I had no choice but to wait for Graham to decide he wanted to talk to me again. I called him. For two days I called him. I apologized countless times to his voicemail, but he never answered.
By Monday morning I was getting pissed. He was acting like just as much of an ass as Brett. I understood he wasn’t happy about it, but he wasn’t in control of my life. He had no say in what I did or how I lived. And it felt like he was trying to control me.
A half hour before I was ready to open, someone pounded on the door. I was back in the kitchen, preparing a tray, so I ignored it. When they hit the glass again, I pushed out of the back, ready to tell whoever was at the door to come back after I’d opened, and saw Graham.
I crossed my arms when I made it to the door, not willing to let him in. “I’ll be open in thirty minutes.”
He dropped his head, looking sheepish. “Can we talk?”
I shrugged. “I tried to talk to you all weekend.”
He sighed. “I know. Can we talk now?”
I shook my head. “I’m working. You can come back when I open.”
I turned to walk away and he hit the glass again.
“Please, Ab. I’m sorry.”
I faced him again and cupped my ear. “I didn’t catch that. Could you say it again?”
He fought a grin. “I said I’m sorry, Ab. I wasn’t fair. Can I come in, please?”
I sighed heavily, still not willing to forgive him, but at least it was a start. “Fine. But I’m working.”
He nodded and waited as I unlocked the door. I locked it behind him and immediately turned to the kitchen. He followed me.
I went back to stacking cinnamon doughnuts on the tray, ignoring Graham as he stood, watching me. After a minute he cleared his throat.
“I’m sorry for not returning your calls this weekend, Ab. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Agreed.”
“I didn’t like seeing you with him.”
“You will not control my life, Graham.”
He shook his head. “I don’t want to. But I can’t stop the way I feel. I don’t trust him, Ab.”
“Neither do I.”
Graham narrowed his eyes. “Seriously?”
I shrugged. “Why would I? I married him and he cheated on me. I know what he’s capable of. I don’t let my guard down around him. Ever.”
“Is that why you’ve kept working with him?”
“No,” I said firmly. “I’d love to tell him to go to hell, but right now he holds the keys to my future. To the future of my dream. I spent my entire marriage struggling to figure out who I was. I was Brett’s wife. When I filed for divorce, I was free. I was Abby again. I could be me. I know who he is, but the difference now is I know who I am also.”
“You don’t deserve him.”
I shook my head. “No. He doesn’t deserve me. I’m far too good for him.”
Graham smiled. “That’s what I meant.”
“I know.”
“I don’t want you to get hurt. I know after what I told you last week that I’ll lose you, but-”
“Why do you think that?”
He shrugged. “You said you want kids. I don’t. That’s not something we’ll be able to work out.”
I sighed. “I thought we were going to enjoy our time together. I told you I’m not ready for another marriage or kids right now. I don’t know if I ever will be. Yeah, I wanted kids, but my life has changed a lot since I had that dream. Why are you counting on us being over?”
“I don’t know if we can overcome something like that. Is it worth it to get more invested only to break up later?”
I suddenly knew exactly what was going on, why he was pushing.
“That’s what happened with your last relationship, isn’t it? You told her you didn’t want kids and she said it was okay then tried to convince you otherwise. When you didn’t give in, she broke up with you.”
He huffed a breath and nodded. “Yeah. Sandra and I were together for a while. I thought things were going great. She thought we were heading down the aisle. It didn’t go over well when I reminded her that was never in my plans.”
“And you’re expecting me to do the same. If that’s the case I should be getting ready for you to cheat on me.”
“I’d never do that, Ab!”
“And I’d never change the rules without talking to you. I just got divorced, Graham. I’m barely ready to date or be involved with someone. Marriage isn’t going to happen any time soon. Maybe not ever. I’d like to think I’d be ready to get married again one day, but I don’t know that. You might decide you want to get married. We don’t know our future, Graham. All we can do is try to be together and enjoy our time.”
“I have trouble enjoying my time with you when it feels like you’re throwing your dreams away.”
I shook my head. “I’m not throwing it away, Graham. I’m putting up with Brett because of my dreams. I need to deal with him one more week. The picnic is Saturday. Once it’s over, Brett won’t be able to ruin my future again.”
“What if he comes back with another opportunity, Ab? What if next month or next year is something else?”
I shrugged. “Just like our relationship, I can’t predict that, Graham.”
“Will you work for him again?”
I sighed. “I don’t want to work for him. I don’t want to deal with him now. I don’t know why you think I’m doing this because I want to be around him. I’m doing this for my dream. For SkinnyCakes.”
“It seems like you’re enjoying it.”
“I’m enjoying my time with you, Graham, when I get time with you. Lately you’ve been MIA quite a bit. I’ve helped Brett one day a week, that’s it.”
“What about this week?”
“What about it?”
“Are you working for him?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know.”
“Are you going to be able to get everything done for Saturday? For the picnic?”
I sighed, frustrated with the conversation. “Yes, Graham. I’ll handle it. I’m a big girl.”
“Don’t be that way, Abby. I’m worried about you. I want things to go well for you. I want you to succeed.”
“So do I, Graham. I’m not going to let Brett, or anyone else, stand in the way of my success.”
Abby’s a screw-up seemed to be the message of the week. It dominated the conversation Tuesday night as well.
“Are you going to have enough time to get everything done for the picnic?” Charlie asked as she sat down next to me.
“Yes. I’ll have time. I can’t do anything until the weekend anyway.”
“Do you have all your supplies on order?”
“Um, no,” I confessed. I’d forgotten all about ordering extra supplies. There was no way I’d get everything in three days.
“What do you need?”
“Need for what?” Carrie asked.
“Abby didn’t order extra supplies for the picnic. She’ll never get a new order in time.”
“Ooh, not good. Any chance you can get what you need from the store?”
Charlie laughed. “If she wants to clean them out. It’s possible, but it’s not easy.” She turned back to me. “I’ve got an order coming in Friday. You can have it. Whatever you need. There will be some stuff you’ll need to grab from the store or try to get in, but use what I’ve got.”
“What will you do?” I asked.
“I always order in advance. I’ll put a call in tomorrow and get a double order next week. Plus, I’ll be closed Monday for the holiday.”
“Are you sure?”
Charlie nodded. “Of course. Do you need help baking everything? I’m guessing you’ll do most of it Friday.”
I shook my head. “I should be fine. My plan is to get as much done Thursday as I can and bake Friday.”
“If you need help, let me know. We don’t have anything going on and Kendall will be here anyway.”
I nodded. “Thanks, but I should be fine.”
“Do you know the other vendors?” Claire asked.
I shook my head. “Only what I’ve seen in the ads. I haven’t met any of them yet.”
“Did they tell you who backed out?”
I shook my head. “Olivia would probably tell me, but I didn’t ask.”
“Who’s Olivia?” Carrie asked.
“The mayor’s assistant. You guys would like her. I thought about inviting her to a girls’ night.”
“You should,” Claire insisted. “We always have room for more.”
“I’ll talk to her Saturday. She’ll be at the picnic.”
“Introduce us. Then she’ll be more comfortable about coming to girls’ night.”
“Good idea. I’m glad you guys will be there. I know I’ll be so nervous.”
“Who’s helping you at the picnic?” Claire asked.
Shit, something else that fell through the cracks. “I meant to ask you guys. Can anyone help me out?”
“Yeah.”
“Of course.”
“Count me in.”
“What time does it start?” Carrie asked, pulling out her phone.
“Eleven. Goes until seven.”
“What time are you getting there to set up?”
“Ten.”
She tapped her phone, then looked up again. “How are you getting everything there?”
“Um, I don’t know. I’ve never done this before. I haven’t had time to think it all through.”
“Why not? Is Graham keeping you that busy?” Sam teased.
Everyone snickered until I shook my head. “We’ve been fighting.”
“Why?”
“What happened?”
“He was so nice.”
I nodded. “He is nice. He’s amazing really. And we’re fighting over stupid shit.”
“Like what?”
I sighed. “He doesn’t want to get married or have kids and thinks I do.”
“I thought you did, too,” Tara asked.
I shrugged. “I always wanted to, but I have no plans to jump into another marriage. Kids make me even more nervous these days. It’ll be hard for me to trust another man enough to marry him let alone want to create people.”
Carrie snorted. “Create people. I like that.”
“He thinks I’m going to change my mind and talks about us breaking up as though I’m ready now and going to end things.”
“You haven’t been together that long, have you?” Claire asked.
I shook my head. “No, a few weeks. It’s too early to be talking about stuff like that.”
Sam tilted her head and leveled me with a look. “It’s never too early. Better you both know where you stand. If you’ve told him you don’t want to get married and have kids and he’s mad at you, maybe he’s not right.”
“That’s not it though. I mean, it’s a topic, but we’re fighting about Brett a lot more.”
“Brett?” Charlie asked. “Your ex?”
“Yep.”
“What does he have to do with anything?”
“He keeps calling and demanding I help him. He has a trial next week that he needs help getting ready for. I worked for him Friday and Graham saw us out to lunch and got mad. He didn’t answer my calls or texts all weekend.”
“That’s pretty shitty.”
“I agree, and I told him so yesterday morning.”
“Good for you.”
I shrugged. “He wasn’t just going to walk back in and act like everything was fine, not that he tried, but still.”
“What did he say?”
“He said he doesn’t like seeing me throwing away my dreams.”
“I can agree with that,” Riley said. “You’d be miserable if you did. Why does he think you are?”
“Because every time I work for Brett, I have to close SkinnyCakes.”
“So you’re losing money when you work for him? Probably customers too?” Charlie asked.
I nodded.
“Why are you helping him?”
“He said he’ll call the mayor and tell him I’m not reliable and to hire someone else.”
“This late they can’t do anything about it, can they?” Mandy asked, looking at Charlie.
Charlie shrugged. “I suppose they can do anything. If they pulled the contract now though, there’s probably something in there that would give Abby leeway to file a lawsuit for expenses incurred, but I’m not sure.”
“Are you sure he has that kind of influence?” Claire asked.
“Yeah. The mayor’s assistant knew exactly who I was when I gave her my name the first time.”
“That sucks.”
“Yep. It’s ruining my relationship and hurting my day-to-day business.”
“Well, Brett seems like someone you can’t do much about until all this is over, but what about Graham? If he’s upset you’re throwing your dreams away-”
“I’m not!”
“I know,” Claire continued. “But he thinks you are. I hate to say it, but I sort of agree with him. It might only be one day a week or here and there, but if I was a new customer and you weren’t open on a day I went there and the hours said you would be, I’m not sure I’d go back. I’m not trying to make you mad, but I think you might need to cut Graham a little slack.”
“You went on and on the other day about all the work he’s been doing around SkinnyCakes, too,” Charlie said. “If he’s doing so much work for you, for free, he’s trying to help you. I think he really cares about you.”
“Yeah,” Mandy said. “It’s hard to watch someone you love be miserable. Or even just a little unhappy. Especially when you know what would make them happy, but they aren’t doing it. When Xander and Drew were talking about starting XD, Xander would come home from work exhausted every day. I hated seeing how worn out he was. It wasn’t fair to him. It’s the same thing. There’s a good reason for it, but it’s still hard to watch.”
“So what are you guys saying?”
They all exchanged glances before Tara spoke up. “I think we’re saying Brett is a soul-sucking douchebag who doesn’t deserve an ounce of your time, but because he’s a conniving asshole he’s getting it. Graham, on the other hand, is such a good guy that he’s hurting watching you not fight Brett, especially when he’s confronted with it in person. On top of that, I have no doubt Brett either said something to Graham when you weren’t around or was giving him one of those ‘you can’t do anything about it’ looks that he’d always give me in college when you chose him over me.”
“You never told me about that!”
Tara shrugged. “It never mattered. You were in love with him. Now that you know who he really is, I can tell you what a worthless piece of garbage he always was.”
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, allowing Tara’s words to sink in. “So I need to call Graham and tell him I was an idiot and I’m sorry?”
Claire shook her head. “You don’t need to do anything, Abby. It’s your life. You can do whatever is right for you. I think Tara’s right though. I think Graham is a good guy. He clearly enjoys helping you. He’s a nice guy. From what you’ve told me, I think he has some commitment issues, but so do you. I think you guys are good together. You just have to get rid of Brett so you can actually be together.”
I thought back over the last few weeks and how much Graham made me smile, how cared for I felt with him. My mom’s words came back to me, but I knew I wasn’t with Graham because of everything he did for me. I appreciated it, yes, but I didn’t love him because of it. I didn’t love him at all. I was getting closer to falling in love with him, but I wasn’t there yet.
Brett, on the other hand, made me tense and angry and disgusted. He slept with his new assistant during her interview. He kissed me when he had no right to. He blackmailed me into helping him, giving me an opportunity only to benefit himself.
I knew my friends were right. Graham wasn’t the bad guy because he cared. I was an idiot though. And I needed to talk to him.