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“I said two-thirds,” Lori snapped at me. “If you can’t measure two-thirds, how can you expect to measure anything else? Next time, such a careless mistake could be costly.”
Lori had been on my ass all morning. I guess everyone is entitled to a bad day, and for the most part I just let her be snarly, but that time I had to stand up for myself.
“That was exactly two-thirds,” I told her calmly. “See? This is a cup, and I filled it to here.” I pointed to the two-thirds mark that was plain as day, but she almost refused to look at it.
“Being corrected for your mistakes is a good thing, Nova. If you get insulted every time someone tries to help you, how are you supposed to learn?”
“I agree, but I didn’t make a mistake. You told me two-thirds, so I gave him two-thirds.”
She rolled her eyes at me and sighed, like I was an insubordinate child and she’d had enough. Without another word, she gathered the supplies and headed for the office.
I groaned to myself, silently praying for Jack to return early from his summer vacation. But he’d only been gone for three days, and I had four more to endure with Lori. If her frustration with me actually had merit, I could handle it. But she just didn’t like me. I couldn’t think of a single mistake I had made, and she not only found shit to nitpick, she also said things that were totally unnecessary like “If you think you can handle this,” or “If you can find the time.” I didn’t understand what she was implying, or why she was even implying it.
“What’s got ya down?” a voice asked.
I was sitting on an overturned bucket when Heath opened a stall across from me. He began to bridle Sadie Liz as he looked to me for an answer.
“Nothing,” I replied when I stood. “Just done for the day. Deciding what I should do.”
He glanced at me again while he led the horse into the aisle. “Hmm, looks to me like you’re bugged about something. Anything I can help with?”
“Nah, just one of those days.”
“You miss Austin or something? You know you can still change your mind and go to his race.”
I smiled and answered, “Yes, I miss him, but no that’s not the problem. And no, I’m not going to his race.”
He seemed to ponder for a moment with a slow nod. “Well, how ‘bout you come on a ride with me and my wife? I’m putting Sadie in the field and then I’m saddling up a couple horses to ride with Clara. You should come, too.”
I was interested, but didn’t want to intrude on their time with each other. I told him that, and he chuckled.
“Actually, she wanted me to ask you anyway. So, pick which horse you want to ride, and saddle it up.”
He left with Sadie, so I carefully considered the offer. The only person I’d ridden with on the ranch was Sam, and since I was starting to get more comfortable around some of the other people employed by the Gaines family, I decided to give it a shot.
My choice for a mount was Down and Dirty, and she seemed very willing to be led to the stable for a saddle. I felt bad for the other horses though, and I could swear Inky Black was even pouting. However, I got Dirty saddled just as Clara and Heath led Cash and Bench Rider outside, and all three of us mounted our horses together.
I really enjoyed my time with the Tomlinson’s. Other than being with Austin, I couldn’t think of anything better I wanted to do on a Sunday afternoon. I did miss him, but I decided I could tolerate that better than watching him race a car. He’d had three races since the first one I went to, and I just couldn’t put myself through the stress again.
It didn’t stop me from worrying about him every second of the day, though, and even with all the conversation I had with Heath and Clara, I still found plenty of time to think about Austin. Somehow, racing came up, and Clara mentioned she understood how anxious it made me feel.
“When Amy told us she wanted to do show jumping, I almost had a heart attack. I didn’t grow up around horses and events like Heath did, so to hear your fourteen-year-old daughter insist she wants to do something so dangerous, I automatically put my foot down.”
I didn’t know too much about Amy Tomlinson, only that she was Heath and Clara’s oldest, and she’d died in an accident ten years ago. I wasn’t the type to pry into other people’s personal lives, so I had never asked questions about it.
“I guess her love for the sport talked me into it,” she continued. “But I still have a hard time justifying the outcome, you know? She died doing something she loved, but does that make it any better?”
“Amy died from...?”
“A jumping competition. Got thrown from her mount and... Well, let’s just say I’m not sure if it was better for me to be there or not. I’d rather not have that image in my head, but I guess I’m thankful I was there for her last day on earth. It’s hard to weigh and measure things like that. You think there are jumping competitions in heaven?” she asked me with a smile.
“I don’t see why not. Heaven should consist of things that make us happy, right? Now she’s doing something she loves without any heartache or worldly troubles to bog her down.”
“Maybe she’s keeping your mother company?”
“Maybe.” I smiled. “My mom is probably reading as many books as she can get her hands on, if those are in heaven, too. She loved to read but didn’t get to very often since she worked so much.”
“Amy loved to read, too. She was a very sweet girl, somewhat of a daydreamer.”
We were just returning to the stables when I asked, “How old was she when she died?”
“Sixteen.”
“So, she’d be twenty-six?”
“Yes. I’m sure she would have been married by now with children...”
Clara left the sentence unfinished when we dismounted our horses. Heath took both Cash and Bench Rider to dress them down, so I led Dirty to do the same. Clara stood with me while I tied the horse in front of the tack room, and proceeded to remove her saddle.
“My son lives in North Dakota,” she continued. “Ben. He’s got his life all figured out and doesn’t have a need for parents.” She smiled sarcastically.
I could tell that she was hurt, even though I didn’t know the history. “How old is Ben?”
“Twenty-three. Same age as Austin. Actually, they used to be best friends growing up. But between Austin’s need for thrills and Ben’s need for rebellion, the two of them got into some pretty good trouble on occasion. It blows me away that Dave and Marlo even speak to us these days. Ben was such a bad influence on Austin.”
I considered that for a moment while I pulled off Dirty’s saddle, and placed it on a saddle rack. “When was the last time you saw your son?”
“Mm, about two Christmases ago. We’ve traveled to North Dakota to see him. He’s too busy to come here, though. But he actually called the other day—that was a shocker. He claims he’s coming this way sometime soon. He even mentioned moving back here for a while, but I won’t hold my breath.”
Heath was already done with two horses by the time I was done with mine. I was still brushing Dirty while Clara chatted with me about how different Ben and Amy were growing up on the ranch. We discussed the environments we grow up in, and how much of our personalities decide our future.
“I guess some people grow where they’re planted and some don’t,” Clara said. “Amy was perfectly content with her life—she loved it here and she was at home with our way of life. Ben didn’t seem to take to the ranch life like the rest of us did, but it got even worse when Amy died. It was a constant battle for us, worrying about what we should do about his unhappiness. We didn’t know if we should move to give him a different opportunity. I guess we didn’t understand how much his sister’s death affected him, and if I could do it all over again, I might have moved our family just to give Ben another chance. I don’t know if it would have helped or not,” she shrugged.
I could tell she loved her son, and I could also understand what if felt like to have regrets or that “what if?” mentality.
“I almost called my mom the night she died,” I told her. “I called to check up on her every so often, but that night I decided not to. I was tired and just went to bed. In hindsight, I realize that phone call would have been about five minutes before she died. If I had just called, she could still be alive today.”
“Oh, honey...”
“No, I’m not blaming myself,” I clarified. “I’m just saying even little things like that can make such a huge difference, but for some reason, life wasn’t meant to go that way. I think I knew a few years before that I was going to lose my mom. It was just one of those weird feelings I guess, and I had at least three dreams that placed me at her funeral. I never told her about it because I didn’t want to worry her—plus I just thought I was nuts—but I think it caused me to be close to her, fearing I wasn’t always going to have her around. I miss her, and my life might be a lot easier if she were still alive, but I have to believe there’s something else in store for me. I think everything comes in balance, but we just don’t always see it as it happens.”
We walked Down and Dirty out of the stable in silence. A truck and trailer pulled up and Heath met the driver as he got out, but Clara and I walked Dirty back to Field Four.
While I released the horse into the pasture, Clara turned to me and said, “You are a very smart and special young woman, Nova. I hope you never forget that.”
Without waiting for a response, she headed for the house to get dinner started.
I leaned against the fence to pet Whiskey, and thought about Clara’s relationship with Heath. They’d been together for almost thirty years and seemed to have such a deep connection with one another. They’d had their ups and downs, several moves and financial difficulties, the death of a child and basically the estrangement of another.
They were definitely dedicated to each other, even through all that.
I wondered if my relationship with Austin was ever going to take on that kind of meaning. As it was, I didn’t even like to be apart from him, but I felt like we were still in the very beginning stages of our relationship. I could see myself being with Austin for good, and I did feel a strong connection to him, but I also wasn’t naïve and knew things could change in the blink of an eye.
I wished I didn’t always feel like good things weren’t meant to last, but I wasn’t familiar with what it was like to have good luck.
Dave and Marlo got home around nine that night, and I heard Austin roll in an hour later. He didn’t even drive to the main house, but came straight to the guesthouse to see me. It was little things like that that made me realize our relationship was progressing.
“I’m only going to ask how you did, and then I don’t want to talk about it,” I told him after he kissed me.
“Finished fourth.”
“Well congrats and all that, I’m really proud of you, hope you had fun... Okay, new subject.”
He smiled and asked, “How was your day?”
“Meh,” I shrugged. “Okay, I guess.”
“Just okay? How come? Jack’s gone, don’t you get time off too?”
“Not really.”
“Oh yeah, it’s Sunday. Lori was here, huh?”
“Yep. So, tell me about this other team I hear might be interested in you.”
He eyed me carefully for a few beats. “I thought you didn’t want to talk about racing?” I didn’t reply so he added, “Nova, what happened today?”
“Nothing. I just figured I should probably know what to expect if something is going to change.”
His smile was slightly suspicious. “I know you, and I can tell something happened today. What was it?”
“Nothing. It was just a rough day. I don’t badger you about details when you’ve had a rough day at work.”
“No, but this is my ranch, so if there’s something going on, then I should be informed about it.”
I sighed. “See, this is exactly the type of thing I wanted to avoid. Mixing business with my personal life.”
He paused while contemplating. “Okay, I understand. But when you feel, uh, business-like...will you come talk to me about it?”
“No.”
He raised his eyebrows.
“I’ll talk to your dad if I need to, or Jack if that’s all it takes.”
“So, this does have to do with Lori?”
“Austin...”
“Okay, fine.” He took a deep breath and pulled me close, so I tried to forget about my lousy day and focus on time with my boyfriend. But he did end up saying, “Problems with Lori are nothing new. Just so you know.”
And then the subject was dropped.