36.

PRINCE CHARMING

I wake up first and will myself to stay completely still.

I listen to him breathing next to me. I think of his kind face, how he smiles in his sleep. I think what a miracle he is, how my life changed forever the day we fell in love.

I think without moving one cell. If I even peek through almost closed eyelashes he’ll wake up. If he wakes up, he’ll want to do all sorts of things I don’t want to do at six in the morning.

His breathing changed. He is awake . . . but he’s not sure I’m awake. I feel his loving eyes, searching for any sign of life, feel him straining to hear me move. The extreme connectedness I cherish in the evening, so utterly unwanted at 6:00 a.m.

I try to beam a silent message across the pillows: Leave me alone! Let me wake up at my own pace for once! My breathing is so shallow, I’m barely conscious. I consider holding my breath until I pass out rather than letting him win the morning again. No part of me is relaxed anymore, but at least I’m not doing what he wants to do.

I beam another silent message: Can’t you get up without me?! Just get up and walk away!

And that’s that. Walk is definitely a word he can hear even if I just think it, and unfortunately, I just thought it. He’s up. He’s an animal. Paws all over me! Drooling, pouncing, barking orders:

“Walk!”

“Food!”

“Tuggy game!”

“Belly rub!”

“Ball!”

“MUST YOU DO THIS EVERY MORNING??!” I snap at him.

He forgives me for being grumpy.

“MUST YOU SLOBBER ALL OVER ME??!”

He forgives me for being ungrateful.

“MUST YOU BE SO FORGIVING??!”

He forgives me for being insane.

“MUST YOU BE A DOG??!”

He grins his goofy grin, and this day, like every one of the thousands of days we’ve been together, he forgives me for being human.