Chapter Sixteen

You’re my favorite Connolly.

- Harmony in a text to Brendon


Harmony

I wasn’t scared. Should I have been? No, I didn’t think I could be scared with Brendon.

His lips were on mine, his fingers trailing down my arms, and all I could do was close my eyes and live in the moment.

I knew this was fast, that everything was too fast, yet I felt as if I had been living in slow motion for the months he had been back. For the time that he had been back in my life and we were friends, though not more than friends.

We had inside jokes, we had smiles for only each other. We even had a dance that was just ours. One that no one else knew.

We had won a pool league together, and we were each other’s.

He knew my secrets—at least some of them. And I knew some of his. Not all of them, but not all of them were mine to know.

If I thought about it too hard, I would stop thinking entirely and would likely run away and not want to do anything. I would stop living in the moment, and I would stop wanting Brendon’s lips on mine, his hands on me.

But I didn’t want to stop thinking.

I wanted to live in the now.

Because this felt right.

All of those other dates had been practice—not even true dates. Because Brendon had always been there.

With him, I wasn’t a widow. I wasn’t a wife. I wasn’t a label.

I was Harmony-fucking-Wynham, and I wanted Brendon Connolly. I wanted this moment.

I had wanted it for longer than I cared to admit. Just because it had taken me so long to realize what Brendon was to me, who he could be to me, didn’t mean that I hadn’t thought about it. That I hadn’t noticed him. The way he filled out a pair of jeans. I’d always appreciated his forearms, his smile, his eyes.

I noticed the way he made me feel, even if I didn’t want to feel it.

Some part of me had shielded myself from that, maybe because I was scared.

But I wasn’t scared anymore. Not like that.

So, when he kissed me, I leaned into it and wanted more.

“I want to take you to bed, Harmony, in a house that’s yours. I want to make love to you, and I want to kiss you, and I want to touch you. Will you let me do that? Or should I walk away?”

“Are those my only options?” I asked in a breathy voice. I sounded like a seductress, something I hadn’t felt in far too long.

Brendon made me feel sexy. He made me feel like a woman. And though I could feel like that on my own, Brendon did it with just one look.

That was how I knew this was right. Because he was asking. Because of how he made me feel.

And because I burned for him. I wanted him.

I wasn’t walking away.

Not now.

Not tonight.

And maybe not ever again. But that was for another day.

“You can have whatever you want from me, Harmony. That was always the case.”

“I want to touch you. I want you to touch me. But if it’s too much, I want you to know that it’s not you.”

He just shook his head, his eyes dancing with humor, warmth…love? No, maybe not that. But there was something there. An emotion I couldn’t name, something that meant he cared. Said that he was mine. And not only for tonight. Because that wasn’t Brendon. He wouldn’t cross this line and change who we were to each other if it was just for one night.

And, yes, I was probably taking too many steps without looking back, but this was Brendon.

And we were different.

Anyone who didn’t understand that didn’t know us.

“Take me to bed,” I whispered, and then he bent down, put his arms under my legs, and lifted me to his chest.

I let out a shocked gasp and wrapped my arms around his neck.

“Wow,” I whispered. “I knew you were strong. I mean, I have seen you work out, but wow.”

He grinned and kissed the tip of my nose. “Well, I am trying to look very manly for you.”

I just laughed. “You don’t have to try too hard, Brendon.”

“I never feel like I have to try around you. Even if I tried not to act that way before.”

“We can talk about the whys later, we can talk about everything. Tomorrow. For now, it’s just us. And I know it’s fast, but I can’t stop wanting you.”

“And that’s okay with me. Because I’ve always wanted you, Harmony. Simply for us.”

And then his mouth was on mine, and we were in my bedroom.

There were no more words then. At least I didn’t think there would be. There didn’t need to be.

He knew what this was, and so did I.

This would be my first time with anyone since I lost Moyer. But he wasn’t in my mind just then, not really. He wasn’t in the room. He never had been.

This was my house, my life. And this was my present. And maybe my future.

This was about Brendon and me.

This was a new beginning, and I was going to live in the moment.

Brendon slowly unzipped my jacket, and it fell to the floor, and then he undid his, as well.

We both kicked them out of the way, and then he kissed down my neck and up to my jaw. He bit slightly, and I moaned. Then his lips were on mine again, nibbling, licking, sucking.

My hands tugged at the bottom of his shirt, pulling it out of his pants, and then I slid my hands up his warm back, scraping my nails down his skin.

He let out a groan, and I moaned again.

I could hardly think, I could barely breathe, but he was so sweet, so tender, so Brendon.

This was just like him.

Everything he did was in an effort to care for others, to think about them.

He worshipped me like I was the only thing in his universe.

And that was how I knew this was perfect.

It was how I knew it always had to be Brendon.

“It’s you,” I whispered. “It’s always been you.”

“Same here. It’s always been you, Harmony.”

And then he kissed me again, and my hands moved to his front to undo his shirt’s buttons.

He pulled back when I had trouble with one of the top ones, but then he was shirtless, wearing only his pants and shoes and belt. I stood there, my eyes raking down the length of him.

He was so toned, so muscled.

He wore suits well, as if he had been born in them. Though I knew that was the exact opposite. I knew all about his past, all about what had been done to him. I could even see some of the scars from that, but then I saw the strength in him, how much he put into his body and his soul.

That was who he was with me.

And that’s exactly why this was what I needed.

Why he was the exact perfect person for me.

I leaned forward, kissed his chest, licked gently, and then bit down. His hands roamed all over my body, and I did the same to him. And when he pulled off my shirt, I let my head fall back, and he worshipped me.

He cupped my breasts, molding them in my lace bra, and then he undid the clasp in the front and slowly pulled the straps from my shoulders.

My breasts felt heavy, my nipples hard, aching.

He lowered his head and sucked one into his mouth, gently, oh so gently.

Everything about Brendon was gentle.

He was so huge, so much larger than me. His hands were big, everything about him was big. But he was gentle.

And when he finished with one breast, he moved on to the other, slowly worshipping me like I was a goddess.

I’d never thought I would be able to feel like this again, feel it all, but Brendon pushed all thoughts from my mind, so I was just there. With him.

In the moment.

And when my knees went weak, he picked me up again and laid me in the middle of the bed.

He slowly took off my shoes and then undid my pants. I wiggled free of them, and then he took my panties down with them.

Suddenly I was bare before him, him in only his boxer briefs, and me naked, wanting.

I hadn’t even known he had taken off his pants, and I was sad to have missed it.

Maybe he would let me see it again. Maybe I’d be able to strip them from him myself.

I wanted that.

I wanted more than tonight. I wouldn’t have risked everything for just one night.

And I knew Brendon was the same.

He hovered over me then, kissing me softly, and I moaned.

Everything was sweet, innocent. It was as if it was our first time, our first everything.

He slowly kissed down my shoulders, gently touching me, wanting me.

I pressed my thighs together, needing sensation. I was on the edge of…something, but he just kept touching me, making me feel as if I were the only person in the world.

The only person in his world.

And when he kissed between the valley of my breasts, I arched for him, wanting more.

My hand slid into his hair, tugging slightly, and he just groaned, licking and biting down my stomach.

And then his head was between my legs, kissing me, sucking, licking.

I had one leg over his shoulder, the other pinned down as he slowly brought me to ecstasy.

I came, my back arched, his name a breath on my lips.

Just a whisper because I had nothing left to say. All I knew was that this man was perfect for this moment.

He was perfect for me.

I was blessed. And I was happy.

And then he was over me, kissing me again.

I didn’t know where he had gotten a condom, but I was lucky that he had thought of it.

Because I couldn’t think of anything but wanting him inside me.

He sheathed himself, and then he hovered over me, his weight on his hands, his eyes full of concern even as I knew he was shaking with need.

I was shaking, too.

“I can stop anytime you want me to, Harmony. Will you let me inside?”

“It’s you,” I repeated. “It’s always been you.”

And so I nodded and let my legs fall to the sides.

And then he was in me, inch by agonizingly slow inch, and his gaze never left mine.

He leaned over me, his weight now on his forearms as our fingers tangled together.

We held hands as he slid in to the hilt.

As our breaths caught, and our eyes remained connected, he moved.

Simple thrusts, soft and achingly slow. And I moved with him.

I could hardly breathe, could barely blink.

I could just watch him and know that this was exactly the perfect moment, the one I needed. The perfect moment we needed.

This was making love. It was the next phase of that new normal.

This was just me and Brendon.

He was so soft, so sweet. And yet hard. And I knew there was an edge to him that he held back. That was something I wanted to see.

But not now.

Now, this was exactly what we both needed.

When he let go of one of my hands to slide it between us, I came, needing him, wanting him.

He came then as well, his lips on mine but our eyes still open.

This was Brendon.

My Brendon.

This is what I had truly needed but didn’t know.

He was my first.

He was my everything.

And as he held me, the tears fell, but I wasn’t sad.

I was happy.

This was that pure bliss, that ultimate happiness that I hadn’t known I could feel again.

He held me, and I cried.

And I was happy.

So happy.