“Lizzie, are you all right?”
A voice filtered through the fog. I slowly opened my eyes to see Doris, my landlady, standing over me. With her were several strangers, all of them staring at me with wide eyes and worried expressions. I struggled to sit up. What was I doing in the street?
“Maybe you should wait for the ambulance,” Doris said, trying to push me back down.
“No. I . . . I’m okay. What happened?”
Even as she started to explain that I’d been hit by a car, I remembered. I pushed myself up to a sitting position, running my hands over my arms and legs. The only pain I felt was in my left hip and the back of my head.
“I’m all right,” I insisted, feeling embarrassed to be the center of attention due to my sheer stupidity. I could hear Father’s voice. “I swear you don’t have an ounce of sense in your head, Elizabeth Lynn.” “R-really, I’m not hurt at all.”
“Are you sure, miss?” An older man knelt beside me, his face pale and his voice unsteady. “You ran out in front of me. I tried to stop but couldn’t.”
“It’s not your fault. I wasn’t watching.” I struggled to my feet, feeling flushed by all the unwanted interest. “Please, I’m fine. I really am.”
“I still don’t think you should get up until the ambulance arrives,” Doris said, frowning. “You could have internal injuries.”
“No. Just a bump on the head.” I glanced quickly across the street. The man with the red cap was gone.
In the distance, the sound of a siren began to grow louder. I glanced up at my apartment window. “Charity’s alone. I need to get back. . . .”
“You stop worrying about that little girl of yours,” Doris said. “Wait here and let the paramedics look you over. I’ll take care of Charity.” She looked over at her husband. “Charles, you stay here with Lizzie. If they decide she needs to go to the hospital, you come let me know.” She smiled reassuringly at me. “We’ll keep Charity until you’re released, honey.”
Go to the hospital? A blanket of fear fell over me like a shroud. Although Harbor House carries insurance on all their full-time employees, it’s not very good. A trip to the hospital could cost me a lot of money and create bills I had no way to pay. “No, I’m not going to the hospital. It’s not necessary.”
Just then an ambulance pulled up, and two men in uniforms jumped out.
“Someone get hit by a car?” one of them asked.
“Right here,” a man said. “She’s right here.”
“I’m okay,” I said to the first paramedic who reached me. “I was knocked down, but nothing’s broken. No damage done.” I could feel beads of sweat form along my hairline. “Please,” I pleaded, “I’ve got to get back to my little girl.”
The other paramedic, who was very good-looking, said, “Why don’t you just let us check you out? It won’t take long. Better safe than sorry.”
“No thank you. Really.” I knew I sounded manic, but the idea of more bills terrified me. Was my insurance even in force? Would being fired for theft disqualify me from benefits? I couldn’t risk finding out.
The first paramedic, who was a little older, folded his arms across his chest. “Ma’am, are you refusing treatment?”
I nodded quickly. “Yes, I’m refusing.” I glanced back and forth between the two men, who appeared irritated that I wouldn’t allow them to toss me in the back of their ambulance and cart me off to the emergency room “So I can do that? Refuse, I mean?”
“Yes, of course you can. It’s a free country.” The first guy looked at his partner. “Grab a release form.”
The younger paramedic jogged back to the ambulance, muttering something about wasting everyone’s time.
“You really should let them look you over,” an elderly woman said harshly. “It’s irresponsible to call an ambulance and then refuse treatment.”
“I-I didn’t call the ambulance,” I said defensively. “My landlady must have called.”
The paramedic corrected me. “The person who called was a man. Dispatch said he was very upset.”
I swung my gaze around the quickly diminishing crowd that had gathered around me. No one took responsibility for coming to my aid. The attendant who’d fetched the form held it out in front of me, and I quickly signed it.
“Thank you. I’m sorry I caused you so much trouble.”
“Me too,” he said in a disgusted tone.
His partner reached out and patted my shoulder, concern written on his face. “If you have any problems with double vision, develop a bad headache, or experience any pain in your body that seems abnormal, you call us. We’ll come back, okay?”
His kindness brought a degree of comfort to an extremely awkward situation. “Thank you. Thank you very much.” I turned from the small crowd still waiting to see my final outcome. The man who’d hit me hurried to his car and took off, probably grateful to get on his way without being further involved in my careless actions.
Pain shot through my hip as I hobbled to the mailboxes and grabbed the junk mail I’d left in my box. I looked briefly in the street for the note sent by the man in the red cap, but it was gone. Probably blown away in the cold wind that had gusted past me. Fine by me. I didn’t want the hateful thing anyway.
I slowly entered the lobby of our apartment building. I usually took the stairs but decided this once to use the elevator. It seemed to move slower than molasses and had a strange smell. Like disinfectant. By the time I reached the fifth floor, the sickly sweet aroma had intensified my headache. I limped down the hallway and pushed open the door to my apartment. Charity was sitting on the couch with Doris beside her.
“So you’re all right?” Doris asked with a frown. “They let you go?”
“Yes, I’m fine. Thank you for watching Charity.”
My daughter stared at me, her eyes big. “Are you okay, Mama? What took you so long?”
I breathed a sigh of relief. I had been afraid she’d be frightened silly by the time I returned, but obviously, Doris hadn’t told her I’d been hit by a car. “Just had to take care of something, Cherry Bear. Everything’s fine.”
Doris stood up. She hesitated as if she wanted to say something else, but instead she told me to let her know if I needed anything else.
I went over and hugged her. “Thank you. Thank you so much for everything. I really appreciate your kindness. I’ll miss you.”
She hugged me back. “You two take care of yourselves. And let me know how you’re getting along, okay?”
Once again I agreed to stay in touch without planning to ever honor my promise. “Liars go to hell, Elizabeth. Do you want to spend eternity in hell?”
I got Charity into bed, trying to reassure her that everything was okay. It took a while, but she finally fell asleep. I took several aspirin, but my discomfort continued to intensify. I limped into the bathroom and looked at my hip. It was swollen and red. I knew from past experience it would turn purple quickly. “Spare the rod, spoil the child. Those bruises will cleanse your soul.” I raised my knee up and down several times. Pain shot through the inflamed area, but at least there was easy movement. Hoping nothing was broken, I stared at myself in the mirror and gingerly felt the knot on the back of my head. It was tender to the touch.
“How could you be so stupid?” I whispered to my reflection. “How could you possibly be such an idiot?”
“How could you be so stupid, Elizabeth? How could a daughter of mine be so ignorant?”
“I guess you were right, Father.” I said quietly to the girl with the sad, dark eyes who stared back at me. “Maybe you were right about everything.”
Even though my childhood had been wrapped up with pain and insecurity, I suddenly had the strangest longing for home. That was a first. Up to that moment I’d been glad to get away from Kingdom. Why was I thinking about it now? Of course, there wasn’t much difference between being a screw-up in Kansas City or a screw-up in Kingdom. My mother’s troubled eyes seemed to look back at me through my own. I’d never doubted she loved me, but she’d never stood up to my father. Never protected me from his wrath.
Without warning, another voice seemed to rise up from deep within me. A voice that didn’t sound like my father. Go home, Lizzie. Everything will be all right.
My eyes swam with tears. How could things ever be all right in Kingdom? I’d been an outcast. The girl who got pregnant out of wedlock. The fallen daughter of an elder in the Mennonite church. How could it have happened? In my mind I could see Clay Troyer’s handsome face, his hazel eyes full of sincerity. “It’s okay, Lizzie. This is what people do who love each other. Trust me.”
It had felt so good to finally hear someone tell me they loved me that I’d given in. Just once. That was all it took. A moment that seemed to be over before I even knew what had happened. And then came the morning sickness. The bloated feeling. At first I’d thought it was the flu. But before long the truth was evident. Not long after Clay and his family learned I was pregnant, they left the area. No good-byes. No forwarding address. All that was left was Father’s silence, Mother’s sadness, and the looks of disapproval from church members. I couldn’t go through that again. “I won’t allow anyone to treat Charity like some kind of mistake,” I said softly to my own image. “I just won’t.”
Go home, Lizzie. Go home.
Whose voice spoke to me? Was it the God I refused to acknowledge, or was it the devil, trying to finally destroy the last little piece of Lizzie Engel that still remained? I couldn’t tell, but it was clear there was nothing left for me in Kansas City. No job, no money, no choices, and no peace as long as the man in the red cap continued his campaign of terror. I had to get Charity away from his threats, and I had to protect her from Reba. Her lies had the power to land me in jail. Either one of those situations could cause me to lose the only thing left in my life I cared about: my daughter. It was abundantly clear that there was only one road left open for me.
And it led to Kingdom.