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By Wednesday, I decided stereotypes were stupid and people who judged others just on one outward fact alone were also stupid. There are too many ingredients to a person to simplify them so quickly.
I really didn’t put up with too much labeling when I was a teenager—I was kind of oblivious to it—but I started to get a taste of it after I graduated from high school. When my mom died, I had to quit school, and then I had to get a job. It was hard enough to get a job that I wanted, let alone one that was “cool.” I had other goals while I waited tables, but I did it so I could get myself to a place I wanted to be.
Occasionally, I would see a friend from school, or run into someone who knew me back then, and they would have to find out that no, I wasn’t in veterinary school right now, and yes, I’m a waitress in a diner. I guess it didn’t bother me much because the circumstances in my life had changed and there wasn’t anything I could do about it, but I was working hard as a waitress just so I could change things, and I viewed it as only a stepping-stone to get me on my way.
Austin hadn’t judged me any particular way when he first saw me. He said he thought I was a beautiful girl, and when I’d stopped them on the sidewalk, there was no way any of them wanted to turn me down. It was a little flattering to hear him tell me about some of the conversations they’d had about me, even that Brock and Will had thought of several ways they could get me to go out with one of them.
Austin didn’t deny being a part of those conversations too, but after coming into the diner two times after that, he claimed to have developed quite the crush on me. I teased him that he was a stalker, and he didn’t deny that either, but he says he learned a lot about me just by watching me interact with other people. When he won the bet to take me out, it made him feel bad. He didn’t want me to go out with him for any reason except because I wanted to, and he didn’t feel I was too keen on the idea.
I guess my opinion of Austin took a while to develop. At first, he was just one amongst a group of guys, and for the most part, Brock’s shameless personality had overshadowed everyone else. It wasn’t that I hadn’t noticed Austin—because I thought he was definitely the best looking of the four—but Brock kept me busy and I hardly had time for my own thoughts.
But I did notice Austin the second time they all came in, mainly because he had such a quiet yet confident air to him. I liked his mannerisms and the way he talked, and then when he handed me the money that day... I suppose it kind of sealed our fate. That was what it took for me to be hooked, and all he had to do was slowly pull me in from there.
Going back to my whine about stereotypes... At first, I wasn’t quite sure if Austin was the right kind of guy for me. Certain things worked in our favor, but I’ll admit, it took me a while to get past his “businessman” personality. I knew how smart he was, and I knew he worked hard at his jobs, but Austin was not the type you could pigeonhole very easily. There was a lot to him, and if you were to spend a day with him and then find out he wore a tie and mingled with the corporates, it might not seem likely.
During the few months I got to know Austin, I discovered he had a great sense of humor. I mean, he could be serious and business-like, but his sense of humor was more innate than his trained professionalism. He was also kind of spontaneous, and I couldn’t count how many times I’d heard him say, “Hey, let’s go in there instead,” when we were on our way to eat somewhere else, or “Why don’t we go do this today?” and it would be something totally random. One Wednesday morning, he called me up and told me he took the day off. He knew it was my day off, so I came down to his place and we spent the entire day doing various things in the Los Angeles area. It was so much fun, and I have a lot of memories from that day.
I think that’s when my suspicions about his adventurous side began to develop, and I hardly even pictured him as the businessman that once presented me with a plan to get my aunt’s diner to succeed. That image of him faded as I spent more time with him on a personal level, and to me, Austin was just...Austin.
On Friday (the Friday he worked because he’d taken Wednesday off) I was in the guesthouse when I heard him roll in. It was almost nine pm, and I was already in a pair of pajama pants for the night, but I walked over to the main house so I could see him. He’d been on his way to see me too, and we met on the grass again. It always felt good to have him back when he’d been gone all week, even if I did just see him on Wednesday.
He hardly said anything as he gave me a hug, so I could tell he’d had a stressful day at work. We walked over to the hammock near the garden and just laid in it together, quietly enjoying the time with one another. Finally, I did ask about his day and he opened up. We talked about it for a little while before he told me it was all in the past already, and he wanted to focus on his time with me. Then we went inside because he hadn’t eaten since noon and I couldn’t take all the noises his stomach was making.
But that’s when Sam saw him eating at the dining room table and asked, “What time is your race tomorrow? I forget.”
Austin cast her a look, and then she saw me standing in the kitchen, cutting up some fruit.
“Oh,” she said, biting her lip. “Oops.”
I could only stand there in silence, waiting for some sort of explanation for what she was talking about. I assumed she meant a horse race, and I wasn’t aware that Need for Speed had a race the next day. There hadn’t been any preparation for it—at least not from the medical end of it.
Austin continued eating after she left, seeming to take advantage of the fact I didn’t inquire. He honestly wasn’t going to say anything until I asked, “What race?” and sat at the table with him. He had that suave business air to him, and I wasn’t sure I particularly liked it. For some reason, I felt like I was about to be “dealt” with and couldn’t help it when I said, “I’m not a business client, Austin.”
He barely nodded. “Yes, I know that. I’m just trying to decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing.”
“And what’s that?”
He remained quiet for several seconds while he moved the plate and set his elbows on the table in front of him. “Remember when you told me you were glad all I did was work the business aspect of the speedway?”
“I didn’t say that was ‘all you did’—”
“I know, but that’s not the point. You said you were glad I wasn’t actually one of the fuckwads racing the cars.”
“Yes, I remember saying that. Because it’s dangerous, and I would never date a guy who was that—”
I stopped short since I realized what we were talking about. I could only stare at him because just the look on his face confirmed it.
“No, Austin...”
He took a deep breath and said, “I race cars, Nova. I have for about...five years now.”
I narrowed my eyes at him and said, “You told me that yeah, you’ve ‘tested it out.’ The track. I asked if you’ve actually raced on it and you casually said, ‘Uh, yeah, I’ve tested it out,’” I mimicked sarcastically.
“I know, and I’m sorry for misleading you, I really am, but because of the things you said about it... I was just afraid you’d have a problem with it and—”
“I do have a problem with it,” I cut in crossly.
“Yes, I can tell.”
“Well, what do you expect? You knew how I felt about it, I told you how glad I was that you didn’t do stuff like that—”
“I know, so what was I supposed to say?”
“Apparently you were supposed to lie about it, which is what you chose to do.”
He was about to respond, but decided not to—at least not right away. After pausing, he said, “Nova, I’m really sorry I chose to keep it from you. When it came up, I planned on letting you know that’s what I do, but then you had such negative feelings about it and...I was just afraid it was going to come between us.”
“And what about now? What are things supposed to be like now?”
“I don’t know. I guess I’ll sit here and beg you to forgive me, and beg you to not let it come between us. I don’t want it to come between us, Nova.”
“Then maybe you should have thought about that when I told you how I felt. Did you think I was just going to soften to the idea?”
He shrugged. “Maybe.”
“Well, I won’t.”
“It’s driving cars, Nov—”
“Don’t try to make it sound like it’s not a big deal. And it’s not just ‘driving cars.’ It’s racing cars. Racing cars in a restricted space with...who knows how many drivers! It’s dangerous. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s one of the most dangerous careers out there, isn’t it? And if you tell me this is what you do all day—racing cars and not actually working in an ‘office’—I’m going to be even more pissed because—”
“I’m a professional driver, but I don’t race every day, Nova. Yes, I have an office job right now. It’s the job I discuss with you. I didn’t make it up. I’m barely up there in a slot to race anything big anyway; I just do smaller races for now. The amount of time I have to spend is—”
“What do you mean ‘for now’? Don’t even tell me you plan on racing for NASCAR or something, Austin. Is that what you’re saying?”
He paused. “Well, technically I already race for NASCAR.”
I stared at him, totally confused.
“I’m licensed to drive for NASCAR,” he clarified. “I raced in the Grand National division for two years, and went on to the All-Star Showdown at the Speedway.”
I sighed with mixed feelings. I was proud of him for whatever accomplishment that meant, but I definitely wasn’t sold on the idea of Austin racing. I sat there, mulling over information as I recalled it. Thinking back, I guess I could see little things here and there that supported the “Austin races cars” idea. With all the competition talk and race talk that went on in the stables, I probably didn’t even think twice about any slip about racing when it was about cars. Whether it was amongst his family or other times, I just didn’t catch on.
Austin reached over and took my hand across the table. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t understand where all of this fits in. How can you have, like, three jobs and squeeze in racing, too? And me? How do you fit me in?”
“Easily, because I can’t be without you. And I finished the details for the diner. I’m done working for Marcus and reshaping businesses. So technically, I’m down to one job and my vacation each weekend here,” he smiled.
“And? Where does racing fit in?”
He shrugged. “I haven’t raced that much this year. I just started up again a few months ago. Kind of the same time I met you.”
“And how can you race for NASCAR, or a division or whatever that means, if you’re not doing it regularly? I thought it was like being a part of a traveling team or something.”
“Well, I had surgery the end of January. I had to take some time to recover and then get cleared.”
“Surgery for what?”
“My shoulder.”
I nodded, aware that he’d had surgery for a torn ligament. “And how did that happen? And if you tell me it was from a racing accident—”
“Playing football,” he interrupted with a tiny smile. “Didn’t I tell you that?”
“Oh, yeah.”
We were both aware other people were milling around the house, so I wasn’t surprised when he said, “Can we talk about this somewhere else?”
I nodded, and stood with him. I cleaned up the kitchen counter where I’d been working, and after he took his plate to the sink and stuck a piece of watermelon in his mouth, he led me to the den.
He sat on the couch and patted the space next to him. I was tempted to refuse because I was still feeling cantankerous, but I sat and partially faced him.
“I started out consulting with Marcus,” he began. “That was my first job outside of the ranch while I was still going to college. I started racing when I was eighteen, found my own sponsors, and did it as much as school and my job allowed. When I began racing more, I worked for Marcus less. He even helped sponsor me. I had two great years of racing, started out practicing pretty well this January, and then hurt my shoulder. That’s how I began working at the Speedway. I knew the guys there, and Hank knew I had my MBA. He hired me to work on a few marketing projects, so I agreed. A few projects turned into a few more, and I started working there full time. But then I got cleared to race and...started competing again.”
“How many races since I’ve known you?”
He paused for just a second. “Well, I guess about six.”
“Six?”
“Well, four were before you and I were really ‘together.’ Because two were when I was still courting you at the diner—” He winked “—Then two weekends in a row after you started working here.”
I considered that for a moment, understanding why he didn’t come home those weekends. I thought it had to do with me blowing him off the week before, but he was racing cars?
“Now I’m racing with the K&N Pro Series again, like I was a year ago. I do have a race tomorrow,” he seemed to add as a side note. “It’s at Infineon. Sonoma. I’d like you to come.”
“No.”
He studied me for a bit, but I guess he realized I was serious. “Even if I beg you?”
“I don’t like it, Austin.”
He didn’t reply, but I could tell I’d totally let him down.
I scooted closer to him on the couch, laying my head on his shoulder. “You do remember my mom died in a car accident, right?” I whispered.
He’d kissed my head, but went completely still. I sat up and looked at him just as he said, “I’m sorry, Nova. I didn’t even- it should have occurred to me—”
“I understand, but just so you know... Even if I can’t make you stop racing, I don’t think I can come watch you, Austin. I just...don’t know if I could handle it.”
I knew why I truly didn’t want him to race, and I considered sharing how I felt about him, but I wasn’t very confident about adding more to the current mix. Maybe I expected him to quit racing just for me, but what if he’d asked me to quit school or stop working on the ranch? Was it the same thing?
I didn’t think it was. For one, school and a career were reasonable. Racing cars...was not.
The next morning, I was faced with a tough decision. All night, I’d thought about Austin and my relationship with him. Even though watching him race a car was not my first choice, I felt like I was being selfish. I knew my reasons were legitimate, but I also knew I wanted to be anywhere Austin was, and if he wanted me to be present when he could very possibly crash a car and die, I felt like I owed him that much. I knew I was being overdramatic, at least I hoped I was, but I was still a little upset.
I caught his family before they were about to leave that day. Sam was surprised to see me when she was climbing into the Gaines’ SUV, but she waited for me to approach before asking, “Nova? Are you coming with us?”
I released a theatrical sigh. “Yes, I’d like to come. I mean...not really.”
She grinned, and while we got in the vehicle, Marlo said, “Nova, it took me a long time to get used to this. A very long time.”
“You’re still not used to it,” Dave said when he put the Tahoe in gear.
“No, not really. I’m used to him racing now, but it still makes my stomach tense.”
I knew what she meant, and I hadn’t even been to a race yet. Sam was busy texting, so I glanced back at a quiet Katie and asked, “What about you? What do you think of Austin racing?”
She barely shrugged. “I think it’s cool.”
I groaned to myself, not sure if she truly understood how dangerous it was. Was I that naïve when I was sixteen?
“Austin’s pretty stoked you’re coming,” Sam said, holding up her phone to me. It read: Seriously? That’s awesome! Bring her to see me before the race.
Sam was apparently familiar with the race scene, because when we got to the track, she took me straight to Austin. She didn’t stick around, but told me where I could find her when I was done. She wished her brother luck, and gave him a hug before she left us.
I was tentative about joining the small group around him, but after Sam left, Austin took me in his arms. “I’m so glad you came,” he said, kissing the top of my head. “I know you don’t want to be here, but it means a lot to me that you are.”
My response was undecided, so I just nodded my head. I didn’t want to lie and say I was glad to be there, because I wasn’t, but I also didn’t want to get into why I was there.
“Let me introduce you to a few people,” he said, guiding me by the elbow. He took a minute to familiarize me with some of his team members—from his manager, Tristan, to a few of the mechanics, and then Gerardo, his driving coach.
Most of the guys were friendly, but there was one who seemed a little brash. I kind of took offense to him at first, especially because he made a comment about my name when Austin wasn’t paying attention. But then I learned the guy was another driver on the team, and I wondered if he was just upset he wasn’t driving that race or something. I didn’t know how those things were decided, but I tried not to let his comments bother me.
Austin walked me a distance away from the group so we could have some privacy. Just by his actions, I could tell he was happy I was there. But I was still nervous about watching him race, and was sure nothing was going to take away my fears.
After talking with me for a few minutes, he regretfully said, “I better get back to my team.”
“Okay, no problem.”
“Thanks for coming, Nova. Really.” I only nodded but it made him smile. “You look like you want to throw up,” he chuckled. “Are you okay?”
I shrugged. “I’m just really nervous for you. I mean...aren’t you nervous?”
It was his turn to shrug. “I’m excited, not nervous. I just get out on the track and have fun. It’s just like anybody who plays a professional sport. You’re excited and anxious to get out there and play. It’s competition, doing something you love.”
“I think you enjoy the adrenaline rush.”
“Yeah, that too,” he smiled.
“I think you’re an adrenaline junkie.”
He laughed. “And what kinds of things did my parents tell you?”
I raised my eyebrows. “What kinds of things are there to tell?”
He paused for a few seconds before his smile slowly returned. “Well, I gotta join my team. And when I’m done with this race, you and I have a date.”
“We do, huh?”
“Yep.” He pulled me close and kissed me. “I’m glad you’re here, so take a deep breath and try to relax, beautiful. If you’re a big girl and don’t freak out, I have a surprise for you later.”
“Really?”
“Mmhmm.”
“Can I have it now? Maybe it will help me relax.”
“Nope, sorry.”
“Can I have a hint?”
He scowled at me. “Jeez woman, gimme a break.”
“Well now you have me really excited.”
“It’s nothing big or anything. I was just thinking about the fact that I met you just after your birthday, and I wanted to get you a birthday gift.”
“Aww, you didn’t have to do that.”
“I know, but I wanted to. Anyway, I really gotta jet. I’ll see you afterwards, okay? That’s when I’ll really get you excited.” He winked.
He made me giggle. I couldn’t help it.
After a kiss goodbye, I watched him rejoin his team. I found my way into the grandstands, but barely had to look for his family because Sam waved me over as soon as she saw me.
I think I did okay watching the race itself. I refrained from gasping out loud, or saying what was on my mind because I didn’t want to annoy the people around me. But I’m not sure if I barely said five sentences the entire race. Marlo and Dave offered a little bit of information here and there—about Austin, the track or the team, or stories about other races that he’d raced in—but I was honestly so stressed out watching the stupid race, I didn’t know what to say to them.
Austin led for 17 laps that day and finished third, and even when the race was over—and I could take a big, deep breath to relax myself—my stomach was still tied in knots. I didn’t know what it was about racing cars that sent me into such a nervous fit, but I wasn’t sure if I could ever do it again. Maybe it would get better with time—maybe I could get used to it—but for the time being, I could hardly stand it.
And that worried me.