| |
Any other person saying such a thing to my face might’ve been dismissed. But it was Jack, someone I respected and esteemed; someone whose opinion I valued.
Even so, I felt defensive.
“He can’t control what I’ve already decided,” I argued. “I know what I want, and I’m not going to change my course just because he needs some time to figure things out. I love him, so I want him to be able to do that. I can’t force him to see things the way I do. I have to let him do things his own way right now.”
Jack’s expression surprised me, because at that point, he slowly began to smile.
“What?” I asked. “What’s so funny? You think I’m being a pushover? I think that’s called true love.”
He let out a huge sigh and quietly said, “I know, and my little boy has himself a great woman.”
“Excuse me?”
“Nova, I admire you. Have I ever told you that? I really do. You are such a good kid. And if I had a son, I’d want one just like Austin. He’s like family to me, and I only want the best for him. Right now, he’s being an ass, but still.”
I stared at him with confusion. “Jack, I have no clue what you’re talking about.”
“I just wanted to know how you really felt about him. I know we work together, but you keep your personal life private and I don’t hear too much from your end of it. Austin speaks his mind constantly, so I know how much he loves you.”
I raised an eyebrow. “So, all of that drama was about hearing how I feel about Austin?”
“Uh, strangely, yes.”
“Then why didn’t you just ask?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. Sometimes it’s nice to hear things in the heat of the moment.”
I scoffed. “You provoked me just to get my honest emotions? You’re a crafty piece of work, Jack.”
“Thank you.” He smiled.
“Okay, so I understand the part about Austin, but what the heck was all of that about your age?”
He chuckled, shaking his head. Then he put his elbow on the counter and dropped his chin into his hand. “I’m getting old,” he moaned.
“What? You’re not. Why would you say that?”
“Because I’m almost forty.”
“You’re thirty-seven. You’ve got three more years.”
“Two,” he frowned. “Starting tomorrow,” he added deliberately.
“You don’t have to toss around hints. Your gift is in my car.”
His face perked up. “You got me a birthday present?”
“Of course I did.”
“What is it?”
“A surprise. A surprise you’re not going to get until tomorrow.”
“You’re no fun.”
“Maybe I should have just donated to your mid-life crisis fund instead,” I teased. “Seems like you’re already getting there.”
“I think I got there two years ago.”
“Really? What makes you think that?”
“I don’t know. I’m gonna be thirty-eight and I’m still living the life of a bachelor.”
“You’ve been married before.”
“Yeah, for less than two years. And that was when I was in my twenties.”
“So now you’re ready to settle down again?”
“I love living here part time—it’s like being home with family—but when I’m staying at my apartment the other days of the week... It’s just lonely. And I hate the dating scene. I’m not that good at it. After Karen and I divorced, I had zero interest in settling down again. I mean she turned out to be psychotic, right?”
I laughed, recalling some of the stories he’d told me. “And you’re afraid the same thing would happen again?”
“Well yeah, wouldn’t you?”
I shrugged. “Probably. But you know you can’t think like that, right?”
“What can I do when it keeps crossing my mind anyway?”
“You’ve got to remind yourself that no two relationships are alike, and just go with the flow until you figure something out.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, when I met Austin and his friends, I wasn’t interested in a boyfriend. I had my mind set on school, and that’s the direction I was headed. And then the opportunity to work here happened, and it felt right.”
“And you went with the flow.”
“I still didn’t know how things were going to turn out, but I told myself to just do the best I could until I felt confident about another decision.”
“And I take it the latest turn of events wasn’t exactly in your plans?”
“You mean being dumped?”
“You weren’t dumped. Like you said, you two are still very close and you still love each other. There has to be hang-ups in every relationship.”
“There does?” I smiled wryly. “It didn’t have to be that way.”
“It didn’t?”
“Maybe it did. Things were too great for me, and that’s unusual in my life. I should have seen it coming.”
“Oh, Nova, don’t think like that.”
“It’s the pattern of my life.”
“It’s the pattern of everyone’s life. Ups and downs, great miracles and great tragedies.”
“I’m tired of tragedy. I was ready for great miracles instead. Maybe I’m being a whiner, but I’ve worked so hard and feel like I deserve something amazing.”
He frowned. “I can’t imagine what it was like for you to lose your mom, or to grow up with the dad you had—everyone’s trials are different—but you’re going to look back and see this was just a tiny bump in the road. You’re doing the right thing—going with your gut and keeping your resolve. Your strong spirit and resolve are the two greatest parts of who you are, Nova.”
“I guess patience isn’t. I say I want Austin to figure things out on his own, but sometimes I wonder if I really do feel that way. I just wish he would see things my way.”
“That’s normal.” Jack smiled. “That’s how you feel, but you’re willing to wait, and that’s what makes the difference.”
“How long will I have to wait?”
His hesitation was a bit lengthier than I was comfortable with. “Well...he knows how much he loves you, but it’s new to him, so he’s still trying to process it. He’s also in the same boat you are. He’s had this career goal in mind, and he wants to achieve it. The only difference is that...”
“He chose one way, and I chose the other.”
“He wants you to finish school.”
“It’s not what I want. Jack, why can’t anyone understand that? I went with the flow and let life carry me in this direction. I tried out the doors that had been opened for me, and I chose what I wanted. It’s not really what I had in my plans, but it’s even better. I was so happy with how things worked out. When I think about marrying Austin and sharing a life with him, I just feel like—”
“Wait a second. Marrying Austin? Is that—? Did you guys—? Have you actually talked about that?”
I was totally surprised that he seemed totally surprised. “What? Yes, we’ve talked about it.”
“Seriously?” he asked with complete awe. “Oh, holy shit... Nova, you’ve gotta tell me everything,” he said eagerly. “It finally makes sense to me now.”
“What finally makes sense to you?”
“What Austin’s problem is. Why he did what he did when I know how he feels about you!”
“He has marriage phobia?” I smiled knowingly. Jack didn’t respond but I added, “I know the idea of it doesn’t appeal to him. It was my fault, though. I brought it up too soon, and now have to deal with the repercussions. I know it was my mistake, so I’m willing to pay the price. I’ll wait.”
“You’ve got four more years.”
“What?”
“To wait.” He sighed. “When he’s twenty-eight. Then he’ll think about getting married.”
I gaped at him. “He’s got a certain age in mind? He’s never- we’ve never talked about that before. He really has an age he’s shooting for?”
“That’s what he said. Maybe he’ll change his mind, but...”
“Oh, God,” I groaned, running a hand through my hair. “Four years. Four years until he’s twenty-eight. Four years of vet school...”
“He’s laid it out.”
“Yeah, I guess so,” I growled. “His perfect little plan.”
“Nova, don’t take what I say as fact, okay? Austin is pretty unpredictable. Sticking to that kind of schedule is really out of character for him.”
“No, it seems to fit him pretty well this time. He doesn’t want to settle down right now, and he’s trying to force me to go to school for four years to keep me busy while he continues racing. Marriage isn’t the type of thrill Austin is looking for. Sure, he’s unpredictable when it comes to the exciting things in life, but right now, this screwed up relationship is probably pretty exciting to him, right?” Jack started to chuckle, but I shook my head. “I’m not kidding. He likes the drama. It’s way more exciting than being tied down in a marriage for the rest of his life.”
“Nova, I’m sorry. I really am. Austin is just—”
“This is nothing new to me, Jack, so don’t think I’m surprised by any of it. Not getting married until he’s twenty-eight is news to me, but I know Austin’s personality and I understand I pushed too soon. But twenty-eight? I had no idea he wanted to wait that long. Why didn’t he just tell me that?”
“Would you have stuck around?”
“Of course I would have,” I snapped. “I’m in this for the long haul. I would always hope he might change his mind, but this should have been something he talked to me about. At least then I’d have some sort of idea of what to expect.”
“Will you reconsider going to school? Knowing Austin might not be ready for marriage for four more years?”
I really did think about it for a moment, but I already knew my answer. “No, I don’t want to continue with school. I’m happy with my life right now.”
Jack sighed. “I wish there was something I could do to help you out.”
“I think I should just stop talking about it altogether. It doesn’t do me any good.”
“Understandable.”
“So, tell me about Melissa and your date. When are you guys going out?”
Jack and I talked for a while that evening while we tended to things around the barn. We prepped for the two surgeries we’d be doing in the morning, and then ended up talking about Melissa again. I was glad to hear about someone else’s relationship issues besides my own, and even though Jack was pessimistic about anything serious coming from the date, he was still nervous. He was a funny guy, and that humor sometimes clouded his true feelings on occasion, but he was open about how he felt—from how he had no clue where to even take her to how much he wished he knew what she thought of him.
“Just be yourself,” I kept telling him. “It doesn’t do anyone any good to start a relationship trying to be someone else. All is revealed sooner or later, and it’s better to just get all the facts out there right off the bat. And I know she likes you, Jack. You really are a great guy, so if she’s not the right woman for you, there’s one out there somewhere. And if you’re not taken in four years, and Austin still doesn’t have a clue, you and I just might be a great match.”
He laughed at the tease. “If Austin doesn’t have a clue by then, it’ll serve him right to see you with me. But will you still be working here?” he inquired with a smile.
“Hopefully. Why?”
“Oh, then sorry. Around here we don’t date fellow employees.”
“Maybe I’d just have to quit.”
He raised an eyebrow. “How admirable. But I’ll probably be the one to quit. I’ll be old enough to retire in four years.”
I laughed out loud, but my phone was ringing with a call from Austin and I wasn’t sure I wanted to answer it.
“I’ll leave you alone.” Jack turned to leave.
“Wait!” I almost panicked. “I mean...what am I supposed to tell him?”
“We’ll be done by noon tomorrow, and I can take care of the follow-up that evening. If you feel like you need to go see him, Nova...then make the trip.”
He left, so I answered the call. I was still upset about Austin’s four-year plan, and I wasn’t sure how to confront him about it.
Maybe I really should make the trip, just so I could clear up a few things.