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Caitlyn
Zoe and Caitlyn sat on swings in the playground across the street from Caitlyn’s house. The sun peeked through the leaves of tall trees and cast long shadows, making houses and landscaping picturesque.
“I can’t believe you walked all the way to my house,” Caitlyn said.
Zoe laughed and leaned forward, her silky black hair sweeping over her face. “I always walk to your house. You don’t live that far.”
“Still. You just had a baby. Not that anyone could tell by looking at you.”
Zoe wore a sleeveless flowered top and white shorts, the same white shorts she’d worn last summer. She patted her flat stomach, smiling. “I was glad it went right back after a couple of days. Mom said it was like that for her, too.”
“Do you miss her?”
“No. Why would I miss her? I see her every day.”
“Not your mom. I mean—”
“I know.” She gazed off into the distance and sighed. “Of course I miss her, especially at night. I wish I could hold her again. Those three days in the hospital, I felt so stunned, like it wasn’t happening to me. Other times the tears wouldn’t stop.”
“Oh, Zoe, I’m so sorry.”
She smiled. “I’m okay now. I still cry, even though I’m home. She’ll always be in my heart, and it’ll hurt now and then. But I know I did the right thing. Do you ever have that feeling? You have to do something that you don’t want to do. And it seems almost impossible, but you just do it.”
Caitlyn nodded, though she felt more like a child who had yet to be challenged. Keefe could relate to Zoe. Maybe even Roland, but not Caitlyn . . . not yet.
“I really like the couple I chose, and I’m happy for them. You should’ve seen their faces when they held her.” Zoe smiled at the sky. “They sent me a dozen pink roses yesterday.” She paused, her smile fading. “I’m glad Jarret finally signed the papers.”
“When did he do that?”
“The same day she was born.” Zoe leaned back and eased the swing forward as she spoke. “The social worker came up, and he just did it. Well, I shouldn’t say he just did it. He still didn’t want to. The social worker and I both had to talk him into seeing that it was best for the baby. She needs a mother and a father. And a stable life. Poor Jarret. He even said we should get married.”
“He did?”
“I’m sure he didn’t mean it. It was just his reaction to the situation. It’s hard to let your baby go.”
“I’m sure it would be. How’s he doing now?”
“I don’t know.” Zoe stopped her swing. The look in her eyes said she had something important to say.
Caitlyn stopped her swing. “What?”
“We aren’t seeing each other.”
“Oh.” Though Zoe didn’t look troubled, the news upset Caitlyn. They had been through so much together. “Why not?”
Zoe took a slow and deep breath, walking the swing back a few steps. She exhaled as she lifted her feet and let the swing go. “I’m starting over.” She swung back and forth a few times. “I think it would be too hard to start over with him. I don’t want to be the girl he knows. I need to find out who I am before I can really share myself with someone else.”
That, Caitlyn understood. The same idea had motivated her to decide something, too. “I don’t want to have a boyfriend anymore.”
“Really?”
“Really. I’ve decided I’m too young. I mean, a part of me feels ready for more, but part of me just wants to be a kid. I’ll practice courtship when I’m older, closer to being ready to marry.”
Having said it aloud, cemented it for her. This was what she wanted. She appreciated the practices of courtship, practices that had kept her, and in the future would keep her, from rushing things and thinking only with her unruly emotions. But for now, she wanted friendships.
“A new phase of life begins,” Caitlyn said with a smile. They both leaned way back and worked their swings up high.
Let the bees stir among the flowers and make honey in their hives. Let the birds build nests and sing while they swoop and play in the sky. God held Caitlyn in His hand, helping her to understand and drawing her closer to true love. She trusted Him. She would have plenty of time to find her future husband tomorrow. Today, she only wanted the freedom to live what God had put in her heart, to search for Him, and to find herself. She did not mind at all being the sole unbusy thing.
After a while, they slowed their swings and Zoe said, “Do you miss him?”
“Who?”
Zoe tilted her chin in the direction of the sidewalk.
Caitlyn turned to see.
There he was—Roland West—strolling across the grass toward them, looking fine in black jeans and a plain white t-shirt. She couldn’t remember seeing him in anything but dark colors. The white brought out his dark eyebrows and, the closer he got, his gorgeous gray eyes.
“Hey.” At first, he only had eyes for Caitlyn, but then he noticed Zoe and made a sweeping gaze of the playground. “Where’s Keefe?”
Caitlyn jumped off the swing and walked toward him. She stopped a few feet away and clasped her hands behind her back. “Are you looking for him?”
He shrugged. “Just taking a walk.”
“All the way over here? Did you walk from your house?”
He glanced back the way he came and nodded. “I’m bored. I wanted to do something with Peter, but he’s not home. I thought he might be over here but, uh . . .” He averted his gaze.
Caitlyn reached out and took his hand, not quite believing she did it. “I’m glad you came by.” She led him to a bench under a tree. “I miss you.”
As they sat down, he pulled his hand from hers. “Where’s Keefe?”
“I don’t know. We’re not courting anymore, haven’t been for a while.”
“No? Something go wrong?” His gray eyes probed hers.
“No. I’ve decided I’m not ready for all that boyfriend-girlfriend stuff. I just want to have friends. He feels the same way, I think.”
Disbelief showed in his eyes then he gave a little smile. “I know what you mean. And I’m glad. I . . .” He swallowed. “I miss you, too.”
They sat in silence for a few beautiful minutes, watching Zoe twist her swing to the left and right. The scent of pine and dirt carried on a warm breeze. Leaves rustled in the nearest tree.
He looked at Caitlyn again. “I’m glad you made me confront Jarret back in December, when Zoe was going to, uh . . .”
Caitlyn smiled. “I feel like we saved the baby, but I know it was the people praying outside the clinic that changed her mind.”
He nodded, his eyes thoughtful and downcast. “We saved Jarret.”
A tingling sensation ran through Caitlyn. “Jarret?”
“He needed to want to stop her, to try to save his own baby, to save her, to save himself.”
Caitlyn understood. Abortion destroys more than one life.
They both turned to Zoe again. She was too far to hear them, but she looked up and smiled.
“They’re not seeing each other anymore, are they?” he said.
“No. She wants a do-over. It’s probably hard to start over when you’re seeing someone who expects you to act a certain way.”
He nodded, still staring at Zoe.
She must’ve taken his nod as an invitation because she jumped off the swing and approached. “What’re you up to, Roland?”
“Just wasting time.”
“You know Caitlyn’s not seeing Keefe anymore.” Zoe sat on Roland’s other side, hogging the bench and making him scoot toward Caitlyn.
“Yeah, that’s what she said.”
“Keefe didn’t tell you?”
“Um, no.”
“You West boys don’t talk to each other much, do you?”
He shrugged.
“Did you know Keefe never kissed Caitlyn, not even once?”
“Zoe!” Caitlyn’s face flashed twenty degrees hotter. She reached past Roland to smack Zoe’s arm. “Why would you say that?”
Zoe leaned back, tilted her face to the sky, and closed her eyes as if she had no idea she had totally humiliated Caitlyn. “It’s true, isn’t it? I don’t know how many times you told me you were dying for your first kiss.”
“I can’t believe you!” Caitlyn got up and stomped to the shady side of the big green climbing fort, where no one could see her. Why would Zoe say that in front of Roland?
Caitlyn folded her arms and leaned against the steps. Zoe and Roland talked, but she couldn’t make out what they said. She didn’t want to know what they said. Or did she?
She shuffled to the corner of the climbing fort and peeked.
Roland came from around the corner, and they bumped.
“Sorry.” Caitlyn stumbled back then leaned against the fort.
He smiled, one of those sweet smiles that moved her, and leaned a shoulder against the fort. Close to her. “What’re you doing back here?”
“Oh.” Nervous now, she glanced away. “Standing in the shade.”
He pressed his lips together and dropped his gaze. “I, uh, don’t want to confuse you.” A glance. “I know you just told me you only wanted friendships, and I do, too. That’s what I want. But, well, Zoe said . . .”
Then he leaned into her space and pressed his lips to hers.
Warmth. Sweetness. Caitlyn swooned. Then it was over and she breathed. It hadn’t lasted more than a second, but she’d never forget it. Her first real kiss!
He stared at her through clear gray eyes. Then he gave her his sweet little smile.