My father hadn’t been lying. There were people literally waiting outside my bedroom door. Not a lot, but a few men that had to be soldiers. A woman in a beautiful flowing dress, looking down her nose at me.
They were quiet for a second and then they all started talking at once. In Aunare.
My father came from my room and stood behind me.
I spotted an opening down the hallway, and I started running. My muscles screamed at being pushed, and I wobbled a little, but I forced myself to keep going. I had to get out of here. Faster and faster. One foot in front of the other, with a hand to the wall occasionally to keep me from falling over. I was getting away from here.
I wouldn’t be trapped in another life I didn’t want.
I didn’t really see my surroundings. I wasn’t looking at my father’s house. I was looking for a door. A way out.
And then I saw it. Windows. A door with windows. I ran outside and stumbled to a stop. I pressed my hands into my thighs as I hunched over, gasping for enough air to fill my lungs. I’d never been this out of shape, but I’d get my body back. Some food and exercise. I could fix it. I had to fix it.
I placed my hands on top of my head as I straightened, finally taking in my surroundings.
The grounds were amazing. Flowers bloomed. The scents blended together to create the most delicate perfume. The sky held two suns and planets that were so large, triple the size of a harvest moon on Earth.
I turned, staring at the building behind me. The stone melded perfectly with the surroundings. Sounds of animals—birds, something that sounded like monkeys maybe, I wasn’t sure—but it was all so much. So rich. So lush. So different than anything that I’d ever seen before.
No cement. No smog in the air. No crush of people and speeders and pods. Just a house and nature.
There was a stone path in front of the doorway, so I took that as quickly as my aching muscles would move. I wasn’t sure if Rysden or anyone else was following me, so I had to keep moving. I didn’t want to finish that conversation. Not right now.
When I stepped on the path, I realized I wasn’t wearing shoes.
Too late to turn back now.
Plus, I couldn’t find my way back to that room even if I wanted to, but I didn’t want to go back.
I followed the path, not really caring where it led. I just wanted to get away. To have a moment by myself. The stones zigzagged through the gardens to a fountain surrounded by benches.
I wished the sound of water drew me toward the fountain, not the man sitting in front of it.
Lorne.
I almost laughed. Almost.
I’d run away from my father’s house—away from a conversation about Lorne—only to run right into him.
If I believed in signs, then maybe I’d read too much into this. But it was a coincidence. Only a coincidence. It didn’t mean anything.
The house stood on a hill overlooking the fountain. The farther away I got, the bigger it seemed. Weird.
The gardens surrounding the fountain were massive. The floral scents of the bright blooms filled the air.
Lorne watched me as I strode toward him. He was still glowing, but not as bright as he was in my room.
“I hear we’re betrothed,” I said when I got close enough to talk to him.
He relaxed back against the bench, resting his arms wide against the back. “Indeed we are. And that has you in a mad panic, running through your father’s grounds like the hounds of hell are at your feet—and no shoes?” He gave me a wicked grin, and I knew he was teasing me.
I didn’t like to show any weakness, but after everything we’d been through, he didn’t count. He’d already seen me at my worst. “It does. I don’t like to be forced to do anything.”
“I would imagine not. You’re very di Aetes.”
“I don’t know if that’s a compliment or not.” He’d said it blandly, but I wasn’t sure.
“You think I’d insult you?” His eyes were wide as he waited for me to answer.
Those eyes. My favorite color. I wondered if part of me had remembered them—remembered Lorne—if that was why I’d painted my room that color. But that was a silly thought. “No. I don’t think you’d insult me.”
I wanted to sit down, but the way he was stretched out, I’d have to sit next to him. It felt childish not to take the seat just because I was betrothed to him, so I sat next to him, and as he tucked me to his side, I instantly regretted it. I wondered if he’d been planning that move.
“Am I that awful?”
He might have intended for the question to come off as teasing, but his glow brightened a bit, giving him away. I knew with one answer I could break this man, but would it be the truth or was I saying it just to fight something I didn’t understand?
I closed my eyes. I wouldn’t lie to Lorne again. “No, but I’m… I don’t know who I am.” I opened my eyes and hoped he’d understand. “I can’t give away my freedom. Not after I’ve fought so hard for it. I’ve lived in fear for so long, hiding and hoping that no one would ever find me. And then Declan did. It was exciting and frustrating and scary on another level as I waited to leave, but then Jason… And Abaddon and…” The panic was rising up in me, and he gave my hand a squeeze. “My father came to talk to me.”
“He did?” He didn’t sound surprised at all. Instead, he started weaving his fingers through mine.
My heart fluttered and my breath stuttered and it was hard to focus on anything other than the touch of his fingers. This—this was one big reason why I had to stay away. Lorne holds my hand, and I lose it?
Next thing I knew, I was going to turn into my ex, Haden. All needy and calling and making a nuisance of myself.
Embarrassing.
I tried to pull my hand away, but he held on tighter.
I opened my eyes to see Lorne staring at me, a small smile on his face. He knew what he was doing. He always did.
“Your father came to talk to you?”
I almost groaned as he brought me back to the topic at hand.
My father. We’d been talking about my father. “Yes. He did.” It had gone worse than I’d imagined.
“What did he say?” I figured that knowing my father better than I did, he’d know what my father came to talk to me about, but he sounded genuinely curious.
I didn’t really feel like rehashing it, but I summed it up as best as I could. “That I need to take up my place and that it’s going to be hard because people don’t like me and—”
The smile was instantly gone, and I missed it. “Don’t listen to him,” Lorne said.
“What? I thought you’d—”
“Your father means well, but let’s take this one day at a time. No more panicking. And, at the very least, you need to build up your strength before you try to run away again. Also, shoes.”
I laughed. “Is running away a possibility?” Because that seemed doable and appealing.
“It is. Where are we running to?”
Oh man. I hung my head. “What do you want from me?” I’d learned the hard way that nothing came without a cost.
Lorne squeezed my hand again and I looked up at him, nearly getting lost in his gaze. “Everything.”
I hissed out a breath and tried to pull away. Lorne wanted my freedom just as much as my father did.
“I’ll back off—for now—because you need a friend more. I’ve been waiting this long. I think I can manage a little while longer. Especially now that I know you’re safe.”
“Thanks so much,” I said, my tone dripping in sarcasm.
Declan came down the path and stopped walking as he saw us sitting together. He didn’t have the calm mask that Lorne did. We were easily thirty meters away and I could still clearly see the hurt on his face.
Declan had to know I was betrothed, yet…
Maybe I’d misread things. For a second on Earth, I’d thought that there was something between Declan and me. Even with Declan’s evil family, being with him would be easier than being with Lorne.
Lorne squeezed my hand one last time before letting go, and I turned back to him.
“If you change your mind about running away with me, let me know. The Rayshani beaches were always your favorite.” He started to stand, but I stopped him, grabbing his wrist.
“What’s the matter?” he asked as he sat down again.
He sounded worried, but I just needed a second. Something he said…
Beaches?
Something about that was familiar.
I tilted my head as I remembered something. I’d dreamt of him. I’d dreamt of the beach and of him and a sandcastle.
“I…I…” I looked away from him as I tried to remember. “I had a dream about the beach. I think you were there. And I think I made a sandcastle, but it didn’t look much like a castle…”
And I’d seen him—a foggy, blurry version of him—while I was running on the treadmill on Abaddon, too. It was a fragment at best. More like an impression. I couldn’t describe anything about it, only the feeling of being happy.
I looked back at him. “What does it mean?”
He grinned, and his eyes grew glassy. “It wasn’t a dream.”
He was wrong. “No. I swear I had this dream and—”
“It was a memory, Amihanna. We used to go there every Earth winter.” He leaned down and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “This is a very good sign. It gives me hope that your memory will come back.”
“But I don’t remember anything important. Just one day on the beach. What good does that do?”
“It’s one piece.”
“And if I don’t remember anything else? If that’s all I ever get?” I couldn’t take disappointing him, and I wasn’t going to think too hard about that.
He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and gave me a small smile. “Then we’ll make more memories and the tutors will teach you Aunare and everything will be okay. Don’t push yourself. Just relax. Enjoy the fountain. Every gods’ damned ridiculous thing your father was going on about can wait.” He got up again, and I dropped his wrist. “If you need me or want to talk, I’ll be here.”
I nodded quietly, staring at the fountain again.
When I’d found him sitting here, I was annoyed. I wanted to be alone. But now, I was sad that he was leaving. My head was officially a mess.
Lorne’s footsteps sounded heavy on the stone as he walked away, and I had to stop myself from asking him to come back. I’d already leaned on him once today when I woke up. I couldn’t keep doing that.
Lorne stopped in front of Declan. They had been as close as brothers once. That’s what Declan said back on Earth and what Lorne had told me, but I couldn’t see that now. Lorne’s hands were tight fists at his side. I couldn’t make out the words exchanged—the water crashing around the fountain drowned out the words—but the tone—the tone Lorne used was vicious.
Declan took Lorne’s abuse with his chin held high, then Declan said something equally harsh.
One second Lorne was standing there, hands in his pockets. The next, he was glowing bright and slamming his fist into Declan’s face.
I jumped up from the bench, wondering if I should step in, but I didn’t know who to defend.
Declan held his jaw with his hand, and I could see that he was holding on by a thread.
Lorne looked back at me, and he looked tired and pained.
“What?” I mouthed to him. “Is it my fault?”
Lorne shook his head, then said to Declan loud enough so I could hear, “Ha shalshasa ni meha.”
Declan jerked back, as if absorbing a second hit. “I know. Believe me, I know.”
Lorne started down the path, and I wasn’t sure if I should go after him. I wasn’t sure if I should check on Declan. So I stood there frozen with my mouth open.
Declan gave me a half-hearted smile. It was fake and pained and tried to shove aside whatever had happened between him and Lorne.
I turned away. That fight had been about me, and I didn’t like it. Not even a little bit. I wasn’t something to be fought over.
I stared at the fountain for the first time.
There was an ornate statue in the center. A woman stood tall. Her hands held two short batons. The water seemed to move and swirl as it flowed around her. Almost like the water was forming people. Like there was a fight going on in the fountain with water-formed men.
When I got to her face, it felt as if the ground disappeared beneath my bare feet.
It was me.
What the hell was a statue of me doing in the gardens?
I looked back toward the house. Lorne was almost to the turn in the path, but he seemed to sense my gaze and glanced back at me. “She’s your destiny,” he yelled. “As am I.”
I spun back to the fountain and watched the water crashing around her.
I had a destiny?
I stumbled back until the bench pressed against me and sat before my legs gave out.
“You okay?” Declan asked.
He settled down beside me, and I felt the stirrings of panic.
I needed my memory back. I needed to figure out what being Aunare was. And I needed to figure out how I fit into this world. Because, like it or not, I was here. “What am I going to do?”
“Don’t worry too much. You’ll figure it out.” Declan nudged my shoulder with his. “You’re going to be fine.”
For a second, I believed him. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“There you go. See? It’ll be okay.”
But as I sat there, staring at that stupid fountain, I stopped believing it.
It was so easy for Declan to say everything will be fine. That I’d be okay. That I’d figure it out. But he wasn’t the one who had to do the work.
How? How was I supposed to be okay? That’s what I needed to know.
But all I knew was how to be Maité Martinez—a waitress, ABQ Crew member, and martial arts instructor.
I’d been on the run for most of my life, forced to make choices based on survival. That was over. I was supposed to be able to live my life how I chose now, but I was slowly realizing that my life might never be that easy. Especially when I was supposed to become the Aunare Queen.
How was I supposed to figure that out?
And then there was Lorne. Handsome. Funny. Kind. He pushed-pulled me with his quiet yet bossy nature. He probably was a good match, but I didn’t ask for it. And I definitely couldn’t marry someone I didn’t love. And I couldn’t be a queen.
All I wanted to do was fade into the background and have a normal life, but I’d never get to do that beside him.
“You okay?” Declan asked again.
I leaned back against the bench. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that question?” His face had a big red mark that I was sure would be a nasty bruise by morning.
“I’ll be fine.”
He would, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. “What was that about?”
“You really need to ask?”
I shook my head. “No. I guess I don’t.” It’d been about me. I wished I could convince them that I wasn’t worth fighting over, but I didn’t think either of them would listen.
“You don’t have to, you know?”
I looked at him. “Don’t have to what?”
“Marry him. If you don’t want to.”
I blew out a long, slow breath. Declan was worrying about the wrong thing.
“Do you want to?”
It was so iced that he was even asking. “Marry Lorne? How the hell am I supposed to know? I thought I was going to die, and now suddenly I’m not. My head is spinning from all the change, and you’re asking me if I want to wear a white dress and put on a crown and rule people that are honor-bound to hate me?” I laughed and went back to watching the fountain. “No. Maybe. Kind of in theory, but also I have no fucking idea.”
Declan’s laugh was rich and deep. “Well, when you put it that way, it sounds like you’ve got it clear in your mind.”
I huffed a soft laugh.
Declan got quiet, and I was thankful for it. I wanted a second to catch my breath. That’s why I’d come out here. I wasn’t sure I’d even really begun to process everything that’d happen. Lorne was right, it was going to take time.
Damn it. Was Lorne always right? That was going to piss me off.
My skin started glowing, and I got up. I might’ve been weak, but I wouldn’t get stronger by sitting there.
“Can I ask you a question?” Declan asked before I could walk away.
I wanted to say no. I’d already had multiple emotional conversations, but what was one more? “Sure.”
“Where are your shoes?”
The last month had been an unmitigated disaster, but as the laugh slipped free, I was thankful for Declan. He was easy to talk to, and I knew he’d be a good sounding board when things got crazy. And if I was right, things were going to get crazy.
I wasn’t mad at Declan for what had happened. It wasn’t his fault or mine. We both did our best and, yes, things had gone horribly wrong, but I’d ended up here. Safe. With my family. With Roan and a few new friends. And, as Roan pointed out, I was apparently loaded now. So maybe things were looking up?
I laughed quietly to myself at that thought.
I wasn’t sure what was going to happen with the Aunare or the war or my apparent betrothal, but I was alive. Someday I hoped to find the peace I was looking for. But for now, I was still breathing, and that meant I’d keep fighting.
I’m a di Aetes. I don’t quit. Not ever.