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I hated making decisions. Maybe most people did, but for me, it was a tremendous challenge. I knew there were choices to make every day, but sometimes even the smallest ones made me anxious.
The morning after I saw Austin, I picked up my grandpa and we drove to the cemetery where my mom was buried. We placed fresh flowers at her grave for her birthday, and then sat on a bench for quite a while. I told him all about my lunch with Austin the day before, particularly the business with the diner and the offer to work at his parents’ ranch. Gramps didn’t have much to say opinion-wise, and he seemed to only ask questions for clarification.
Finally, I asked him straight out what I should do and he replied, “How the hell should I know?” It made me laugh, but he did go on to explain that some decisions should be made on my own.
“You shove your opinions down my throat about silly stuff every day, and you can’t give me a tiny little thought about Bakersfield?”
“I think you already know the answer, Nova.”
“That I want to go?”
“Yes. But what you’re struggling with is this young man you seem to be throwing into the mix. Maybe you’re not sure how it will turn out with him, but you want it to turn out well. I think you’re measuring your desire to intern against your desire to have a relationship with Austin Gaines.”
I had to sigh because it was true. My grandfather seemed to think Austin was interested in me. I had that feeling too, but I was afraid to let it go anywhere. What if I really did have a chance to move forward with my career goals but a relationship messed it all up?
That day, I decided college and a career were more important to me, and Austin wasn’t going to be added to the mix. I couldn’t add him to the mix.
When the next Friday rolled around, I was a mess. I didn’t want to decide on Bakersfield. I wanted the answer to be easy, and I even made weird little bargains with myself like, “If Austin calls me, I’ll go to Bakersfield.”
I knew he didn’t even have my number.
He arrived at the café just before two o’clock that Friday. Butterflies started a raging party in my stupid stomach, and it pissed me off. Even Levi didn’t make my heart skip a beat like that.
But Austin was another story. I’d barely spent any time with him at all but there was something weird going on between us. Being that I’d decided on my career for now, those feelings really unnerved me.
I couldn’t help staring at him when he sat with Meryl at a booth. I was refilling water at table six while I watched Austin hand Meryl a piece of paper. She looked it over, said something to him, and he nodded his head. Then he handed her another sheet and—
“Hey, what the fucking hell—?”
I was still pouring water, but it was no longer going into the glass.
“Oh God, I’m so sorry!” I exclaimed. Mostly it just went on the table and the floor near me, but the guy was perturbed. “I’m sorry, let me grab a towel.”
Thankfully, Robin handed me one on her way by, so while I quickly cleaned up the water mess, I continued to apologize to the guy and his wife.
“It’s okay,” he finally huffed.
Once the incident was resolved, I headed to the register to cash out table eight, and by then, I almost shouted for joy when Phoebe arrived to take my place.
I was in the back clocking out when Meryl approached me.
“Your lunch date is waiting for you,” she told me.
She hardly cracked a smile, so I wasn’t sure where we stood. I never did go over the whole story with her like I had with Robin and Phoebe because I was afraid she’d get upset with the teen-like drama.
I tossed my apron to be washed, and faced my aunt. “Uh...”
“He says he needs an answer, whatever that means.”
“Oh.”
She remained standing there, and I could tell she wanted an explanation, so I told her about Austin’s offer to visit his family’s ranch. We discussed it for a minute, and she asked some of the same questions my grandpa did, but I didn’t get into the personal half of the saga.
“So, what about this business plan?” I asked, to change the subject. “Oh,” I added, realizing she might not be happy I knew about it. “I, uh, know about it, by the way. I’m sorry if that’s not okay.”
“No, it’s fine. He told me you knew.”
“So? What do you think of it all?”
She paused as if to weigh her answer first. “I think I’m going to do it. Scott and I talked about it and...it just sounds good. There are a few things to work out first, and I’m going to have a couple of business friends I know look it over for me, but I feel good about it.”
She even looked excited, and for Meryl, that was a surprise.
When I made it to Austin’s table a few minutes later I said, “You didn’t order anything yet, did you?”
“No, I didn’t.” He smiled curiously. “Why?”
“Because I’m dying for pizza right now. Wanna go a couple doors down with me?”
He agreed, and followed me outside.
“I’m not taking you away from your weekly Clover’s experience, am I?”
He grinned. “I’m with my weekly Clover’s experience.”
I raised an eyebrow at him, just as my stomach began to flutter again. “Oh, yeah?”
He slightly nodded as he opened the door to Cici’s for me. “Yep.”
I considered making him clarify, maybe ask him what exactly he got out of coming to Clover’s each Friday, but I was scared to. Maybe I didn’t want to hear him say he liked coming to see me. I’d basically let Levi talk me into casual dating. I didn’t want things to go any further with Austin either because my mind was set on getting a job.
“You seem a little...distracted today,” he noted when we sat down at a table.
“Oh? Sorry, just have some stuff on my mind, I guess.”
“Like what?”
I was thankful for the waitress taking our drink orders, but when she left, Austin was still waiting for my answer.
“Just school and work,” I replied. “The usual. I, uh, talked to Meryl about your business plan,” I said, grateful for something to talk about. Surely business talk would keep him occupied.
“She told me she was ready to make some changes. Is that what she told you, or was she leading me on?” he joked, a tiny smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
He was so attractive, I couldn’t even deny it. His mouth, his eyes... Fighting my attraction to him felt like an uphill battle.
“It’s what she told me, too. She said there are a few things to figure out first.”
He nodded. “She’s a smart lady, which is why this will be very successful. You can’t have a good plan without the right person to see it through.”
It was my turn to nod just as the waitress returned with our drinks. We both thanked her, and I took a sip of mine right away.
“So, what else is on your mind?” Austin asked. He leaned forward and placed his forearms on the table, seemingly set on waiting for an answer.
“Nothing special,” I replied. “How’d your mom’s birthday party go?”
He continued to watch me carefully until a smile slowly formed. “It was fine. Did you do your taxes?”
“What?” I chuckled.
“It’s tax day. You get your taxes done?”
Pausing, I smiled. “Yes. I did.”
“Good for you. You do ‘em yourself?”
“Yes, I actually do.”
He nodded. “I’m sure you do them just fine, but if you ever need help, let me know.”
“Well, you’re more than welcome to do them for me next year if that’s what you’re getting at.”
“Sweet, you take a hint really well.”
I was also considering what it meant to be discussing the fact we’d still be associating with one another in a year.
“So, are you coming to Bakersfield or not?” he asked directly.
It caught me off-guard, especially because we’d jumped from birthdays to taxes to Bakersfield in a matter of seconds. I knew he’d caught on to my avoidance ploy, but I wasn’t expecting him to ruin it so quickly.
“Um...”
“It’s not a hard question, Nova. You’ve either decided to come or you haven’t. I just need to know one way or the other so I can plan accordingly.”
“I’ll come up tomorrow if that’s okay.”
He paused for a few seconds, and then nodded. “All right.” He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He found a business card and slid it across the table. “Here’s the information for the ranch, and directions are on the back.”
I looked over the card for Harmony Acres. “Okay. Does Dr. Stevens know about me? I mean is there really the possibility I could work with him?”
“Yes, I talked to him about you, and yes, he’s happy to sign off your hours.”
“Really? Wow, that’s...that’s great. Thank you so much. You don’t even know how much this means to me.”
“I think I probably do. I’ll have him give you a call tonight if you want. Or, if you’d rather me not have your phone number, I’ll give you his.”
I tried to discern any hidden meaning. My first instinct was he wanted me to say it was okay for him to have my number, and even though I wanted to say that, I was also mad at myself for still feeling that way.
Instead, I grabbed a napkin and wrote my number on it. But as I slid it across to him, my senses returned and I yanked it back just as fast. “Oh, God! I don’t want you to hand him that.” I could just picture Austin handing Dr. Stevens a phone number on a white napkin.
“He wouldn’t even care,” Austin chuckled.
“I do, I guess. It’s not very professional.”
I was glad I’d caught myself before handing it over. It was even more embarrassing that I wasn’t thinking about Dr. Stevens when I was writing my phone number down. I’d been in some weird trance because I wanted Austin to have my number, and I just handed it over to him.
I looked through my purse to find something better to write on but came up empty. Finally, Austin said, “Just tell me your number, Nova.” He had his phone out and was going to punch it in. “I’ll make you a nice business card to put it on before I give it to him,” he teased.
I rolled my eyes but just told him the number.
“I’ll delete it as soon as your stationary is complete, too.”
“Lemme see one of your business cards,” I countered.
He looked a bit surprised but shrugged a shoulder as he shuffled through his wallet. “Job number one,” he said, setting one on the table. “I don’t have ‘my own’ for the ranch so...job number three,” he concluded, setting another one down.
I looked them both over but didn’t pick them up. I was waiting for him to put them back in his wallet, I guess, but he just smiled and took a drink as the waitress arrived to jot down our order. When she left, it was back to the awkwardness of the two business cards on the table between us. The ball was in my court, I knew it, and he was waiting for my choice. I could either take the two cards to show I wanted his number, or I could leave them there to inform him I did not.
I hate making decisions, remember?
Those two cards remained on the table during our entire lunch. Even though we talked about quite an array of things—the schools we went to, and different aspects of our jobs—there wasn’t a single word about those damn business cards.
The most impressive thing I learned about Austin was he had his MBA. He was only twenty-three and had earned his master’s in business a year prior. I was impressed and even told him so. It didn’t seem like a big deal to him though, as if it were just a fundamental achievement. I even asked him why he took it so lightly.
“Lightly? Nah, I worked hard for that.”
“How in the world did you get it already? In four years?”
“No, I went through six years of college. I just completed two of it while I was still in high school.”
“Really? Wow, I wish I could have done that. I guess I’ve heard of high schools that allowed that, but mine didn’t. You’re a genius, aren’t you?” I teased.
“I do okay with the right motivation.”
“Oh? And what does that mean?”
“My parents held everything over my head,” he chuckled. “Whether I got to do anything was based on my grades. But high school was easy for me, so it wasn’t a big deal. Getting my masters was a little tougher, but by then it was something I wanted to do.”
“Where’d you end up interning for that?”
“The Speedway.”
“Oh, I see. Well, that’s cool that you were able to get on with them permanently.”
He shrugged as the waitress brought our check. Before I could pay for my share, Austin was already handing her a fifty. I tossed some money his way and he laughed at me. He picked up my cash, and the two business cards, and set them in front of me.
“Save it for a rainy day.”
I wasn’t sure which he was referring to—the money or the cards—but I stuffed it all in my purse.
“Well, thank you for lunch,” I told him.
“Anytime. And if you’d rather not eat at the diner next time either, just let me know. I’ll take you anywhere you want.”
“Next time, huh?”
“If I’m so lucky to have a next time,” he shrugged with a smile while the waitress delivered his change.
As we stood to leave, I couldn’t help but glance at the table where he left a tip. It was a ten-dollar bill, and I almost made a comment about how poorly that woman had served us, but decided to leave it alone. Based on what I’d seen him tip before, maybe that amount was his not-so-good-service amount.
Austin walked me to my car after that, said he’d see me up in Bakersfield the next day, and sauntered away with a wave.
I sat in my car feeling unsettled. I guess it was because my time with him was over, and I was already wishing I’d decided to go up with him for the weekend. But I told myself my choice was right. I didn’t even know much about Austin, so why would I put myself in his car to be left at his mercy?
A brand-new Camaro roared at the stop sign and took a right turn to race to the freeway. ‘North’ made me think of Bakersfield and Dr. Stevens, and I couldn’t remember if I was supposed to make the call or Dr. Stevens was going to. I guess I should have asked Austin a few more questions.
Dr. Stevens did call me and it was far sooner than I expected. It couldn’t have been more than an hour later, and I’d just stretched across my bed to do some homework. We talked for almost twenty minutes, and I answered all his questions quickly and efficiently. We discussed several options for how I could get some hours in, and he even gave me some pointers about my letters of recommendation when it came time to apply for veterinary schools.
Austin was right. I really liked Dr. Stevens, and I hadn’t even met him yet. With his advice and suggestions, I felt like he wanted me to succeed.
Then we began discussing the equestrian aspect of his career. I admitted I hadn’t planned to head that direction—I was mainly shooting for small companion pets—but he assured me it didn’t matter. Apparently, there were other animals on the ranch that he doctored—cats and dogs—and he claimed there was plenty of work for the both of us.
I was so excited that night, I couldn’t even sleep. I laid awake for several hours, just thinking about spending time on a horse ranch and getting paid to intern for an equine vet. I even became excited for the equestrian aspect of it.
I finally fell asleep while picturing myself riding a horse, and I think my laughter was what pushed me into a slumber.