2nd December 2019
Night
I don’t know how long I lay there for, the warm rock under me had the strange effect of being like a heated blanket. Comforting me, numbing me. I knew I was in trouble. For in the darkness, I kept seeing flashes of light, faint and distant. It bounced off the high cavern above me. I assumed it was blood loss, shock, my body shutting down. I had heard that in a person’s final moments, lights would appear. Some would say it was heaven, some would say it was electrical impulses in our brains as it began to realise it was dying. I didn’t mind either way. I felt like I should want to fight, but the fight had left me and calm washed over me instead. And in that calm, Chloe came. She sat beside me, directly above the broken earth I had dug through to find her, her hair scraped back into a pony-tail like she wore in the summer before she died, her legs crossed. Her knees bounced off the floor as she fidgeted. She looked so young, a child. And she smiled at me. I wanted to smile back, I couldn’t. I daren’t. Instead a tear escaped from my eye, and as I blinked it away, she was gone.
The lights began to move again on the roof of the cavern. More intense than before. It almost looked like it had a source. But it couldn’t have a source, there was no light down here. ‘Just stop it,’ I shouted at myself, my words barely audible through the arid space of the inside of my own throat. I knew what was happening, my mind trying to offer hope was only delaying the inevitable. And I didn’t want to fight the inevitable anymore. I’d done that for so long, because when I thought about it, how could things have ended any other way? Nobody gets away with it in the end. One way or another, secrets were debts that had to be paid. I almost convinced myself I would be the exception to the rule.
The light above once again moved and I heard something too, a shuffle. I almost shouted again at myself to stop. The shuffle was followed by the sound of my name being called out. I held my breath and waited. It didn’t seem like it was in my head. I heard it again, my name being called out from somewhere above.
‘I’m here,’ I said. My words sharp and dry. I swallowed. ‘I’m down here.’
I could barely hear myself. I tried again, and the light moved closer. I begged, please let this be real, please let it be someone who can help. But then, what if it wasn’t, what if it was Baz or Holly or one of the others, coming back to finish the job? Suddenly, I wanted to hide, to not be seen. I thought I was ready to give up and let the calm take me to oblivion. But I wasn’t, I felt myself moving, grabbing stones. I tried to pull them over me, and bury myself, hide myself with Chloe until they left. Then, I would try to pull myself out of this pit and drag myself up through the mine into the world. I didn’t think I would manage to, but I would try, and I would die trying. Because trying was something.
I heard my name again, closer now, and I worked faster to hide myself. As I began to cover my legs, the pain once again white hot, the light shone down from above, blinding me.
‘Oh my God,’ the voice called. And in my state, it took me a moment to realise who the voice belonged to. ‘Don’t move, Neve, I’m going to get help.’
‘Please,’ I tried to say, my words inaudible.
‘Neve, don’t speak, don’t move, just stay still, I’ll be back soon. I promise.’
The light moved and I heard footsteps running away. I didn’t know how, but Thompson had found me. The warm rock that was comforting only minutes ago now became unbearable to lay on. I couldn’t escape it. All I could do was wait for Thompson to return, if he was to return, if he was even there at all. I was so convinced that night at university about the ceiling falling in. It felt real, just like this did.
After what felt like an eternity of slipping in and out of consciousness, not knowing if I had hallucinated my saviour, I saw light dance on the cave roof. Then footsteps quickly approached, the light shone down onto my face, blinding me again. He must have seen it hurt my eyes, and angled the torch against the wall in the hole, so the whole space was lit.
‘Help is coming Neve, OK? Help is on its way. I need you to stay awake, OK?’
‘I’m tired,’ I tried to say.
‘Neve, open your eyes, come on, open your eyes.’
I did as he asked, and slowly he came into focus above me.
‘That’s it, well done, Neve. We are going to get you out of here, People, lots of people are coming. People are—’
He stopped and I saw his face drop. Something had stunned him, and in my state, it took me a moment to place what that was.
‘Chloe,’ he said quietly. And I began to cry. ‘Who did this to you, Neve? We need to find them before they get away from here,’ he continued fervently. He was desperate to finally catch whoever was responsible for what had happened. ‘We need Hastings to track them down. Who was it, Neve, did you see who they were?’
I nodded towards him.
‘Good, that’s good. Who was it? Say a name. Tell me a name.’
I almost spoke but stopped. I thought about the damage I had done to the six friends of my childhood and the mother of my best friend. And to the village itself. I thought about Jamie’s sadness, Holly’s fear, Baz’s heartache and Georgia’s powerlessness. I thought of Michael and his loneliness. Things I had caused. They had paid their price for what happened in 1998. They had paid for twenty-one years. And if I kept my mouth shut, they could escape the mine, be heroes and victims and have a life once more.
‘Neve, who was it?’
‘It was the Drifter,’ I said.