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Caitlyn
Surrounded by a dozen sock-balls, wearing only a diaper, and lying on his back, little Andy took his fist out of his mouth and patted Zoe’s cheek. At that moment, his eyes closed. Zoe and Caitlyn lay on either side of him on her bed. For close to an hour, they’d been trying to get him to take his nap, but he only wanted to throw sock-balls.
His hand slid from Zoe’s face and he lay still, breathing easy.
Zoe and Caitlyn looked at each other.
“We did it,” Caitlyn mouthed. As much as she enjoyed putting Andy down for his naps, she wanted to talk to Zoe. Had she been wrong to suggest to Keefe that they stop seeing each other? It seemed like the unselfish thing to do, like the thing God wanted of her, but she was beginning to change her mind.
“He slimed me,” Zoe whispered, wiping her cheek with a sock. “But he’s so sweet.” She watched him a moment then rolled onto her back. “The doctor said my baby weighs about four pounds and is seventeen inches long.”
Delighted, Caitlyn gasped. “They can tell?” She crawled to the window to close the curtains though the flowering bush that grew nearby kept out most of the light anyway.
“I guess so. Her organs are completely developed, except for her lungs. She has fingernails.” Zoe smiled, rubbing her round belly. “But her brain is still developing—Oh!” She jerked her hand to the underside of her belly. “She’s kicking.”
She motioned Caitlyn over, grabbed her hand, and placed it on the spot.
Something pushed against Caitlyn’s hand. She sucked in a breath and laughed. “That’s so awesome. How wonderful to feel a life growing inside of you.” She’d learned from Zoe all the stages of the developing baby. “I can’t wait to be pregnant.”
Zoe moaned. “Yes, you can. I wish I would’ve waited. I was so embarrassed when kids figured it out at school. Most kids were cool with it, but there’re those few.”
“Oh, they have something to say about everyone.” Caitlyn ran a hand up and down Andy’s smooth, bare leg, and then she gathered sock-balls. “Just ignore them.”
“I know. I tried not to let it bother me. Then I decided not to hide it anymore, and I started wearing whatever I wanted. I don’t think Jarret liked that.”
“Why do you say that?” Caitlyn carried an armful of socks to her dresser.
“I only saw him at school for a few days before his father whisked him away to California, but he must’ve asked me five times why I was wearing those kinds of shirts.”
Caitlyn laughed. “What are those kinds of shirts?”
“Any shirt that doesn’t hide my big ol’ belly, I suppose.” She rolled onto her side again, facing Andy, and propped her head up with her hand.
“I bet you miss him,” Caitlyn said.
“Yeah. I hope he gets back before the baby’s born. I want him to be there.”
“Do you know where he went? Keefe doesn’t even know, except that they’re in California.”
“Jarret didn’t know either. He assumes his father is taking him somewhere to teach him a lesson. He thinks his father discovered I was pregnant that day he saw me in school.” She smiled as if she knew better.
“Keefe thinks that, too. It’s not true?”
“No. After we told my parents, Dad was so angry. He said he was going to call Jarret’s father. I don’t know for sure, but Mr. West took them away to Mississippi after that. What do you think they did there?”
“Jarret didn’t tell you?”
She shook her head. “He was very sarcastic about the whole thing, said they dug and fought in the mud.”
“Keefe said they found old artifacts like anvils and cutting tools, bones and pieces of pottery, even a figurine of some sort. When they analyzed them, they discovered that the site was occupied from 360 BC to 110 AD or something. I guess they learned a few things about the connections among different Native American groups. I don’t remember exactly. He said they’ll put the collection in a museum when they’re done. I’d love to go with them someday. I bet Jarret’s at another site, digging in more mud.”
They giggled.
“I can’t picture it,” Zoe said. “He’s so vain.”
A light knocking sounded on the door. Caitlyn figured it was Priscilla. Priscilla wanted to be around Zoe and her big belly every second she could. But maybe she came to relay a message. Maybe Keefe had come to speak with her. He hadn’t given Caitlyn an answer yet. She almost regretted asking him to end their relationship. Maybe she was being silly.
“Who is it?” Caitlyn said in a singsong voice, leaning close to the door.
The door inched open and Priscilla peeked in. She wore one of Caitlyn’s dresses, one that dragged on the floor, one that she hadn’t asked to borrow. And she had a pillow stuffed inside over her tummy.
“Come in, silly.” As the door opened, the aroma of fresh-baked chocolate-chip cookies wafted in. Caitlyn’s stomach growled.
Priscilla tiptoed toward the bed. “When will your baby come out?”
Caitlyn sat on the end of the bed to admire Zoe and the way she interacted with Priscilla.
“I told you already. Don’t you remember? It’ll be summer.” Zoe smiled, barely turning her head to watch as Priscilla neared. Her pregnancy did nothing to diminish her grace and beauty. If anything, it magnified it.
“As soon as school’s out?” Priscilla sounded hopeful. She crept toward Zoe, her eyes glued to Zoe’s belly.
Zoe peered at Priscilla. “Well, no, not like the day school’s out. A few weeks later.”
“Can I see the baby then?”
“Not unless you come up to the hospital.” Zoe sat up and took Priscilla’s hand. “You can touch my belly, if you want.”
Priscilla grinned from ear to ear, her eyes round and bursting with joy.
“Is the adoption plan all ready? Did you pick the couple?” Caitlyn couldn’t imagine carrying a baby for nine months and never seeing it again. She admired Zoe’s strength and sacrificial love.
Zoe nodded, still smiling at Priscilla.
Priscilla’s eyes popped and she cooed. “The baby moved.”
Zoe laughed and rubbed Priscilla’s hair. “Are those cookies I smell?”
“I’ll bring you some.” Priscilla took off.
“I chose the couple yesterday,” Zoe said. “They were the first ones I met: in their thirties, he’s a financial advisor like my dad, she wants to be a homemaker. After talking to them, it just felt right.”
“I remember their profile. I had a good feeling about them, too.” While the Wests had been in Mississippi, Caitlyn and Zoe had looked through a dozen profiles of prospective adoptive parents. Most had no other children, one had an older child, and several had pets. Zoe met with three different couples.
“I thought Jarret would want to help choose,” Zoe said, “but he wasn’t interested. He doesn’t like the idea of giving the baby up, but he agreed neither of us could raise it. He hasn’t signed the papers. Says he’s not ready, that he might not ever be ready. He’s so confusing. I never know what he wants.”
Jarret was selfish. Caitlyn wouldn’t dare give her opinion to Zoe. But what else would keep him from doing the right thing and letting go?
Letting go . . .
The thought pierced her like a spear to the heart. She needed to let go, to let Keefe go. Why did she hesitate to go through with it? Now that she thought about it, she had never felt for Keefe the way she had for Roland. She only liked being in a relationship, feeling like someone wanted to be close to her.
Mom had told her something that only now began to make sense. God desires to be one with us. God wanted to be close to her!
Caitlyn’s heart stirred so violently she had to close her eyes. When Keefe had encountered the Lord, he’d changed. He lived life differently, put God first, sought His will, and let nothing stand in the way. Caitlyn had only been seeking a boyfriend. What about God? Where was He in her life? What changes would He work in her?
The answer came with the question, a feeling so strong she could not deny it. The Lord would teach her love and make her ready to truly love another.
Her desire for love, for a relationship, wasn’t a bad thing. The love between a man and a woman was an image of God’s love, Mom had said, of the eternal love that He calls everyone to. But in her pursuit for love, she’d offended God. She offended love. She tried to pretend to be someone she wasn’t—dressing in jeans—in order to get Roland’s attention, then she lied to be alone with Keefe at Zoe’s house.
“Lord, forgive me,” she prayed. God desires to become one with us. God desires me.
She would let Keefe go. She would seek God first. Besides, she was too young to marry. High school was the time to find her bridesmaids.
“I never told you,” Zoe said.
Caitlyn opened her eyes and focused on Zoe, who lay back on the pillow and now stared at the ceiling.
“Some time ago, I told Jarret I didn’t want our relationship to be so . . . physical. I wonder what it will be like between us after the baby’s born. I want things to be different.”
“Good for you,” Caitlyn said. “You can always start over.” Yes, that was it. Start over. Seek God first. “I’m starting over.”
“What?” Zoe threw a worried glance, her brows high on her forehead.
Caitlyn smiled to reassure her. “Keefe and I aren’t going to see each other for a while. No more courtship.”
“Why?” Her brows continued to show her concern.
“It’s not a big deal. It’s just that Keefe has a lot on his mind. And I’ve come to realize a few things about myself.”
She shook her head. “Wow. Well, I guess it’s just you and me for now.”
Caitlyn scooted closer, draped her arm around Zoe’s shoulder, and rested her forehead on Zoe’s head. “Good. Just the way I like it.” She would be free to focus her thoughts and time on her very best friend during the last two months of her pregnancy. When Jarret returned, she knew she would see less of Zoe. But for now, it thrilled Caitlyn to experience this with her.
“I want to be here for you. And always remember, it’s never too late to start over.” Caitlyn wanted to say more, but her bedroom door creaked open and Priscilla tiptoed in with a plate of cookies.