Then
Her first time in Hollywood, Bonnie worked as a waitress and shared an apartment in Burbank with other struggling actors. They split the rent, PG&E, and groceries. They recited lines with each other, kept up on the trades, shared subscriptions, and sometimes went to the same auditions.
She texted Sean daily, a running commentary on her life in the big city. The smog. All the cars and constant traffic. But also, great food of every ethnicity, within blocks. Warm and dry weather. Not much rain and certainly no hurricanes or snow.
The beach only a short drive away.
He thought her life sounded mostly horrible, but if this made her happy, he understood. Bonnie missed him terribly and begged him to move with her. They could get an apartment together and live a different kind of life. A more metropolitan and sophisticated life. He’d get used to it, she assured him. Eventually, they’d get married. Sean resolutely declared in every text that being a cowboy meant he couldn’t live in a big city. Instead, she should come home to their clean air and wide, open spaces.
And then one beautiful morning a few months later, Bonnie answered the front door to find Sean standing there, with a backpack.
“Okay. You win,” he said, and took her into his arms. “I’ll try city life.”
The next week was a delicious blur of happiness for Bonnie, who introduced Sean to her friends. They went out to eat and Sean admitted the burgers were great and so was the Mexican food. The sweet iced tea, however, was garbage. She had to agree.
“Oh my god,” said her roommate, Katie, who would later go on to have a starring role in a sitcom and forget she ever knew Bonnie. “You weren’t lying. He’s a real cowboy. He held the door open and said “ma’am” to me. Ma’am!”
“It’s not an insult. He says that to all women, young and old. If you’re not a child and you’re a woman, you’re a ma’am.”
“It’s adorable.”
When Sean walked into a room, anywhere, heads turned. Even here, one more handsome guy in a crowd of them, he stood out. Tall, broad, and built like a cowboy, he didn’t hesitate to open doors and help anyone in need. Once, he’d tried to help a man whose car had stalled in the middle of an intersection. The man thought Sean was attempting to steal his BMW. Instead, Sean had pushed it off the street, jumpstarted it, and gone on his merry way.
Later, he told Bonnie people in the city were “weird.”
“I know, it’s different, but you’ll get used to it like I have.”
“What am I supposed to do for a living? Anyone hiring ranch hands?”
“It would be quite a commute.”
“I feel useless every day. Meanwhile, I have plenty of work waiting for me on my own ranch.”
Neither would say the truth out loud: this wasn’t going to work.
Bonnie didn’t want to believe it and she fought with every cell in her body to make it work. She wanted to keep Sean happy and keep him with her. But they couldn’t have sex every minute of the day (though admittedly they did try) and Bonnie had work, acting classes, and auditions. Her life was quite full without him, but that didn’t mean she wanted him to go home.
Then Sean received a phone call that changed everything.
He turned to her, face gray. “My mom has cancer. I’m going home.”
“I’m going with you.”
“Yeah?” Sean picked her up in his arms and held her so tight.
There was never any question that she’d have to go home. Sean needed her. Bonnie packed, let her roommates know, and asked for time off from her job at the restaurant. When they wouldn’t give it to her, she quit.
She held Sean’s hand on the airplane. From the time they landed in Texas Bonnie was by his side. They took Marge to doctor’s appointments and helped Calvin handle the stress of hospital bills and medication.
So did the entire town, of course, most importantly the ladies of SORROW. They held fundraisers, organized the delivery of meals, and held the family up in prayer.
But even so, only six weeks after her diagnosis of pancreatic cancer, Marge Henderson died peacefully at home surrounded by her family.
All the Henderson men were devastated, but none more than Sean.
“She didn’t deserve this. All her life she did nothing but help people and this is what she gets.” And even though she never saw him cry, his eyes were often red.
She loved him so much it hurt.
“I love you,” Bonnie said. “Forever.”
She didn’t say it to offer comfort but because the truth hit her hard and swift. She’d grown up while living in California away from family and faced a few hard and painful facts. Even if they didn’t last, Bonnie would love Sean for the rest of her natural life.
“Then you’ll marry me, won’t you?”
“Are you sure you want to get married?”
“I’ve wanted to marry you since I was sixteen. I’m sure.”
“Then of course I’ll marry you.”
“I love you, Bonnie Lee.” He picked her up and spun her around, smiling for the first time in weeks. “You’re my whole world.”
Did she agree to marry him because she felt sorry for him? Yes, on some level, she did. She wanted to please Sean. Always had. But like a needle burrowed under her skin, her ambition wouldn’t let go. More than the fast-paced big city life and even more so than acting, Bonnie couldn’t give up. Meeting with success in a competitive field was the challenge of her lifetime. Only Daddy and his love of the glittery rodeo and competition would understand. Giving up felt like failure. Giving up felt like a loss. Giving up was unthinkable.
But she stayed.
For two years, she tried to pretend she lived a life of satisfaction in her hometown. She got her job back at the General Store and waitressed part-time at the Shady Grind because where else would she work? Her friends in Burbank got a new roommate, of course. Life went on for everyone else. She helped Sean move past the pain of losing Marge and Riggs came back to help run the ranch.
She and Sean decided not to plan the wedding yet, of course, because they had to get over Marge’s loss first. Sean also wanted to save up for a ring and do this “right.”
He was traditional in every way, her cowboy.
And as her luck, or the timing of the universe would have it, Bonnie heard from a dream agent she’d queried a year ago. He offered representation. Producers were casting an Irish mafia show and she’d be perfect for the tough as nails youngest sister of the crime family. She’d be required to audition, of course.
Shocked, Bonnie asked her mother and Aunt Beulah what she should do now. “I’ve tried for so long, and now when I’m back home everything starts to happen for me.”
“That’s the way of the world, sugar,” Aunt Beulah said. “God’s timing is not our own.”
“You’re going back, aren’t you?” Mama stood and clutched the knotty kitchen table, her eyes watery.
“Now, Maybelle, you can’t hold Bonnie back if this is her dream.”
But Sean was also her dream.
“What about her intended?” Mama went hands on hips. “And what would her daddy say about all this?”
“He would say that his daughter is a jewel, and if Sean loves her, he’ll wait.” Beulah smiled with pride. “The show sounds wonderful.”
It wasn’t like her aunt to encourage any woman to leave Stone Ridge, but then again, the allure of fame and fortune never failed to stir Aunt Beulah’s pot.
“She’ll be back after she films the show, right Bonnie Lee?”
“He’s not going to wait forever,” Mama said. “There are other women in Texas.”
“I know.”
“How long will you be gone this time?” Sean asked once she told him the news.
“I don’t know.”
“You said that last time and you only came back because my mother died.”
“Sean, be reasonable. I can’t put a time limit on how long it will take me to achieve success. It’s a competitive industry.”
“So, we’re not getting married.”
“Not until I audition for this part and if I don’t get it, I’ll come back, and we can get married.”
“And if you get the part?”
“It could be a while, I guess. Depending.” She gnawed on her lower lip.
“On the success of the show. I’m supposed to wish you failure so I can marry you…someday.”
“No! I love you and I won’t ever marry anyone else.”
“I love you too, baby, but I’m tired of being your second choice. Tired of being last.”
“You’re not last. I want you to come with me, but I won’t ask anymore because I know you won’t.”
“I tried.”
Bonnie went home and auditioned for the part. When she got it, Sean was the first person she called.
“Congratulations, baby. I knew you could do it. You’re going to make the most amazing kickass mafia sister ever.”
“The show might only run one season, so I’ll be home before you know it.”
“Sure.”
But the show was a hit and renewed for two more seasons. When she told Sean, he was honest.
“I’m really happy for you. But please…don’t call me again.”
“Sean, you don’t mean it! We’re not over. I’m coming home soon, you’ll see.”
“I need to let you go. You’re not mine anymore. Maybe you never were.”
She didn’t honestly believe him because they’d broken up and gotten back together many times before.
But eventually, Sean stopped responding to her text messages or taking her calls.
Her heart shattered in a million pieces when, a year later, she learned Sean was engaged to another woman from out of town. He hadn’t bothered to tell her, and she’d only learned of it from her mother who was full of “I told you so’s.”
He’d meant it this time. She’d burned her last bridge with Sean.
It was over.
Calvin Henderson never recovered from the loss of his wife. When he died of a literal broken heart two years later, Bonnie came back for the funeral. She stayed away from the Hendersons, having already sent flowers and her condolences to Sean. The brothers, straight and tall, endured their loss together.
Bonnie endured hers alone.
At the airport, she said her goodbyes to her mother and Aunt Beulah and hopped on a plane back to California to get back to work.
She would face living the rest of her life without Sean and somehow be okay with this.
And it almost worked.