I sat in the flower van, close to hyperventilating. I didn’t want to feel this way. I took a deep breath in through my nose and out my mouth, trying to calm myself down. I hadn’t seen Andrew since Thanksgiving and I was getting myself worked up about seeing him tonight.

He had helped cater a few out-of-town events with Micah in early December, the business picking up speed, just like Jett had promised, and then Andrew and his dad had gone back to New York for Christmas. We’d been texting back and forth a little. I forced Micah to send him the camera I’d bought him for Christmas, saying it was from both of us, so he wouldn’t read too much into it.

I pulled out my phone and read through our most recent text exchange.

Merry Christmas! Thanks for the camera, friend. I didn’t know we were exchanging gifts or I would’ve gotten you something.

Like I said, I found it at Everything. You know I’m in there all the time. No big deal.

I thought Micah found it.

Right. We found it. She found it. When we were in there.

Well, it’s amazing. I love it! Did I ever tell you that I wanted one almost exactly like this?

Yes, you did.

You make dreams come true.

How has your Christmas been so far?

My mom is here. It’s weird.

You okay?

Yeah, actually. It just feels like a cousin visiting or something. Like, I know her, but I don’t know her. You know?

I know.

I thought you might. Speaking of, have you talked to your dad since Thanksgiving?

He called today and acted like nothing had happened. I’m learning that’s kind of how he is. Not good with confrontation. But the good news is that he’s flying Gunnar out to see him during spring break.

Just Gunnar?

He knows I would’ve said no.

Would you have?

Probably.

I’m sorry.

Don’t be. Take some pictures of Christmastime New York and text them to me. It will help.

He responded with pictures. Pictures of lights on trees and in department store windows. Pictures of a dog wearing reindeer antlers and a skinny Santa on a street corner. Pictures of people ice-skating and big red ornaments stacked on top of one another. And snow. Snow on railings and stairwells, and frosting tree branches.

He must’ve been all over Manhattan taking those pictures. Or maybe that had been one city block. I didn’t know. The last picture he sent was a selfie of him on a rooftop somewhere, in a beanie, colorful lights behind him, a goofy expression on his face. I smiled as I looked at it now and then tucked my phone away with another deep breath.

It was no big deal. I was seeing Andrew. We were friends. And we had obviously proven we could continue to be friends even when we were in completely different states. My pep talk seemed to work on me and I climbed out of the van. Completely calm. I walked around to the back.

An explosion of blue and white greeted me when I opened the van doors. Forget-me-nots and baby’s breath arrangements filled several boxes. The Barn always had some indoor and outdoor tables that we decorated. But most of the night was for dancing, with a live country band providing the soundtrack.

“When someone said this was at a barn, I was picturing something more rustic.” Andrew’s voice from behind me made my heart pick up speed again. Breathe, I commanded myself. I hadn’t heard a car pull up so Andrew must’ve already been here.

“It’s not a barn, Andrew. It’s the Barn. I don’t think it’s seen an animal in decades.” I finally allowed myself to turn, having proven I could talk like a normal person. Andrew looked … amazing. He wore his suit from the Eller-Johnson wedding and I had forgotten how cute he was. I don’t know how. It felt like his face had been in my brain for the last month.

“Wow,” he said, taking me in. I wore a sleeveless dress, the bodice fitted and silver. I had hand stitched little blue flowers onto the blue lace skirt. It flared and hit me several inches above the knees. “I … you …”

“What?” I asked, looking down and smoothing out my dress, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

“You look good,” he finished lamely.

“This was one of the dress designs I sent off with my applications.”

“Then you are going to be accepted for sure.”

“I hope so.”

“How have you been?” He stepped forward and gave me a side hug.

I thought he was giving me a full hug, though, so I turned into him, which made us both fumble with hand placement for a moment. I stepped back.

“It’s like we’ve never hugged before,” he said.

“Have we?” I asked, going over the last year of events in my mind.

“Corn maze?” he asked, seeming to have done the same analysis. “Should we try again?”

I laughed, but he wasn’t kidding. He stepped forward and wrapped me in a hug, then rocked me back and forth dramatically. “See, I’m an excellent hugger.”

I smiled and lay my head on his shoulder, returning his hug. He stopped teasing and gave me a real hug. He smelled good and felt even better against me.

This could not happen. I dropped my arms and turned back toward the van. “Will you help me carry some of these boxes inside?”

“Of course.” He lifted one box and I lifted another and we carried them silently into the Barn.

“I think I picked the wrong job,” Micah said when she saw me. “I want to be a babe tonight.”

I laughed. “I thought you’d talked your dad into letting you dress up.” I slid the box onto a table.

“Obviously not,” she said, tugging at her polyester cater waiter pants.

“Where do you want this?” Andrew asked me, referring to the box he still held.

“Oh, just put it next to mine.”

He did, and then left, probably to get another box.

Micah raised her eyebrows at Andrew’s retreating form. “So? How was the reunion?”

“Good.” Since Thanksgiving, Micah and I were closer than ever. I was so glad that we’d talked out our problems. We did have differing opinions about the Andrew situation, though. She thought I should just enjoy him while I could and then move on when he left. I didn’t think that moving on from Andrew would be as easy as she made it sound. So my solution was not to get hooked on him to begin with. Friends. Friendship wouldn’t lead to heartbreak. “We’re good.”

“Good? Just good? I know how you could make it great.” She gave me a smirk. “In fact, I’m going to find myself a boy to kiss at midnight tonight. I don’t care who.”

“Really?” I said, surprised. “You don’t have one highlighted and starred on your spreadsheet? Someone you need to interrogate first with questions of hometown loyalty?”

“I don’t!” Micah declared. “I’m going to … let things just happen.”

I raised my eyebrows, not completely convinced but willing to play along. “I like this plan.”

“It’s not a plan!” she argued. “It’s a natural occurrence.”

I noticed Lance then, carrying a big jar of mints to the back table. He glanced in Micah’s direction.

I had a feeling Micah would not have a problem finding someone to kiss tonight. “Right. Very natural.”

“It’s New Year’s Eve, after all,” Micah was saying. “Remember when that one kid from Jasper kissed you last year and how mad you were? Did he have a name?”

“You’re kissing people without names?” Andrew asked, setting another box of flowers on the table next to the two others.

“He had a name,” I said. “I just didn’t want to know it.”

“I think you might have called him Jasper all night,” Micah said.

“What about him?” I asked.

“I don’t know, I was just thinking about that,” Micah said. “That guy didn’t let it happen naturally. I will not make that mistake. It must be mutual. A mutual kiss is the best. Take note of that, you two.”

Andrew and I exchanged a glance and I tried very hard not to blush. I nodded toward the exit. “I’ll go get the last box.”

“I can get it,” Andrew said, following me.

“Thanks.”

“Look at that,” he said. “You’re actually going to let me.”

“I know. I’ve come a long way.” But I still followed him out. “So how much longer will you be in town?” I asked, hoping I sounded casual. “Has your dad picked out the next location for the mentorship, or whatever he calls it?”

Andrew picked up the last box and I shut the back doors of the van.

“Yes, he has. We leave next week.”

My face went numb. “That soon?”

“Yes.”

“So … where?” When I realized that wasn’t a complete question, I clarified. “Where are you going this time?”

“Remember the wine lady from the benefit? She had a sister near Birmingham?”

“Yes.” My hopes skyrocketed.

“It was almost her.”

“But it’s not,” I said as I realized he had used the word almost. My spirits crashed back to earth.

“No. We’re going back to New York because I told my dad I wanted to finish out high school in an actual school. So he found a candidate in Manhattan.”

“You’re right, there are no actual schools in Birmingham,” I said.

“My dad probably doesn’t think there are.”

Andrew was still letting his dad dictate his life. Or maybe he wanted to go back to New York. It’s not like he knew anyone in Birmingham. And he obviously had no reason to want to be two hours away from me for the last semester of our senior years. “You get to go to a whole five months of high school?” I asked.

“I know, it’s what dreams are made of.” We walked back inside and Andrew set the box on the table with the others. “You going to miss me, Soph?”

“How can I miss you?” I replied. “I only see you at special occasions. It’s like you’re a cousin or something.”

Why did I say that? Why? That’s what he’d said about his mother and I knew it and I said it anyway because I was being a jerk. And because he could’ve asked his dad to pick Birmingham. I said it because I was going to miss him. So much that my chest was aching and I wanted it to stop.

I didn’t feel any better seeing that my comment had hit its mark. Seeing the hurt in his eyes. “Right,” he said quietly. “Like we don’t even know each other.”

No! I wanted to scream. We do.

It had been almost a year. Of course we knew each other.

Before I could say anything, a microphone screeched with feedback as it was plugged in. It was like a wake-up call.

“I better get to work,” I said. “People will be here soon.”

Andrew held up his phone. “Me too.”