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chapter 19

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Belle sat on the sofa in Summer’s parlor, crying. The crying had started last night and carried over to today. Her eyes were puffy and achy, but even so, she could not stop the near constant stream of tears from doing their job. They wet her face and made her lips taste salty, but at least they were there for her when she needed them. Everyone else in her life had betrayed her.

No. That wasn’t fair, and she knew it. She was simply pouting like a child because she had not gotten what she wanted. By now, Sidney was married, and there had been nothing she could do to stop it.

Emile and Summer had, of course, no other choice than to go to Sidney’s wedding. He and Emile were twins; how could they have told him no? Summer had assured Belle that if given the opportunity to choose, she’d have stayed home with her.

As for Meadow, she was married to Sidney’s dear cousin. Booker was a good man, as was Amos. They could not stay away from their favorite cousin’s wedding any more than Emile could. If she had been the one to marry Sidney, she would have expected her sisters at her side. Sidney had a right to expect his own family there.

She closed her eyes and leaned back, wishing only that the pain in her head would stop. Every part of her seemed to hurt right now. Perhaps tomorrow her body would feel better. She had already looked out the window most of the day, watching the sky change colors as night fell.

That was her greatest comfort—to know that today was nearly over, and tomorrow would soon begin. And with it, a fresh chance to make her life what she wanted it to be, even if that life no longer included Sidney.

The front door opened and closed, and footsteps entered the hall. Belle kept her eyes shut, trying to block out the sound, but the footsteps paused in the doorway. Belle inhaled deeply and turned her head away from Summer, who she knew must be standing there looking at her with a pitiful expression Belle could not stand to see.

“How was the wedding?” Belle asked. “Never mind, don’t tell me. I’m sure it was beautiful.” She let out a sigh as the footsteps entered the room and curled her knees to her chest.

“Belle...” Summer said, and Belle heard the pity she’d known must be there.

“Don’t feel bad for me,” Belle snapped. “All of this is my own doing. I should have made clear to Sidney long ago, before I ever left here the first time, that I loved him. I should have told him in such a way as to leave no room for doubt. I do not blame him for marrying Irene. She’s a beautiful woman and I’m sure will make him happy. I’m too wild with my thoughts to have ever given him the life he deserves. He could never have been happy with me no matter what.”

“Belle,” Summer said, her voice hesitant. “Sidney’s here.”

Belle’s eyes shot open. She turned her head and uncurled her knees all at once. “Sidney!” she cried, seeing him standing in the doorway beside her sister. He was dressed in his wedding suit, his hair slicked back, and his face shaved smooth as butter.

Summer seemed embarrassed, Sidney did not. Belle glowered at them both. “Why did neither of you say anything? You let me go on like a... a fool!”

“I’m sorry,” Summer said. “I didn’t know what to say.” She looked to Sidney for help.

Belle’s eyes filled with fresh tears and she rose from the couch to go. Sidney stepped forward. “There was no wedding,” he said, and she stopped moving entirely.

“What?” Belle’s voice croaked out of her.

“I called it off,” he said.

Belle looked to Summer, who nodded her head. Summer’s cheeks glowed pink. “Emile’s in the other room. I promised him a snack.” She left them alone then, and Sidney came closer.

Belle’s heart was thumping so hard she thought it might burst. She didn’t understand what was happening. “Is this a dream?” she asked Sidney, thinking it must be. She pinched herself, but nothing happened.

“It’s not a dream,” he said. “I realized that I could not trust Irene, and if I could not trust her, then I could not marry her.”

Belle’s tears had been momentarily stunned into silence by the sudden appearance of Sidney, but they resumed their fall now, and she folded her arms protectively across her chest. “Why do you say you could not trust her? Did something happen?”

Sidney told her about some papers he’d found and his suspicions that she’d met with that smarmy dark-haired man from the saloon again. Belle only bit her bottom lip and cried harder.

“I fear I’ve instilled too many doubts in your head that have no business being there,” she said. “Are you certain this paper you found was not as she said? A train schedule to check your trip against the various departure dates and times?”

“Yes,” he said with such confidence she felt her insecurities begin to wobble. She wiped her eyes and, though still puffy and wet, felt them begin to dry.

“Belle...” Sidney went on, “about what you said when I first came into the room... how you wished you’d told me your true feelings before leaving Elmwood the first time.”

Belle’s embarrassment at her words made her head dizzy, but she would not deny them. She would not make the same mistakes twice. “I meant every word,” she said.

Sidney looked at her and there was a darkness in his eyes that worried her. “Did you?” he asked, the skepticism in his voice clear.

“Yes, of course,” she said. “Why do you doubt me?”

He hesitated. “You said something once which led me to believe... you would not have wanted me even if I’d asked for your hand.”

Belle’s eyes widened in horror. “If I ever said any such thing and meant it, may God strike me down. Whatever it was, tell me so that I may clear away your misconceptions.”

His eyes were distant, but she drew them back to her with a simple touch of her hand to his shoulder as she narrowed the space between them. He licked his lips before speaking.

“I mentioned marriage to you once, in passing only, hoping to gauge your reaction, and you said... ‘what woman in their right mind would marry a barber?’” He looked pointedly at her.

Belle racked her brain, but it came up empty. “I don’t remember making any such statement,” she said, and Sidney scoffed. She quickly added, “But I do not doubt what you say. It’s only that I don’t remember saying it. Undoubtedly, it was a bad joke on my part. One I’ll forever regret.”

“You really don’t remember?” he asked, incredulous. She shook her head. “We were walking past the sweet shop and I remarked on the idea of marrying a candy maker. How life with him would always be so sweet. Then I mentioned marrying a barber, and what life with him would be like, and you said... as I indicated.”

A memory surfaced, tugging at the back of her head. Her lips parted, and she looked sharply at Sidney. “Goodness! I do remember. But Sidney... it was a joke. Did you not hear what I said following that ill-timed statement?”

“Following it?” he asked. “No. I was so caught up with what you’d just said that I heard nothing else for several minutes.”

She laughed nervously, pathetically, and began to cry again. “I said ‘What woman in their right mind would marry a barber... except me?’ “ She looked at him and his face began to change. She licked her dry lips and wished that she might learn once and for all to keep her mouth closed more often than not.

“Is that what you said?” Sidney asked. “Truly?”

She nodded, and a moment later she felt his arms come around her body, pulling her tightly to him. She looked up and into his eyes, thinking she could lose herself in them forever if he’d only allow her to.

“Belle,” he said. “I should have told you long ago why I let you go. Such misunderstandings have kept us apart for far too long.”

“Sidney, I’m sorry. Forgive me for all of it. I love you, and I keep losing you.”

“Never again,” Sidney said and kissed her. His lips were soft and wet and warm—everything she’d dreamed they’d be. She opened her mouth wide and tried to inhale every last ounce of his sweetness. His body was stiff but began to loosen as she ran her fingers up and down the back of his neck.

His own hand pressed into the small of her back, holding her close, and she felt as if they might never part. Her head was light and dizzy, and everything around her seemed to fade away.... everything except Sidney and his sweet lips.

When they finally parted, Belle looked at him, no thoughts in her head other than that at this moment, she was the happiest woman alive. Sidney looked back at her with much the same expression. “Let’s go for a walk and talk some more,” he said then offered her his arm.

She took it with a smile. “I’d love to,” she said, and together they exited the house.

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