Chapter Eleven

Vaughn

I want to devour. I want to savor. I want to kiss Kendall until she’s breathless and touch her through her clothes until she begs me to strip them away, but at the same time, I want to flip her around, drag her panties aside, and pump an orgasm into her so hard and fast all she can do is cling to my desk and bite her lip to keep from screaming my name. I’m damn near paralyzed by the competing urges, but then she sighs.

It’s not a worried sigh, or a stop sigh. It’s the kind of sigh a woman reserves for the first taste of imported chocolate. This sigh says she wants to enjoy every sweet moment. It slides down my throat and feeds the animal inside me made of greed and hunger just enough to stop it from running wild. I soften our kiss, brush my lips over one corner of her mouth, the other, and then use the tip of my tongue to tease the sensitive crevice. I’m doing my best to make her think about other sensitive crevices my tongue could tease and making myself insanely hard in the process.

“More,” she murmurs. “I need more.” She opens her lips wider under mine.

Just like that, the animal is straining the leash. I plunge headlong back into the kiss, mouth fused to mouth. With one hand on her jaw, I slide my tongue inside and taste every part of her I can reach. After one long, compliant moment, she surges forward and gives me the same treatment, her quick mouth trapping my tongue, sucking furiously as I withdraw.

“I can make you come,” I whisper, slipping my fingers just inside her underwear. They’re damp. Thirst prickles the back of my throat. “The way I just kissed you? I want to kiss your pussy just like that, until it’s as wet and swollen as your lips. Keep kissing and licking until you come for me.”

Her heart pounds next to mine, almost as hard and fast as my own. Her stomach quivers against my abs. I’m sure she can feel the ridge of my hard-on jutting against her thigh. There’s no concealing it at this point.

“Right here, right now,” I add.

“Okay,” she breathes out.

Someone pounds on the door and she nearly startles off the edge of the desk. I keep hold of her, bury my face in her hair, while from the other side of the door, Dylan calls, “We’ve got a shitload of people out here, birthday boy, and you fuck like my grandpa. Have your private party later.”

I groan and slowly withdraw my hand. Having a houseful of people who assume we’re in my office, knocking out a birthday bang, kinda kills the mood. Also, it sends a message I don’t want to send, to Kendall or anyone else. She isn’t some random girl I snuck off with for a quick thrill. This thing between us might be temporary, but it’s not random. In fact, the last status update from Kendall was It’s complicated, and we should probably have a heart-to-heart about that before orgasms are exchanged, not after. Right now, however, the moment could use a little humor. I take a step back to give her some space, and say, “Two things. One”—I hold up a finger—“I’m going to kill my roommate. Two”—I extend a second finger—“I do not fuck like Dylan’s grandfather.”

She looks up from straightening her dress and smiles. “I really wouldn’t know.”

Where has this girl been all my life? I slide her hair over her shoulder and kiss the curve of her neck. “He’s in his seventies and has a pacemaker; I’m in my prime and there’s nothing wrong with my heart. Give me a chance later and I’ll prove it to you.”

“You’re on.”

Grateful she’s cosigned for picking up later where we left off, I take her hand and lead us back to the party. Music is thumping. All around me, people smile, laugh, flirt, and talk, but I’m not switching gears so easily. It’s not just because I was two seconds from spreading Kendall’s legs and sucking the best birthday present she could possibly give me right out of her clit. We agreed on later, and I can deal with the anticipation. Talking to Kendall about my sister is what’s thrown me a curve. I rarely mention Andie. Most of the time when people hear about a loss like that they murmur “sorry” and try to steer the conversation in a different direction fast, but Kendall didn’t. She didn’t treat it like a wrong turn into a dark tunnel and immediately look for a way out. She stuck around. She shined a light. And some of that light has stayed with me.

Everybody else is sipping drinks and enjoying the lingering traces of sunset. It’s not quite an inner circle, but it’s tight enough that I know at least one person in every three.

I see my agent’s assistant, Molly, and her boyfriend. A few model friends I’ve worked with. A couple of Matt’s classmates from the Academy. Matt sits next to Amber on the sectional, deep in a conversation. This is much smaller than some of our Saturday night blowouts, but I like the quieter vibe. No Becca. No mood swings or illegal party favors. Everybody’s chill.

Everyone except Kendall. I’m not sure why, but she’s a ball of nerves. The fingers entwined with mine practically clench with tension. I’d like to call it sexual tension—a residual effect of Dylan interrupting us—because God knows I have plenty of my own to go with hers. But it feels like more.

Dylan nabs a fresh pitcher from the bar and then walks to the open end of the sectional and sits down. Two girls immediately bookend him, and he fills their drinks. My cell vibrates from the back pocket of my shorts. I’ve already received birthday calls from my mom and dad. I got a gift basket from my agent. Everyone else is here, but I pull my phone out anyway and glance at the screen.

A text reads, Happy birthday, sexy! It’s from Becca.

I haven’t heard from her since she left for New York, but she hasn’t missed my birthday for the past five years, so the wish is appreciated. Maybe we can salvage a friendship from the shipwreck of whatever we were, moving forward. Thx, I text back and start to put my phone away. An immediate vibration stops me. I look at the screen.

I have a surprise for you.

Uh-oh. I don’t want any surprises.

The phone vibrates with an incoming text. Knock-knock!

At the same time, the doorbell rings. Fuck.

Dylan sets the pitcher down and slides past me. “I got it.”

I want to say, “Don’t,” but there’s no point. I didn’t expect Becca, didn’t invite her, but as Kendall stares up at me with trusting eyes I feel exactly like the jerk I didn’t want to be.

I hear the front door open. Dylan’s voice carries. “Can I see your invitation?”

“I have an open invitation,” Becca replies.

And then she swoops onto the patio, wearing a straw cowboy hat, lethally high-heeled sandals, and a sprayed-on gold tank dress. The clingy fabric certifies she’s not wearing a stitch more than what we see. She spots me and ambles over, graceful despite the shoes. Kendall stiffens and tries to tug her hand away. I firm my grip. Becca’s come-and-get-me smile fades as she notices Kendall and our linked hands. Her stride slows.

“Hey, Bec,” My smile feels tight on my face. “Long time no see.”

She tosses her hair, and her laser-white teeth reappear. “It has been a while. Happy birthday, baby.” If she planned to plant a kiss on me, she adjusts on the fly and gives me a hug instead.

“Thanks. How did New York treat you?”

Her smile widens. We’re on her favorite subject—her. “Like a queen.” She gives a careless gesture with her hand. “Parties, parties, parties, meetings, meetings, meetings. I did the spread for Vogue and met with a director about a small but crucial role in a movie he’s filming this fall. I’m headed to Milan next. You should come with.”

“Good luck with that,” I say, deliberately ignoring her request. At some point I know she and I will need to have a conversation, but not tonight. “This”—I put my arm around Kendall—“is my friend Kendall. Kendall, this is Becca.”

“Hi,” Becca breezes as she takes stock and tries to figure out whether she should recognize Kendall. “I feel like I’ve seen you before.”

Shit. They have seen each other. The night I met Kendall for the first time. Shame makes the back of my neck hot. The last thing I want is that night brought up in front of everyone. I make a conscious effort to stop my leg from bouncing.

Kendall cuts me a brief don’t-worry glance then shakes her head. “I don’t think so.”

Relief swarms my chest. She’s got my back.

“Sweatbox Shred at 220 Fitness with that sadist, Antonio?”

“No. Sorry. I don’t sweat with sadists, and I’m just visiting for the summer. House-sitting for my aunt and uncle next door.”

“Oh.” The notion momentarily stuns Becca. “You’re a student?”

“I was. I graduated from NYU this past spring.”

“Nice. So what next?”

“Law school.”

Becca shivers like the very idea chills her to the bone. “Sounds awful.”

Kendall tenses and wiggles out of my hold. Rather than reply to Becca she turns to me. “I’m going to grab some water.” Then she offers a perfunctory, “Nice to meet you,” to Becca and walks away.

“Same,” Becca calls to Kendall’s retreating back before her attention jumps back to me. “Congratulations,” she says quietly. “I hear you’re now on the short list for America Rocks.”

All I really want to do is shake her off and follow Kendall, but she can and will disrupt a party just to get attention, and I don’t want to inflict her on everyone. “Thanks. How’d you hear?”

“Not from you, my so-called friend. You’re a freaking vault.” She slaps my chest a little too hard to be playful. “A little bird told me, and your dad confirmed when I called to find out about your birthday plans.”

That explains a lot. Naturally my father would take it upon himself to invite Becca to my party. He’s the one who introduced us several years ago because, in his words, “She’s photogenic and she has a fan base, but she won’t overshadow you.” Touching, right? “Tell the little bird to be quiet. The producers will make an announcement once they’ve reached a decision.”

Her shrug promises nothing. “Well, you know how little birds are. Is that Molly?” she asks, nodding to my agent’s assistant.

“Yeah. Go say hi. Tell her about New York.”

“I will.” She takes a step in her direction and speaks over her shoulder. “After everyone leaves, I’ll deliver your birthday present. Upstairs?”

I want to permanently pass on the present, but saying so right here, right now, is no way to finesse this situation, so I give her a noncommittal smile. “Not this year. Have fun in Milan.”

She pulls a face, and for a second her eyes look anguished before she blinks, and I wonder if I’m seeing things. “I will.” Then she makes a beeline toward Molly without a backward glance.

I scan the deck for Kendall. She’s standing near the cooler with a bottle of water in her hand, looking out over the patio, but she senses my stare and glances at me. She packs a lot of messages into one simple glance. Messages like, What the hell am I doing here? And, What the hell is she doing here? And, I want you, but I wish I didn’t.

I shove my hands into my pockets and send her a silent request for forgiveness. I’m suddenly ashamed I have someone like Becca in my past. Someone I used and let use me because it was easy—at first—and convenient, and I didn’t want to make waves. It occurs to me I go to great lengths not to make waves. Be charming. Never let it seem like anything gets to me. I don’t know Kendall well yet, but I know she’s not like that. She’s not putting on an act, and she has no ulterior motives. If she’s with someone it’s because she wants to be with him. Right now, today, she wants to be with me. That makes me special—and all the more determined not to mess up.

“You want me to get rid of her?” Dylan stands beside me, speaking low. He looks toward Becca.

Right. As if that would go well. “Thanks, but no. As soon as she works the party and realizes there’s nobody particularly useful to her, she’ll leave.”

“Your call, man. It’s your birthday. Get yourself a plate.”

“In a sec.”

He nods and wanders to the long table at the far end of the patio where the food is set out buffet-style. The pool lights click on, as well as the landscape lights around the area. They put a soft glow on everyone. The music doesn’t quite drown out the hum of conversation. It’s relaxed. I take a long, deep breath and will myself to do the same. Then I head toward the girl taking up space in my head I didn’t know was available…until her. Manners force me to stop and be social when all I really want is to grab Kendall and take up where we left off in my office. Eventually I make it across the deck to stand beside her. She looks up at me and opens her mouth to speak.

“How do you take your burger?” I ask quickly because I’m almost certain by her expression she’s about to tell me she has to go.

“I’m not really hungry.” She twists the cap on her water bottle open, then closed. “Thanks for inviting me, but I should probably—”

“Stay and eat,” I interject, cutting her off. “Or at least keep me company? Come on, I’m starving. I take her hand, but she doesn’t move.

Instead she faces me, and I hear her next words before she even opens her mouth.

“Did you invite her?”

“No.”

“So…” She pulls her mouth into what she probably thinks is an impassive line, but all it does is make me want to kiss her lips until they soften and open under mine. “You have a surprise guest. I’m sure she’d like to spend time with you and…catch up or whatever.”

“There’s no whatever,” I correct, and take her hand to lead her down the patio and around the side of the house where we can talk privately.

“Vaughn—”

“Shh.” Once we turn the corner, I let her go. She leans against the wall and gazes up at me. “Look, I’m not going to lie. Becca and I have hooked up, but that’s in the past. We’ve been friends for a long time, too, and that’s not going to work anymore, either.” I brace my hands on either side of her head and look her in the eyes.

“I didn’t invite her.” It’s darker back here, but I can see her gaze dart over my shoulder and then drop to our feet. “I invited you. The only person I want to catch up with is you.”

“Look, whatever is going on between us is…”

“Undeniable?” I suggest, because if she says “complicated” right now, I’ll have to prove her wrong. So much for the heart-to-heart I promised myself we’d have. I’m not sure I can handle it.

She sighs. “Pointless is the word that springs to mind. We don’t want the same things. We have very different goals.”

“You don’t know what you want,” I point out. “You came here this summer to think.” I’m not trying to argue with her, but these are words straight from her mouth.

She lifts her chin and stares into my eyes as if she’s searching for something. “I can’t do that properly if my mind’s constantly on you.”

“Has your mind been constantly on me, Kendall?”

I can’t hold back my smile when she responds with a very exasperated, “Yes.”

I don’t have any magic words to make her let go of her worries and cut herself some slack. All I know is she’s a good person, and she makes me want to be a better one. “Maybe right now you’re not supposed to be thinking about anything but this…”

I kiss her.

She’s rigid for a second, and then melts against me with a small sigh. I cup her jaw and take us both deeper. Her lips part for my tongue, and I lose myself in an addictive combination of peaches, rum, and Kendall. A big-brother voice in the back of my head wonders how much she’s had to drink, but then her fingernails rake through my hair and big brother shuts up. She rises onto her toes and kisses me back with an urgency that tells me she doesn’t want to think about this too much, either. Just go…go…go. And Jesus, I’m going, because her tongue’s sliding over mine, and the soft scrape of her nipples against my chest brands me through her dress and my shirt. Next thing I know I’ve got my hand under her skirt, holding her tight little ass, lifting her higher as I kiss my way to her ear.

“I owe you an apology.”

“For what?” She angles her face so her mouth finds mine. She rocks her hips, seeking, offering, demanding. It’s all I can do not to tear her panties off and give us both some relief, but I want to give her more. She deserves more.

“I owe you an apology for not walking away with you back there, because it made you doubt. And that was wrong. It’s you I want, Kendall. Don’t ever doubt that.”

Her hands fist in the front of my shirt and pull my mouth back to hers. This isn’t something she wants to talk about.

“I’ll show you.” So saying, I back away.

“Vaughn—”

And drop to my knees.

“Vaughn?” All the impatience leaks out of her voice. She says my name like a breathless question. I can’t help but smile.

“Yes?” I wrap my hands around her hips and lean forward to kiss her through the dress. Her body heat surrounds me. I inhale so deeply I taste her in the back of my throat when I swallow.

Ten fingers sink into my hair and hold fast. “Wh-what are you doing?”

“Showing you how much I want you, so there’s no room for doubt in your mind.” I scrunch her dress up and kiss her again through silky white panties. Her eyes go huge, and then the lids drift down.

“Oh, God.”

I lean in for another kiss. Her fingers tighten in my hair and her hips shift away, but the wall brings her up short. And I’m not easily discouraged. I put my mouth against her. “Tell me this is okay.”

“It’s oh…kayyy.” The word trails off as I angle my head so my lips brush her clit. I slide my tongue lower, over her slick, wet panties. She gasps, and her hips jerk so fast I almost lose my grip on her, but then she comes surging back for more. I give her more, and more still. I’m just as desperate for this as she is. I’m delving everywhere now. Over the panties, under the panties—hard, fast, soft, slow—switching it up to drive her out of her mind. Her head’s rolling back and forth against the wall, she’s chanting my name and pulling my hair like she intends to rip it out in handfuls, and I can’t get enough of the pain because it means she’s beyond manners, or reserve, or her impressive self-control. Making Kendall go wild is my new goal. I want it to go on and on, but the way she’s calling my name in ragged little pants tells me she’s not going to hold out much longer.

“Believe me?” I ask and rim her with my finger.

“Yes,” she says breathlessly.

I put my tongue to good use on the throbbing little spot that makes her moan and circle her opening faster. I want to be inside her when she comes. Just a couple fingers, so I can feel every flutter. Every spasm. I want her body hugging me with grateful abandon as I send her over. I push two fingers in deep…and she sucks in a hard breath. Not the good kind. The holy shit, that hurts! kind.

I immediately withdraw. “Are you okay?”

She scoots away from the wall and quickly readjusts her clothing.

“Hey,” I say, and stand slowly so as not to freak her out. “Talk to me. I’m sorry if—” The rest of my sentence gets caught in the back of my throat because her eyes are brimming with tears. I’m confused and concerned until it dawns on me. She was so tight. Like maybe…fuck.

“Are you a virgin?”

“It doesn’t matter. I just…I can’t do this. I made a mistake.”

“You don’t need to be embarrassed. You just took me by surprise.” Dammit. “Look, I can take it slower. Much slower—”

“No.” The word comes out fast and a little hysterical. “It’s not you. It’s me. Shit. I can’t believe I said that again.”

But she’s not laughing at herself this time. She’s not laughing at anything. She’s on the verge of crying. “I’m not the person you think I am. You think I’m good and…innocent. I’m not. Not in the ways that really matter. I’ve done things I can’t undo, and trying to pretend I’m free doesn’t change anything. I’m not free. I don’t know if I’ll ever be free.”

Her words come in a torrent—painful and ragged like they’re tearing her to pieces. “What are you talking about?” I keep my voice as calm and low as I can manage.

She wraps her arms around herself as if she’s freezing on this eighty-degree night. “It doesn’t matter. I have to go. Sorry I ruined your party.”

“You didn’t ruin anything. I’m sorry if I—”

“Stop. Please.” She shakes her head. “Leave it alone, Vaughn. For both our sakes, just leave me alone.” She turns on her heel and takes off.

“Kendall?”

She doesn’t so much as pause. I want to chase after her, but I don’t, because I can’t bear to be the cause of the look in her eyes.

I don’t understand what just happened. I don’t know what I did wrong or how things went sideways so quickly. I know only one thing. Whatever she was trying to tell me matters. It matters a lot.