Hold steady your course, his father used to say. Every breath was hard. He was so scared of what he was doing. Doing as himself. But through it all he saw his fist rise up in front of him and thump the door.
The arguing stopped.
‘Sarah? It’s Sam.’
There were a few seconds of silence and then he heard Zac’s voice.
‘Do not touch that fucking door. I’m serious.’
It swung open.
Tiny droplets of moisture had formed on the lower half of the inside of her glasses where she’d been crying. Her face changed when she saw him standing there in his costume, with his mask off. He stepped inside and pushed the door shut behind him. There were five thick slide locks screwed into the jamb and he thought, imagine living like this.
‘Oh fucking hell, here he is,’ said Zac, a smirk spreading across his face, ‘come to save the world. Will you fucking take a look at yourself?’
The wind outside was getting up and rattled the windows. They were single-glazed in aluminium frames and some air crept through and blew the candle flames sideways for a second.
‘Look at the state of him, Sar. Have you seriously fucked him?’ he scoffed.
‘He’s ten times the man you are,’ she snapped, wiping the smile off his face.
Zac shook his head violently, like a dog pulling meat off a bone, and Sam realised he was high as a kite.
‘Zac, it’s over,’ said Sam. ‘Give her the phone and leave her alone.’
As Zac bobbed from foot to foot, danger flooded the air. Sam glanced across to Sarah.
‘You shouldn’t have come,’ she whispered.
‘I had to.’
Zac skipped across the room and Sam hated himself for flinching. But Zac went straight past him and pulled the door open.
‘I’m going to tell you once. Get out.’
‘I can’t,’ Sam mouthed, but the words were lost somewhere in his throat.
Zac shook his head in dismay. His pupils were huge.
‘You’re a stubborn little fucker eh.’
‘What’s the fuck’s the matter with you?’ Her voice was shrill.
They both turned to her, her fists clenched at her side.
‘I’m moving on, Zac. I’m not that person any more.’
Sam turned slowly back to Zac, who was propping himself up on the door handle.
‘Don’t say this,’ he said. ‘I love you.’
‘You’ve ruined my life. You want me to come back to you? And you threaten me with some stupid mistake I made. Don’t you get it? I hate you, Zac.’
He came back into the room, pacing like an animal in a zoo, holding his head, and Sam didn’t know what to do. He’d never been in a situation anywhere near as volatile as this. Part of him just wanted to go but that part of him, the coward, was shrinking.
‘You can do the right thing,’ he said.
Zac’s head snapped up to him, his puffy eyes wild.
He rushed Sam before he could react, raised his fist, and slammed it with so much force into the side of Sam’s face that he felt his own cheekbone give. All sensation dropped from his legs and he stumbled backwards, some far-off realisation that he was falling, back out into the hallway, the sound of a scream, and then nothing.
When he came to, the door was shut. The pain in his head was extraordinary, not like anything he’d ever felt, both sharp and numb at the same time. He still had his mask in his hands. He banged the door with the flat of his bad fist. Pain shot up his arm.
‘Sam, go,’ he heard Sarah call.
But how could he? He went for his Phantfone to call the police and closed his eyes in dismay when he remembered it had smashed when he jumped off the truck. He put his hands over his eyes and pain lightning-bolted across his face. He remembered how powerless and small he was, how powerless he’d felt all his life, in school, in work, at all times.
He’d never stood up for himself. And even when he had, he still failed.
The wind was strong down on the street, litter blowing along in front of a row of graffitied shop shutters.
He went to the boot of his car and fetched his own phone to call the police when he noticed people gathering in small groups. They were animated by something. It seemed like slow motion as he realised they were pointing upwards, towards the tower block.
His mind stopped, just for a second, reaching, calculating. The air fell out of his body and he was completely weightless.
Zac’s window. His mind somersaulted The building was on fire.