Appearance is important. First impressions depend partly on what we look like and partly on how we behave. Faces, in particular, have a number of functions. Our faces allow us to express ourselves and communicate. Our emotions – such as happiness and sadness, disgust and anger – are all conveyed through our facial expressions. When we communicate with someone, we are constantly noting (whether consciously or not) what their eyes, mouth and stance are telling us, as well as what we are hearing in their words and tone. Is the other person interested in what we are saying? Or are they bored? Faces communicate vital information as we find our way through a conversation, showing that we are listening, indicating questions or taking turns to speak. Faces also indicate age and attractiveness, ethnicity, gender, and familial or racial characteristics. There are many reasons, therefore, why faces are important in human behavior, and this is why it can be particularly difficult if something about your own face worries or disturbs you.
Similarly, we all pay attention to ‘body language’ (meaning the way we use our bodies and behave to convey additional information to other people). If you are excessively concerned or anxious about your appearance, changing the way that you look may seem the obvious or only way of changing how you feel. But you can also manage your concern about your appearance by thinking and behaving differently. So the goal in this book is for you to become less preoccupied with your appearance rather than to radically change your appearance in itself. It also means being able to get on with what is important in life, despite what your mind is telling you. This will be explored in later chapters. First we will discuss appearance and body image in more detail. What is a normal appearance? And what is normal in terms of how much we think about it and try to change it?
Psychologists use the term ‘body image’ to describe our internalized sense of what we look like. This can be thought of as a mental representation or map of our body, against which we judge our external appearance. The idea of body image was first developed by neurologists, who were investigating how the brain interprets information that it receives from different parts of the body. For example, after people lose a limb they often experience phantom pain or sensation – as if the limb were still there. For this to occur, the brain must have some kind of internalized representation of the limb. This mental image takes time to adjust once the external appearance has been altered. The body image of people with eating disorders has also been studied, and their perception of their body size may differ greatly from their actual size. People with anorexia may feel normal or fat even though, in reality, they are very thin. Once again, their internal body image is providing inaccurate information about what they look like.
For most of us, there is a relatively good match between what we think we look like (subjective appearance) and how we appear to other people (objective appearance), although it is interesting how often people dislike photographs of themselves. To some extent, our body image is idealized (based on how we would like to look). It is also based on a mirror image of our actual appearance. Other people see animated or moving images, whereas we view our own image mainly through photographs or mirrors where expression is still. Body image also changes slowly as we get older. We recognize our image as ‘our self’ when we are children and as we grow into adults. However, when our appearance changes suddenly, perhaps after an accident or as a result of disease, it can be very disconcerting, and it can take quite a long time before we ‘see ourselves’ once more when looking in the mirror. Even a dramatically different haircut can be quite shocking when we catch sight of an unexpected reflection, for example in a shop window.
Body image can also be studied in terms of what we look like in the eyes of an observer. What other people see and what we think they can see – the outside and inside view of body image – are like two sides of a coin, as they both contribute to how we feel about our looks. For example, we might receive positive or negative feedback about our appearance that might influence the way we think and feel. Equally, the way we act and feel about our appearance will have an impact on others. For example, if you keep your head down, don’t make eye contact and say very little then others will think you are not interested in them. They could be critical and reject you, not because of your appearance but because of your actions.
Body image can therefore be positive or negative and can vary over time. It is just one aspect of the way you feel about yourself. For instance, you might have a negative body image and a high sense of worth about other aspects of yourself or vice versa. Ideas about body image overlap with feelings of high or low self-esteem. If low self-esteem is a problem then it may take longer to overcome your body image problems, and we will discuss this in Chapter 2.
Attractiveness is difficult to define but there are several common factors across different cultures. For instance, someone with a very symmetrical, balanced face is usually rated attractive. More symmetrical features may be a sign of good health and fertility, as an infection at a young age can interfere with facial symmetry. One theory is that the human brain has a built-in mechanism for detecting symmetry because it demonstrates to others that the person has good genes and does not have any serious illness. Even babies are born with a tendency to pay attention to attractive faces. Studies have found that a baby’s attention is held for slightly longer by images of faces that that have been rated as very attractive compared to images of unattractive faces. Older children also play for slightly longer with attractive dolls.
Very young children show little awareness of their own appearance, and they don’t make value judgements about other people based on the way they look. However, from the age of about seven, children become more aware of their own appearance, and may begin to discriminate between ‘good’ and bad’ appearance and ascribe characteristics to other people based on what they look like. Children’s literature reinforces this development by linking the ideas of beauty and goodness. Fairytales such as ‘Cinderella’ or ‘Beauty and the Beast’ (variations of which can be found in all cultures) reinforce the idea that beauty is rewarded and is therefore to be prized, and ugliness is associated with evil. This assumption appears even in films where the hero is generally strong and good-looking and the villain characterized with a scar or disfigurement. One of the few ‘plain’ heroines in literature is Jane Eyre, but she is not married to Mr Rochester until he has been blinded in a fire and has acquired additional disabilities! Media images from publications such as Hello! and OK! magazine increasingly link physical attractiveness with exceptional success and celebrity, although in reality the celebrities featured often seem to find that their fame brings them problems rather than happiness.
Adolescence is the period when people’s appearance changes most noticeably, and over a very short period of time, as they reach puberty. Before puberty, male and female children have very similar body shapes. After puberty, girls develop breasts and curvier hips. For boys, the trunk slims, the shoulders broaden, facial features become more masculine, and facial hair starts to grow. Although breast development is characteristic of girls, some boys also experience breast changes. ‘Man boobs’, as they are sometimes called, can be very worrying for teenage boys and may lead to teasing but they usually disappear as puberty continues.
Most importantly, appearance becomes linked with sexuality during puberty. The way people look affects their attractiveness in the eyes of other people. It also influences the way they see themselves. Whilst girls are usually thought to worry most about their physical appearance, young men are also very concerned with how they look. However, whilst girls aspire to an ideal weight and shape, boys focus more on fitness and bulging muscles.
The hormonal surge that occurs at puberty not only triggers the physical changes mentioned earlier; it can also impact on other very visible aspects of appearance, such as people’s skin. For example, acne (caused by excessive production of sebum in the skin) can cause very visible and painful pimples across the face and shoulders in particular. Although associated with adolescence, acne can continue throughout someone’s life and often causes considerable unhappiness and anxiety about appearance. Fortunately, this condition can usually be well controlled with a combination of medications, which reduce the production of sebum and combat infection. Acne is a good example of a condition that is common but often misunderstood. Although it is usually seen as a minor issue or a ‘normal’ part of growing up, the level of distress experienced by some acne sufferers may be highly significant. While it may be assumed that someone with severe facial burns will experience more distress than someone with acne, this is not necessarily true. Any form of altered appearance may cause distress if the individual feels that it makes them different from their peer group, and puts them at a disadvantage compared with other people.
The self-consciousness associated with these rapid changes in appearance is perfectly normal. Adolescence is a time when people can become acutely aware of body changes, particularly if they are either first or last in their peer group to, for example, develop breasts. Whilst some people enjoy the sense of being different or exceptional, it is far more common to want to ‘fit in’ or to be ‘unremarkable’. Therefore comments about appearance can make people feel acutely uncomfortable. Unfortunately, adolescence is also a time when bullying is most common. And, since appearance is the most immediately obvious thing about people, bullying remarks will often concern their appearance. Thus weight, shape, hair or skin colour, height, obvious scars or birthmarks, and skin conditions such as acne, can all become the focus of bullying.
However, it is important that the problem here is recognized as the bullies’ behavior rather than the young person’s appearance. Bullies pick on the things about which people feel vulnerable, and schools should therefore take measures to prevent bullying about appearance in the same way as they try to prevent the expression of racism and sexism. Bullying is not a good reason for seeking to make changes in your appearance, particularly during adolescence. But it is a good reason to develop some strategies for managing intrusive or bullying behavior from other people. Furthermore, ‘ghosts from the past’ can influence us in the present. People who have been bullied or abused when they were younger often feel, in adulthood, that they are still being humiliated by others (when they are not) and may become excessively preoccupied with their appearance.
Body image is often assumed to be less important for older people. Look at the vast and lucrative industry devoted to helping people slow down or prevent the obvious signs of ageing, however, and a different picture emerges. Many older people are clearly still very interested in their appearance. Likewise, younger people often anticipate that they will be more relaxed about their appearance once they ‘reach 40’ but people whose sense of self-worth is largely determined by their appearance are unlikely to change as they grow older. In some work settings, particularly those in the media, such as television, personal appearance has great importance and an attractive individual is likely to do better when competing for a high-status job. This has led many older employees to worry about the effects of ageism and pursue a more youthful appearance in order to protect their employment.
Some body image ‘ideals’ have remained relatively unchanged over the centuries. For example, a smooth and unblemished skin has been prized in women across all the cultures that have been studied throughout history. Thus smallpox, which left the skin very pockmarked in previous centuries, led to women wearing veils and being considered less attractive as potential wives. In modern times women in some developing countries are sometimes attacked with acid in order to cause facial burns that may result in them being unable to find a husband. Unblemished skin is thought to be prized because it is associated with youth and therefore fertility; ageing is most visible in the skin, compared with other organs. Disease is also very apparent in skin appearance, so smooth, healthy skin is likely to have a strong evolutionary advantage and to be prized in all cultures.
Other aspects of appearance may vary with socioeconomic conditions. Weight is a good example. In cultures or at times when food is short, plumpness becomes a sign of wealth and is valued. However, with the advent of cheaper mass-marketed food in the West, obesity is becoming prevalent, and a slimmer, more muscular, ‘physically fit’ ideal has developed. Tanned skin, associated with wealth in European populations before the advent of cheap travel, is becoming less desirable as it becomes more easily achievable for all, although this may also be a result of the negative link between sun exposure and skin cancer and premature ageing. This particular change in ideal body image therefore associates appearance with wealth and status.
Playboy magazine centrefolds, as well as images of models used in fashion advertising, from different decades of the twentieth century show that our idealized female body shape has become increasingly androgynous, and in some ways more male than female. Over the years, models’ hips have become slimmer and their waist-to-hip ratios have been reduced. (However, well-defined breasts are still widely valued, leading some women to opt for cosmetic surgery.) This change in the ideal female body shape is probably partly due to the requirements of the fashion industry, clothes being easier to drape and photograph on a thinner form. However, an idealized female form that is unattainable (or only attainable by means of extreme dieting) is a potential problem for all of us. If we compare ourselves to the ideal and find ourselves wanting, we are more likely to become anxious about our appearance.
Those who are influential in fashion are now being asked to select models from a wider range of body shapes and sizes in order to help reduce the pressure felt by vulnerable young women. However, there is much that still needs to be done to redress this balance. Another related problem arises from the increased use of modified photographic images, in which a perceived defect can be airbrushed out, or the image can be created by combining images from a variety of sources. For the average person, it is impossible to tell a real image from a fabricated one, and this is an additional concern for those working in the field of body image research where images are still idealized and sought after by some people even when they are impossible to achieve. Different racial characteristics may also be idealized. Thus fairer or whiter skin is prized and promoted by manufacturers of skin-whitening creams in Asia; while plastic surgeons may be asked to modify Chinese eyelids to provide wider, more characteristically Western-looking eyes.
How can we define a normal body image, if it is clear from research and from the vast amounts spent on clothes and make-up that most of us attempt to modify or change our appearance to some extent on a regular basis? Even without knowing the cultural history of body image, most of us recognize that there is a certain pressure on women, and increasingly on men, to look good. Magazines that promote celebrity status and unachievable body images also carry critical articles that mock popular figures for their appearance, weight and choice of clothing. Whilst this does help to show that no one looks like a magazine photo all the time, it is very similar to the bullying experienced in the school or workplace by those whose appearance is unusual. Most people respond to this pressure, for example, by dressing in an appropriate way for work.
In the Western world, the majority of us shower or bath regularly. We have more than one set of clothing, and whilst most of us have a certain ‘style’ that we adhere to, there is a tendency to take more time and trouble over our appearance in situations where we are meeting people for the first time. This is perhaps because we know that, whilst some judgements about us will be made on the basis of our appearance in an initial meeting, subsequent meetings will focus much more on our behavior, personality, and competence (in a work setting). Appearance therefore becomes less important in longer established relationships.
Use of make-up, removal of some body hair, colouring of hair, body piercing and tattooing are all regarded as normal in modern western society. Using surgery to enhance our appearance is much more accepted than it used to be, although someone who undergoes multiple or repeated procedures may be excessively concerned with his or her appearance.
The factors that distinguish someone with a normal body image from someone who has a body image problem are linked with the way they think and act. Different kinds of body image problems will be described more fully in Chapter 2. However, it is important to realize that you don’t have a body image problem simply because you dislike certain parts of your body, think that you would like to lose a few pounds, regularly wear make-up or love clothes. Nor do you have a body image problem if you have a significant disfigurement or an unusual appearance. Many people whose appearance falls outside the ‘norm’ live perfectly happy lives and celebrate the things that make them exceptional. Body image disorders are much more to do with thinking about your appearance to the exclusion of other activities, and avoiding social situations, workplaces or relationships because of the way you look. Believing that you can only feel confident or be happy if you change the way you look or that your appearance is preventing you from participating in certain activities are also typical of body image disorders. Excessive worry, repeatedly checking your appearance, consistent use of very heavy make-up or refusal to leave the house without make-up are all extremes of normal behavior, though they tend to reinforce the idea that your appearance is abnormal, thus increasing body image anxiety.
Being attractive might have a ‘halo effect’; in other words others might believe that ‘what is beautiful is good’. For instance, all things being equal, a very attractive person might have a very slight advantage in getting a particular job. Attractiveness is important in the first encounter and influences initial impressions; other qualities, such as social skills and self-confidence, are then more important in the long term. However, being attractive is about much more than just your physical appearance. For example it includes:
• Your body language and posture. For example, are you playful and do you flirt appropriately? (Or do you keep your head down, make little eye contact and hope that others will go away?)
• Your sense of style. Do you dress well in clothes that suit you? (Or do you wear worn-out, badly fitting clothes?)
• Your manner. Do you act as if you have charisma and enthusiasm? (Or are you someone with little to say and not much interest in others?)
There are many couples in which one partner is much less physically attractive than the other. In such cases, the less attractive partner may be valued highly because of their other qualities. Being very attractive can also have disadvantages such as attracting unwanted attention, or inhibiting others who feel that they can’t match such a high standard.
Research has shown that the way someone feels about their appearance has far more influence on their quality of life than how physically attractive they are to others. Thus an individual who is extremely disfigured can have a good quality of life and an individual who is generally considered attractive may be deeply distressed and have a poor quality of life. The examples of Katherine and Tom, described below, illustrate either end of this spectrum.
Katherine’s face was severely disfigured from burns in a road traffic accident. Most people would rate her appearance as unusual and would not have come across someone who looks so visibly different in their everyday experience. To start with, after the accident, Katherine was shocked by her appearance, and failed to recognize herself in the mirror. After a period of rehabilitation, she is now familiar with her new looks, accepts that no amount of surgery is going to restore her previous appearance, and has rebuilt her self-esteem by acknowledging all her talents, abilities and skills. She is a good partner and parent and a full member of the community, functioning well in society. Sometimes the questions and curiosity about her story get her down, but generally she has learned to manage other people’s curiosity and is confident and at ease in social situations.
Tom is someone who most people would agree now has a reasonably attractive appearance. However, he was teased and bullied as a child about his acne and has carried the feeling of being insecure and conspicuous into adult life. He believes that others will be critical of him and blames his appearance for his lack of confidence. He repeatedly checks his facial appearance in mirrors and avoids a wide range of social situations and intimacy because of his fear of being humiliated. Like many people with body image problems, he believes that if he could change what he looks like he would feel more confident and be more successful, both in his social life and in close relationships.
We are not saying that individuals who are disfigured do not experience problems or that an attractive person does not have an advantage in life – but we are saying that people’s quality of life does not depend on their objective appearance. What makes the difference is how you think and act about your appearance. For instance, Katherine knows that she has a disfigured appearance but she also recognizes that this is only a small part of how she is perceived by other people – particularly those who know her best. Tom, however, sees his appearance as the major factor defining who he is and how he relates to others. But rather than changing his appearance, the key to changing his quality of life lies in changing the way he thinks and acts. This is the key to understanding and changing all body image problems. We understand this is not going to be easy, as these patterns of thinking and behaving have often built up over many years, but many people have succeeded in overcoming body image problems using this approach.
Appearance is important. It influences how people view us, particularly when they meet us for the first time. Beauty has always been and remains highly prized, though most of us aim to fit in rather than stand out. This may lead us to modify our appearance to some extent to fit in with our job, lifestyle and peer group. Feeling happy with our appearance may make us feel positive about ourselves, as well as giving us the sense of others being attracted to us and being positively regarded.
If we don’t keep this in proportion, however, we can become excessively preoccupied with appearance in a way that is very unhelpful. Far from working to our advantage, this will increase any beliefs about being abnormal and viewed negatively by others. If we check our features excessively or avoid certain situations, we end up not only limiting our own lives severely, but also affecting those around us, and this in turn has an effect on how attractive we are to others.
In the following chapters we will help you to assess the way you think and act. We will also help you to make changes that will allow you to enjoy taking an interest in your appearance without this limiting your life and opportunities.