Isabella barely slept. If she had been younger and still believed in the magic of Santa and his reindeer, her insomnia might be understandable. The truth was that Darcy’s invite to go shopping had given her all the excuse she needed to put the call from Dr. Morrison out of her mind. Of course, she had remembered it several times through the evening but convinced herself the timing wasn’t right to blurt out that her mother had been offered the director’s job.
Face it, she thought as she pulled on jeans, a bulky turtleneck sweater sent by Aunt Helen and heavy socks, you found every reason not to tell her. She glanced at the other twin bed where her mother was sleeping, her mouth slightly open, her eyelids twitching with dreams. You don’t want to tell her because that would mean it’s all decided. You and Mom will go back to Phoenix and Dad will go back to California, and maybe by the time you get out of high school, the two of them will finally realize they were meant for each other.
She tiptoed to the door and slowly turned the knob. The smell of fresh brewed coffee wafted up the stairs and she heard her father’s familiar laughter and the clatter of a spoon in a ceramic mug. It was so good being here—almost like being a real family again. Sometimes with just Mom and her in Arizona, it seemed really lonely.
“Merry Christmas,” she said as she entered the kitchen and kissed her grandmother’s cheek. Grandma was still in her bathrobe—last year’s model—and slippers, but Isabella’s dad was dressed for the snowy morning.
“Ready?” he said as he drained the last of his coffee.
“Sure, but nothing’s open, so maybe Grandma’s oatmeal wouldn’t be terrible. I mean, it would be great,” she amended, seeing her grandmother’s look of mock offense.
“Nope. You’ll have to settle for day-old bagels and a thermos of hot chocolate. We’re going on a breakfast picnic.”
“Uh, Dad, it’s like freezing out there?”
“So bundle up.” He kissed Irene’s cheek. “I’ll have her back by nine,” he promised.
“Take your time,” she said. “Have fun.”
Tom pulled an extra wool scarf off a hook in the back hall and wrapped it several times around Isabella’s neck until it covered her chin, then he plopped an old knitted toboggan on her head.
“Dad!” Isabella protested, “I look like a dork.”
“This is not a fashion moment,” he declared and pulled open the back door. “Your chariot awaits,” he added, pointing to a large sled.
Isabella giggled as she sat on the sled and pulled the blanket Tom handed her over her legs and knees. “Mush!” she cried.
Tom picked up the sled rope and pulled her across the yard and on into the woods behind her grandparents’ house. “Oops,” he said as they came to an open space that overlooked a frozen pond below. “Here’s the dilemma,” he announced scratching his head as if he hadn’t set up this whole thing. “Breakfast is down there and we’re up here and I don’t know about you but I am starving. If only there were some way to get down there faster.”
“Oh, Dad, do not pretend you didn’t plan this whole thing. Come on.” She scooted forward and wrapped the blanket around her shoulders as Tom positioned the sled on the brink of the hill. Then he climbed on behind her, pulled her tight against himself.
“Ready?”
“Set! Go!” Isabella cried raising her arms high and shouting with joy as they flew down the hill.
The sled came to a stop several feet from the edge of the pond and a rattan picnic basket. “Breakfast is served, my lady.” He pulled out the thermos, two cups, cloth napkins, and bagels sandwiched around cream cheese and Grandma Eleanor’s famous peach jam.
“Heavenly,” Isabella sighed as she took the first bite.
They sat straddling the ends of the sled using the middle as a table between them. “So, talk to me,” her dad said.
“About?”
“Whatever’s on your mind—Christmas, the pageant last night, your mom, whatever.”
Isabella felt her throat tighten. “Can’t we just enjoy the morning?” she said quietly and feigned an interest in the silent woods in the distance. Without warning the tears came. Isabella tried to sniff them back, pretend they were from the cold, not her culpability in keeping Dr. Morrison’s news a secret.
“Hey, what’s this? Has something happened?”
She sighed. Dad would know what to do. “Dr. Morrison called yesterday.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. He found Mom’s application and he’s offering her the job.”
“Is she going to accept it?”
“She doesn’t know. I never gave her the message.”
“I see.”
“At first I forgot—truly. Darcy called and well, anyway I forgot. But then I remembered.”
“And still didn’t tell her?”
“I remembered when we got to the church and she was there with Grandma Eleanor finishing up the decorations and I had to get ready for the pageant and it just seemed like the wrong time.”
“Okay, but there was time later.”
Isabella ducked her head. “I know. But we were having so much fun and it felt so—like a real family and I just—”
“You have to tell her, Bella.”
“I know.”
“You should be proud of her—happy for her. She’s worked hard for this.”
“I’m proud of her. It’s just if she takes this—and why wouldn’t she? It’s just we’ll all be back where we were—us in Phoenix, you in San Francisco.”
Tom lifted her face to his. “Honey, us all being here isn’t the real world,” he said. “It’s wonderful but—well, it’s more like a wonderful accident, a kind of special gift.”
“Exactly,” Isabella argued. “It’s as if God brought us here. Admittedly Papa’s heart attack was maybe overkill, but we’re here. There’s a reason for that—a plan in action.”
“Bella, are you saying you could live here—permanently?”
“It wouldn’t be terrible.”
“But Mom’s been offered the job she’s always wanted.”
Isabella made a face.
“Maybe we’re becoming a holiday family—no more splitting time between us. We could do all the holidays together. I’ll bet she would go for that.”
“So, I have to tell her about the call.” It was a statement not a question.
“Yeah, and the sooner the better.”
Isabella packed up their picnic and stood up, her back to her father. “I was just so sure that God had this plan for us to be together.” Her shoulders shook and Tom was on his feet with his arms around her in seconds. That brought on the full flood of tears. “Why can’t we be a real family?” she wailed.
“We are,” he assured her. “Hey, glass half-full, remember? Think about all the progress we’ve made in just a few short weeks. Don’t spoil what’s left of our time together by looking at the dark side, honey. We’re sharing Christmas and then New Year’s—that’s a huge step forward, Bella.”
She looked up at him and smiled. “I guess when you look at it that way. Okay, let’s go. I’ll tell her as soon as we get back—right after we open the presents—” She saw her father’s frown and sighed. “As soon as we get back.”
Isabella wasn’t the only one who had spent a restless night. It wasn’t visions of sugarplums dancing in Norah’s head. It was her father’s heart attack, the aging of both parents, the draw she felt to be there for them, and more than she was willing to admit, the draw she had been feeling toward being back in Normal.
And it’s Tom.
She tried to tell herself that the season with all its memories and good tidings of peace and joy had created a false sense of what might have been. But the truth was from the moment she had gotten the call about her father’s heart attack, her first instinct had been to turn to Tom. No, it had really started with Denver and Izzy getting sick. And then later when she’d needed to talk to someone about Izzy’s change in attitude, it had been perfectly natural to call Tom. After all, it was how they had always handled things with bringing up Isabella.
But when she had decided to contact him about her résumé and the idea of applying for the new job, something had clicked into place like a puzzle piece that had once seemed impossible and then slid into place so perfectly. And even though she told herself that the way they were interacting with one another now that they were here in Normal had to do with not wanting to upset their parents or Izzy, the truth was it felt so right—so absolutely genuine.
“Mom?”
When Izzy returned. Norah was sitting up in bed. She grinned at her daughter’s red cheeks and nose. “Dad did a picnic?” she guessed.
“Like at the bottom of this giant sledding hill,” Izzy giggled. “He is so weird sometimes.”
Norah saw that statement for the compliment it was. She held back the covers and patted the bed beside her. “Come on. Warm up with me, then we’ll go rip through all those presents.”
Izzy snuggled in next to her. Norah wrapped one arm around her daughter and pulled her close. “That’s nice,” she said.
“I have to tell you something, Mom, and I don’t want you to get mad or upset. I mean, you couldn’t have done anything about it with today being Christmas and all so—”
“What’s happened?”
“Dr. Morrison called—yesterday. He found your application and you’ve got the job. Congratulations.”
“What!” Norah tried digesting this flood of information. “You mean they want to interview me?”
“Nope. He said if you want it the job’s yours.” Izzy looked directly at her for the first time since blurting out the news. In her eyes Norah saw a message that was even more unsettling than the fact she had the job.
Please, don’t, Izzy’s eyes seemed to plead.
“Wow,” Norah murmured. “Well, that’s something, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.” Izzy slid off the bed.
“Something for us to consider,” Norah added and saw Izzy freeze. “See, I was going to talk to you about something today once we’d gotten through the gift opening and church and Christmas dinner. But maybe now’s the best time.”
“For what?” Izzy stared out the window.
“I’ve been thinking maybe we could consider moving back here, Izzy.”
“Here? In this house?”
“No. In Normal—in a house or apartment of our own.”
Izzy turned. Her eyes were enormous. “What about the job?”
“That does bring a new element to the discussion,” Norah acknowledged. “But we have to consider everything, After all it would be a big change. This isn’t Phoenix. It’s much smaller and it gets cold here and—”
“Let’s do it.” Izzy clapped her hands with delight, then hopped onto her own bed and started listing the pluses. “We’d be near both sets of grands. I could help them. Oh, and we’re not that far away from Minnesota so maybe MJ could come for a weekend or I could go there. And there’s Darcy and Heather and—”
“Slow down,” Norah warned. “Take some time to think it over. We don’t need to make a decision right this minute. It’s just an option.”
There was a loud knock at the door and Earle called out. “You girls decent?”
“Come in, Dad,” Norah called and put a finger to her lips to warn Izzy not to say anything about them possibly moving just yet. Izzy nodded and flung herself at her grandfather. “Oh, Papa, this is just going to be the best Christmas ever. Let’s go open presents.”
They made short work of the pile of gifts, ate a second breakfast and then piled in the car for church services traditionally held at noon on Christmas Day. While the evening before the sanctuary had hummed with excitement and conversation, on Christmas Day everyone entered in silence. They might nod and smile at neighbors and friends, but no one spoke as the old pipe organ belted out carols and the scent of fresh evergreens, and dozens of lit candles filled the air. Everyone was dressed in the festive colors of the season and a mantle of love and serenity seemed to cover every shoulder, fill every heart.
Norah sat with her parents and Izzy in one of the side pews. She glanced around and saw that Tom and his parents had not yet arrived and every pew was nearly filled. Just then she spotted them standing at the back of the church. Tom smiled at her and time stood still. How many times in this very church had she thought of Tom only to look up and see him there, smiling at her, watching her?
As his parents hurried down the opposite aisle and took their places with the rest of the choir seated in the side pews, Tom raised one eyebrow at Norah. She nodded and then pressed closer to Izzy so Tom could squeeze in with them.
The hour-long service consisted of a series of responsive readings, choir anthems and organ solos that served as background for silent prayer and meditation. Norah was surprised to find that these times for prayer came as naturally to her as breathing. Maybe it was being back in the church of her youth. And maybe Izzy was right. God was reaching out to her—or more likely she was reaching out to God.
Dear God, thank you for the wealth of blessings you have bestowed on our families—for health restored and for bringing us all together here at times in our individual lives when we truly need the support and caring of each other. Please help us to make the right decisions as we go forward. We all know what Isabella wants. Over these last weeks so much has changed for us. Izzy believes Your hand is guiding all of that. Forgive me, but I’m not that sure. Please don’t let her heart be broken again. Please help me—and Tom—see what’s real and what’s fantasy. It is blessing enough that we have found our way back to being friends. Help us show our beloved daughter that sometimes friendship is enough—help me accept that it can be enough.
Norah swallowed. The truth hit her. In her heart of hearts she hoped Izzy was right and that God did intend for her to be with Tom again. She was in love with him, had always loved him, would always love him. It was not Izzy who needed to come to terms with the idea that friendship might be the extent of it—it was Norah.
Help me, she silently prayed. Open my eyes. Show me Your way.
The organ music swelled to a crescendo and the congregation rose as one for the final carol, “Joy to the World.”
Tom sang with gusto as if he believed every word, as if he had suddenly recognized the truth of every word. Norah felt her heart open to the sheer beauty of the moment. The three of them a family again if only for these few days. She would talk to Tom about the job in Phoenix versus the idea of moving back to Normal. She trusted him. Oh, how she had missed being able to talk about things like this with him.
“…and heaven and nature sing,” she bellowed so loud that Tom and Izzy both looked at her and grinned.
“I think moving back here is a great idea,” Tom said that afternoon as they walked back to her house after both families had shared a traditional brunch at the home of Tom’s parents. “It’s good for Irene and Earle. For Isabella. Not so sure it’s the best thing for you.”
“How so?”
“You’ve practically built the program at the agency. This would be your chance to really do the things you’ve always wanted to do there.”
Norah shrugged. “Maybe I’ve been a little too invested in my work,” she said. “Maybe Luke did me a favor that day when he tried to fire me. It certainly made me look at the job in a new way.”
“But Luke’s not part of this anymore.”
“It doesn’t matter. It occurred to me that trying to find your identity in the work you do is at best a moving target.”
“You don’t need to find your identity,” Tom argued. “You’re you.”
Norah stopped walking and looked up at him. “And who is that?” she said quietly. “Once I was your wife. Then I was Izzy’s mom. Then I was whatever my title of the moment was at the agency. I’ve been a lot of things to a lot of people, but who is Norah?”
“And you think coming back here is the right place to find answers?”
“It feels—safe. It feels familiar.”
“You can’t turn back the clock, Norah.”
“Sure you can,” she said half-jokingly. “We do it every fall when we go off daylight saving time.”
But Tom remained serious. “You know what I’m saying.”
“I know. I’m not going into this with blinders on,” she assured him. “I know the difference between being Izzy’s age and growing up here and the realities of making a life here. I’ll have to find work and there are bound to be moments when Izzy—and I—think we made the wrong choice.”
“Want my best advice?” He placed her hand in the crook of his arm.
“That was the point of sending the others ahead and walking home with you,” she said with a smile.
“Okay, here it comes. Don’t turn down the job in Phoenix yet. Call Morrison and tell him you’ll have a decision when you get back after New Year’s. Then while you’re here explore what the reality of moving back here might be—check out job opportunities, schools, housing, the works.”
“That sounds like a wonderful plan. Izzy is ready to put a down payment on a house, but you’re right. We need the whole picture.”
“Okay, so now that we’ve solved that, I had an idea.” He told her of his idea that going forward they would spend all holidays together. “Either here or in San Francisco—or Phoenix if you decide to go back. We could maybe travel some—springbreak in Washington so Izzy gets a taste of her nation’s capital. What do you think?”
Norah laughed. “Oh, Tom, I thought it was just Izzy and me who were getting caught up in the fantasy of the holiday. Do you know what you’re proposing? I mean what if you want to spend a holiday with someone else?”
“Who else?”
“A girlfriend?”
Tom shrugged and grinned. “I’ll bring her along and you’ll bring your guy. If they can’t handle it, then they aren’t the right ones. Let’s be a family—at least to the extent we can be.”
It had always amazed Norah how Tom could take the most complex situation and winnow it down to the simplest terms. It was one of the things she had loved most about him. And, she couldn’t help remembering, it was also one of the things that had left her stunned and furious when he had left her.
She glanced up at him as he opened the front door to her parents’ house and waited for her to precede him.
“Are you happy, Tom?”
He seemed surprised at the question. “Of course.”
But the answer had come automatically and the assurance in his smile did not reach his eyes. She touched his cheek.
“You mean in general?” Tom shrugged. “This isn’t about me.” He kissed her fingers. “You’re doing the right thing, Norah. Take your time. Gather the facts. Then decide.”
“And in the meantime?” Norah couldn’t seem to take her eyes off his fingers entwined with hers. “Will you help me make sure Izzy doesn’t get her hopes too high? I mean, she’s likely to see this as the next step in God’s grand plan—for us.”
“I can’t stop her from praying for what she’s always wanted, Norah.”
“In church today it occurred to me that maybe we’re the ones who should be seeking God’s guidance.”
“Great minds,” he tapped her forehead and then his own. “I was praying hard during those silent meditations this morning.”
Norah was surprised. “Me too,” she admitted. “Think it’s possible for two former holiday-only churchgoers to change?”
“It’s worth a shot—when we were teens we were pretty into our faith.”
“Like Izzy,” Norah said.
“And a little child shall lead them?” He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “Don’t sell yourself short, Norah. You’ve raised a fabulous kid. You’ve built a career you can be proud of, and yet you’re still thinking about coming back here for your parents’ sake.”
“Don’t put me up for sainthood yet,” Norah cautioned. “Starting fresh has some really selfish appeal to me right now.” She looked up at him. “I don’t want to some day look back at my life and have the best I can say about it is that I made do.”
Tom pulled her to him and hugged her. “Lady, you may be many things but selfish is not on the list, okay? In fact, I would applaud selfish. For once in your life make a decision based on what’s best for you. Isabella will be fine whatever you decide.”
“Thanks,” she whispered as she hugged him back and drew strength from his embrace. If only… She pulled away a little. “How about a turkey sandwich?”
He grinned and then kissed her.
“Tom!” she protested when he broke the kiss.
He grinned and pointed to the mistletoe. “Blame your mom,” he said and headed down the hall toward the kitchen.
“We should have a New Year’s Eve party,” Isabella announced as they sat around the kitchen table later that night picking at the remains of their supper.
“What a good idea,” Irene agreed. “Why don’t you start a guest list, Isabella, and then we can plan a menu.”
“And games,” Isabella said.
“Parlor games,” Earle said.
“Oh, stop sounding like you were born in Victorian times,” Irene chastised him but she was laughing.
“How about a scavenger hunt?” Isabella suggested. “Scavenger hunt and then all meet at the church for midnight services, then come back here and see who found the most things on their list and eat dessert and—”
“And by that time it’ll be nearly time for breakfast,” her grandfather teased her. “Might as well not go to bed at all.”
Izzy eyes and smile widened. “We could watch the sunrise—the dawning of the first day of a new year—cool!”
“Well, I can see I’d better rest up for this grand affair,” Earle said. “Come on, Renie, let these young folks clear away. That holiday movie you like is on the family channel—starts in five minutes. Want to snuggle up in bed and watch it with me?”
Irene smiled and pulled off her apron. “Now how could I possibly refuse an offer like that?”
“I’m going to call Darcy and Heather,” Isabella said. “It’s okay to invite them and their parents, right?”
“It’s fine, but don’t get too ambitious with your guest list,” Norah warned. “It’s not that big of a house.”
Izzy frowned as she scanned the living room and small dining room visible through the kitchen pass-through. “Yeah, that could be a problem.” And she was off, cell phone already to her ear as she bolted up the stairs and shut the door to the bedroom she and Norah were sharing.
“I should go,” Tom said.
“Oh no you don’t.” Norah tossed him the dish towel. “You’re not leaving me alone to clear up this mess. I’ll wash. You wipe.”
“They have this marvelous invention called a dishwasher.”
Norah pulled open the dishwasher door to show him it was already filled. “Unless you want to add unloading this to clearing up?”
“I’ll wipe,” he said as he stacked plates and flatware and carried them to the sink. “Remember that first apartment in Arizona?”
“Yeah. We could barely turn around in that kitchen.”
“But it was fun. We had some good times in that place.”
“Seems like a long time ago.” Norah handed him a plate and he wiped it dry and put it in the cupboard. His actions brought back memories of nights spent washing dishes in that first apartment, nights when they had talked about the future—their future. You can’t go back—only forward. “Last plate,” she announced brightly and handed it to him as she drained the water and wiped out the sink. Their chore completed, there was an awkward silence in the kitchen.
“Well…” Tom said, making the first move. Norah followed him into the front hall and waited by the door while he put on his jacket and gloves. “See you tomorrow?”
Hundreds of times when they were in high school and college they had stood in this very place. He had asked the same question. She had made the same reply, “Sure.”
She pulled open the front door and made sure she stood well out of range of the mistletoe. It had been an emotional roller coaster of a day. One more kiss—even a “mistletoe peck” as Tom had once called it—would put her over the edge. Tom glanced at the mistletoe and her position and laughed. “Coward.”