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I stormed down the hall and pounded on Ben’s door. I didn’t even give him a chance to respond, and just flung it open. He jumped out of bed in just a pair of boxers.
“What’s the matter?” he asked, truly concerned. He had no idea I was just about to rip him a new one.
“You knew he would get pissed, didn’t you? You knew he would eventually find out, and that he’d be furious!”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“Austin? You know, my boyfriend who hates you and apparently your other little friends, as well?”
Ben’s face visibly darkened, but he didn’t reply right away. He grabbed a pair of pants from a chair and put them on. “That’s his problem,” he answered dryly. “You still let him run your life from how many miles away?”
“That is not what we’re talking about here! You knew Austin would flip out if I mentioned Charlie’s name, didn’t you?”
He took a moment while he put on a t-shirt. “What if I did? He doesn’t like me, but he left you here to live in the same house as me? Come on, Nova. Get a clue.”
I stared at him with disbelief. “Really? Now I’m clueless?”
“Why can’t you see beyond your own little dream world? Are all the rainbows and butterflies getting in the way? You can’t see past the fucking unicorns? What Austin wants, Austin gets, right? Don’t you think you’re missing the point? If he wanted you in his life, he would have found a way to make it happen. I know the truth hurts, so I’m sorry about that, but I did you a favor.”
He brushed past me for the bathroom, and after standing there in a stupor for a few seconds, I followed. He was splashing water on his face, but I just remained in the doorway until I could figure out what to say.
“You did me a favor, huh?” I finally repeated, trying to stay calm. “He’s now mad at me, he’s mad at you—”
“Why’s he mad at you?” He shut the water off, and grabbed a towel to dry his face. “And really, he finally had a phone conversation with you? How long did that take? A week?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“You’ve just made it my business, being that he’s mad at me via said phone conversation. Tell me why he’s mad at you.”
I took a deep breath, knowing I’d totally set myself up for humiliation. I usually chose to keep my emotions to myself—because I always ended up regretting it.
“Nova? Tell me why he’s mad at you. I was the one who put you around Charlie. He should be mad at me.”
I groaned and just left for my room. I didn’t know why I got myself into such stupid situations.
“Oh, no you don’t,” Ben said, getting to my door the same time I did. He squeezed through the doorway before I could shut it on him. “You’re the one who blew up at me, so you’d better explain yourself.”
“I don’t have to explain anything.”
“Fine, then maybe I should just call him myself. I have no problem discussing all things Nova since I obviously spend way more time with you than he does.”
“Don’t be a dick.”
“How am I being a dick? Stating the obvious?”
“Rubbing it in! Taking the knife and twisting it a few times, just to make sure I feel it more!”
I wished I could say something really mean to him, but couldn’t think of anything good. I was hurting that much.
“I’m sorry,” he finally said. “I guess getting you to see my point of view is just as ineffective as you making Austin see your point of view.”
I wasn’t sure how to take that. He seemed to say it apologetically, but at the same time, wanted to get his two-cents in.
I made my way to the bed and sat down, completely frustrated. I was basically still fighting with Austin and he wasn’t even there. “I thought if I mentioned our time at the concert... I was hoping it would make him jealous,” I admitted with a sigh. “I casually brought it up, like it wasn’t a big deal, but I knew he’d have a problem with me hanging out with you.”
I barely glanced at Ben because I was embarrassed, but he didn’t say anything and just sat on the bed next to me.
“I guess I was just desperate,” I continued. “I just...wanted to feel like there was something that could light a spark in him. Maybe I hoped he’d be bothered enough to come see me. But then I mentioned Charlie, and he almost birthed a fucking cow.” I turned to Ben, and narrowed my eyes. “I had no idea he held a knife to Sami’s throat.”
“That’s when I made him go to rehab,” he said quietly, running both hands through his hair. “It was the last straw. I stayed until he was clean, and then I left town. I even made Charlie come with me because I didn’t want anything to happen to him—I didn’t want him to be around any old acquaintances.”
I was torn between the idea that Ben truly did look after people and the fact that he really pissed me off sometimes.
“And I’m glad you used me to make Austin jealous because that was the point,” he added.
I eyed him carefully. “What was the point?”
“You hanging out with me. I knew once he finally got wind of it, he’d be pretty peeved. He needs that, Nova. It serves him right.”
“I don’t feel like punishing him, Ben.”
“I know, and you prove that by giving him chance after chance after chance. But it’s not about punishing him. It’s about giving him a broader picture. I think he needs that.”
“I don’t think he needs to be stressing out about things when he has a career to focus on.”
“I think you’re wrong. He needs to realize how important you are to him.”
I scoffed, mainly because it seemed like such a dumb thing to make someone “realize.” Why didn’t Austin already feel I was important to him? Instead, he moves to North Carolina and dumps me rather than take me with him.
Yes, I finally admit it. He dumped me.
“I think you’re giving him the wrong idea,” I told Ben softly. “What if he thinks I don’t care about him anymore? What if he decides I’m having fun over here, so I obviously don’t love him anymore? And then he decides to find himself someone new...” I groaned to myself, dropping my head into my hands.
“Come on, Nova. You’re forgetting who Austin is. He’s a competitor. He’s not gonna hand you over just like that.”
“Oh, but I thought you said he’d find a way to be together if he really wanted to,” I spat back sarcastically. “And quit making me sound like a trophy or something.”
He was about to respond but didn’t. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. I wanted to hear what he had to say, but I was sure it would probably make me even more upset.
“Why in the hell would you wake me up at four in the morning?” Ben sighed, standing up. “I’d go back to bed, but I’m wide awake now.”
“I’m sorry. North Carolina is three hours ahead.”
He slightly nodded, but on his way out the door, he stopped and asked, “So he finally called you?”
I was reluctant to answer. “Um, no, I called him.”
After a brief pause, he asked, “And you just happened to be up at four?”
“I couldn’t sleep.” I shrugged. “And I knew he would be up, and that I might have a good chance of actually getting a hold of him.”
Again, he barely nodded, and then left my room. I knew he was disappointed in me, but I truly felt we were viewing Austin from completely different points of view.
With a groan/sigh combination, I dropped myself onto the bed.
Surprisingly, I got a call from Austin two days later. I was in Clover’s Café, finishing a shift after my morning of school. I was so excited to take his call that I left the restaurant with my apron on.
“Hey, there,” I said as I got into my car.
“Hey, yourself. You busy?”
“Nope, just about to leave the diner.”
“You working tomorrow, too?”
“Actually, no. I’m going to spend Wednesday with Grandpa.” He didn’t respond right away, so I asked, “What are you up to? What’s going on for you this week?”
That got him talking about racing, and I was happy to hear about it. I was glad he didn’t mention Ben, even though I knew he’d called Ben himself and chewed him out. Ben claimed it was a good thing, but I wasn’t so sure.
“So...I was wondering if you’d want to meet me in Vegas this weekend,” he finally said.
For a second, I pictured Elvis and wedding bells, but I knew he meant for his race.
“Nova?” he asked when I didn’t respond.
“I’m not sure. I have a visit to the Langley farm with Jack on Saturday.”
“Can’t Jack go by himself? I mean, wouldn’t that be more in his favor?” he joked.
I smiled. “Yeah, but we’re gelding a couple of horses she acquired.”
“So, is that a no? I really want to see you, Nova. Could you find a way around it? Or maybe change it to a day early or something?”
“She’ll be gone until Friday night.”
“Well...could Jack take Lori?”
“Jack can’t stand Lori. And this isn’t about needing two vets, Austin. It’s about me getting some experience.”
“Yeah, I know.” He sighed, seeming disappointed. But then he added, “Well, even if you miss my race, could you still come down that night?”
I supposed that was a possibility, but why was I so hesitant to answer? I really wanted to see him but I was afraid of two things: one, conflicting with work, and two, confusing myself over our relationship again.
“I’ll think about it,” I ended up telling him. “But right now, I need to run because I’m hanging out with Amelia tonight.”
I really was spending time with Amelia later, but it wasn’t for another two hours. I was trying to be strong by giving him a “maybe” type of answer, and it was getting tougher to do.
“Okay,” he replied. “Call me as soon as you know.”
“Okay, I will.”
“I love you, Nova. Have fun on your date tonight.”
I had to pause for a second before I chuckled. “I don’t have a date. It’s just Amelia.” After the mess Ben put me through, I really didn’t want to give him the wrong idea.
“Okay, have fun with Amelia.”
“All right, I love you, too.” As a last second thought I added, “And only you, Austin.”