeland’s double totem. Germany’s eagle
Bleeding up through your American eagle
In a cloud of Dettol. It jabbed
Its talons at the glass. It wanted
To be born, pecking at the glass. Tears were no good.
Though you could smash a mahogany heirloom table
With a high stool for an axe,
Tears were rain on a window.
We stood married, in a packed room, drinking sherry,
In some Cambridge College. My eyes
Had locked on a chunky tumbler
Solid with coins (donations to pay for the booze),
Isolated on a polished table.
I was staring at it when it vanished
Like a spinning grenade, with a bang.
The coins collapsed in a slither. But the table
Was suddenly white with a shatter of tiny crystals.
A cake of frozen snow
Could have crashed in from space. Every crumb
Of smithereen that I peered into
Was flawed into crystals infinitely tiny
Like crumbs of the old, slabbed snow
That all but barricaded London
The day your bird broke free and the glass dome
Vanished – with a ringing sound
I knew the glass had gone and the bird had gone.
Like lifting an eyelid I peered for the glass –
But I knew it had gone. Because of the huge
Loose emptiness of light
Wheeling through everything.
As if a gecko
Fell into empty light.