CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR Maren 
Kaia!” I shouted. “Kaia!”
Efren grabbed me roughly by the arm. “You have to be quiet,” she said. “We don’t know who might be out there.”
My heart pounding, I knelt down next to Tasia. Tell me again, I said. From the beginning.
Jase and Kaia said mean things to each other. Kaia untied Sev’s friend. She was still agitated, and I could feel her emotions fluttering against my consciousness. She was only truly familiar with me and Sev—Kaia was a substitute, and when even Kaia had left her… She shivered and huddled against my side, and I hugged her back.
So according to Tasia, Kaia had willingly freed the king of Eronne, which meant she couldn’t have been kidnapped. Unless they had kidnapped her after she had freed them? But why? And why had she freed them in the first place?
Alora and Braith lay curled together some distance away. Some guards they had been. But it seemed likely that they would know more about what had happened than an upset dragon kit.
“I’m going to talk to the dragons and see what they know,” I said.
Efren nodded, pulling her knife. “I’ll see if I can find any tracks.”
She left the camp and ventured into the forest. I approached the dragons. Alora!
Alora snorted and stirred, and a wisp of smoke rose from her nostrils into the air. She grumbled something indistinct in the dragon tongue and rolled back over.
“Alora! Wake up!”
She roared a little as she sat upright, and I darted back. What? she said, almost growling.
I tried to keep my mind level. What happened to Kaia and the others? You were meant to be guarding the king and their company.
She bared her fangs at me. I am not a human’s dog anymore, to be called and ordered without thought. You did not ask me to keep them from leaving.
I bit back an angry retort as I thought back through the morning’s events and realized she was right. I hadn’t asked.
You’re right, I said. I’m sorry.
She seemed surprised that I had acknowledged her point. She inclined her head, accepting my apology.
But tell me, please. What happened?
She yawned. Your girl left with the leader and the rest of them. I wasn’t paying close attention.
My heart was sinking with every word. Did Kaia want to go with them? They didn’t take her against her will?
Seemed like. They headed south.
And Jase?
“Here!”
Efren came into view, supporting Jase as he leaned against her. He was limping. I ran over to them. “What happened? Who hurt you?”
Jase lowered himself to the ground, wincing. “Nobody hurt me. The king told Kaia some story about helping your friend Sev—something about sending supplies to Ruzi. Which, don’t get me wrong—it’s desperately needed. But it didn’t make sense to me. Why would a small king risk their own neck to help a kingdom that’s fallen under the emperor’s wrath? Anyway, she decided to go with them. I went along for a while. I thought maybe I could talk her out of it, but I couldn’t. Eventually I decided to turn back. I didn’t want to leave the dragons on their own too long, especially not the little one. Stepped into some animal’s burrow, though. My ankle’s twisted pretty bad.”
She’d left. She’d left me. “When did they leave?” I said.
“Not more than an hour after you.”
So they were ahead of us by the entire day, and they were riding horses. I couldn’t catch up on foot. And even if one of the dragons consented to carry me, what could I say once I found her? Kaia knew what we were up against, and she’d chosen to leave me instead.
Efren looked at me. “What do you want to do? The ships—”
“I haven’t forgotten about the ships,” I snapped. “I—I need to think. I’m going for a walk.”
Tasia scampered to catch up with me as I stormed out of the camp, my jaw clenched. My body moved as though it wasn’t even mine. My legs screamed to run, but daylight was fading fast, and I could not afford to get lost. And then, suddenly, I started to sob. I shouldn’t—how could I ever have left her? I had to go after her. No—how could she have left me? Chosen the unknown, to trust a complete stranger over me?
This was a different sort of pain than the agony I had felt when the Aurati had taken her. That had been crushing. It had seemed like my world was ending. I had been wrong. This—this—was what it felt like when the world ended. I had always been so sure of one thing in my life: Kaia and me, as constant and unending as the sun in the sky. And to face proof that our bond was breakable—that she had chosen to break it, willingly… I wanted nothing more than to stop here, forever. No matter what thoughts I had entertained in my doubting moments, I still didn’t know how to go on knowing that she was in the world, and that she had chosen to leave me.
I wanted to put my fists through a wall. I wanted to scream until my voice was gone. I wanted to run until I was as lost as I felt, until my legs collapsed beneath me. Instead I settled for crying until I was completely empty, until there was nothing left inside me except dull resolve. I had to move forward. The emperor’s fleet would burn in the morning. We could not miss that opening.
Tasia waited patiently until I was spent, and walked with me without speaking until we made it back to camp. Efren had fashioned a makeshift brace for Jase’s ankle while we were away, and they were occupied with roasting some nuts over the fire.
“We can’t afford to go after Kaia,” I said, my voice hollow. “When the ships explode, we fly.”
Efren nodded. “Get some sleep. I’ll take first watch.”
I didn’t believe I would ever sleep again, but as my companions settled into their places, I felt my eyes drifting closed in exhaustion.
I stand in the ocean, surf washing over my ankles. Tasia is at my side, frolicking in the waves, but I am completely and utterly defeated. I do not care what happens now. I want nothing more than to be obliterated.
“Maren.” Sev’s hand settles on my shoulder, and I turn into him, burying my face against his chest. He’s comfortingly warm, and he holds me as I sob, my body shaking. “Maren, what’s wrong?”
“She left me,” I blurt around the tears.
“Kaia?” He sounds confused. “Why? I thought you were… heartmates?”
“I thought so too,” I say. “I thought—it doesn’t matter.” Because this is a dragon dream, and I can’t waste it in tears. I wipe at my cheeks with one sleeve. “We’re coming tomorrow. You have to be ready.”
“I will be,” he says, his arms around me. “You’re going to be all right. I promise.”
The water moves around us, and suddenly he’s pulled away from me, out toward the deep. I lunge for him, but it’s as if my feet are encased in stone, and instead I fall.