23rd November 2019
Afternoon
The smell of smoke hadn’t lifted, a constant reminder of our dilemma. Dad and I had barely spoken since I tried to call the doctor. Regardless, I stayed close and tried to watch him discreetly. Was he bored, or was his forgetfulness something more? Despite us not actually talking, the tension between us seemed to have lifted, at least. I made us cups of tea and curled up on the sofa – TV on, shoes off. Every now and then, Dad took his eye off the screen and looked at me. I tried not to notice it, to keep my eye on the daytime talk show we were watching, but I wondered what he was thinking. Was he noticing the woman I had become, or was he seeing the girl he once knew?
At just before 3.30 p.m. there was a knock at the door, and Dad started to get up.
‘It’s OK, Dad, I’ll go.’
Opening the front door, I smiled, possibly for the first time since arriving at the village. ‘Holly.’
‘Hey, Neve, I tried to message but you’ve not seen them, so I thought I’d pop by. I hope you don’t mind?’
‘No, of course not, sorry, I’ve been with Dad all afternoon.’
‘It’s fine, I just thought for a moment you’d…’
She didn’t finish her sentence; she didn’t need to. I knew exactly what she couldn’t say. She thought I had left, again.
‘We’re about to go out, before it gets dark – do you still want to help?’
‘Yes, of course.’
‘Great, here—’ Holly handed me a bright blue North Face coat, identical except in colour to the red one she was wearing.
‘Oh no, you don’t have to.’
‘Please, Neve, you must have been freezing earlier. This will keep the damp out.’
‘Thanks, Holly. Will you give me a second, just so I can tell Dad where I’m going.’
‘Of course.’
Popping my head into the lounge I called, ‘Dad,’ and he turned to look at me. I wasn’t expecting it, so for a moment I lost my words.
‘I’m, umm, I’m going out with Holly. I’ll be back in a couple of hours. Shall I stop at the chippy on the way back? Get us something?’
‘It’s shut.’
‘What, since when?’
‘About ten years ago.’
‘Oh, well, I’ll order a takeaway then. Saves you having to put the oven on,’ I said, jokingly, regretting it straight away – although Dad smiled, I could see that look again, that worry. ‘I’ll be back soon, OK?’ He nodded and turned back to the TV. ‘I love you, Dad.’
He didn’t reply.
I offered to drive down in the car, but Holly said it would be better to walk. The stroll would help us mentally prepare. The sun was beginning to sit heavy in the sky and we had about an hour before it would be pitch black. As we drew close to the social club, Holly told me – or warned me – that Michael was helping with the search. It didn’t help quell my anxiety.
‘Don’t worry, Neve,’ Holly said, reading my thoughts. ‘He knows you’re helping. He’s looking forward to seeing you.’
‘OK,’ was all I could say in response. I wondered what kind of man he had become. The last time I saw him, he was a reckless teenager, experimenting with drugs, always wanting a laugh, the class clown.
I was shocked when I saw him. Unlike Holly, I could still tell it was him, although ageing suited him. His gangly frame was more solid, and the chaos in his eyes had been replaced with a steadiness. I was shocked to see that so far, my old friends all looked well. Perhaps I was wrong to assume those who hadn’t left the village would be fated to a life in the shadow of the mine.
The search party was just as small as this morning’s pitiful group. Just four in total. Holly, me, Michael and surprisingly, Jamie’s dad, Derrick. As Holly and I approached the table where the map lay open, Michael said a quiet hello, his smile warm, forgiving perhaps. I said hello back and Derrick gave a nod. We didn’t get chance to chat, as Holly stated we needed to move, to use what light we had left. She was right, as she probably was when we were young. The difference was this time we listened.
She handed Derrick a radio, telling him to stay on channel two; then she and Michael headed out of the social and left, while Derrick and I turned right. We would descend into the woods and then sweep towards one another. It was a short route, one that was close to the main road. Despite barely knowing Derrick, I felt reassured and more settled than before. As we walked towards the woods, we made small talk. He spoke about the trees, their history and how the large bank of earth that lined the road we were hidden behind was man-made. He spoke of the mine itself, how he never worked down there, but had visited a few times on open days with his father who was a miner. He mentioned the darkness, the heat coming from the rock.
I knew how warm it was down there but didn’t say.
He rambled on as we walked into ever-thickening undergrowth, and I knew why – he was scared of finding something. I wondered if he was also scared of what it meant if he didn’t find anything. He didn’t mention anything to do with the summer of 1998, and I thought maybe what happened back then was really something confined to the pages of a history book. Holly had changed, Michael too. Maybe things had finally moved on.
The small talk stopped as soon as we hit the woods. We needed to listen, to hear anything that didn’t belong in nature, in the hope we would find Jamie. If I was honest, I didn’t know why they wanted to search for him in the woods. If he had decided to take time away, wouldn’t he be away from the village itself? I couldn’t help thinking I was missing something. We walked slowly, methodically, for about half an hour, climbing over fallen trees and fighting through thick bushes that had refused to die back with winter, and despite the woods being dense, we kept parallel to the main road, meaning I could see the street lights at all times, and could hear when a car drove by. The bank of earth was too high to see much else. I guess the idea was that trees would create a wall that would stretch higher than the mine headstocks, hiding it from sight. It didn’t work. The mine would always dominate this place.
Derrick stopped walking and awkwardly stated he needed to make a call of nature, so I stepped away, as he nipped behind a tree.
I looked towards the street lights, noticing one was flickering, its old filament bulb ready to burn out. To my right the headlights of a car bled over the bank, catching the shape of something standing on its brow. The car sped past, hiding whatever was there from plain sight. I only saw it for a spilt second, and although I couldn’t be sure, I felt like I’d seen the shape of a person. And I couldn’t help feeling he was watching.
‘Sorry about that,’ Derrick said behind me, making me jump.
‘No, it’s fine. Shall we carry on?’ I said, moving quickly towards him.
I kept as close as I could to him. The trees around us started to leak darkness. It felt like things were hiding within – if I believed in ghosts, I might have felt more afraid.
‘Derrick, are you there?’ the radio squawked, Holly on the other end.
‘Yes, we’re here.’
‘We need you on the main footpath in Vicar Water Country Park,’ she said, and I could tell she was panicked.
‘OK, we’re on our way.’
‘Be quick, Michael – I – we think we’ve found something.’
Derrick and I ran towards the country park. Despite him being a lot older than me, he was considerably fitter as he jumped over fallen trees and ploughed his way through thick bushes. Eventually, we cleared a gravel footpath that – if we walked left – would have taken us back to the exact point we’d stepped into the woods. To our right – far off in the distance – two torch lights shone. I knew exactly where they stood, I knew the place very well indeed. It was the spot where Jamie and I first kissed in the summer of 1998.
I nearly said something to Derrick, who looked desperate as we ran towards Holly and Michael. Holly lifted the torch to see us, the beam temporarily blinding me. She apologised, and lowered it, catching Michael in her beam before it went back to the floor. In that split second of seeing Michael’s face, I thought he had seen a ghost.
‘What is it? What have you found?’ Derrick asked, not even trying to hide the fear from his voice.
Without saying anything, Michael lowered his torch to the floor. It caught the edge of the seat where I could see JH & NC 4 EVA carved into the wood. Under a bench lay a light grey hooded jumper, covered in blood. Derrick stumbled backwards, covering his mouth.
I looked back at Holly, and then to Michael for an explanation, but they returned my questioning blankly. It wasn’t just that we had found Jamie’s jumper covered in blood. Chloe’s had been found in exactly the same way.
‘I’ll call the police,’ Holly said quietly, not for the first time in her life.