Andrew finished his Friday meeting just after lunch and picked Jill up at the hotel. He insisted on first class tickets for the flight and had set up appointments for Jill at the spa to keep her entertained Friday morning.
After the spa, she spent the rest of the time during Andrew’s meetings walking the trail at Lady Bird Lake in Austin enjoying the sixty-degree weather that was such a change from the New England cold.
The trail was just off the hotel grounds and she caught several shots of eight or more turtles at a time bathing in the sun on logs out on the water. The turtles were the size of basketballs, layered one over the other in a long row as they sunbathed.
With the sun sparkling on the water behind them and the exposed roots of the trees on the edge of the water, they created beautiful pictures. Jill was glad she’d grabbed her telephoto lenses when she decided to head out for her walk. She thought she’d only need the lenses for catching shots of larger animals at Big Bend, but the turtles would be great for her notecard line.
Andrew collected Jill in the rental car in the afternoon and they headed out across Texas to Big Bend National Park. During the drive he filled the time with stories of Jack’s and his escapades during school.
He also gave her a more detailed version of Jack and Kelly’s story and told her about Kelly’s kidnapping, a story Jill had only heard an overview of before.
Several hours into the drive, she gasped at the vision of the sun beating down on a landscape of red rocks with blue sky behind and cacti in the foreground. Without even asking if Jill wanted him to, Andrew pulled the car over so that she could get out and take pictures.
He waited patiently while she changed lenses, checked lighting and switched apertures to achieve different effects she could play with in the darkroom later.
When she was finished, she turned back around to find Andrew leaning on the hood of the car. His long legs were out in front of him, ankles crossed, eyes on her as she walked toward him.
Jill leaned in and kissed Andrew, feeling the sparks start to fly as she pressed the full length of her body to his. He brought his arms slowly up her back, pulling her even closer until she was anchored between his legs. She was pressed as close as Andrew could manage and she loved it.
“What was that for?” he asked when they broke the heated kiss.
“For being patient,” she said, but she knew in her heart it was for so much more.
“I like watching you work,” he said. “It’s sexy.” His grin was devilish.
They climbed back into the car and Jill’s heart did a little flip when Andrew used the word ‘work’ to describe her photography.
“You’re so intense and focused and you bite your bottom lip when you find something you really want to capture. Makes me want to bite your bottom lip...and other parts of you.” He threw a grin her way that had her blushing.
She studied him as he pulled the car back out onto the road and continued toward their destination.
“What?” he asked in response to Jill’s scrutiny.
“I’m just not used to it, that’s all.”
“To someone caring about you and your work? Respecting what you do?” he asked, as if he knew the answer.
She nodded and Andrew bit out his usually refrain about her ex.
“Jackass.”
Jill laughed. For the first time, she felt glad Jake had left her. She might not have a future with Andrew, but she was content.
And even though Andrew had helped bring her to that new state of happiness, she didn’t feel like she relied on him for the peace she was feeling. She was beginning to feel more comfortable with herself. She was confident and satisfied with life lately. That made enjoying her time with Andrew that much easier to do.
She settled back for the rest of the trip, leaning back in her seat and watching the road in front of them. They drove in silence for a while; the kind of comfortable silence that neither felt driven to break or fill simply for the sake of it. When Andrew spoke, his tone was serious for the first time in the trip.
“Do you still want it? Family? Love? Kids?”
Jill felt a kick in her gut at the question and measured her response. “I do. The only problem is that I no longer believe that love can be lasting and I can’t figure out a way around that. And, I know Jake was an ass, at best.” she stopped and grinned at Andrew, acknowledging the reference to Jake’s ass-ness once again.
“But...” She took a shaky breath and continued. “When we got married, we were in love. It just died somewhere along the way. I honestly don’t know how I would trust in love again or trust that my husband wouldn’t leave again. I think I’d walk around waiting for the other shoe to drop all the time.”
Jill was quiet for a minute before she continued. “With Jake, I was so sure, so confident of our love and our marriage until the day I was completely blindsided. I don’t want to be blindsided like that again. I don’t think I could handle that.”
“Why didn’t you guys have kids?” Andrew asked.
“We almost did. We waited a few years before trying so we could just enjoy being married to one another for a while. Three years in, I got pregnant but I lost the baby in my tenth week.”
Her voice broke slightly as she said the words. She hadn’t spoken of her baby in a long time. Hadn’t told very many people about it.
“I’m sorry, honey.” Andrew reached over and threaded her fingers in his and she smiled at him.
“It was hard at the time, but I guess I just think it must have been meant to be. Now that things worked out the way they did with Jake, it’s a relief not to have kids involved. It would be horrible for them to be caught between us.”
“Did you guys try again after that?” Andrew asked. He kept his eyes on the road even though there wasn’t much to keep an eye out for in the wide-open space.
“No. Jake said he couldn’t watch me go through that again. Looking back, I think that was an excuse. I don’t think Jake wanted kids.” Jill saw everything about her marriage through a new lens now that she was on the outside.
“Can you…I mean?” Andrew started but didn’t seem to know how to ask what he wanted to know.
She filled in for him. “Have kids? Yes, I think so. The doctor said he saw no reason for me to miscarry again. Some women just lose a baby for no identifiable reason but then go on to have several children without any issues. Of course, that would mean either doing it on my own or trusting someone else again.”
“Do you think you would ever have a child on your own?” he asked.
“I don’t know. I haven’t given it much thought.” She frowned. “I wanted that baby so much at the time.”
She didn’t say anymore and Andrew stopped questioning, letting them slip comfortably back into the silence.
At sunset, they stopped again so she could capture the sun setting over the horizon. They pulled off the highway for dinner at a restaurant before checking in at the resort and spa for the night. The conversation had returned to light-hearted banter and easier topics than the heaviness of marriage and the shared anguish of lost children.