Lynne swore she could feel the anger radiate off Simon. One glance at him standing there, arms crossed over his chest and the irate expression on his face, was almost enough to send her out the door and into her car. He was mad as hell. But she knew he’d never touch her in anger. Though, apparently, he wasn’t above mental play.
“You’re trying to manipulate me,” she said. “I’m not into playing mind games.”
As soon as the words left her mouth, she could tell they were the wrong ones to say. He walked to stand in front of her, and since she was still on her knees, he towered over her.
“Let’s get one thing straight,” he said. “What we are discussing at the moment is in no way any sort of game for me. I live by a set of rules, and if you play with me, I expect you to do the same. When those rules are broken, there are ramifications. So, are you going to stay and accept my discipline, or should I help you pack?”
“I’ll stay,” she whispered.
“If you stay, you should know that I’ll expect you to be my submissive for the entire weekend and you are to take what I give you.”
“But I’ll have my safe words, right?”
“Of course. I would never think about playing without safe words. You should know me better.”
She started to speak, but he interrupted.
“Of course, I expect you to use them appropriately and not just because you don’t feel like doing something.”
She didn’t understand why he’d want her to be his submissive for the weekend when he was obviously so angry with her and planned to punish her the next day. Lord help her, she was mad to even think about staying. But his words about staying and putting meaning behind her claim to submission made sense.
It was possible that was what he wanted, a chance to see if she was who she said she was. Or maybe he just wanted to use her hard before dumping her like yesterday’s trash.
“Why?” she couldn’t stop from asking.
“Why what?”
“Why do you want me to be your sub this weekend? Why not just punish me and be done with it?”
“Because I’ve been jerking off to fantasies of both Faye and Lynne for the past month, and since it turns out you’re one and the same, it only makes sense to act out some of those fantasies. Don’t you think?”
She didn’t know what to think. She wanted Simon, but not like this. Not this angry, almost vindictive man before her.
“Don’t tell me you haven’t imagined it, too,” he said, cutting through to the truth and heart of the matter with one swoop. “Tell me you haven’t pictured yourself in the exact position you’re in now—on your knees, at my feet and waiting for my command.”
“Yes, but . . .” In her fantasies there had always been at least affection between them. Not this simmering stew of unresolved feelings and barely contained anger.
Yet, it was only for the weekend. She should do it and get Simon out of her system once and for all. If he could use her to play out his fantasies, she could do the same thing to him. When it was over and she was back in New York and later, in Wilmington, she could get serious about finding the right man, her one true Dom.
Above her, he waited.
“Are you going to tell Nathaniel?” she asked.
He raised an eyebrow. “Hell to the fucking no. Do I look like I have a death wish? He doesn’t know you’re here, does he?”
“He knows I’m doing a demo, but not anything else.” She debated telling him more, but then decided now was as good a time as any to come completely clean. “Abby knows.”
Simon muttered something under his breath and ran a hand over his face. “Abby knows? Fuck, Lynne, why would you tell her?”
“Because she’s my boss and a good friend. Plus, she’s been a submissive for a long time. I wanted her advice.” She bit her lip, hoping the next part was true. “I don’t think she’ll tell Nathaniel. She’s kept it from him this long, and I can’t imagine he’d be pleased to know she knew all this time and didn’t say anything.”
“You’re probably right.” He cocked his head. “Have you decided, then?”
She took a deep breath. It was time to put away the mask. Time to bare all for him. To be who she knew she was meant to be. “Yes, Sir. I’ll stay.”
If he was surprised, it didn’t show. “That’s the first thing you’ve said that’s pleased me all day.”
She didn’t have time to bask in his praise, because he fisted her hair and pulled her head up.
“Tell me what you saw in the courtyard before we went to practice,” he said.
So, he hadn’t missed that, had he?
“Anna Beth, Sir.”
“I see,” he said, but he didn’t release her hair. “I suppose you didn’t expect her to do what she did.”
She wasn’t sure if that was a question or a statement, so she remained quiet. Looking back, she probably should have expected her to do something like what she did. Luke had warned her, hadn’t he?
The snack she’d shared with Simon before the disastrous practice suddenly threatened to make an appearance. Her computer had been hacked. That was the only possible way Anna Beth would have known not only about her being Faye, but also where she was this weekend and what time she was practicing.
The hand on her chin tightened. “What was that look for?”
“I think Anna Beth hacked into my computer. That’s how she knew everything. Master DeVaan had warned me, but . . . Oh my God. She has access to everything.”
His expression softened for the first time since he discovered who she was. “I’m sorry, Lynne. I know that’s a tough blow. Do you know anyone who works with computer security?”
“I don’t know. Maybe Jeff Parks, Dena’s husband.”
“I know him. Let me give him a call. You stay right here.”
“Yes, Sir.”
He didn’t have to tell her to remain where she was. Between the drive, the practice session, Anna Beth, and Simon, she was exhausted. Even though she was still naked and on her knees, she closed her eyes. Just for a moment, she told herself. It was unclear how long he was gone, but she jerked when she heard him step into the room, and she realized she must have dozed a little bit.
“Were you sleeping?” he asked.
“I think I might have dozed off for a moment, Sir.” But she was wide-awake now. Wide-awake and very much aware of the man standing before her.
“I talked to Jeff Parks. He’ll look into your computer system when you get home.”
Her heart melted a little bit at his kindness. He was horribly upset with her and yet he still wanted to take care of her. That, she decided, spoke more about the man he was than anything else.
He sighed and sat down on the couch nearby. “Oh, Lynne. What am I going to do with you?”
She didn’t want to remind him that before talking to Jeff, he’d had lots of ideas. She didn’t even risk a peek at him. But she could picture him. He’d be sitting on the couch, elbows propped up on his knees, with his hands covering his face. And it was her fault.
He was miserable and didn’t know what to do because of her. But how could she help him? Would he even want her to?
There wasn’t much she could offer him. Even more, she wasn’t sure he would take what she offered. But she had made a promise to herself to be the new Lynne. That Lynne wasn’t going to let a little bit of uncertainty keep her from living.
Moving as gracefully as she could, she slid forward and put her palms on the ground. Ever so slowly, she began to crawl toward the couch. She kept her head down, not wanting to see his reaction yet.
She came to a stop before him and rose to her knees.
“Lynne?” he asked.
“Let me. Please, Sir.”
“Look at me,” he commanded.
She lifted her head and met his gaze. The anger was still there, but it had been tempered somewhat and was now just a simmer as opposed to the rolling boil it was before. There was also a hint of uncertainty in his expression, and that pained her the most. She didn’t want him to be uncertain about her.
“Please,” she asked again.
“You know this won’t change anything,” he said. “I’m not changing my mind about tomorrow night.”
“Of course not, Sir.” That he would had never crossed her mind. “I want to help you in whatever small way I can. This seemed appropriate at the moment.”
She waited while he thought about it, wondering why it was a tough decision. She was offering him the use of her body; that’s all it was. She had no hidden agenda. No plan to sway him not to punish her. No plan to distract him. Only to give him some relief.
“Go ahead,” he finally said, shifting himself slightly on the couch.
Victory surged through her. When they were together before, he had not allowed her to do this. Part of her couldn’t believe he was letting her now. Damned if she was going to question it, though.
She moved closer to him, filling up the remaining space between her and the couch, so she rested between his knees. He made no move to aid her in any way. She undid his pants, happy to see that her hands were not trembling, and lowered his zipper. He wasn’t wearing any underwear, and she almost groaned when his cock sprang free.
How many times had she imagined this? Too many to count. And even though it wasn’t exactly the way she had envisioned it happening, at least it was happening. Finally.
She licked her lips, wanting to savor and to commit to memory every detail she possibly could. She wrapped her fingers around the base of him, causing him to suck in his breath sharply. He was huge. She’d thought he might be, or at least he had always been in her fantasies, but the reality was so much better.
“You’re killing me,” he moaned.
She stuck her tongue out and licked his tip, delighting in the way his body shivered under her touch. He tasted a bit salty. She licked him again. The third time she licked him, he grabbed her by the hair.
“Suck it, Lynne. Get me in your mouth now.”
His words aroused her in ways she had not expected them to, especially while going down on him. She didn’t want to risk another punishment, so even though she would have preferred to stay where she was, tasting him, she opened her mouth and took him inside.
“Yes,” he said. “Oh, God, yes.”
He felt even larger in her mouth, and she questioned her request to do this in the first place. She’d had no idea he would fill her so completely. But it wasn’t just his body; it was everything about him. His smell, his touch, and now, finally, his taste. She feared she would never get enough.
She closed her lips around him fully, urging him to the back of her throat.
“Feels good.” He thrust his hips up, claiming more of her mouth.
She’d never done this with a man before, and she didn’t think the fruit she’d practiced with counted. She knew she was inexperienced and that she was probably doing something wrong, but every one of his moans and sighs whispered to that insecure part of her, and she felt empowered.
She redoubled her efforts, wanting to take him deeper, desperate for him to use her harder. He answered in kind, reading her actions for the plea they were.
“You like that, don’t you?” He had both hands twisted in her hair now, the sharp sting of the pulls on her hair making her want more and more. “You like me fucking your face? I can tell by the way you’re desperately trying to get some friction on that little clit of yours. You’re such a nasty girl, getting off on sucking cock.”
She was a nasty girl who got off on sucking cock, and in that one moment, on her knees before him, she didn’t care who knew. After this weekend, she might not ever again get the chance to serve him in this way. So yes, she wanted to shout, she was staying with him for the next few days and she would take whatever he sent her way. She would take it and learn from it and cherish it because it would come from him. And later, when she was alone, she would have this weekend to relive in her fantasies.
She knew no matter how hard she looked, no matter how far she went, no Dom would ever affect her the way Simon did. Truthfully, she didn’t want anyone else to.
“I’m getting ready to come,” he ground out, pulling her from her thoughts. “I’m going to come down that throat of yours and you’re going to swallow it all.”
She tensed, not wanting to mess this part up and fearful because she didn’t quite know what to expect. He gripped her hair tighter and thrust deep inside her mouth as his release coated her throat. She gulped as quickly as she could, not wanting to miss a single drop, and sighed as he pulled out of her mouth.
Was I good? Did I please him?
She looked up at him, hoping to see something reflected in his expression. His face gave nothing away, and he simply lowered his gaze to his pants in an unspoken command. Moving quickly, she tucked his cock back inside and zipped him up, returning to her knees when she finished.
“Lynne?” he asked, and she was afraid to look up, afraid to meet his gaze, afraid because of what she might find there. Or more importantly, what she would not.
But she had agreed to be his for the weekend and, therefore, to do as he commanded. She looked up. This time, though, her heart jumped up into her throat because she saw pleasure in his eyes.
“Thank you,” he said. “That was amazing.”
Would he dismiss her now? Send her to her room? Banish her away from him?
He patted the seat beside him. “Come sit with me so we can discuss how the next few days are going to play out.”
She wanted to ask him if they hadn’t already done that, but he was so much calmer now, more mellow, and she didn’t want to ruin it. She scurried up beside him on the couch, tucking her feet underneath her.
Simon took the blanket from the back of the couch and settled it around her shoulders. She cuddled up into it, thankful for the thin covering. It wasn’t that she minded being naked in front of him; it just felt odd.
He stood up. “Let me get us some water.”
She didn’t want him to leave, even for the short amount of time it’d take to get drinks. “I’m fine, Sir. I don’t need anything.”
“I don’t recall asking a question.” His voice had grown cool again. “When I’m in need of your opinion, I’ll ask you for it.”
“Yes, Sir. Sorry, Sir.”
He gave a curt nod and crossed the room. She watched as he went down the hall to where the kitchenette was. As she admired how nice his ass looked in the leather pants, the room’s phone rang.
That was odd. Who would be calling?
“Want me to get that, Sir?” she called out.
“Go ahead.”
She picked up the phone. “Hello?”
“Lynne, thank God.” It was Abby. “I’ve been calling your phone for the last hour and you never picked up. You were supposed to call me as soon as the practice session was over.”
Abby. Shit. She’d forgotten she’d told Abby that she would check in.
She glanced at the hallway. Simon hadn’t returned yet, and she didn’t want to talk with Abby when he was nearby.
“Listen, Abby,” Lynne said. “Can I call you back in a little while?”
Abby must’ve heard something in her voice because she didn’t seem eager to let her go. “You sound off. Is something wrong?”
From the back of the room came the sound of ice falling into glasses. Simon would be out soon. “The short of it is, Simon found out. Before I told him, and he didn’t take it all that well. But we’re working it out. I promise to call you in a little bit.”
“Shit,” Abby said. “That doesn’t sound good at all.”
“I promise to tell you all about it when I call you back later.”
Abby agreed, and they said good-bye. Lynne had just hung up the phone when Simon strolled into the room.
He handed her a glass of water. “Who was on the phone?”
She took a sip of water and then another, thirstier than she had realized. “Abby. I was supposed to call her as soon as the practice was over. Obviously, I was a bit distracted.”
“What did you tell her?”
“The truth. That you had found out without me telling you. That the practice session went fine. And that I would call back later.”
He nodded and took a sip of his own drink. “Your unveiling, if you will, has changed the way this weekend will progress. As I mentioned before, you will serve as my submissive the entire weekend.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“I’m not pleased with your deceit. I feel like you’ve been stringing me along, playing a little game with me, to see how far you could go.”
She wanted to interrupt him, to assure him that she was not stringing him along and that she had not been playing a game with him. But she knew he would not welcome her comments and she would be speaking out of turn. Also, he had used the word “feel.” The way he felt was the way he felt. It didn’t matter whether she agreed with him not. That was the infuriating thing about feelings. You couldn’t argue with them; they just were.
“On the other hand,” he said, “I can’t say that on some level I’m not relieved you and Faye are the same person.”
She laughed at that, and he raised an eyebrow.
“I’m sorry, Sir.” She took a sip of water so she wouldn’t laugh again. “It’s just, I’m glad, too. For a while there, I felt like I was cheating on myself.”
He nodded but didn’t seem amused. “Be that as it may, the fact remains that there is now a trust issue between us. And I’m not sure how easily that can be rectified.”
That sobered her up. He had told her that the blow job wouldn’t change anything. On some level, she realized she had held out some hope that he had been wrong. But, of course, nothing was ever that easy. The truth was, she had broken his trust and she was going to have to work to rebuild it.
“I’ll do whatever I have to in order to make it up to you, Sir,” she said.
He didn’t look convinced. She wasn’t sure if it was a wait and see or a never gonna happen. She decided that until he said otherwise, she would take it to mean wait and see. She had to believe there was some sort of hope for them, or else she would never make it through the weekend.
“Tonight,” he said, “we’re going to eat downstairs in the courtyard and then play it by ear.”
She had a feeling he wasn’t going to play it by ear. He probably knew already what he was going to do and didn’t want to tell her just yet. “Yes, Sir.”
“I’m going to go downstairs to work out a few things and to check on Anna Beth. I imagine you want to call Abby back?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“I’ll be back in thirty minutes. You are to be naked and kneeling on the floor in the bedroom.”
Her heart began to race, but she managed to get out a breathy “Yes, Sir.”
Five minutes later, Simon had left and she timidly dialed Abby’s number. Abby picked up on the first ring.
“There you are,” Abby said, before Lynne could get a word in.
Lynne couldn’t help but laugh. “I told you I was going to call you back. It hasn’t even been fifteen minutes.”
“It seems like longer. Now tell me everything.”
Lynne started at the beginning. Or at least at the point where everything had started to go wrong. She told her about Anna Beth, the computer hacking, her plans for this weekend, and how nothing had gone as she’d thought it would.
“Wow,” Abby said when she finished.
“I know,” Lynne said, closing her eyes. “It’s a mess, isn’t it?”
“You can say that again.”
“I’d rather not.” She took a deep breath. “Tell me what I should do, Abby.”
“Are you going to listen to me this time? Because I remember giving you advice on this subject before, and you didn’t take it.”
That hurt. “I know,” she whispered.
“I’m not one to say I told you so, and I won’t start now. But I will say that things go a whole lot smoother, and easier, when you tell the truth.”
Lynne couldn’t see Abby ever not telling the truth. “Sometimes it’s easier not to.”
“No, it only seems easier. Trust me, it is always better to tell the truth from the beginning.”
“You sound as if you have personal experience.”
“I do. And I have a whole ugly story of how I almost lost the most important and precious thing to me in the world by not being honest.”
Lynne was stunned, but she could tell by the tension in Abby’s voice that she was telling the truth. “What happened?”
“It’s a long story, so I won’t go into a lot of detail, but I almost lost Nathaniel.”
Lynne couldn’t imagine Abby without Nathaniel. They just went together; it was one of those things. You couldn’t even think about splitting them up. “When?”
“Ages ago. Before the kids. Before we even thought about kids. Nathaniel and I entered into a relationship with each other and neither of us was honest about our past knowledge of the other person.”
Lynne couldn’t imagine that, not the way they were now, and she felt like she knew them really well. After all, she lived in their house. “What happened?”
“We split up. For months. And even once we got back together, it took time for us to trust each other.”
Lynne chewed her bottom lip. “How much time are we talking?”
“You know? That’s the crazy thing. I don’t think there was one moment I can pick out and say, ‘Oh, yes, that was when I started to trust him again.’ Because the change didn’t happen in a moment; it was hundreds of little moments, and it was only when I looked back that I saw we had built enough foundation to move forward.”
That was what she was missing with Simon. She didn’t have hundreds of little moments. She only had handfuls, and handfuls weren’t enough to build anything on.
“I need to be patient and truthful,” Lynne repeated. “I can do that.”
She only hoped it wasn’t too late.