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“ARE YOU FRACKIN’ SERIOUS?”
Lanta jerked back, shrinking away from Elkah, wanting to melt into the corner of the couch in their room that she’d taken refuge on.
The words in itself weren’t that bad. She’d heard worse coming from Elkah. It was that Elkah had said them with such emotion. And the look in Elkah’s usually vacant eyes? Shock. Disgust.
Lanta felt the worst of the worst. After everything Aunt Varlah had done for her, and after Elkah had spent most of her life taking up for her, she’d betrayed both of their trust.
They’d depended on her to do a job. Yet here she was, caught with someone who shouldn’t have given her a second glance. She’d failed as a personal guard. She’d failed at being an Oncun.
I’ll be fired. When I return to Luur everyone will know what happened.
They’ll turn their backs on me. I’ve failed to assimilate.
Elkah stalked back and forth across their bedroom. Something else out of character for an Oncun. Every few paces she dropped onto the bed, only to bounce up and pace again.
“What if someone else saw the two of you?”
“Th-they didn’t.”
Elkah glared at Lanta as she did one of her passes. For a species who’d hardly showed emotion, this was bad. Very bad. “How do you know? What if someone came in, saw what was going on and left without saying a word?”
Lanta snapped her mouth shut because that was entirely plausible.
“Do you know what would happen if you were caught?”
“I would be fired.”
Elkah dropped back her head and laughed at the ceiling. Loudly. The sound was strange. As far as Lanta knew, this was Elkah’s first attempt at laughter.
My God. I’ve broken her.
It was a good thing the bedrooms were noise proof, otherwise Aiko, Una and the guests in the surrounding suites would’ve heard Elkah.
“Oh, you won’t just be fired. We would. And our reputation—the reputation of my mother’s business—would be unrecoverable.”
“I know.”
Elkah dropped to the edge of her bed. “Then tell me why you did it, Lanta? If someone would’ve told me they saw you kissing Kgosi Melisizwe, I wouldn’t have believed them. Anyone but you. You’ve worked too hard to overcome your genetic faults.”
Genetic faults. Lanta had heard those words her entire life. That’s what the Oncuns had called her human traits. She’d grown up thinking that behaving like a human was something she’d needed to work hard to overcome. And rightly so. The emotions currently rampaging through her body couldn’t possibly be normal.
“Your emotions are all over the place,” Elkah continued in a low voice. She began to tremble. “I can feel them vibrating off you. It’s too much. I want to...I want to...” All of the emotion on Elkah’s face began to fade away. Her trembling limbs stilled. Elkah’s back straightened.
Lanta knew all too well what would happen next. Oh, no!
Lanta’s heart slammed against her ribs. “Don’t shun me, Elkah. Please. Don’t.” The last words were choked with a cry. “It won’t happen again.” She couldn’t go through this right now. Not with Elkah and not here. She needed all the support she could get. She’d messed up.
Tears dripped down Lanta’s face, but she wiped them away quickly. They wouldn’t do anything to help plead her case.
If Elkah saw the tears she didn’t say anything. She shook herself then jumped to her feet and began pacing again. Lanta took that as a good sign. If Elkah was pacing, she wasn’t shunning.
“I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but you have to work harder to contain it. You need to go back to your daily meditating, purge yourself of these feelings.”
Lanta had to get herself under control. She’d strived to master the Oncun ways all her life. She couldn’t go back to how things were before. The shunning. People pretending she didn’t exist. Not being talked to. Not being acknowledged. Being alone.
She couldn’t.
Lanta stood and wiped her wet palms on her clothes. She dropped all expression from her face and, when her cheeks and chin felt heavy and slack, she said. “Thank you for coming in when you did. I don’t know what came over me. Maybe meeting another human had an adverse effect on me?” She blinked and tried to focus through wet eyelashes. “No matter. I will overcome this.”
Melis had guests he was auditioning for the part of his queen. She wasn’t part of that lot. She was the hired help. Whatever was going on between them wasn’t a relationship. It was a bad decision.
It wasn’t the first one she’d made, but it would certainly be her last. He’d shown her some attention—more than she was used to getting—and she’d had a hard time pushing him away. She shouldn’t have left the bath. She shouldn’t have taken his hand. She shouldn’t have touched him.
But he’d looked at her and she felt the pull of him. And that kiss. Her first real one, and it had weakened her.
She inwardly shook those thoughts away. She wasn’t special. There was no connection.
Melis had that effect on people. She’d spent countless days witnessing him charming the others with a charisma they couldn’t resist.
“Hopefully no one else saw what went on.”
Elkah glanced at Lanta, but quickly looked away. There was probably still some emotion on Lanta’s face. She tried harder to make her face slack.
“Maybe we can still salvage this job,” Elkah said. “That’s if you can stay away from the Kgosi.”
Lanta gave her a nod. “I can do that. I’m sorry, Elkah. I don’t know what came over me. I know better. Aunt Varlah has been good to me and my mom. I wouldn’t want any part in ruining her business.”
Elkah stopped pacing and stilled. The emotion once again left her face. Lanta inwardly sighed. Elkah might not be broken after all.
“She wouldn’t have given you this job if she didn’t think you could handle it. You weren’t handed this, Lanta. You earned it.”
“I know.”
And she did. She’d had to work harder than everyone else to prove herself, on Luur and in this business. She’d worked so hard that the others had eventually stopped seeing her as human and recognized her as one of them. The tribal jewels were a testament to that.
“Then act like it. Whatever is going on with you, get over it.”
“I will.”
* * *
MELISIZWE: LANTA, I’M sorry. I didn’t mean for that to happen. I shouldn’t have intruded on you in the meditation chamber and I shouldn’t have kissed you. The fault is mine and I will tell that to your employer. I’ll contact the security company it you think it would help. Please let me know what I can do to fix this.
No answer.
* * *
ATLANTA: MELIS, DON’T contact the security company. No one else knows what happened.
Melisizwe: Your partner won’t tell?
Atlanta: No. As long as I don’t continue to jeopardize the job, she doesn’t see a reason to.
Melisizwe: I’m sorry for putting you in this position.
Atlanta: You’ve already apologized.
Melisizwe: But you haven’t let me know if it was accepted or not.
Atlanta: Apology accepted. Goodnight.
Melisizwe: Goodnight, Lanta.
* * *
ATLANTA: MELIS, DO you think that was wise?
Melisizwe: Yes.
Atlanta: Do you even know what I’m referring to?
Melisizwe: No.
Atlanta: Then how were you able to answer the question?
Melisizwe: Because I think most things I do are wise.
Atlanta: Are you always this full of yourself?
Melisizwe: Yes.
Atlanta: Can I get back to my original question?
Melisizwe: I answered it.
Atlanta: Melis, do you think approaching Princess Una and telling her I was instrumental in catching the waitress-would-be-assassin was wise?
Melisizwe: Very.
Atlanta: Why?
Melisizwe: Because she doesn’t appreciate what she has in you. Now she does. She seemed proud of you.
Atlanta: No. She was happy you addressed her.
Melisizwe: I addressed her to praise you. What you did should be rewarded. I’ve also written a letter to your employer stating what you did.
Atlanta: Why?
Melisizwe: Because I believe in thanking people who help thwart plans of assassination.
Atlanta: Goodnight.
Melisizwe: Goodnight, Lanta.
Two hours later.
Atlanta: Melis?
Melisizwe: Yes, Lanta.
Atlanta: What is your definition of smitten?
Melisizwe: The same as yours.
* * *
“WHAT’S UP?”
Lanta tilted her head back to look up. “Aside from the ceiling?”
Payton’s giggles came over Lanta’s comlink. “It’s an Earth greeting. It means, ‘What are you doing?’”
Lanta lowered her head. “Then why not just say that?” Talking to Payton was so confusing.
“The English language is kinda crazy.” She laughed again. “Never mind. What are you doing?”
“I’m reading.” She’d been on duty non-stop since Melis had given Una praise about her choice in guards. Una had wanted to show off Lanta, and Lanta was happy that no one had divulged about the kiss she’d shared with Melis, but she was exhausted. Finally, Elkah had relieved Lanta and insisted on escorting Una to the planned function this afternoon.
“Anything good?”
“It’s a file on the evolution of the Zolida clan from Esna Li. We’re negotiating a contract with them and I’m preparing for the assignment that may begin after the end of this one.”
“Sounds, um, boring. But since you aren’t doing anything, come by my office for a visit.”
“I just told you what I’m doing.”
“See you in five?”
“Five what?”
“O.M.G. Come visit me, Lanta. I could use the company. Besides, you’ve been so busy I haven’t talked to you in like, forever.”
If Payton was having an adverse effect on her emotions, then staying away from her was the best course of action. But if she spent some time with Payton, then maybe she could finally learn why human emotions were all over the place and find a better way at controlling them.
Because, truth be told, she wasn’t doing such a good job of it herself.
Since their kiss, all she could think about was how right it had felt being in his arms. She would’ve done anything he’d asked. She hadn’t lied when she’d told Elkah she was glad that Elkah had interrupted them, but there was a part of her that wished Elkah hadn’t.
Her career was back on track, but she wasn’t. Lanta felt off, discombobulated. Wrong. Like her world was slightly tilted the wrong way.
And if she wanted to right herself again, Payton may very well hold the solution.
“I’m on my way,” she told Payton.
“Thank God. See you in a few minutes.”
Lanta disconnected the call and closed the file she’d been reading. She was making her way through the palace, on her way to Payton’s office, when her comlink pinged with an incoming message. It was from Melis. She tried to calm the flutters in her stomach that always erupted when she saw his name displayed across her comlink and opened the secure line.
Melisizwe: Lanta, I’ve narrowed my choices down.
Pain erupted in her heart. She tripped over her feet. She knew this day would come and should’ve been prepared for it. She reminded herself every time they exchanged messages that she shouldn’t get used to him reaching out to her. Their...whatever they had, would be short lived.
Lanta stopped and leaned against the wall. Luckily she was in part of the palace where there wasn’t a lot of foot traffic. She swallowed hard. He contacted her because he appreciated her advice. She wouldn’t let her feelings get in the way of what she had to tell him.
Atlanta: Princess Lu, Bienke, and Sira should be your top choices.
Melisizwe: I see you’ve given this some thought. What about Isra?
Atlanta: She’s a nervous individual. You need a strong mate by your side. The attacks likely won’t stop after your mate is announced. Her brother has recently risen to power on her homeworld, and she’s here because of him. He already negotiated their sister’s marriage, and rumor is it caused a rift in the ruling family. If there is any danger, Isra will probably leave and take refuge in her sister’s kingdom, which could cause problems for you. There are family dynamics there I don’t think you would want to get involved in.
Melisizwe: I stand corrected. You’ve given this a lot of thought. What about Una? She isn’t on your list.
Atlanta: Queen Anaiel likes her gadgets. Her wealth comes from the patents she holds. Mxolisi could benefit from having a backer as connected as she is. But besides that, do I really need to provide a reason why Una wouldn’t be a good match?
Melisizwe: Thank you. As always I appreciate your counsel. Have you changed your mind about working for me?
And watch him give his mate the entirety of his love? She would rather walk into a thax beast lair.
Atlanta: No. My duty is with the security company. When will you make the announcement?
It wasn’t her business, but her heart wanted to know.
Melisizwe: Soon.
She disconnected the line and traveled the remainder of the distance with a heavy heart.
When she arrived at Payton’s office it was to find her sitting behind a desk with her feet up and arms bent behind her head. Today there were seven braids in her hair, large and small, and the they all seemed to be pointed in different directions.
“Come on in. I’m glad you came. The boredom was getting to me.”
“Why not leave and do something else with your time?” Lanta made her way into a room that was bigger than her apartment on Luur. It was decorated like much of the other rooms in the palace: luxuriously.
“I can’t leave. Not yet anyway. Themba makes me spend a few hours a day in here. Something about seeing to my official palace duties.”
Lanta noticed she was dressed more formally today. Payton had on a burgundy and black one-piece outfit that looked more expensive than a month’s salary. The small jewels lining the collar assured Lanta of that.
“I think the guys gave me and Chikondi all the duties they didn’t want to do themselves.” Payton leaned forward and picked up a small disk, then squinted as she read it. “I’m supposed to oversee a dispute between two rival manufacturing companies. One thinks the other has gotten ahold of proprietary information.” She waved her hand toward one of the empty chairs. “Sit.”
Lanta sat in one of the seats offered. “It seems your mate is trying to acclimate you into his society. It is a good thing. To be accepted as one of their own.”
“When I first came here, I wasn’t sure if I would fit in or if anyone would accept me. But that wasn’t the case. I’m glad for it.” She gave Lanta a pointed look. “What about you? Was it hard fitting in with the Oncuns?”
Lanta tried not to scowl. Oncuns didn’t scowl. “It was difficult. At first. But after...” She didn’t want to say that after her mother died it got better, because that wouldn’t come out right at all. “My mother doted on me. That made things hard because Oncuns don’t normally show signs of affection. Then...later...when I didn’t have anyone encouraging me to laugh or cry, I was better able to fit in.”
“Well, ah, that sounds, um...”
“That’s one of the reasons why I decided to visit you.” Lanta fisted her hands in her lap. “I’d had my emotions under control for a very long time, but since meeting you, they’ve been much harder to rein in.”
Both of Payton’s eyebrows ticked upward. “Controlling your emotions? You seem to do a good job at that to me. I have no clue how you’re able to stand so still and stone-faced all the time. I wouldn’t be able to do it. I would have so many phantom itches; my nose, my ear, I’d want to scratch my scalp.” Payton touched and scratched everywhere she’d mentioned. “See? I wouldn’t be good at it.”
“I didn’t have a choice. The Oncuns don’t like to express emotion.” She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth then let out a sigh. “They’re...different from a lot of species. I’m very lucky they decided to let us stay with them. The decision wasn’t made lightly on their part.”
“They don’t express emotion? I’ve watched your partner and I don’t think she’s ever cracked a smile.”
“Most people think they don’t express emotion because they can’t. That’s not true. They can. The problem is that emotional stimuli makes them uncomfortable. Mentally. They have a hard time expressing their feelings, but I know I’m cared for and loved. I’ve never doubted that.”
“And how long have you had to rein in your emotions?”
“All my life.”
Payton made a pitying face.
Lanta straightened, raising her chin higher. “It was necessary to fit in. But I was...am appreciative of Aunt Varlah and her help. Without her my mom might’ve died on that research vessel and I might’ve ended up as a test subject as well.”
“Your aunt? I thought it was just you and your mom?”
“She was the one who saved my mom and later adopted me. She isn’t related by blood, but that’s what I’ve called her all my life.”
“Your mom must’ve thought highly of her. It’s common for human women to have their kids refer to their close friends as ‘Aunt.’ It’s done out of love and respect.”
Her mom and Aunt Varlah didn’t always get along, especially when it came to Lanta’s upbringing, but there was mutual respect there, and her mother owed Varlah her life.
“Do you mind if I ask you about human, er, I mean, about our emotions specifically?”
“Shoot.”
Lanta glanced over her shoulder then, frowning, she patted the sides of her belt where she would normally keep her blasters. “I don’t have my weapons, but even if I did, what would you want me to shoot?”
Payton chuckled. “Sorry. I’m still trying to get used to not using idioms when I speak. It’s confusing the hell out of everyone around here. I meant, ask me what you want.”
Lanta tilted her head to the side. “That is a human way of speaking?”
“Not all humans. Mostly Americans.”
Questions, different ones that had led her to Payton’s office were formulating in Lanta’s mind. She must’ve done a poor job of hiding her excitement, because Payton said, “I can tell you all about that later. Go ahead and ask me your original question. Unless you want to talk about human speech patterns more? I mean, I have a few hours to spare.”
The topic did interest her, but so did all things human. Lanta gave her head a shake. “I don’t have a lot of time. I’m on guard duty once Una returns to the suite.”
“We don’t have to answer all your questions right now. Tell me what’s going on with your emotions and I can help you try to figure them out.”
Lanta scooted to the edge of her chair. “Before meeting you, when I saw an attractive male, I would make a mental note of it, but otherwise none would be the wiser. Now.” She furrowed her brows, searching for the right words. “Now I’m overcome with emotions, and I can’t stop thinking of him. During the day I have...thoughts, fantasies, and at night I dream about him.’
“This is getting juicy. Go on.”
Lanta wanted to ask Payton about her use of “juicy”, but figured it was another of her words that had a different meaning and dismissed the question. “Whenever I see him my stomach twists and turns. It hurts to breathe. My heart feels like it might explode. I can’t think and my decisions aren’t appropriate. Bad choices are being made. Did this happen because I’m in close proximity with another human—you? I might be leaving soon. Will I return to normal then? Will distance help to normalize me? Is there a way to make these feelings stop?”
Payton stared at her, unblinkingly, for a minute. “Wow. That wasn’t the question I was expecting. So, um, yeah. I have nothing to do with what you’re going through. What you’re describing sounds more like a crush.”
“Crush? I’ve crushed something?”
That sounded right. Lanta had obviously crushed and broken something in her body. Maybe in her chest or abdomen? Those were the organs that seemed most affected by this phenomenon.
Payton shook her head and let out a heavy sigh. “I have really got to get better at this. No, I mean, the feelings you’re describing, back on Earth it would be called a crush. It’s just an influx of emotions you experience when you’re attracted to someone.”
That made her happy. Not that she was experiencing it, but because it had a name and didn’t imply she needed to have a medic fix her. Having a name somehow made it feel normal, like she wasn’t broken,
Crush.
“How might I turn this influx of emotions off?”
“If I knew how to do that, I wouldn’t have made half the mistakes that I made in the past with my ex.” Payton chuckled and shook her head. “It usually has to run its course. Sometimes the guy does something that turns you off—not literally, that means they do something that you don’t like and it kills all feelings for them—or the crush turns into something more. Love.”
Lanta thought about that. What could Melis do to turn her off? Hm, she didn’t know how he had turned her on, so that was a mystery.
Love? She wasn’t as naïve to believe that Melis could ever love her. For some reason they were intrigued with one another and had acted recklessly, but it wouldn’t lead to something as permanent as love.
“Um, so, who is the lucky guy? You said all these feelings started when you met me—I’m not the cause of that, by the way, it’s just a coincidence—so whoever it is must be on Ipakethe.”
Heat burned Lanta’s cheeks. Whenever she was embarrassed, her face flushed with a red undertone she couldn’t hide. No matter how hard she worked at controlling her facial expressions that was one she couldn’t do anything about. “No one.”
Payton let out a cackle. “Yeah, right. Tell me.”
Could she? No. If it ever got out her career would end and she’d just gotten it back on track. “Someone from the waitstaff.” She hated to lie but the truth would do more damage.
“Oh, really? What’s his name? I can put in a good word for you.”
Lanta cocked her head to the side. “What word is better than the rest?”
Payton scrubbed her hand down her face. “Name. Please.”
“I-I don’t know it.”
“Hm, I wonder if I can figure this out by cross-referencing everyone who worked the same shifts that you were on princess duty.” Payton tapped the top of her desk and the hologram projected. The command screen flickered to life. “I’m going to warn you though. The Ngonyamas like to play in and braid hair. As soon as you hook up with one you’ll be walking around here with crazy-ass braids going every which way.”
Lanta put up a hand. She’d told the lie because it was better than admitting the truth. She didn’t want to dig herself deeper and deeper into it. “Stop. Really. I’m embarrassed by this all. I’m not going to act on this feeling. I’ll just have to control it as best as I can until our job here is done. Then I’ll leave and never see him again.”
Payton swiped virtual employee files. “I just suddenly became depressed for you. You’re here. You have some free time. Why not enjoy a little of it?”
“I can’t. If I engage in any unbecoming activities while on duty, I’ll get fired and my aunt’s business might be affected.”
“Not even a little secret rendezvous?” Payton leaned forward. “Is it the whole two cocks thing? I can promise you it isn’t as scary as it seems. You can make it work. You and your waiter guy would be fine to bump uglies, I mean, have sex.”
Lanta felt the heat rushing up her neck and spreading across her face again.
“TMI. Sorry,” Payton said quickly.
“I-I’ve never had sex—”
Payton’s eyes grew wide. “Oh my God! You’re a virgin?”
“What? No. I was going to say that I’ve never had sex with anyone I wasn’t compatible with sexually.”
“We’re compatible with the Ngonyamas. We have two holes and they have two cocks...”
Lanta dropped her face into her hands. The embarrassment was overwhelming. “I read in the files that humans sometimes used their anal cavity for sexual pleasure. I didn’t believe it. The Oncuns would never think of such a thing.”
“Girl, if your sexual experience is tied to the Oncuns I feel sorry for you. Those people don’t strike me as being sexually progressive. And what you read in the files?” She humphed. “Most of that is bullcrap. Themba showed me a file he’d been given in The Hunt titled, Getting to know your human prey. I don’t know who wrote it or in what century, but it’s wrong. My advice? Experiment. See what you like and what you don’t like. And what better start than with this Ngonyama that you have feelings for?”
Lanta dropped her hands and slumped. “I couldn’t.”
“Why not? You’re not a virgin. You’re single. Live a little. You deserve it, Lanta.”
Experiment? Could she? “I’ve only had sex once and it wasn’t really good. I don’t know if I necessarily want to partake in that activity again.”
Payton dropped her head to her desk and groaned.
“Did I say something wrong?”
“So much work to do and so little time.” Payton groaned again. She finally lifted her head. “This might sound weird, but please, for all things holy, let me find you someone to experiment with. I’ll ask around. It doesn’t have to involve feelings. It’ll just be a way to...”
“I want to try again with a human. A human would better understand my feelings and emotions. Preferably one who has more experience than I have.”
“Do you know any human men you can make this request to?”
Lanta shook her head.
“Lanta, you can have all that and more with the right partner. Human or not.”
“And Themba is the right partner for you.”
“I love Themba and he loves me. I would love him no matter what species he was.”
Love. That word again.
“If you had a choice between mating Themba or a human, would you still have chosen Themba?”
“I would choose Themba a hundred times over. He’s my true lifemate. The person I’ll be with in this world and the next. Our souls are connected.”
“I didn’t know humans believed in true lifemates.”
“We don’t until we find ours.” She let out a sigh. “Lanta, despite where or how you grew up, you aren’t Oncun. You’re human and you’re meant to show, express and receive love. Take my advice. Don’t fight this feeling you have with the waiter. See where it leads you. It may be a fling or it may turn into something more meaningful.”