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London, July 1832, Six years later
The baby was perfect, as babes were wont to be. Hester looked at his closed eyes, his little upturned nose, and the dark brown hair on his head. Besides the hair, he looked eerily like her oldest brother Henry as did the other two sons that her sister-in-law Edwina had had the past five years.
Little Neville was only five days old and had been soundly asleep since Hester and Sophia had arrived fifteen minutes ago. Edwina had handed him off to her almost immediately, saying she enjoyed that he was able to sleep on someone else for a change. He was heavy and warm in Hester’s arms, and she felt reluctant to place him in the cot by Edwina’s bedside.
“You should have one. It suits you,” Sophia commented from the opposite side of the bed, drawing Hester’s attention away from her little nephew for a moment. At her frown, Sophia elaborated: “A baby.”
Hester frowned exaggeratedly in a manner that she knew Sophia found made her look silly. She was rewarded with a wide smile from her friend.
“Perhaps you should have one.” The rejoinder came as smoothly and unthinkingly as it would, had Hester been talking to one of her brothers.
Sophia had married four years ago and had three-year-old Arthur but had not had more children since. Sophia had never confided why and for a moment Hester feared that she had said something inappropriate. Difficulties with conceiving were not spoken of publicly as she had learned a long time ago. But Sophia simply stroked her flat stomach and smiled.
“I will, in seven months.”
“Congratulations,” Edwina exclaimed so loudly that Neville turned and snorted in Hester’s arms. For a moment, the three women held their breaths as they waited to see whether the infant would wake. When he settled again in Hester’s arms, Edwina continued softly: “Amazing.” She leaned forward to embrace Sophia.
As the two others embraced, Hester tried to find a grimace that fit. She had never been in doubt that Sophia would marry and have children before her. Probably several years before. But she had assumed that she would at least be married by the time she turned five and twenty. With her birthday only five months away, that seemed unlikely.
“Congratulations,” she murmured and hoped that her voice showed the right amount of happiness on her friend’s behalf. She would hate to reveal her emotions as well as make Sophia sad or upset that Hester could not simply focus on her happiness. She gently placed the sleeping Neville in his cot and walked around the large bed to embrace Sophia as well. Her friend’s scent of lilies enveloped her along with her arms and Hester squeezed her tightly, hoping to make up for the enthusiasm that might be missing in her voice.
“You will find someone soon, Hester,” Sophia muttered softly against her shoulder. Hester should not have been surprised that her closest friend knew exactly what she was thinking and feeling at that moment.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured as she sat beside Sophia on the edge of the large bed. “I am happy for you. Very.”
Sophia sent her a small smile and encapsulated Hester’s hand in both of hers.
“I know.”
“How are you feeling?” Edwina asked from her place against the headboard. She and Sophia spent several minutes discussing morning sickness, gaining weight, what was best to eat, which seamstresses were best at making dresses for expecting women, and the like. Hester sat back and watched her two friends through most of it. If birds could talk about how best to build a nest, their conversation would probably look very much like this.
“There is much to look forward to, Hester,” Edwina teased her.
Hester made a grimace that she hoped passed as a smile. She was not even certain why she wanted children. She had tried to analyze the desire multiple times over the years. Children were loud, dirty, and required extensive time to become even moderately well-behaved – and yet she had the distinct feeling that she would be missing out if she did not have at least one.
“You will find someone soon,” Sophia interrupted her thoughts.
“Soon?” Hester asked with a sigh. “This was my seventh season. Seventh! If not for my father and my dowry, I would probably not have any prospects at all. And I am doing all that is required to find a mate in our society: I am attending the balls, the soirees, the theater, the opera, the picnics... whenever a woman says: ‘Let me introduce you to my son’, I oblige her, because that it was you do. That is the way to meet eligible gentlemen. The mating rituals of our society.”
Edwina leaned across Sophia to pat Hester’s shoulder.
“I am certain that it is not that bad.”
Hester sent her sister-in-law a withering look. Edwina had been married to Henry for five years and they had only wed because they had accidentally been found alone at a ball. Luckily for them, they had fallen in love, but it was certainly not a method that Hester would like to try herself. Even she knew that it would be rude to say so out loud.
“I think you have forgotten how horrible the season is when you are unmarried,” she simply replied and met Edwina’s ice-blue eyes. Her eyes softened a bit, making Hester certain that Edwina did remember – at least to some extent.
“I feel like a peacock with dull feathers – a male one of course,” she muttered as she was trying to figure out whether another bird would make a better analogy. A male kingfisher would show off its wings and bring the female fish as a gift. The male long-eared owl would fly over the nesting grounds and clap his wings. The blackbird would sing a low song and bow his head, while the female sat still until lifting her tail if she agreed to the mating.
Hester wrinkled her nose in thought. None of those really worked and what was most important was: The female in all scenarios would pick the male that she preferred. The prettiest, the one that brought the best fish, or the one that showed her the best nesting grounds. She would never be the proactive one. It was the same with humans. But what was she to do, when the human males that wanted her were only interested in her dowry and gained a distracted look on their faces when she mentioned birds?
“Maybe you are not looking in the right place,” Edwina interrupted her thoughts.
“Where else should I look? The season is the place to find a mate if you are a member of the ton,” Hester sighed and slumped in her seat.
She had long suspected that birds – even monogamous ones – did not have as high standards as her when it came to choosing a mate. But then again, birds would not have to spend their winter evenings in front of the fireplace conversing with said mate.
“But as you said: The season can be horrible,” Edwina went on, once again interrupting Hester’s thoughts.
“It’s the only place acceptable.” Hester looked between Edwina and Sophia for their approval. “What would you have me do? Stand on the sidewalk in Bond Street with a sign saying: ‘I’m looking for a husband'?”
Both her friends at least smiled at her poor attempt at a joke.
“I think Edwina might be right,” Sophia stated and turned more fully towards Hester. “You are one of those people where it can take some time to truly know you. Perhaps a house party would be a better option.”
Hester chewed her bottom lip as she thought of this. She liked house parties since they took place in the country, giving her ample opportunity to roam the countryside in search of birds. Namely, kingfishers that she was doing a treatise on.
“With whom?” she asked tentatively.
She had not attended a house party outside of her family since Sophia had married.
“We will make a list of suitable candidates and invite them...” Sophia told her matter-of-factly. Her gaze was lost in the sage green pattern on the wall as if she was already compiling the list in her head.
“But wouldn’t that make me seem... desperate?” Hester did not care much about what people thought of her, but she knew that men did not want a woman who was desperate to marry. She had been able to tell from the way her brothers spoke of such women. Which was why she was always striving for amenable and pleasant when conversing with a suitable gentleman at a ball.
“No, we will invite several people, but among them bachelors that might be of interest to you,” Sophia told her. Her brown eyes shone as she looked at Hester.
“That sounds like a perfect solution,” Edwina chimed in. “I’m certain your mother would love the opportunity to host a house party.”
Hester’s stomach turned into a knot at the thought of having to entertain guests in a role that held even the slightest hint of being a hostess. Nevertheless, if you wanted to achieve a different result, you could not keep doing the same things. She recognized as much.
“Will you be there?” she asked Edwina tentatively, but her sister-in-law was already shaking her head before Hester had finished the sentence.
“Neville is too young.”
“But you will, right?” Hester exclaimed and held onto both of Sophia’s hands as if they were a lifeline.
“If it is not too far into the future. I will be showing soon, and I can hardly prance around at a house party with a large belly...” Sophia smiled.
“You would look fantastic prancing around,” Hester interrupted her, because she knew that Sophia would. She had seen it when Sophia had carried Arthur.
“But Heavens, the last few months are heavy.” Edwina slumped against her pillows and ran her hands over her stomach. It still held some of the roundness from when Neville had been living in it only a week ago.
Sophia laughed at this as if the prospect of becoming heavy was amusing.
“I had forgotten. But right now, I am looking forward to it.” She ran her hands over her still-slim stomach.
The thought of not having Sophia by her side if she were to meet these gentlemen made Hester’s skin feel too tight. She suddenly felt chilled despite the heat in the room.
“We have to do it soon then,” she stated, thinking of how she would ask her mother as soon as she returned home. If her mother agreed, they could start on the invitations straight away. But that meant that they had to figure out who to invite.
“Great.” Sophia clapped her hands enthusiastically. “Then you might also finally find a solution to your other problem.”
Hester blushed but did not comment, hoping that Edwina had not heard, but of course, her sister-in-law had.
“What problem?” she queried, smiling.
“Nothing,” Hester said quickly, knowing that such a statement would only make it even more clear to Edwina that there was something. “Sophia, please,” she begged her friend. She could see understanding dawn on Sophia’s face as she realized that this was not a topic that Hester discussed with Edwina.
“You have to tell me now,” Edwina exclaimed. “You cannot keep such a thing from me.”
“Hester,” Sophia said gently. Hester could not tell whether she meant to be soothing or apologetic. In any event, Hester was merely confused. Few matters embarrassed her, but hearing about her sibling’s intimate relations with their spouses was one of them. Which was why she and Edwina never discussed such matters. She did not have that precaution with Sophia who shared details from her intimate life with her husband Lord Michael Addinggrove quite freely.
Hester looked from Sophia to Edwina. The latter looked at her with a mixture of feelings on her features. These expressions were always the hardest for Hester to decipher. She ended up looking at Edwina for a moment too long as she made out the feelings to be curiosity and concern. At least she was fairly certain that they were. She realized then that both the other women expected her to speak.
She took a deep breath and just blurted the words:
“I am not able to achieve a climax on my own. I do not want to discuss it any further. Now, you mentioned that we would make a list of the possible candidates. I think it should be a stipulation that they must like birds.”
“What?” Edwina exclaimed.
Hester could of course not know which part of the sentence she was referring to, but since she did not want to discuss the first part any further, she chose to elaborate on the latter.
“They must like birds. The suitable candidates. They have to like birds otherwise it would make no sense for me to even consider them in that regard,” Hester stated more firmly than she meant to, but this was a crucial point that she needed to communicate to them.
“Fine, they must love birds,” Edwina acquiesced and grinned, then had Hester retrieve pen and paper to start the list.