My shadow stared at me for a long while. I tried to say something several times but swallowed back the words each time. Like giving up on some food that is hard to chew and instead sending it down your throat. The right words just weren’t there. My shadow looked down, tracing a small shape with the tip of his boot on the cold ground. Only to rub it out with the sole.

“You’ve given it a lot of thought, right?” he said. “This isn’t something you decided just now because you’re afraid of leaping into the water?”

I shook my head. “No, I’m not scared anymore. I did feel fear until a while ago, but now I don’t. What you said rings true. If we want to, I think we can safely get through the wall.”

“But you’re still going to stay?”

I nodded.

“But why?”

“First of all, I don’t see a reason to return to the world I came from. In that world I’ll only get more and more lonely. And come face-to-face with an even greater darkness. There’s no way I can be happy there. We can’t say this town is a perfect place. As you pointed out, it’s rife with contradictions. And to eliminate those contradictions, there are all sorts of processes at work. And eternity is a long time. During that time my consciousness, as a separate being, will gradually fade. The town will eventually swallow me. But even if that happens, I don’t care. As long as I’m here, I won’t be lonely. Because in this town I know what I should do, what I ought to do.”

“Reading old dreams.”

“Someone has to read them. Someone has to release those countless old, dusty dreams, locked up inside those shells. I can do that, and they want me to.”

“And somewhere on the shelves of the library you might find the old dream she left behind.”

I nodded. “Maybe so. If my hypothesis is correct.”

“And that’s one of the things your heart desires.”

I stayed silent.

My shadow sighed deeply.

“If I leave you behind here, and I get outside the wall, I’ll probably die in the not-too-distant future. You and I are a real body and shadow. Separate us, and I won’t live long. Not that I mind. I’m just an accessory, after all.”

“But you might survive in the outside world and be my substitute. As far as I can see, you have the qualifications, and the wisdom, to do that. After a while, you won’t be able to tell the real person from the shadow.”

My shadow thought this over, and then shook his head slightly.

“We’re just piling up one hypothesis on top of another. Soon we won’t be able to tell what’s hypothetical and what’s real.”

“Maybe. But we need something. Some pillar we can lean on if we’re going to do anything.”

“Your mind’s set?”

I nodded.

“But still you came all this way with me, to the very end.”

“Honestly, I didn’t know until the last minute which way I’d go,” I said. “Until I actually stood in front of this pool. But I’ve made up my mind. And I’m not changing it—I’m going to stay in the town by myself. And you’re going to leave.”

My shadow and I gazed at each other. “As your longtime companion,” he said, “it’s hard for me to agree to this, but I can see you’re determined. I’m not going to argue anymore. I pray you’ll be happy staying here. So pray for me, too, leaving here. As hard as you can.”

“Of course, I’ll pray for you, as much as I can. Pray that things go well for you.”

My shadow held out his right hand. And I clutched it. Shaking hands with my own shadow—what a strange thing. It was strange, too, how my shadow’s handshake and warmth were the same as anyone else’s.

Was he really my shadow? Was I the real me? As he’d said, it was getting hard to distinguish the hypothetical from the real.

Like an insect shedding its shell, my shadow shed his wet, heavy coat, and pulled his boots off his feet.

“Apologize for me to the Gatekeeper, if you would,” he said, smiling faintly. “For stealing the horn from his cabin and setting the beasts in motion. I had no choice, but he’s still going to be angry about it.”

My shadow stood there alone in the falling snow, gazing for a time at the surface of the pool. Then he took a deep breath. He breathed out, his exhaled breath hard and white. And without looking back he leaped headfirst into the pool. He was so thin but still made a huge splash, sending out a ring of high ripples after him. I watched as these ripples formed concentric circles and then gradually moved away. They finally disappeared, leaving the same placid surface as before. All I could hear was the ominous burbling as the caves down below sucked in water. No matter how long I waited, my shadow never resurfaced.

For a long time after, I gazed at the undisturbed surface of the water. Maybe something completely unexpected would happen. But nothing did. Only countless snowflakes fell, and then melted away, on the surface.

I finally turned around and headed back down the path we’d taken. I never looked back. I made my way down the path with its high grasses, passed by the dilapidated houses, climbed up the steep hill, and then descended. I didn’t see a single soul until I crossed the Old Bridge and arrived back at the official residence I lived in. The townspeople weren’t about to go out when it was snowing this hard. And the beasts were already outside the wall, lured there by the fake signal from the horn.

The first thing I did when I got home was to carefully dry my hard, wet hair. I used a brush to wipe away the snow frozen to my overcoat, and a spatula to scrap the heavy mud from my shoes. There were blades of grass struck all over my pants, like small fragments of old memories. I slumped down in my chair, shut my eyes tight, my mind swirling with random thoughts. How long I stayed that way I don’t know.

When the soundless darkness began creeping over the room, I pushed my hat down low on my head, raised my collar, and headed down the path along the river toward the library. It was still snowing, but I didn’t use an umbrella. At least for now I had a place I needed to go.