Lila had finished her coursework and had no exams but still went into college. Not because she had to, just because she wanted to. She was beginning to enjoy the routine. Having had no structure in her life for so long, to willingly embrace it was quite exciting. Almost an act of rebellion. Pearl and she had settled into a routine of sorts at home too. Lila going to college, Pearl running the pub, both coming home, taking turns cooking, watching TV together. Pearl being the better cook by far but tolerating the meals Lila came up with. Becoming comfortable in each other’s company.
However Lila had another reason for still coming into college. To meet the girl who had sat next to her and couldn’t make small talk.
Anju had been on Lila’s mind a lot since they met a few days ago. The thin, Asian girl with the ready smile and the sparkling, I-know-something-you-don’t eyes, the dark, shining hair. The way she picked up her coffee cup, those long, sensuous fingers curling round it, bringing it to her lips, enjoying drinking in slow, languid mouthfuls. She’d barely stopped thinking about her? Couldn’t stop thinking about her.
Lila had tried to explore and understand her feelings for Anju, so strong, so sudden, but wasn’t given to that degree of self-examination. She usually pushed everything as far inside as possible where it couldn’t hurt her. Tom was the only person she had come close to opening up with. And he wasn’t here to listen to her.
Then there had been the text last night:
Coffee tomorrow? Anju X
Yes, she had replied. Oh yes.
She reached the café. There was Anju, sitting at the same table they had sat at last time, two coffees, two muffins in front of her. Her head propped on one hand as she read a book. She looked up as Lila approached, gave a wave and a smile.
Oh God, thought Lila. Why is my heart racing?
‘Hi,’ said Anju, straightening up and closing her book.
‘Hi back,’ said Lila, returning her smile too. She felt suddenly awkward.
‘You going to sit down? I got you a coffee. And a muffin. Waited for you to get here before I started on mine.’
‘Thanks.’ Lila put her bag on the table, sat down next to her. The move, bringing her into such close proximity to the other girl, felt exhilarating yet natural. She looked at her once more, aware she hadn’t stopped smiling since she saw her. Noticing Anju doing the same thing.
Lila forced herself to look away. ‘What you reading? Something for the course?’
‘Nah,’ she replied, picking up the paperback and showing her the cover. ‘Something for me.’
Lila took it, looked at it. ‘On The Road, Jack Kerouac. I’ve heard of it. Any good?’
‘Nah,’ Anju shook her head. ‘Supposed to be the kind of novel everyone has to read when they’re our age. Meant to open our horizons and make us rebel against our parents and take off looking for art and creativity the rest of our lives.’
‘And it doesn’t?’
She laughed. ‘Fake as fuck. This guy admits he borrowed money off his mother and took off when his exams were done. Drove round a bit with his mate then wrote it down. It’s like what he did in his Easter holidays. And he hates women. Or at least is terrified of them.’
‘Well that’s off the list then.’ Lila put it down on the table.
‘Yeah. I’m not at the end yet, so maybe it all changes. But I doubt it. It’s like that other one you’re supposed to read and love. Catcher In The Rye.’ She shook her head. ‘World’s moved on, mate.’
‘Yeah. I read The Great Gatsby a couple of years ago,’ said Lila. ‘It’s really not.’
They smiled at each other. Eyes held for that beat too long, neither wanting to be the first to break. But Lila did.
‘Thanks for the coffee.’
‘You said.’ Anju picked up hers, took a sip. Lila watched those long, delicate fingers at work. Fascinated by them.
‘What’s up?’ asked Anju.
‘Nothing.’ She took a sip of her own coffee. She wished she could have matched Anju in the finger stakes but with her bitten, unvarnished nails and her red, scarred hands, there was no way. Those scars told a story. One of desperation and escape. One she didn’t want to talk about.
‘So, what you been up to?’ asked Anju.
‘Oh, nothing much. The guy I live with . . .’ She stopped herself. ‘That’s wrong. The guy I share a house with is away at the moment. And his . . .’ She paused, unsure how to describe Pearl. ‘Well, friend, I suppose, she’s moved in.’
‘Why?’
‘Company, I guess.’
‘He’s not your dad or anything though, is he?’
She shook her head. ‘Just a guy I share a house with.’ She looked at Anju once more. Differently this time. ‘You think it’s weird, or something? It’s not . . . you know, anything funny.’
‘Nah, I don’t think it’s weird. You’re in Cornwall, remember. Weirder things than that round here.’
Lila definitely interested now. ‘Like what?’
‘My dad’s a child psychologist. Some of the things he’s seen out in the really remote villages . . .’ She shook her head. ‘I’ll tell you about it sometime.’
Lila was surprised at how warm a feeling those words gave her. It meant she would be seeing more of Anju. And she really liked the sound of that.
‘What’s this guy you live with do, then?’ asked Anju.
‘He’s . . . well he sort of runs a bar in the village. St Petroc.’
Anju looked immediately more interested. ‘St Petroc? Where there was all that trouble a few months ago?’
‘Yeah, that’s where we live. Just outside, anyway.’
Anju leaned forwards. ‘Did you see any of it happening? There were human sacrifices, weren’t there?’
Yeah, thought Lila. It was meant to be me.
‘Oh, it’s all over now.’ She sighed. ‘I think the village’s trying to put it in the past. Good for the tourist trade, though. Apparently.’
Anju sensed Lila didn’t want to talk about it. Sensed there might be something more to her reluctance, let it go. ‘So,’ she said instead, ‘he’s not running his bar now? He’s away.’
‘Yeah.’
‘Coming back for Christmas?’
‘Hope so.’
Anju sensed the weight behind Lila’s words. Leaned in closer. ‘Something up?’
Lila turned to her. She hadn’t known this girl long – barely knew her at all – but she felt there was some kind of connection between the two of them. A deep connection. She felt she could talk to her. But more than that. Tell her secrets that wouldn’t be used against her.
‘Can I tell you something?’
Anju shrugged. ‘Yeah. Sure.’
‘I mean, really tell you something. It’s important. You can’t tell anyone else. And I mean that.’
Anju began to look a little nervous. ‘What are you saying here, Lila?’
‘I just don’t want you to tell anyone else. No one. This is really secret. D’you understand?’
‘Yeah.’ She smiled. ‘I’m not going to say that you can trust me because I’ve found that everyone who says that turns out to be an untrustworthy little shit. But go on, you can tell me. I don’t lie.’
Lila thought. There was something about Anju that seemed trustworthy. Honest. She hoped she was right.
‘He’s in prison.’
Anju nodded. ‘Right. I thought it might be something like that.’
Lila jumped forwards, lowered her voice. ‘No, not like that. It’s . . . he’s working in there.’
‘A prison officer.’ Anju’s expression said she wondered what the fuss was about.
‘No, not like that either.’
‘What, then?’ She laughed. ‘Is he a spy or something? Working undercover?’
Lila didn’t answer. Her expression did the talking for her.
‘Seriously? Really?’
Lila shushed her. ‘Keep your voice down. Yes. He’s . . . he does jobs for the police and people. He’s doing one now.’
Anju sat back. ‘Wow. Just . . . wow. I was only joking, you know.’
‘I know. But you’ve got to keep that a secret. Please.’
‘Yeah, course. Who’m I going to tell?’
Lila believed her. She had wanted to tell Anju so much, share something important with her. And she had feared that if she did so she would regret it afterwards. Hate herself for it. But she didn’t. Telling Anju had felt like the most natural thing in the world. The right thing to do.
‘D’you go and see him?’ asked Anju after a silence.
Lila shook her head. Took a sip of coffee.
‘Why not?’
‘I dunno, I . . .’ Another sip of coffee. ‘It’s selfish of me. I know it is.’
‘What d’you mean?’
‘I just don’t want to see him in there because I know it’ll depress me. Sitting in that room, behind bars . . . I don’t think I could take that.’
‘But doesn’t he want to see you?’
‘Yeah, probably. And that just makes it worse. Because then I feel even more guilty. And I feel like such a selfish cow. I hate myself for it.’
‘Couldn’t you go with someone? That friend of his who’s staying at yours?’
‘I think she feels the same. But she can’t go because she’s part of his cover story and doesn’t want to blow it.’ She sighed. ‘I just hope he gets his job done and comes home soon.’
Another silence.
‘I’ll take you,’ said Anju suddenly.
‘What?’
‘I’ve got a car. I mean, I won’t come in with you, I’ll wait outside, but at least you’d get to see him. And you’d have someone to bring you home so you wouldn’t feel lonely.’
Anju placed her hand over Lila’s. Lila’s heart skipped a beat. Neither moved.
‘OK, then,’ said Lila eventually. ‘Thank you.’
‘You don’t have to thank me. We’re friends. It’s what we do. Now eat your muffin. Then let’s go do something.’
Lila smiled. She wanted to eat her muffin. She wanted to drink her coffee.
But she didn’t want to move her hand away from Anju’s. Ever.