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All Kay thought about were his eyes. They burned into the back of her head like flaming arrows that pierced her soul. They were the eyes of everyone around her as she fled from the church. They were Diego’s eyes, Gad’s, Taleen’s, Baqi’s, even the reina’s. They begged for her to come back.
She didn’t turn back.
Kay told herself that it was for the best. There was nothing she could do. She saw how the guards had swarmed the room after they had burst through the door. What could she, a stupid orphaned girl, do about that? You promised, Diego had reminded her. But that wasn’t the reason she ran, no matter how many times she told herself that. The truth of it came barreling down on her even as she dashed down the hill.
The truth was she was utterly terrified and had been for a long time. She couldn’t remember a time after her abi died that she hadn’t been terrified. Sometimes, when she really thought about it, she wondered if there will ever be a time that was worth suffering through it.
So, she ran.
The trees around the church were a blur. Faces were nothing but specks in a sea of specks. Colors passed her by. So many colors. Alderas was nothing if not colorful. She heard people shout at her to watch where she was going. Some of them tried to grab at her.
Maybe guards, maybe not. She didn’t care.
Somewhere around her, fights had broken out.
She took the chance to glance back but saw nothing but a stream of endless, shuffling faces. Had there been that many before? She didn’t think so. Her eyes jumped from face to face looking for Juan, but there were dozens of black and white robes, and they all blended together. She, very briefly, considered going back, but her legs refused. They didn’t listen to that side of her.
She added Juan’s eyes to the list of those betrayed.
She turned around and ran again. Somehow, her robes had disappeared. She wore nothing but her undershirt and a pair of thin black pants. Her chest burned, and her legs threatened to give out beneath her, but she refused to stop.
Her feet knew where to take her even if her mind didn’t. That was fine by her. She focused on her breathing. The crowds thinned, and the road straightened after a time. She spotted an alley between two narrow buildings. It was like spotting an old friend. It was blissfully empty.
The walls were rough and easy to climb, but she had to rely on her arms to do most of the work since her legs were spent.
Her body gave out as she reached the top, but she grabbed at the edge of the roof and pulled herself over in one final haul. She collapsed in an exhausted heap and took great big gulps of air. Her skin was slick with sweat, but she found no energy to move out of the warm sun. Her heart thudded so strong against her chest she was afraid it would suddenly stop.
She closed her eyes, and the sun turned the inside of her eyes red. She stared at the inside of her lids for a long time and focused on nothing but the heaving of her chest.
No matter how hard she tried she couldn’t stop thinking about how useless she was. She wasn’t even good at earning her own coin. Even that was thanks to the caliph.
Time passed in silence. She heard nothing but the sounds of the mountain winds lightly brushing up against her ears along with the steady thrum in her head. Her breathing steadied but she stayed motionless.
There was an unfamiliar lump in her pocket and she felt for it. She remembered the necklace the reina had given her. It had somehow found its way into her pocket, wedged next to the one that belonged to her umi.
“I’m useless,” she whispered to herself over and over again.
When she finally found the courage to make her way to the front of the roof and peer off the edge, her sweat had mostly dried on her clothes. Her legs were still weak, but she forced herself to sit.
The calles were empty. The orange calle stretched wide like a bloated tongue, but she saw nobody but the random straggler who did their best to go unnoticed. It was high sun. The calles should have been filled with people, but there were none.
Where was everyone?
She looked towards the church and was surprised at how far she had run. She squinted against the light. What seemed to be hundreds, maybe thousands of people were gathered on the holy hill. They crowded together like a swarm of colorful ants. Everyone curious enough, or stupid enough, to go and investigate was there.
Everyone else must be hiding. It brought her no comfort to know that they were as cowardly as she was.
Except for Diego, she corrected herself.
The way he stood so steady alongside the reina as guards surrounded them. He knew what they would do to him, but he stood there all the same. They were unflinching, as stoic as statues of the Mother and Father. At that moment, Kay could almost see the man that people whispered about. The man Gad admired. The Old Fox himself.
She wished there was something she could do for him.
She brought out the gold chain and stared at it, absently flipping it between two dirty fingers. It was heavy and ingrained with an inscription that she couldn’t read. She stared at the hill and then back to the necklace.
Shouts carried down the hill like a rumbling tide from one of Gad’s ocean stories.
She frowned and put the necklace back in her pocket. Without realizing it she made her decision. Her arm brushed away her non-existent hair, and she slowly climbed back down to make her way towards the mass of people gathered on the hill like a rumbling storm about to break.