Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better.
~ King Whitney, Jr.
The word “transition” is defined as the “passage from one form, state, style, or place to another.”1 It is the movement from point A to point B. When it comes to children, we naturally support, nurture, and protect them when they have to make transitions. “Sally, hold my hand when we cross this street.” “Johnny, hold onto the cart as we move through the store.”
Adults hold the responsibility for protecting and teaching children how to navigate the art of transitioning successfully. Yet this adult protective system can fail to sustain children because some transitions that children face are far greater than what their underdeveloped nervous systems can handle. As a result, we have children who experience transitional trauma early in their lives. A child being adopted out of an international orphanage is taken from the familiar to the completely unfamiliar with adults he does not know. A foster child is moved from one foster home to another with adults he deems “untrustable.” A child who undergoes multiple painful medical procedures in various hospitals in multiple departments with multiple doctors has no control over what is being done to him.
Such events have a significant impact on a child’s level of fear response to transitional experiences later on in life. The impact can manifest during both major and minor transitional experiences. The type or magnitude of the transition itself is not the issue; the issue is the fear of actually making a transition. Our brains rely on history to determine the safety of the present. Billy’s past experiences of change were negative and hurtful, therefore any and all future experiences of change will be negative and hurtful.
Traditionally, children are expected to do what adults tell them to do, with minimal resistance or defiance. While this concept is usually reasonable, it negates that children with transitional trauma in their histories cannot simply do what they are told.
Children like Andy have had protection, security, and support around the transitions in their lives. This makes following adult instructions and directives easier. Andy has no reason to believe he will not be safe; such a thought is vacant from his mindset.
When a child like Billy refuses to get up and go to school or becomes disruptive when it is time to move from the classroom to his music class, he has been viewed as defiant or lazy. The traditional interpretation has been outcome focused. Movement from point A to point B has been the goal, with a lack of consideration as to why one child, Andy, is able to accomplish this while another child, Billy, is not.
Major transitions within schools are recognized as being difficult for every child, including Andy, because they represent milestone moments. Such transitions include back-to-school time, movement from elementary school to middle school, and graduation from high school to “the real world.” While these events should be acknowledged as difficult times for students, less obvious transitional times also need to be acknowledged.
Classroom Management. When smaller and less significant events are acknowledged, they have traditionally been viewed in the framework of classroom management. The term “classroom management” speaks to the idea of controlling the group’s behavior as one singular unit. Transitioning has been seen as an issue from the group perspective, with little consideration to the needs of the individual students. This approach works for a classroom of Andys. Yet when a child like Billy is given this approach, his nervous system does not respond in the same manner.
One management technique traditionally recommended to help children make transitions uses “attention grabbers.” Attention grabbers are designed to “grab” the students’ attention and direct them through the next steps. Hand clapping, whistling, and flickering of the lights are popular methods. However, these sensory signals can actually worsen transitions for children with trauma. Because trauma often overloads the nervous system, intense sensory stimulation cannot be processed effectively. The result is that Billy’s already sensitive nervous system becomes overloaded with these attention grabbers and he demonstrates this overload through negative behaviors.
Time warnings have traditionally been used to give children time to prepare for impending transitions. However, many children with trauma histories have a limited sense of time and are impaired in their ability to think sequentially, organize, and process their thoughts. For example, if the teacher instructs the class to clean up and gives them five minutes to do so, Billy faces two deficiencies. First, he has no understanding as to how long five minutes is; it is too nebulous a concept from his concrete framework and he cannot conceptualize it. Second, Billy’s disorganized thinking cannot comprehend on its own what needs to be done in order to “clean up.”
Billy is expected to think like Andy, and older Billys especially are expected to know the developmental tasks that are typically accomplished by his age. The result is a frustrated teacher and a painful misunderstanding of Billy. (“It works with the other children, so it must be that Billy isn’t listening or respecting the rules.”) Billy then receives punishment for a task he is not able to perform rather than a task he is not willing to perform.
In the normal course of a child’s development, he experiences biological, psychological, and emotional changes as he grows from infancy to adulthood. The child progresses from a state of dependency to autonomy. When a child like Andy grows up in an optimal environment, he has the opportunity to master each developmental milestone in sequence and in completion. His ability to self-regulate and adjust to the uncertainties of the world equips him for the demands of the school environment.
When a child’s life becomes interrupted through traumatic life experiences, his normal course of development becomes fractured and incomplete. The result is a child who is exceptionally sensitive to uncertainty and change. Pain happened for Billy when his life was disrupted; pain happened when change happened. This pattern sets Billy’s program for how he handles (or does not handle) change now and in the future.
SURVEY SAYS:
“Keep things the same on set days.”
In the school environment this equates to one word: transitioning. Billy is going to be challenged moving from point A to point B. Trauma causes black-and-white thinking. So for Billy, all change equals pain, no matter how small or minute the change may be. Change can be as simple as moving from one classroom to another, going from the classroom to specials, coming into the classroom at the start of the day, switching from a math worksheet to a science assignment, or exiting the cafeteria and returning back to class. In Billy’s mind, though, these are not simple changes because any change will bring about disaster.
Instead of regarding Billy as bad or disruptive during transitions, it must be understood that Billy is sensitive to change and needs help to learn that change can be safe. Taking points off his point chart will not correct his behavior—it will only reinforce his fear of transitioning.
Billy needs support, understanding, and connection during transitional times to reprogram his system. As he is able to experience positive times of transitions, he will learn how to make these transitions on his own. Asking him to be as capable as Andy at the present time will only distance him further from healing and change.
Remember, trauma often overloads the normal capacity of the body’s nervous system. To work the body out of this overwhelm, it takes slowly and methodically moving toward regulation, back into a state of calm. For instance, if someone has hypothermia, the process of rewarming the body is slow and methodical. Increasing the body’s core temperature too quickly in this state would cause serious and permanent damage or even death. For our children who live in a sensitive, hyper- or hypo-aroused state induced by past trauma, they too need help and support at a slow pace to move out of it. In trauma healing, it is known as “titration,”2 a process of taking small steps to allow the nervous system to stabilize and return to a more natural state of calm arousal.
In the school environment, the Billys need the same approach. Anything too abrupt, challenging, or strenuous will be counterproductive. They need support around change, and they need to be scaffolded up until they can learn to do it on their own.
There are several key transitional times that should be addressed for Billy. These include changing classrooms and subjects, cafeteria time, recess, field trips, before and after school, beginning of the school year, ending of the school year, holiday breaks, and graduation from high school. Providing strong structure, routine, and predictability during these times will provide the external stability that he is missing internally.
Changing Classrooms and Subjects. Moving from one classroom to another and switching from one subject to another are two classic examples of transitioning in the school setting. For elementary school children, changing classrooms is typically moving from the classroom to a special like art, music, or physical education. For middle schoolers and high schoolers, this equates to switching to six different classrooms each day through crowded and loud hallways.
SURVEY SAYS:
“I always got in trouble in line because kids bothered me.”
In elementary school, the transition from one classroom to another is typically orderly and controlled by the teachers. Lining up in a single file line does provide regulation, and for children like Andy these transitions are not an issue. However, children like Billy, who view any transition as a threat, will typically struggle and act out negatively when making this transition. Their histories of getting hurt or being overwhelmed during a transition have set the blueprint for how movement will be viewed for all present and future occasions.
Trauma keeps the brain in a simplified framework. Billy is not sophisticated enough to distinguish one transition as “good” and another as “bad.” Concrete thinking prevails: All transitions are bad. Panic will be the first response until a level of healing can happen. Therefore, it is in Billy’s best interest to learn how to develop the flexibility to be able to handle these transitions. Several suggestions follow.
SURVEY SAYS:
“Have teachers and other people at school greet us in the morning, like they are happy to see us.”
Greet Each Student. Connecting in relationship with every student is one of the most effective ways to help students successfully make transitions. Whether it is the start of the morning or a return to the classroom, each time the student arrives back into the classroom, he should be greeted. The message conveyed to the student is: “You are important and special to this class. Welcome back. You are in a safe and familiar place and I’m here to keep you safe.”
Calling each student by name can also send the message that he is unique and an important part of the family classroom. “Good morning, Billy” is much more penetrative than “Good morning.” As Dale Carnegie said, “Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”3
Prepare. Prepare students ahead of time for the transition. Watch the clock and stop all work and instructions two minutes prior to the bell ringing. Too many times these final two minutes are jam-packed with last-minute instructions and assignments that only serve to arouse Billy’s nervous system, setting him up for failure before the transition even begins. During these two minutes, create an atmosphere of calm:
Provide Assistance. Providing assistance can decrease a student’s level of overwhelm. Have Billy either in the front of the line near an adult or in the back of the line near an adult. Billy may feel safer in the back of the line because then he can see everybody, which minimizes the surprise factor of someone coming up behind him and hurting him. If it were a middle school or high school student, having Billy walk with a teacher to the next class through the crowded and noisy hallway would be an ideal solution. However, the social implications of this could be devastating. Pairing Billy up with Andy for safe peer support could provide the support Billy needs to decrease his overwhelm in the hallway, without the negative social implications.
SURVEY SAYS:
“Something else that would make me want to get up and go to school is that my friends are there to back me up if I need help with something.”
Use Music and Songs. Music works to calm the right brain, the area of the brain most sensitive to stress. Songs for transitioning children can be effective in helping them embrace the change. One of Barney’s (the famous purple dinosaur) all-time most popular songs is “Clean Up.” Singing a song such as this as a whole class can help Billy feel supported while also building his level of security by calming down his brain. A wonderful resource with an extensive listing of songs for every type of transition in a school is “Songs for Teaching: Using Music to Promote Learning” (www.songsforteaching.com/transitions.htm).
Cafeteria Time. Studies have shown that the sound level in some American school cafeterias measures up to 85 decibels.4 This is equivalent to the noise of a lawnmower. Sitting in a school cafeteria for twenty minutes with this type of noise will tax a child’s ability to regulate and integrate such an overload of sensory input, even for a child like Andy.
SURVEY SAYS:
“Lunch in the class room and teacher stays with the kids all day!
Why: because drama starts in the lunch room and at recess!”
Andy’s system is flexible, which equips him to be able to leave the cafeteria and settle his system back down upon returning to the classroom. Andy enters the classroom slightly aroused but still able to sit down and focus on the next task at hand. Billy’s nervous system does not have this capability. Billy arrives back into the classroom and his system continues to be operating on “high,” as if he is still in the cafeteria. The solution is to help Billy adjust through supportive and proactive measures:
Recess. For some children, play and social time can be as stressful as academics, especially when it involves recess. A playground is a large open area with many children playing at the same time in a multitude of activities, with minimal supervision. This is the epitome of unpredictability. Children like Billy are left to their own devices (which are underdeveloped and immature) to navigate this environment. They do not know what to expect, do not feel safe, and have most likely had negative playground experiences that keep them locked into a negative perception of this environment.
Ironically, though, it is most likely the child like Billy who absolutely needs recess to “blow off steam.” So now we have a child who needs recess yet gets completely overwhelmed by recess. With enough supervision in the playground (with a regulated adult) sandwiched before and after with transitional help, success is possible. Some schools have assigned a “recess coach” to help monitor and structure this time for students. Here are some ideas for providing transitional help around recess time:
Field Trips. It is very common for a child like Billy to become more disruptive the day before a field trip. The teacher will typically respond to him in a threatening and punitive manner: “Billy, if you don’t behave, you’re not going to be able to go on the field trip tomorrow.”
The reality is that it is the field trip that has stirred up Billy’s anxiety. Either the fear of going to a new place and changing his routine or the sheer excitement of the field trip could be dysregulating him. He then feels more threatened by the teacher’s fear-based and punitive statement, so he continues to react negatively. He does not have the capacity to switch to a calm state and become compliant. When Billy is not allowed to go on the trip and stays at school the next day, exactly what he needed has ironically taken place. Billy created the safety plan he was seeking—he was communicating that the field trip was too much. It is a brilliant strategy for a child who was not offered the regulatory help he needed to manage the field trip.
The differences between Andy’s and Billy’s perceptions of the field trip need to be recognized. Andy is excited about the field trip; Billy is scared about the field trip. Andy has a relatively well-developed regulatory system to maintain self-control with this level of excitement; Billy does not.
In prepping for field trips, traditional resources give teachers recommendations on how to plan the logistics. These recommendations discuss how to prepare students from an academic perspective and offer ways to integrate the field trip experience upon returning to school. These recommendations, however, fail to acknowledge the emotional prepping students may need. Billy’s ability to navigate and handle a field trip successfully would greatly increase if the teacher were to implement the following strategies:
Before and After School. One of the most stressful times in a student’s day can be before and/or after school. In the mornings, when children arrive at school prior to the first bell, they are typically all placed together in an open and unstructured environment such as a courtyard. The synergy of all the students together, emitting anxiety about the start of the school day combined with the stress of the social dynamics among them, is intense. Just ten minutes in this type of environment can exhaust Billy’s entire window of stress tolerance. The result is that when he walks into his first class, after his nervous system is shocked by the ringing of the bell, he is moments if not seconds away from his breaking point. He has no internal space to even begin the day with the strenuous demands of academics.
After-school containment areas can also be distressing for Billy. By the end of the school day, even the Andys of the school are stressed out. At this point, we have an entire school body that is physically tired, mentally stretched, and socially anxious. Teachers and paraprofessionals as well reflect this state; they have been in the classroom working hard to regulate and maintain structure for the students. Mix all these dynamics into a school cafeteria, auditorium, or playground for an Extended Day program and you have a recipe for failure.
Drive Billy to School. The ideal solution would be for Billy to completely avoid unstructured environments before school. They are simply too much for him. Instead, Billy’s parent should drive him to school and wait in the car with Billy just before the first bell rings. The time spent in the parked car is an excellent time to help regulate and transition Billy into his school day. Conversations about what is going on at school for the day (such as tests, topics being studied, and social situations) can be opened up with the parent. Or perhaps, quiet-down time is what Billy needs at this point with the parent. Either way, Billy would be given the time to prepare himself for the next six hours of challenge.
Walk Billy to Class. If the child is younger, the parent should arrange with the teacher to walk Billy directly to the classroom about ten minutes before the first bell. The parent is then directly able to help Billy change from one regulated adult to another. This “changing of the guard,” without the other students in the classroom, eliminates most of the morning stress. The teacher can assign Billy tasks to be a helper, like sharpening pencils, erasing the white board, and passing out papers. This gives Billy a chance to build his relationship with the teacher as well as develop a greater sense of purpose and self-esteem. Additionally, once the first bell rings, Billy is already in the classroom and settled as the other students arrive.
Find Alternatives to the Courtyard. If Billy absolutely has to arrive early to school or needs to stay after school due to the parent’s work schedule, find an alternative location for Billy. The library can be an excellent calming environment for him. For many children, books are a great regulatory tool. When Billy is told he will be going to the library instead of the courtyard, the delivery is key. Instead of saying to Billy, “You can’t stay in the courtyard anymore because you don’t know how to behave,” the delivery’s focus should be relationship based with a concern for his well-being: “Billy, we have arranged for you to go visit Ms. Jones in the library every morning before school so you’ll feel safer and be able to stay calm with books before classes begin.”
Stay with a Regulated Adult. If all of the above measures are not possible and Billy has to be in the large-group setting before or after school, choose the most regulated adult supervising the area to watch over Billy. Have Billy stay close by this person, even holding hands with her if Billy is on the younger end of the spectrum, in order to help Billy sustain himself in this overstimulating environment. This individual’s focus is not punitive in nature but relationship-based to essentially wrap Billy with emotional and physical safety.
Beginning of the School Year. Many parents would agree that the beginning of the new school year is one of the most stressful times of the entire year for their children. Children who were doing well over the summer break suddenly begin to become anxious and regress to their old negative and disruptive behaviors once the new school year approaches. Conversely, parents are ready to do the happy dance because summer vacation is over and they are more than ready for their children to return to school. It is a difficult mix with two opposing agendas.
Even when Billy is returning to his same school, the fear of the unknown is still going to be a challenge. The “new” factor is still high: new classroom, new teacher, new students, new friends, new subjects, new rules, new expectations, new backpack, new shoes, new notebooks, new pencils, new lunchbox. Everything new is, well, new. And new is unfamiliar. Even new things that are fun, like new clothes and a new backpack, do not fit into the category of familiar, thus they add an element of stress.
Meet the Teacher Before “Meet the Teacher.” Billy needs to become acquainted with his new teacher(s) prior to the start of the first day, even prior to the “Meet the Teacher” event at the school. This event is typically an anxiety-driven event due to the high levels of excitement and anticipation brought about by the students attending. Andy benefits from this event. Billy decompensates from this event.
SURVEY SAYS:
“Yes [I liked school]. Because it’s a new school and they are helping me and I have some new friends. And the principal is nice.”
Some teachers have made home visits to students like Billy so that the initial introduction is made within the safety of the students’ own home. If this is not possible, Billy should come to the school and meet his teacher during the week before the start of school, during the teacher’s planning week. While this time is typically the teacher’s time to prepare for the new school year, if the teacher can invest fifteen minutes to meet with Billy, the benefits will be immense. The more the teacher can invest in developing a relationship prior to day one of school, the more Billy has time to feel safe and the more the new school year becomes familiar and safe for him.
Meet More Than the Teacher. Think beyond the teacher. It is important for Billy to meet other school personnel in order to give him a chance to develop connections and relationships outside of his immediate class(es). Introduce Billy to the cafeteria staff, the janitor, the receptionist, the librarian, and anyone else he might see during a typical day. Set up a lunch date with the principal. Instead of the principal being someone to fear, flip this around and help Billy create a relationship with the person who is in the top position at the school, which conversely can offer one of the most secure relationships for Billy.
Tour the School. When attending a new school, Billy needs to become familiar with the entire school campus. This includes the cafeteria, the guidance counselor’s office, the principal’s office, the library, and the restrooms. Knowing only where his classes are will not provide the level of security he needs. If Billy can be given a visual map, along with a complete tour of his surroundings, he can become better grounded and physically more secure.
End of the School Year. The entire energy of a classroom can shift beginning as early as a month before school ends for summer vacation. The level of structure tends to decrease in the classroom, a restlessness can set in after a rigorous academic year for both the students and the teachers (especially after state testing in public schools), and the weather begins to change so it becomes more inviting to be outdoors than indoors. Additionally, children like Billy, with a history of broken and lost relationships, can become anxious about losing their teacher. For example, one mom relayed that her fourth grader expressed to his teacher that he wanted to fail so he could have her again the next year.
Address the issues of this transition directly with Billy and with the entire class, with a focus on the feelings associated with this change. The expression of the feelings can work to head off the fallout of negative behaviors. Ignoring the rise in unsettling feelings associated with the change from school to summer can lead to a difficult and unpleasant end of what might have been a very successful school year.
Help Billy make the transition from being with a teacher five days a week, six hours a day, to having zero contact. This change is too abrupt for his nervous system as well as for his psyche. He needs a step-down approach to shifting out of this relationship. If the teacher and parent can work together, set up ways for Billy and his teacher to communicate (email, letters, or phone calls) once school is out for the summer. Slowly move Billy out of this relationship instead of expecting him to go through an abrupt withdrawal, which will ultimately result in negative behaviors.
Holiday Breaks. Whether it is a one-day break from school or a two-week break during the holiday season, such breaks are an interruption to Billy’s normal, predictable, structured, and safe routine. Transitioning into the break and then out of the break can be beyond difficult for everyone involved: Billy, teachers, and parents. A rise in Billy’s negative behaviors is typically the fallout of what is supposed to be a fun, relaxing, and revitalizing time.
Because these breaks are preplanned on the school calendar, it is entirely possible to prepare Billy for them ahead of time. Create a countdown for the number of days until the break, so Billy can visually see the number of days until he has a holiday break. Make a paper chain with him as a way to tangibly count down each day. On the reverse, once Billy is home, count down the days until he goes back to school. The more Billy has an understanding of what will be happening next and how many days until his schedule will change or return to the normal routine, the better he can handle these transitions.
During the breaks at home, create a visual schedule of how the day will unfold for Billy. He has to know what will come next, otherwise he may assume that what will come next will be something bad. Billy’s level of anxiety during such breaks can be greatly decreased when he has input into what will be on the family agenda and when he has a visual awareness of it. Taking the time and making the effort to give Billy this information will save the parent from the same maddening question every two minutes throughout an entire day: “What are we doing next?” “What are we doing next?” “What are we doing next?” “What are we doing next?” “What are we doing next?”
Graduation from High School. When Billy reaches high school, he may actually be doing well and succeeding—until his senior year. All of a sudden, Billy goes from making A’s and B’s to D’s and F’s. Instead of just assuming Billy is a typical senior experiencing senioritis, this drastic change in grades begs the number one question we must ask of any child’s behavior: “What is driving this behavior?”
This type of failing behavior along with the timing of Billy’s scheduled graduation is no coincidence. It is actually a foolproof plan of Billy’s. If Billy fails his senior year, he has one more year to attend high school. This equates to not having to enter into the “real world.” Billy avoids having to change environments and he grants himself one more year of familiarity at school. The unknown is now further off in the distance. Additionally, he affords himself one more year of childhood. Billy guarantees himself one more year of living at home where he is provided shelter, transportation, food, and the basic living essentials. This, in fact, is a brilliant plan (from Billy’s perspective)! For Billy, even the thought of being out of a structured, predictable, and familiar environment is not only frightening, it is terrifying—yes, terrifying.
One of the biggest issues Billy deals with at this point in his life is the impending loss of childhood. By graduating, he is officially an adult. The chance of going back and re-creating his senior year, claiming for himself what Andy was afforded, however magical this thinking might be, is about to be thwarted. A powerful resistance to stepping into his future and into adulthood dominates his every move at this point in his development. No amount of coaxing, no consequence implemented, and no punishment delivered holds as much weight as the loss of his childhood. Thus, traditional attempts at changing his behavior or disciplining him will be futile.
Billy’s fears need to be brought to the surface. In the context of a safe relationship, he must be given the opportunity to voice his fears. Billy’s thinking stems from the emotional part of the brain, the limbic system. All logic and reasoning will be met with resistance and defensiveness. The response he receives from the listener, therefore, cannot be that of why he needs to graduate, how he is about to be an adult, and why he cannot live at home as a freeloader.
Giving Billy a chance to have a voice and be received with understanding, compassion, tolerance, kindness, openness, and acceptance allows him a chance to bring these fears to the surface instead of letting them drive his every move. Once Billy can express his fears and be heard, he has a greater ability to empower himself with solutions and be willing to listen to others’ solutions.
Billy’s transition out of the home needs to be at a slower pace than Andy’s. His parents should work with Billy’s guidance counselor, along with Billy, to develop a plan for Billy following graduation. This might include Billy living at home, attending a community college or technical school, and working at a low-stress job or volunteering. When Billy has a clearer picture of what life will entail following high school, his fears will decrease and so too will the sabotaging of his senior year.
Parents need to redefine their age of adulthood for Billy. Billy might be eighteen years old chronologically, but he is much younger emotionally and developmentally. Hence, he will not yet be ready to live on his own with all the responsibilities and demands this requires. This does not mean he needs to live at home with no responsibilities but rather with a plan to help him become equipped to eventually live on his own.
Healing takes time and patience. Small steps lead to larger steps. Titration ... titration ... titration. Trust in the process and once the fear is removed for Billy, he will be able to make this move toward adulthood more gracefully, without as much negativity and resistance.